I’m late on the Fat Attack 2015 track, but I’m doing it today because after crying all last night, I decided I’m worth a fucking appreciation post of myself.
Backtrack to circa 1993, premature kid just born all 1 pound 7 ounces of her, told she may not live, only to live, and become the woman you see now.
I come from a fat family, genetics were my worst enemy, but so was my self worth. By the time I was 4 I can remember being bullied for my weight, coming home sobbing, wishing that it would just all go away. I was told I would most likely get a growth spurt, and wallah, like magic, the weight would fit into place the way it should.
Fast forward 10 years later, I’d done nothing but probably gain another 80 pounds, and that “growth spurt” never happened, 5'2" did nothing on the weight that gravitated in the centre of me.
I slowly slipped into a large depression, to the point that killing myself seemed like the only and best option, I was 15.
Around my 16th birthday, I had been caught by my mother, I had been faking my period for the last - 2 years. A slew of doctor appointments later, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The diagnosis was mostly summed up in a nice package of ‘you may not be able to/won’t be able to have children, facial hair is a thing, the discolouration of your skin is a thing’ and it was all tied together with 'weight gain and weight loss will be difficult’.
I went from about 170 to 230 in the following year and a half. More self loathing, every diet you could imagine & more.
Fast forward to now, I weigh 230. I gained 8 pounds back after falling in stupid love with my boyfriend, but I’m happy about myself, not always, but there are just some days I feel happy to be me. My body is my temple and I should love it and I’m slowly starting too.
Starting on Monday, I’m actually going back on my health kick. Going back to being a pescitarian, not eating bread and going to the gym 2 times 3 days a week. I miss that old habit I had, and my body deserved it, I deserve it.
It’s gonna take me a long time to lose a good 100 or so pounds, but as long as I try, and I love myself - what’s the rush. I’m worth the love I deserve and i damn well deserve to love myself.
Since the Ramadan ended there has been one wedding after another in my street and it’s leaving me sleep deprived. All I hear is deha wa deha wallah makheleha. And all I think is ey dikoum chi wed inshallah let me sleeeeppppppp.
Er wohnt in Deutschland, du in Polen und ihr seid zusammen, hab ich das richtig verstanden ? Tut mir leid, interessiert mich grad so, weil mein Freund 2,5 Stunden von mir entfernt wohnt und sogar das für ihn so schwer ist ...
ohhh 2,5 std alterrr ist er dumm . -.-
das ist nichts wallah ehhh traurig dass es für ihn schwer ist .
ya mein Freund wohnt in Deutschland ich in Polen und ehhh es wirklich schwer für mich manchmal kann ich nicht mehr es tut so weh aber man muss Geduld haben hab schon 15 Monaten gewartet und lohnt sich noch weiter zu warten . :)
Ziehst du in die Türkei um von ser person wegzukommen? ..
Ganz erlich ja, ich bin kein mensch der schlechtes wünscht wallah noch nie im leben aber ich möchte einfach das er derjenige ist der nachts nicht schlafen kann,nicht essen kann und einfach paaa einfach nur das er soll das durchmachen was ich durchmache er soll an diesen gedanken ersticken zu wissen das ich in ein anderes land ziehen werde ama karma wird an seine Tür bald klopfen ..
In central London with my white thobe on. Alhamdolilah.
You would of thought the public have never seen a white man with a beard in a long white garment. Subhan Allah.
Too many people staring at me. Which is making me awfully uncomfortable in which I’ve gone and sat in the very corner of a coffee shop while I wait for my train.
Wallah you sisters are mighty strong to go out in the garments you do everyday and uphold our religion so strong.
I just make dua that Allah protects and guides us all. Ameen.