How to order this drink: Approach your barista with your chest puffed out like a confident, caffeinated middle-class peacock. Say “I’d like a snickerdoodle cookie dough ferrero rocher macchiatoccino. Quaranta-grande size, please. Easy on the low-fat foam.” When the barista begins, with a pained expression on their face, to try and understand what drink you want - be enraged! They KNOW about the secret menu and its number 1 drink, The Quarante-Grande Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Ferrerro Rocher Machiotoccino, better known by its simplistic moniker QuaraGraSnickerCookieFerRocherMaCiCino. It may take you twenty minutes and a considerable amount of cash to get this holy grail of SBUX beverages, but you won’t be disappointed at the taste. Don’t be fooled by anyone who takes a sip and says it’s just a liquidy mocha caramel frappuccino - their taste buds are destroyed by ordering from the normy menu.
2. The Roughin’ It Cowboy Style
Ask for a tall black coffee. Don’t even specify which blend they should use. Just a tall, black coffee. They’ll hand you a cup filled with this black liquid that may be foreign to you. It’s bitterness may shock and appall you. It will be like nothing you’ve ever tasted before. What is this strange beverage? They serve something like this at Starbucks, of all places? And did the barista just say TWO dollars? Does money even come in denominations that small anymore? This drink is the true enigma of all drinks.
3. The Transmogrificcino
Enter your local Starbucks and ask for a cup of water for your very thirsty dog waiting outside. This drink order does not require you have an actual dog, just say that you do. They will give you a free cup of water in the classic Starbucks Original cup. Take this cup outside. Secretly dump the water out onto the street (or drink it, if you’re a rebel). Take the cup to your home. Pour some of your lowly homebrewed coffee into the Godly cup. Make your coffee the way you would normally take it in a Starbucks establishment. Sip the coffee - lo and behold! The cup has transmogrified your coffee into coffee that tastes like Starbucks coffee! You know this coffee is better than your regular coffee because it comes in a Starbucks orignal plastic cup. Walk about town with your renewed, rebirthed magic coffee and everyone will know that you have a TRUE coffee in that cup, not some cheapo homemade shabby drip press.
4. The Cadbury Creme Egg Latte
With a Cadbury Creme Egg in hand, order a caramel latte from your charming barista. Sit down at a wonderfully designed Starbucks Original Table, unwrap your creme egg, and drop it directly into the latte. Slug that puppy back with Gusto knowing you have outwitted the average customer who is unaware of how easy it is to order a magnificent Cadbury Creme Egg Latte. You have won. You are a God.
“Stephanie Brooks was a junior when she met Ted in the spring of 1967, and she was in love with Ted through the summer and into 1968. But not as much in love as he was. They dated often - dates that did not require much money: walks, movies, hamburger dinners, sometimes skiing. His lovemaking was sweet and gentle, and there were times when she thought it might really work out.
Stephanie found Ted very emotional, unsure of himself. He didn’t seem to have capacity to decide what his major was going to be. But, more than that, she has a niggling suspicion that he used people, that he would become close to people who might do favors for him, and that he took advantage of them. She was sure that he lied to her, that he had made up answers that sounded good.
That bothered her. It bothered her more than his indecision, and his tendency to use people.”
Huge thanks to @neverkusen for putting up with my silly research hahaha. Crossing my fingers that you would get to show me around Hamburg someday. <3
“So… that’s just Hamburg,”
Julian said with a shrug. He stopped walking and turned to his friend Alyssa
who was visiting from Kaiserslautern.
They have reached Binnen-Alster,
the last stop of their walking tour of Jungfernstieg, Hamburg’s city center.
“Just? Are you kidding me?” she said incredulously, her eyes and
mouth wide open. “This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to!”
He chuckled sheepishly,
rubbing the back of his neck. He couldn’t help feeling a surge of pride, having
such a huge, amazing city to call home.
“You sound like it’s not a
big deal, I hate you!” she said through gritted teeth, swatting his arm.
“Ow!” he cried, rubbing the
sore spot. “Jeez! You still hit like your hand is a whip!”
Alyssa ignored him and took a
picture of the place and then she pointed her phone at him and said, “Smile!” as
she snapped a photo.
Julian was not prepared, and
the photo came out with his expression caught between a half-smile and a
grimace. She snorted and bit her lip to suppress a laugh.
“Ali, delete that!” he
Alyssa ignored her and tapped
away on her phone. “I’m sending these pictures to our WhatsApp group so they’ll
see what they are missing.”
He froze. “Is… Nicole part of
“Well, yeah. But she’s not
active,” she replied nonchalantly.
Alyssa looked up from her
phone when there was no response and found him frowning at the ground.
“Hey, I know what you’re
thinking,” she said. “The others couldn’t come because they are on holidays.
It doesn’t mean anything. And Nicole…” She thoughtfully ran her fingers through
her long blonde hair. “Well, if I were her, it would be too awkward for me to
come too, you know?”
Julian sniffed and attempted
a casual shrug. “It’s nothing. It’s been three months.”
She pursed her lips,
unconvinced, as she looked him up and down.
“So where do you want to eat?”
Julian avoided her eyes and pretended to scan the rows of restaurants to his
“I’m craving for burgers. You
know, Hamburg. Hamburgers. Get it?” she said, wriggling her eyebrows.
“That sounds so pathetic,” he
said, cringing. “I actually feel sorry for you.”
Alyssa jumped on his back,
latching her legs on his waist. “Oh shut up! I was trying to be corny!”
She burst out laughing, her
breath tickling his ear. Her face was so close to his and the scent of her
strawberry shampoo was making his head spin. And her chest was pressing against his back…
“G-get off!” he cried in
alarm and she obliged.
Julian exhaled sharply. His
heart was beating furiously and his whole face felt hot. What the fuck did he just feel?
“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot
you’re a respectable figure of Hamburg now,” Alyssa said with a sickly sweet
grin. “Man, I miss the old Polle.”
“Shut up and let’s get your
hamburger,” he snapped, making his friend giggle.
“Not here, though. Shit looks
expensive,” she said. “Where’s your McDonald’s?”
Julian furrowed his thick
eyebrows at her. “Are you serious?”
She crossed her arms and held
her chin up. “Why? You’re too good for fast food now?”
“That’s outside Jungfernstieg,”
he pointed out. “And I can’t be seen eating at a fast food. Do you want the coach to
Alyssa sighed and rolled her
eyes, as if she’s about to lose her patience. “You have a car. We’ll order via
drive-through and then take it to the Alster. Are you done whining?”
Julian sighed in defeat. He
could never win against her.
“Now what?” Julian asked as
he stopped by the drive-through window of the nearest McDonald’s, which was 15
minutes from the city center.
“What do you mean now what?”
Alyssa snapped. “Go say our orders. I’ll have a Big Mac, large fries and large strawberry
Julian gaped at her.
“Can you stop being so judgy?
Piss off, I’ll do it myself.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and crawled on
Julian’s lap to peer at the driver’s window.
“Ali, what the hell?!” he
exclaimed in surprise. He quickly jerked his hands from the steering wheel,
accidentally hitting her boobs. “Oh shit sorry!”
“Will you shut up?” Alyssa hissed.
She didn’t seem to notice as she turned her attention back to the window. “Yeah,
so can you add a six-piece chicken nuggets? What’s yours, Polle?”
Julian pressed his back against
his seat, afraid to move. The back of his hands still felt like burning at the
contact. Alyssa was only wearing a loose white shirt after all. He swallowed
“I- we…” he stammered. “We
have a strict diet in the team –“
“Blah blah,” she interrupted.
“You can watch me eat then.”
“W-wait! I’ll have a Snack
Alyssa rolled her eyes and
repeated it on the microphone.
“I don’t understand why you
do that,” Julian said in amusement as he watched Alyssa dip her fries into her
milkshake. They occupied one of the benches by the path overlooking the Alster.
It was one of the spots he fell in love with the moment he stepped into
She glared at him, the fries
halfway to her mouth. “Don’t tell me you’ve never done this before.”
He shook his head,
She scoffed and bit into the
milkshake-coated fries. “Well, you’re missing a lot.”
Julian chuckled and picked at
his salad. He knew three things his friend is unapologetic and unashamed for –
eating a lot, drinking a lot and cursing a lot. Still, everyone loves her
company. She is everyone’s best friend. Especially Nicole’s.
“H-how is she?” Julian asked,
breaking the silence.
Alyssa studied him as she munched
on her burger. “Happy, the last time we met.”
A bitter smile crossed his
face. “Still with that guy?”
She licked her lips. “Yes.
She doesn’t hang out with us that much anymore. But we keep in touch.”
Julian puffed out air from
“Look, Polle. Nicole is my
friend and I love her dearly,” she said. “I know what she did is painful, but she
never cheated on you. You have my word as your friend too.”
“Yeah, she just managed to
fall in love again a month after breaking up with me,” he said sarcastically.
Alyssa shrugged, ignoring his
tone. “Hard to believe, but yes.”
Julian clenched his fist and
looked down, regretting his outburst. “I- I’m way past that now. I just want to focus on football now
more than ever.”
“Good,” she said, wiping her fingers on a napkin. “But remember that you can always give
yourself a chance. You deserve that. You’re a great guy – good looking and
sweet and all that. I don’t see why any girl wouldn’t fall for you.”
He glanced at her in surprise, his heart
pounding at her words. His eyes wandered to her chest and he swallowed hard.
The wind blew against the thin fabric of her white shirt and he could see the
outline of her bra. Fuck.
Alyssa noticed him gazing at her. “Jesus, Polle, I wasn’t referring to myself!” There was no mistaking the look in his eyes - like he was about to kiss her.
“I- I know!” Julian
stammered, startled out of his thoughts. His face burned as he turned his
attention to the scenery in front.
The sun was beginning to set.
The clouds stretched long across the sky, which was painted with hues of pink,
orange and yellow. The fountain and the prominent buildings that make the
cityscape, including the spires of the Michel Church, the huge tower of the town
hall and the Europa Passage, were beginning to light up. The green roofs created
a striking contrast against the summer sky, and the hazy glow of their lights
danced and blinked in their reflection on the calm water below. Altogether it
looked breathtaking, almost magical.
“You are lucky to have a
fresh start in such a beautiful city,” she said with a dreamy sigh.
“Yeah.” A small smile crept across his face as he peered at her from his thick
lashes. “Thanks, Ali, for coming here.”
Alyssa returned his smile
with a huge one, her blue eyes sparkling. She was sitting cross-legged, her skin
kissed by a soft golden glow and her hair catching the last rays of the sun as
it blew in the breeze. In that moment, he swore she has just become more
beautiful in his eyes.
And we’re back! After a very brief hiatus we bring you an extra long episode. We’ve got a long list of See, the Shit Y’all Be Doin and we celebrate Hamburger Helper feedin the streets. The Walking Dead Showrunners waited for another show to fuck up, but we made time for TWD and Sleepy Hollow bullshit. We also briefly slide through a “sticky” discussion.