wandering merchant

“Standing before you, rage in his eyes and wielding a morningstar, is Klarg the bugbear, who is–”

“Wait, did you say Clark the Bugbear?”

“I- No, its Klarg, and he’s–”

“Clark the bugbear! Clark the bugbear!”

“OK fine! Before you is Clark D. Bugbear, a typical middle-aged blue-collar bugbear who plunders wandering merchants after his nine-to-five”

takopara  asked:

What would Kylo Ren give Hux as a birthday gift? He seems like the kind of guy who would stay at a mall for hours, unable to make up his mind and Hux seems like a tough person to shop for.

oh my god

Kylo acting all shifty and suspicious when Hux asks him why he’s taking a sudden leave from the Finalizer, but Kylo goes anyway to the nearest civilised planet to search for a gift for Hux–the most difficult man in the galaxy to buy a present for

chocolates? clothes? a new datapad? Kylo gets exhausted wandering around the stores, merchants yelling at him as he passes, until he’s so tired that he sits down on a nearby bench and thinks

He and Hux aren’t like the other people here, so maybe he isn’t going to find a birthday present for Hux here; Hux is waiting to be king, therefore there’s one of two things that Kylo can gift him for his birthday:

Snoke’s head

Archie, The Dungeon Merchant

A player asked me a good question today about if there’s a wandering Dungeon Merchant; they were kind of trapped deep in a serious dungeon and didn’t exactly have a way of accessing potions.

Well, I -do- have one. He’s a Beholder with a cowboy hat and a country accent.

His full name is Archidaeluxamadiozyphianmorchachlelarus. Or Archie for short.

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If Sole died, I don’t think Danse would leave the Commonwealth. Most likely he would do one of two things. Either take his own life because there really was nothing left for him (doubtful but possible under the right circumstances). Or try his best to continue fighting for the ideals him and Sole shared. Sole worked so hard to make the Commonwealth a better place and Danse won’t let them down, even if they’re not by his side.

Maybe he’d whip the Minutemen into shape, with a tender hearted Preston by his side keeping it from becoming another hardened military organization.

Maybe he’d be the quietist Atom Cat and become renowned for his mechanical ability and willingness to help the locals. Later he’d be a louder Atom Cat though. :3

Maybe he’d just start being a wandering scrap merchant, like Trashcan Carla (Except they’d call him Tincan Danse), that assisted settlements he went to as well. Dogmeat would travel with him, sensing that he needed a companion. They’d visit Sanctuary from time to time and get together with everyone but mostly he’d spend his days out in the wastes, searching through ruins, and looking up at the stars wondering what Sole would say if they were with him now.

anonymous asked:

Reincarnation au + Golden Age of Piracy + standard length if possible please <3

oh my god this took me longer to research than to write?

[start at the beginning]

content warnings: violence, blood, temporary character death, death in general


  • samantha groves is a mere seamen aboard one of the many ships belonging to the royal navy
  • growing up poor, and then without a family to support her, she took to disguising herself as a young boy in order to find work on the sea
  • and the navy was always hiring
  • with no previous experience, she spends most of her days swabbing decks, tying rope, and prying debris from the outer hull
  • on her off days and shore leave, she can almost always be found in the company of a certain former surgeon’s daughter
  • aka sameen shaw
  • her father had been serving as the primary doctor and surgeon, and then later as a teacher under the royal navy
  • shaw herself had no plans to join her father on the sea, and was planning to become a doctor on the mainland
  • shaw often made fun of her friend’s near constant seasickness
  • “what kind of sailor can’t handle the ocean?” shaw snickered, while combing her hands through samantha’s long hair
  • “the kind that was destined to stay on land with you, sameen.”
  • “sap.”
  • “you love me for it.”
  • they’re pretty cute it’s disgusting
  • the entire shaw family knew samantha’s true gender, but kept up the charade so that she could continue to work
  • shaw and samantha’s plan was for samantha to work just long enough for sameen to set up her practice
  • eventually save up enough money to buy a ring
  • then she could quit the navy and stay and take care of the home with her wife and live happily ever after
  • “i won’t have you lazing around the house all day.”
  • “me? lazy? i’ve never been lazy a day in my life. how could you say such wicked things about me, my dear?” samantha protests as she proceeds to sleep till noon and nearly miss the ship’s departure
  • her ship mainly transports inexpensive cargo in short week long journeys, so she’s never in any real danger
  • and the port they all live in is relatively small, so she never worries after sameen while she’s out at sea
  • a few years pass, and while samantha’s waiting for her ship to finish restocking, she comes up a strange merchant selling beautiful hand crafted rings
  • she figures they’re probably stolen, but for the right price, she won’t tell
  • “solid gold rings! rubies! sapphires! diamonds! all for fair prices to the right buyer!”
  • she wanders over “your name, merchant?”
  • beneath the cowl, the merchant replies “i go by many names, my lady. but you may call me harper.”
  • samantha goes to draw her sword, how could she have been made? her disguise has worked flawlessly for years
  • “calm yourself. no one else knows. i have…a gift, you could say. for knowing both secrets and lies. i can offer you a discount, as an apology, if you wish?”
  • “fine. but make it quick.”
  • harper shows her a wide variety of rings, all spectacular, but none seem quite right.
  • seeing her frown, harper pulls one last ring from her satchel, “maybe your intended has a slightly more eclectic tastes?”
  • it’s an absolutely flawless black diamond set in black enamel coated silver
  • “one of a kind, that is” offers harper with a smile, producing a matching band as well
  • “she’ll love it!” samantha rejoices quietly. “how much for the set?”
  • “it’s free for young sailors in love” harper laughs
  • “you must want something in return? i’ll give you ever last piece of gold and silver i have!”
  • harper tilts her head slightly, and samantha can just the the grin peaking from underneath the cowl. “would you consider a favor instead?”
  • “of course, anything!”
  • “the next time to see me, you cannot harm me.”
  • it’s a strange request, but samantha has no plans to go back to this island after this
  • hell, she never wants to get on another boat after this last trip home
  • what’s the harm in entertaining a strange merchant?
  • ignoring all caution in her strange fortune, she readily shakes harper’s hand
  • “it’s an accord”
  • she takes the rings, boards the ship, and never looks back
  • if she had, maybe she would have seen harper’s figure melt away into the mist
  • (not that it would have made any difference)
  • (fate’s a bitch like that)
  • samantha’s stomach starts churning harder and harder as the week goes on
  • she ignores it, thinking is just a combination on anticipation and her usual bouts of seasickness
  • as they get closer to land, she sees smoke in the distance
  • she draws her sword as the lookout makes the frantic call “pirates! pirates on the mainland!”
  • “samaritan, gods be damned…” she hears the others whisper
  • samaritan is a group of nearly legendary pirates
  • they sail with no real purpose, don’t hunt for gold, or diamonds, or silver
  • instead, they relish leaving a trail of bodies in their wake after they burn down entire cities
  • some tales even say a trail of blood follows them as they sail
  • no one knows what to believe, but it’s universally known that samaritan equals death
  • they take no prisoners and have no mercy, not even for women and children
  • and she can already see the houses burning 
  • five men have to keep her from jumping off the ship to try to swim to shore
  • “you’ll never make it alone, groves!” they insist 
  • “i don’t care! i have to find her!”
  • they dock and scramble to kill the few lingering samaritan forces
  • they search the entire town, but it’s completely ransacked
  • dead bodies line the streets, some on fire
  • there are absolutely no survivors
  • she stumbles around the wreckage, heart completely hollow
  • all of her dreams, her life, her reason for living: gone
  • the wind carries a voice “help! someone please!”
  • “sameen? is that you?” she sprints off in the direction of the voice
  • but it’s just a young woman trapped in what seems to be the remains of the town’s jail 
  • the metal must have been strong enough to maintain some of the structure
  • “what’s your name, soldier. why are you behind bars?” samantha asks with dead eyes
  • “dani silva, sir. i’m a deserter, i refused to serve after circumstances forced me to take my first life.” she replies
  • “and that man in the cell next to you?”
  • the man stands with shaking legs. “lionel fusco, cap. they tossed me in here a few months ago, way before silva. i’ve got a bit of a problem with the bottle, you see.”
  • “you are all that remains of this once great town” samantha states flatly, yanking at the damaged iron
  • “well, there’s her in the back as well.” dani offers, “got tossed in here yesterday by the local authorities.”
  • fusco nods in confirmation “hasn’t said a damn word though. just watches the sea through the holes in the wood.”
  • “show your face, prisoner.”
  • they remove the cowl, and of fucking course it’s harper
  • with renewed strength, samantha yanks the door down and slams harper against the wall
  • “you! you knew this would happen! i could have saved her! this is all your goddamn fault. give me one reason why i shouldn’t gut you where you stand.”
  • harper reaches up and untucks the ring from where it’s hidden on a chain beneath samantha’s shirt
  • “you did promise me, upon your honor.” harper says evenly
  • “honor means nothing if sameen is dead.”
  • “i think your anger is slightly misdirected” harper continues, completely ignoring the fire in her eyes, “samaritan is the one who’s caused all this. i am merely a bystander. if you wish to kill the ones responsible, you need only to take to the sea. if we hurry, we can catch them by nightfall, when they are vulnerable.”
  • “we?” she hisses
  • “do you plan to sail your vessel single handed? you’re brash, groves, but not foolish.”
  • samantha releases harper. “you’re right. i’m sorry. you know something, but you aren’t the cause of all of this. silva, fusco, with me. we’re going after that godforsaken ship.”
  • fusco and dani glance at each other. it’s not like they have much of a choice. and it’s not every day one gets the chance to hunt samaritan down and maybe do a bit of good.
  • “we’re all going to die” dani sighs, “i’m in.”
  • “at least there’ll be booze.” fusco offers 
  • “there will be no such things aboard my ship, soldier.” she snaps
  • she marches off, gathering various discarded weapons along the way
  • “what do we call you, captain?”
  • she pauses and without looking up replies, “root.”
  • “my name is root.”
Stowaway (Shayofthedunes)


The young yordle smacked his lips contently. A few hours ago he had found an abandoned bag full of food, stocks of a wandering merchant perhaps. Needless to say that he had eaten everything it had contained and when he was finished he felt rather tired and simply crawled into his new bag for a little nap.

Little did he know that the bag hadn’t been abandoned, just put aside for a while and it’s owner had retrieved it, thinking that everything was still the same, not knowing that their food had miraculously turned into a fluffy, prehistoric yordle.

Realizing that the bag was being moved as he awoke, Gnar opened it up slightly to take a peek outside, trying to make out what had happened.

I wanted to try one of these fusion memes with my own characters I guess!! I still don’t know what to do for the FINAL FUSION though.

Kid + Eldwin: Wandering gemstone merchant just trying to make people happy.
Eldwin + Flash: Huge obnoxious geek with a condescending air. Nice to friends.
Flash + Kid: Anti-hero-like cool bug who’s too cool to stick around most of the time, but has a good heart.

If you’re in need of money, go to Ul'dah, they said. There’s always work there and someone lazy enough to pay for its completion instead of doing it themselves. Aldash wasn’t wholly sure if this hadn’t been some elaborate scheme to get rid of her, seeing as there were currently three Amalj'aa conversing in guttural tones right at the border between Gridania’s forests and Thanalan’s grasslands. Only a scarce ten yalms from them, all she could do was lay low atop the small rocky outcropping she had hidden herself in and hope none of them looked up. Her breath caught in her throat every time one of them gestured or glanced around. What she would’ve given for her tattered cloak to be one of those enchanted ones that imbued the wearer with invisibility.

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