walk through this with me

3

I’m finally doing it! I’m finally learning how to mesh!!

My lovely and very 3D-experienced partner is patiently walking me through it, even though MilkShape is about a decade outdated now and they know next to nothing about it. I just doodled up this burger to learn shapes and basic tools, I don’t really plan on doing anything with it - I might keep using it to learn how to make proper textures and scale/export objects for TS2, though.

There’s a world of possibilities before me; my whole life I’ve dreamed of finally getting into TS2 meshing and now that I’ve actually started, I don’t know what to do first. 6_9

I was just walking through campus and I saw two really good guy friends who wished me a happy birthday and my coach who said I was doing a great job with summer training 😍 good day. Good day.

The Content of My Invasive Thoughts

The Content of My Invasive Thoughts
W.E. Leigh

Your smile
Your hands
And the ridges on your hands
Your bare naked legs
And you throwing them in the air
In an impromptu dance you’d do with all your energy
Your arms holding me
Your arms disowning me
Me pulling you back in
Me attempting to pull you back in
Giving you a foot massage
And trying to give you a foot massage
The balls of your feet gently resting on my lap
Or you gingerly saying “I don’t want this,” so I put them back on the table
Your legs wrapping around his waist, bare toes curling
The way you’ve done
Your legs wrapping around my waist, bare toes curling
The way you’ve not done
And the way you kissed me drunk
And the way you kissed me sober
The way we walked through the town like old, married tourists
The way we laid in bed and you cutely curled into a neat form, ready to receive my arms around your waist
The way you said you’re confused
And how that confused me
The way that I wouldn’t want to be tied down to anybody
But with you I might give it a try
And how you have so much power
So much power over me, for that
But, even more
The way you’ll say one thing
And then immediately contradict it with another
The way your actions and feelings dangerously ricochet between my breast and yours
And the way I want nothing more than to hold your countenance in my gaze
To hold it and continue to hold it, as you also look into mine
The way I don’t know what you’re doing – or will do
The way I’ve been advised to cut you out
The way I don’t know how to end this poem
And way that, every day, I want nothing more than to hold you again
The only time I feel sane
The only time that I ever feel sane

January 31st, 2017

semercury  asked:

ooh!! do you watch youtubers like, certain ones? who are your favorites? what kind of videos do you usually watch?

I watch Let’s Plays every once in a while. I’m really into the Yandere Simulator Myths series (it’s Jay from The Kubz Scouts; he’s fun!). I also watch some of Markiplier’s horror walk-throughs (he’s the one who actually got me into indie RPGs so I have him to thank for entering hell XD). Used to watch PewDiePie, eventually found him annoying and immature, and don’t much care for him anymore

Also most of my time spent on YouTube is listening to music oh my God so much music

instagram

Real niggas do not care about coochie hair “I done walked through the woods…”

film rec list

modern vampire films let the right one in, thirst, only lovers left alive, a girl walks home alone at night

woman descending into madness persona, through a glass darkly, a woman under the influence, rosemary’s baby, antichrist, repulsion, queen of earth

two lovers on the run wild at heart, badlands, gun crazy, pierrot le fou, bonnie and clyde, true romance, natural born killers

same-sex love stories happy together, show me love, water lilies, the handmaiden, brokeback mountain, my beautiful launderette

really weird romcoms i’m a cyborg but that’s ok, the lobster, lars and the real girl, harold and maude

ready to cry? the hunt, dancer in the dark, requiem for a dream, mulholland drive, au hazard balthazar

best ensemble cast movies inglourious basterds, apocalypse now, beetlejuice, magnolia, the royal tenenbaums, eastern promises

old black and white movies that definitely still hold up and you should watch them the night of the hunter, psycho, dr. strangelove, a streetcar named desire, the third man, bunny lake is missing

youth culture films a clockwork orange, sid and nancy, jubilee, gummo, stranger than paradise, if…, the doom generation

The Time I Took On the Military (And Won)

Considering the staggering amount of votes this one got, here you go!

ok so it’s my sweet sixteen and i took two of my closest friends paintballing. We started off alone with just the three of us. Me and this girl formed a truce so we could take out her brother. He found a building with a roof to shoot from so i was criss crossing and sliding behind shelters.

Long story short with this guy i snuck up behind his building and shot him point blank in the ass while he was climbing a ladder.

Except now his sister is my enemy and a much larger threat.

I criss cross my way back narrowly avoiding being shot. I skid to a stop behind this bush with a really gappy fence and go GOOD ENOUGH BRING IT ON and poke my muzzle through. I cant particularly see but I remembered seeing her in a little chapel window. I aim that general direction and open fire. I immediately hear HIT. When she comes out i see where i hit her. Right between the eyes like I couldnt do that again if I tried. Ill take it.

We’re back at the base ops and these massive dudes come over like “yo wanna join us we need more players” and we’re like “oh ya bud the more the merrier” so we go over and everyone is freaking massive and there’s us three tiny lil teenagers. I over hear they’re a military team and just sigh because i know im dead this is just my luck

Apparently they wanted us so that they could simulate having civilian to protect, who were also armed. (They did a piss poor job of this seriously wtf)

So the game starts and im seperated from my friends. They’re on the opposite team.

Im sticking near the leader and just generally trying not to die. He’s giving me orders as softly and nicely as he can, thinking Im scared. I mean really who wouldnt be?

I wasnt. I was ready to kick butt. When I am silent, be afraid, im planning something.

Next thing i know he’s gone. Shot, running, hiding i dont know and i dont care i gotta move there are way too many heavily armed men in these woods for me to be comfortable

Im trekking through this woodsy area keeping as low as possible because the other team has a freaking sniper and im not dealing with that no thanks im just a tiny teenager leave me alone ok

Im doing my thing and trying to find people to shoot because everyone is mia when i see people ahead.

Not my people.

And they havent seen me yet. Im looking around looking for some decent cover or somewhere to take them by surprise and there is nothing. The entire area is just thistle bushes with massive thorns. And then my idea hits. A wicked, mischievous idea. I grin behind my mask and get ready to lay my trap.

I plop myself down right in the middle of these thistles and army crawl to the path their taking and just lay still.

These guys dont see me.

They’re not expecting someone to be in these bushes cause who is that dumb.

The one dudes boot is an inch from my hand and i spring up and yell SURPRISE before shooting him right in the chest and then the two behind him. Three down, way too many to go. I ran away cackling like a witch

Dont die dont die dont die

I head out again and meet up with some more of my group. They stick me at the back to keep me out of harms way. A valiant, if ineffective effort

Enter enemy attack.

We get split up into two groups to flank them and i end up alone again. I moving slowly, spinning in a slow circled because I am EFFED

I’m a tiny lil sixteen year old girl, all alone, with about 15 guns pointed at me. I was completely surrounded. My comrades who had fled to live and fight another day are now making haste towards me like WHO LEFT THE KID BEHIND HELP HER and im like

hell no i got this

I went absolutely ape shit on their asses.

Shots are flying around me like crazy and everyone is screaming. One of the enemies shouts FALL BACK WHAT THE FU–

I hear one if my partners like HOLY SHIT SHE’S ALIVE

I barrel over one of the attackers and side arm his gun away. I break out from the Circle of Doom and make a mad dash for cover.

I leap into the air and spin to fave them. Im not getting shot in the back I an a WARRIOR

I just start spraying with a battle cry to rattle the heavens

I smack back down to earth and land in a crouch

Every single one of the attackers were shot, usually multiple times, and i didnt get shot once. Frankly no clue how i managed but I am NOT questioning it. Luck or skill I dont care

Eventually it was down to two people. Me and the other teams captain.

He’s a big, scary dude. He had a custom gun that could pop off a frankly alarming amount of shots per second.

The odds arent exactly in my favour.

We find each other right in the middle with trenches and tiny little metal fences for cover. Im walking through like plz dont shoot me i am small be nice

The dude pops up from a trench and starts firing. No mercy here.

Fine then.

I duck behind a fence and it is the most pathetic thing i have ever seen.

I have barely enough room to crouch behind it because it’s so small. The other dude finds a nice big trench and big fence the lucky lil jerk.

So we’re poppin up like weasels trying to get a shot in. I cant hit him, he cant hit me. Up and down and up and down. My fence angles down ever so slightly so im tucked in as tightly as I could. My fence is rattling as shot after shot after shot hits. The shots stop, i poke my muzzle over the edge amd lay down some fire.

And the cycle repeats

I get tired of this little exchange so the next time he goes down i lay on some cover fire and sprint like hell for a near by trench like i am just bookin it thinking dont shoot me dont shoot me imma kill you

i slide in and pop up just as he rises to take a shot. Except im not where he thought id be.

I shot him right in the side of his bald lil head.

So i won. My team legit carried me on their shoulders back to base ops

And that’s the time I, a sixteen year old girl, beat a team of militarily trained behemoths

Official Graveyard Shift Lyrics

Rats
Well Mrs. Pharmacist / I insist / fix me up with something quick
I’ve been a bad little boy and I think i’m getting sick
Sick to the bone / slave to the flesh
Better put on my Sunday’s best      
I’ve been bad little boy… little boy

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret
And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it
So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows
Cause we just wanna dance under our pretty perfect halos

Everyone’s got a secret
Whats yours? whats yours?
Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it  

Oh Mrs. Pharmacist / if I resist / lock me up and bind my wrists
You’ve been a bad little girl…. little girl.    
Close your eyes and listen close
I know just how much you love it
If you speak you lose your turn
So shut your mouth before I fuck it

Everyone’s got a secret
Tell me all about yours

Love. Hate.
Oh how we play the game
Cold soul
No sense of self control
Love. Hate.
Unsure to pass or play
Cold soul / now  we’re out of control

Roses are red, and my heart is black
We creep about the floor to indulge like Rats
Enraptured, we walk to nurse our obsession
Cause the roles that we play are paved with cruel intentions

Well  Mrs. Pharmacist… If you insist

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret
And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it
So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows
And I just wanna shake you by your little perfect fucking halo

Everyone’s got a secret
Whats yours? whats yours?
Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it.


Queen For Queen
If you wanna soar with vultures, you’ll have to swallow bone
The saint charade is over / plastic royalty exposed
You wanna play the victim, to preach upon your throne                                  
No semblance of virtue as your relevance erodes

We go queen for queen  and move just like this

When you fall down
Will you back out
As you crawl through life with no crown?
Though you preach love, you package lies
Just a pawn in a kings disguise

I never said I’m perfect, there’s a guilt behind these eyes
So check me If it helps you fall asleep at night

Your skeletons are building / your closet’s getting tight
Are you the prey or spider in the web of all your lies?

When you fall down
Will you back out
As you crawl through life with no crown?
Though you preach love, you package lies
Just a pawn in a kings disguise

Don’t stop breathing in the chemicals
You don’t know humble… though you play the role
Pockets of evergreen are your amphetamine
Please stop feeding what you can’t control

YOU’LL FALL.
You’ll bend, you’ll break, (you’ll) trip over your “fame”
Be careful, or you’ll run your mouth off your face


Necessary Evil (Feat. Jonathan Davis)
Strip off the weight of morality, and check it at the door
I’ll show you the worst in me
…what i’ve become
 
Blow out the candles I need not a wish
For I am everything
Now crawl to my boots and lick
Kneel before me

Imma have my cake and fucking eat you too.

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to, die when I want to, die when I want to
The monster you’ve made is wearing the crown
I’ll be the king and you be clown
I’ll take the blame (and) parade it around.
You’ve made me the villain you can’t live without.

Reciting violence like poetry
No you can’t sit with us
Too fashionably plain  
Now say my name
Forget everything you think you knew of who I used to be
I look much better as… as the enemy

Imma have my fucking cake and eat yours too.

I want you low
I won’t let you die
(I’ll) keep you alive
Just to remind you of what you are not

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to
you wanna see me fail, but I won’t die for you.


Soft
You’re mine motherfucker

Let me begin with envy’s a sin
You’ll have to find new words to invent
Cause I’ve heard your broken record, and i’m not impressed

I love when you talk, I just use it to drive me
I won’t let your judgement define me
I’m not broken, so don’t fix me
I want you to hate me

Tell me what you’ve lost
Hang me on your cross
If you’re so wise, then why are you so Soft?
Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?              
I’m above living under your microscope

I’m insane, I’m “insane in the membrane”
I wanna fuck your face with a switchblade
I’m not broken, so don’t fix me
I’ll leave you behind me

Internet killed the video star

Cry baby cry baby, did I just hear you whimper?
Cry baby cry…
Suck my middle fucking finger

Cry baby / Cry baby
What have you done lately?
Cry baby / Cry baby  
What have you done?

Tell me what you’ve lost.
Demonize my flaws
Do they call you when dumb needs a mascot?
Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?              
I’m above living under your microscope

You dilate / god of your existence
Begging me to listen while you “pray”
Swallow in vain / sliver spoon religion
Closer from a distance

You’re mine motherfucker


Untouchable
They try to bend / they try to break me by design
But I am the nightmare that will haunt you in the light

If it’s war that you want… then I’m ready to play
And the world’s gonna know my name

Through everywhere that I go
Every failure I’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I explode
I’m Untouchable.

Born of the ground I dug myself out from the dirt
With every scar I will avow to shake the earth

Unless it’s blood that you want.. then get the fuck out my way
Cause the world’s gonna scream my name

I will never be silenced
I will eclipse the pain

You can’t let it go      
(It’s) the price that we pay
But I own the grave from which I came
You reap what you sow
We don’t bleed the same  
Cause I own the rights to my own fate
And i’ll sleep a king on my deathbed

Through everywhere that I go
Every failure i’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I Explode
I’m Untouchable.

Every mile from home
Every failure I’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I Explode
I’m Untouchable.


Not My Type: Dead As Fuck 2
She’s got no soul / heart black as coal
She’s from Hollywood Forever / dug her out of a hole
And here we go again / spinnin me in her web
She said “there’s just no rest for the queen of the dead”

Another trick to treat with candy apple dreams
Gonna rot her teeth cause i’m so sweet
One lick to rule them all
They crumble as they crawl

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me
She loves me cause I give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me
And in the glow of the pale moonlight
She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride
Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype  
Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

She’s got a temper in stock / made of hemlock
Uses absinthe as a lip gloss
Death hawk / fresh New Rock’s                              
She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk

She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk
Plays truth or dare in the mirror
Uses absinthe as a lip gloss
Undead, but won’t shed a tear

She’s my graveyard baby
She’s my……

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me
She loves me cause I give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me
And in the glow of the pale moonlight
She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride
Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype  
Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

D- E - A - D  
If she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.


The Ladder
Tragedy / a poisonous lover
You infiltrate to destroy
Vanity / a cancer unforgiving
A charlatan with poise  

Fool me once / enough is enough
Was I more than a step on your way up?
Hollowed out /  I’ve no semblance of love
Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck.

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out.
You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out
There’s nothing left to repair

Ravenous / self righteous and lurid
But how much more till you break?
Scavenger / so fucking undeserving
You slither in just to take what you can take

Counterfeit / I’m calling your bluff
Was I more than just a step on your way up?
Now you’ll burn and you’re flesh out of luck
Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out.
You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out
Against insight I fed your source of revenue
But now, it means nothing to me to mean anything to you

Open grave /  I was too blind to see
That “love”, spelled to you, is “F A M E”

You fuck your way up the ladder
Going down on your way to the top
Do your arms ever tire?
Or do they heal while you climb with your mouth?  

Delete Everything
Sever the yearning / you can keep the fucking ring
Delete Everything
You can keep the fucking ring

Nothing left to repair.


Voices
Voices in my head again
Trapped in a war inside my own skin
They’re pulling me under.

I’ve swallowed myself but the fever remains
I’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain      
If I showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth, would you dare me to lie?  

I keep it all inside because I know that man is every thing but kind

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can’t win  
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don’t know myself anymore
They’re pulling me under
Voices

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death
I curse not the “wicked”, I praise not the “blessed”
If I told you the truth, you’d beg me to change
If fear were a currency, you’d own the bank

I don’t want to live so calloused and frozen / ugly and hopeless
I don’t want to live forever, I just want to live right now
You can’t take me from me

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind


LOUD (Fuck It)
You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now

Another day, a double shot of hate
Drink it up like gasoline
Underpaid, you graduate, to build somebody else’s dream

With a noose as a tie… do you fantasize of a much different life?  
The fix for who they want you to be / directly streamed to your TV

And when they turn their backs on you…

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now
Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you
You gotta stand up / You gotta commit
Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

A broken home you’re trying to mend
You’ve got one day left to pay the rent
We’re not sure, but we believe in the lie… that it’ll all be fine, when we die

It’s so easy to grant the mirror power to control what you want to erase                      
Don’t become another victim / “Put a smile on that face”

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now
Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you
You gotta stand up / You gotta commit
Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure
So they fuel your pain with fear and shame and then hand you a brochure
The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure
So they build you up to watch you fall and then beg for an encore

What are you waiting for?


570
Burn it down / brick by brick / Made in 2006
Lost and found / losing grip /  I needed this
Question me not, for I gave up everything
Forget me not, cause I’ve not forgotten what this means

Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one theme left
No sign of stopping till my veins rust
Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one thing left
I fucking know where I came from

..And nothing can replace those lessons learned
as I stood with my brothers on the side of the road
No longer haunted by the skeletons
No longer haunted by the past

For so long, it’s all i’ve known
I’m crossing over the undertow
For so long, no one was listening
Determined to make their deaf ears ring

Miles repeat / my worst enemy… is me.
But then four soon became six… to shatter the canvas
Handed nothing / loss pulling the strings
Outlived the dead trends / united by distance

I’ve been to hell and back, with no promise of return
So I made friends with fire, to keep from getting burned
No money, no sleep. dedication
10 years on the road this is sacred
And when i’m facing a wall, I do not quit
…Cause if you mean it, you will make it.

Pulled apart in a world so demanding
I’m still here, still standing
I’ve sweat blood from Stockholm to Scranton
Still here, still standing.

You can always rinse the surface, but the stain will remain

For so long, it’s all i’ve known
I’m crossing over the undertow
For so long no one was listening
I did my time

You live / you learn / you defy the terms, but this house will be my home
Beguiled / betrayed / it’s the price we pay, as trust will be our tomb

If you mean it, you’ll make it.


Hourglass
I’ve watched the whole world drowning in chemicals
Dissociative / but it takes it’s toll
Can I surpass time, or would I start to rust?
Depreciating / collecting dust

And I fear myself as I fall away  
In a cold deluded sense of fate
When the nightmares come, and the doubt sets in
Will the fever break, or will I burn from within?  

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath
With the hands of time around my neck
Am I more than the pen that wrote the past?
Or am I just the sand enslaved by the Hourglass?

Will I live again, or will I fade to black?    
Dehumanizing / when the heart attacks      
Will I expire before my dreams unfold?
But if the futures so bright, the path should glow

As the walls melt
and the light fades
I’m letting quicksand take me

If you look beyond the blindfold
You’ll find the hole in my soul
One fear, one mind, no hope, no time
If you look beyond the blindfold
You’ll find the hole in my soul

I’m on the edge of my seat
Holding out for a sign
Trying to rewrite the storyline

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath
With the hands of time around my neck
Am I more than the pen that wrote the past
Or am I just the sand encased in the Hourglass?

Fear is not my fate


Eternally Yours
Blow the bridge to the past / wipe the fingerprints
Melt your heart encased in wax / steal it with a kiss
Our fate engraved / scar enslaved / as we mutually destruct
Repose, my love, i’ve sinned enough for the both of us

In the name of love…..

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

I feed like you taught me and selflessly swallow
We coalesce in darkness, so selfishly hollow
Examine the wreckage / writhing in tempo
Invisible anguish casting a shadow  

and in the name of love…

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

As we rest in pieces, though I know not your name
I would suffer forever to absolve all your pain

And in the name of love

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

I’m ready to bleed to make amends
And sleep in this dirt we call our bed
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To fall and rewrite the bitter end
Eternally yours

I’m more than willing to rot in hell with you.

“He chuckled. “What about your firstborn?” A secret smile as he gestured with that small boy’s hand to himself.
Rhys’s attention slid to me, surprise—surprise and something deeper, more tender—flickering on his face. “
Not just any boy, then.”
My cheeks heated. “No. Not just any boy.”
(…)
“What does he look like?”
The question was soft—tentative. I knew who he meant.
I interlaced my fingers through Rhysand’s and squeezed tightly. “Let me show you.” And as we walked through the darkness, toward that distant, still-hidden light, I did.”

I think “I cried at the (reprise)” is the perfect summary of my life.

This is me. Sniffing interesting smells, walking through nature and climbing gracefully over things.

And this is my face while my mum is raging over ticks after she removed the 6th one out of my fur. She said I have a master degree in tick-gathering.

I don’t really understand what she means. I mean…I’m just sticking my head in the long grass or jump majestically into it to catch invisible mice.

Back at home mum looked for more little friends and found 18 in total. She said that she looks forward to the winter.

curious

how did lena go from “and who are you exactly?” to lets-walk-to-the-press-conference-with-this-rando-girl-i-just-met-and-talk-about-my-torn-relationship-with-my-incarcerated-brother in .002 seconds? 

like, if that’s not instantly whipped, i don’t know what is. 

Unlucky Steam key scammer calls electronics, gets the dumbest employee in the world

When I worked at Walmart, I went from cart pusher->cashier->electronics->security. Sometimes after I switched to security, when electronics was really swamped, I’d help out for a few minutes. One day, the phone was ringing and I was walking by and randomly answered it.

Sir Scamalot: “Hello, sir, this is Steam Support services with Valve.”

Instantly, of course, I know this is a scam. I adore valve and played so many of their games too. I can’t believe my luck! Of all the calls to answer! Surprisingly he didn’t have some weird accent.

Me: “Oh, uh… what can I do for you?”

Sir Scamalot: “We’ve had reports that game keys shipped to your location may have an error that prevents it from authenticating, specifically the game Counter Strike. We need to validate your game keys to see if your affected.” [I forget which CS was on sale then, this was 2008].

Me: “Oh, what do I do?” As if I didn’t know.

Sir Scamalot: “Well I just need you to open any copies of the game you have and read me the CD key on the instruction manual so I can verify them with our validation software.” [or on the jewel case, I don’t remember that either]

Me: “Sure thing, can I put you on hold for a minute while I get those?”

Sir Scamalot: [obviously happy] “Sure!”

So I put Sir Scamalot on hold while I called all the other area stores electronics department and warned them about the scammer and confirmed nobody had taken a call like this earlier. About 15 minutes later, I get back to Scamalot.

Me: “Thanks for holding, but I can’t find any CD keys. I looked all through the book and the packages.”

Sir Scamalot: [annoyed] “Well sir, just open any copy of Counter Strike and on the-”

Me: “Oh, COUNTER STRIKE! I thought you said Counting Strikes, that bowling game, ok, hold on!”

Everyone in the department is listening and we all laugh. 10 minutes later, I’m back on the line.

Me: “Ok, I got what you’re looking for! What do you need?”

Now I make him walk me through how to open the box, including interrogating him for 5 minutes about how to do it without breaking the seal, then pretend I can’t find the book, etc etc.

Finally, I’m ready to read the code!

First, I read him the UPC. This upsets him. Then I read him a part number from something. Now he’s livid. Finally, I ask if he means the code on the book that says “game key” and has like groups of four digits with dashes (like he’s said probably 50 times already) and he gets excited again.

Oh, ok heres the game key…

Me: “Ok F… like frank. U… like uncle. C… like cat.”

Sir Scamalot: “Sir, I don’t think thats right, normally a code would-”

Me: “No, its. F, U, C, then K like kite. Next four is Y like yesterday. O like owl-”

And he swore at me and hung up.

the crows as things i've done at school
  • kaz: sat in class, in full view of the teacher, doing the homework that should have been done when it was assigned a week ago, and somehow not getting any late points taken off
  • inej: spent like 20 minutes in the bathroom playing on my phone and my teacher never said anything?? i was gone for a really long time and nobody noticed
  • nina: exclaimed that i was "full on gay" right as my class quieted down and the teacher walked in behind me
  • matthias: got through an entire semester of health class without talking to anyone or making a single friend
  • jesper: laughed until i cried because i remembered that there was a woman named was "Janet McNutt"
  • wylan: got too enthusiastic about a project and explained the intricate details of a specific volcanic eruption on an icelandic island to my class for over ten minutes
  • kuwei: said that i didn't want to donate blood because "it's my blood. i made it and nobody else can have it but me"