I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.
And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.
Always start your day off on a good note. Put both feet on the floor, and tell yourself you’re ready for the day. Breathe. Remember that this day cannot be relived, and so you will live every second to its very best.
Eat better. Run more. Squat more. Sleep earlier. Wake up earlier. Make a good breakfast. Drink water. Eat fruits. Read books. Adventure. Talk less. Listen more. Feel deeper. Love better. Open your eyes. Experience life. Be happy.
One day you will be happy. Not constantly, but it will become a theme in your life. You will have days where you feel sad and that’s normal. But eventually you can wake up with a smile on your face even if there isn’t a reason. You’ll see yourself through a clearer lens. You’ll think of the best case scenarios. You’ll find people who you can share your happiness with. You’ll settle into your own body and mind with a sense of security.
To Anyone who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life (and aren’t good/creative/ect. enough)
“You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need to be inspired to action. You don’t need to read any more lists and posts about how you’re not doing enough.
But, honestly, here’s the thing that nobody really talks about when it comes to success and motivation and willpower and goals and productivity and all those little buzzwords that have come into popularity: you are as you are until you’re not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action in the timing that is best. That’s just how it happens.
And what I think we all need more than anything is this: permission to be wherever the fuck we are when we’re there.
You’re not a robot. You can’t just conjure up motivation when you don’t have it. Sometimes you’re going through something. Sometimes life has happened. Life! Remember life? Yeah, it teaches you things and sometimes makes you go the long way around for your biggest lessons.
You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at 5 a.m. every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.
Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life. We all know this: Our experience cannot always be manipulated. Yet, we don’t act as though we know this truth. We try so hard to manipulate and control our lives, to make creativity into a game to win, to shortcut success because others say they have, to process emotions and uncertainty as if these are linear journeys.
You don’t get to game the system of your life. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome and aspect as a way to never give in to the uncertainty and unpredictability of something that’s beyond what you understand. It’s the basis of presence: to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough. Yet, we don’t act in a way that supports this lifestyle. We fill every minute with productivity tools and read 30-point lists on how to better drive out natural, human impulse. We often forget that we are as we are until we’re not. We are the same until we’re changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can’t game timing. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to.
Things are dark until they’re not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different than they are. We believe we have control — and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While self-responsibility is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen—and to not feel so directly and vulnerably tied to outcomes. Opportunities often don’t show up in the way we think they will.
You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want. You need less shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best. You need to stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough. You need to let timing do what it needs to do. You need to see lessons where you see barriers. You need to understand that what’s right now becomes inspiration later. You need to see that wherever you are now is what becomes your identity later.
Sometimes we’re not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. Sometimes we have to let ourselves evolve into the place where we can allow what we want to transpire. Let’s just say that whatever you want, you want it enough. So much so that you’re making yourself miserable in order to achieve it. What about chilling out? Maybe your motivation isn’t the problem, but that you keep pushing a boulder up a mountain that only grows in size the more you push. There’s a magic beyond us that works in ways we can’t understand. We can’t game it. We can’t 10-point list it. We can’t control it. We have to just let it be, to take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will. One day, this moment will make sense. Trust that. Give yourself permission to trust that.”
You are love because you made me feel a feeling I’ve never experienced before. Something so new.
You made me feel so calm when i had so much chaos going on in my mind. Every time i talked to you my soul just grew into something stronger. At some point, you were the only one I cared about, at some point you was the one floating thru my mind from 1am till 12pm.
I did everything in my power to make you happy and exposed myself to you. That everytime I saw you I was stuttering in my words and so nervous. You made me feel like I could face everything that was In my way. You gave me that positive mindset I was looking for all my life, that last piece of the puzzle I was looking for all my life. And It did actually fit perfect, connected.
Connected like our souls.
I lost myself way too much in your eyes, i saw paradises when I looked in your eyes. A sight of heaven.
We used to talk about the moon and found ourselves up in the sky. You shine like the stars. You were my light at the end of the tunnel. You made me feel like cold water on a summer day.
You made me feel like I was alive.
Endless conversations where once in my lifetime I didn’t feel useless. Made me feel like I was actually worth something. I can’t even remember the time where I wasn’t in love with you. I guess I’ve always been In love with you, even when I didn’t know you. You were the reason I wanted to wake up early in the morning, or not sleep at all.
Because reality became better than my dreams.
You changed my life so much and I forever owe you for that.
Lucid dreaming is when you are in a dream but fully aware that you are in a dream, leading to you often being able to control the outcomes or certain aspects of the dream. You are able to live your fantasies and also are more likely to remember your dreams come morning.
With work Lucid dreaming can be improved into astral projection via sleep or dream walking where you can exit your dreams to enter the dreams of others or walk about the “dream plane”. Skilled lucid dreamers also often use their dreams for divination and problem solving due to how vivid they are and how it is easier to remember them.
Herbs for Lucid Dreaming: African Dream Bean, Blue Lotus, *Datura, *Mexican Dream Herb, Lavender, Mugwort, Rose Buds, Valerian Root, Wild Asparagus
Essential Oils for Lucid Dreaming: Lavender, Mugwort, Patchouli, Rose
Other things to achieve Lucid Dreaming:
Keep a dream journal and write in it regularly.
Interpret the meanings behind your dreams after recording them
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and smoking cigarettes before bed
Keep a regular sleeping schedule
Sleep in complete darkness if possible
Meditate before going to sleep
Openly state before you go to bed “I will lucid dream tonight” and repeat this either out-loud or in your mind as you get ready for bed. When you lay in bed continue focused on that in your mind
Along with that before bed tell yourself, preferably in a mirror if it helps, that you will remember your dreams come morning
Do “reality checks” meaning in your dream check to see if you are dreaming. If you see mirrors, see if you can see the background behind you or if it is misty/blurry. If see a clock look at it, look away, then look back, often in dreams the time will change. This is the same for signs and street signs. You can also before going to bed mark up your hand with ink and in your dream look down and see if it is there still. If its not you know you’re dreaming. Look down at your feet, often in dreams they will seem oddly unfocused. If you see a bookshelf, see if any of the book titles are visible or repeat.
Okay, I know I am dreaming, now what do I do?
Well now you practice. It is rare to immediately be able to control your dreams completely. To gain full control you need to practice. Start small and take baby steps. Try hopping in place in your dream, see if you can make yourself hover for even just a second. Keep at it, try to float in place longer and longer with each jump. In time and with practice and patience you will be able to soar through your dreams one night and it’s easy from there. If you come across a locked door try opening it while saying out loud “this door is unlocked”. Keep at it, because hopefully you will be able to open it soon enough.
Start talking to the ‘characters’ in your dreams. Try to influence their behavior such as suggesting they do something. You can also approach a ‘stranger’ in your dream and see what happens if you state that you two are friends. If they start acting as if they know you and are indeed your friend, you know you have improved your control.
Take notes in your dream journal on these tests. Write down if they failed or succeeded and keep at it. With time you will be able to change things in your dreams with ease.
The Positives of Lucid Dreaming:
You can control your dreams! That is just awesome, you can live out things you can’t do in real life.
Prevent or stop nightmares, when you are lucid dreaming you can just tell whatever is causing you the nightmare to ‘fuck off’ and usually they will. Nightmares can be quickly changed into enjoyable dreams
From my personal experience and experiences of others, after a lucid dream you feel more awake and alive come morning, it’s almost energizing to wake up from
Its calming, I can relieve my stresses from the day and not worry about them in my dreams
You can attempt to solve your real life struggles in your dreams or making plans
Eventually you can work your way to Astral Travel and Dream Walking
Using your dreams for divination
Improve sleep, many people who lucid dream fall asleep faster and deeper than most people leading to them having improved sleep patterns and habits
For artists and story writers, dreams can really inspire you and help you test out your ideas
Deity communication, for those who do worship deities you can communicate or even interact with them in your dreams if you welcome them in.
Spirit and entity communication, just like deities lucid dreamers can interact with entities in their dreams by letting them in. Many lucid dreamers interact with their guides and guardians through dreams as well
I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place
to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artiﬁcial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and inﬁnite.
we will cry
with our hands
on our knees,
we will close
with tired souls
but I always hope
we will wake up
Aries can go through this kind of awkward stage where they feel like they are finding their footing, finding that right balance between outright aggression to assertiveness, to being able to wake the people up around them and provoke a reaction. They know how to go from a full, fledged flame to a flickering spark that ignites something in others, yet without that clumsy intimidation. They are the perfect example of a personality whose biggest fall, whose impulsive reactions can turn to something magical in a little more maturity. They are the ones that teach us to stand back up when we fall.
Taurus: The Materialist to The Grounded
Taurus can be people of excess from a personality that loves luxury and comfort, yet add this to their sensual nature, there can become parts of their life that are defined by seeking satisfaction purely in the tangible realm, where they become trapped in this feeling of want yet perpetually dissatisfied when they seem to get it. Yet, when they bloom into something beyond this, they are often a grounding presence in the lives of others, someone that can take a moment to stop and really soak in their environment, to appreciate the simple pleasures of this Earth. They often grow into people that learn how to practice gratitude, thanking the Sun for rising in the morning.
Gemini: The Jumbled to The Teacher
Gemini are never consistent, adding to their cluttered charm and chaotic charisma, finding knowledge and curiosity in everything from the smallest piece of trivia to the most profound study of governing laws. They are adept at being receptive to information in general, yet often they grow into a kind of messenger of sorts, someone that finds themselves in their element while educating others. They manage to deliver information in an interesting, witty, adaptable manner, where no matter the view, ability or learning style of their students, there is a side of them that is compatible with each individual.
Cancer: The Weary to The Open Arms
Cancer can grow to feel that their instinct to often take care of others is somehow a detriment, a weakness perhaps, often through external influences. Yet there is a time when they may just break through this barrier, to take their natural understanding of the human condition and psyche into the service of others, which in return releases resistance they have to themselves and their own nature. They often grow to be compassionate, creative and receptive individuals, where that defensiveness and weariness in themselves can turn to traits that are often missing in this world, to a kindness and care much like those figures in books we feel at home with.
Leo: The Egoist to The Giving
Leo can be very in touch with their sense of ego, with who they are and what they want out of life, maybe even to the detriment of the people around them at times. There is a demanding quality in them, something that wants the whole world and more, yet through growth and maturity, they manage to somehow flip this with the knowledge that if they want so greatly, then others must to, an awareness that goes beyond themselves. With this often comes golden generosity, the ability to take with the expectation that they will also give too. They want to feel like number one, but they grow to understand that maybe so do other people too.
Virgo: The Cluttered to The Healer
Virgo can feel like they have heightened senses, the ability to zoom in on the fine details to the disadvantage to the broad horizon, maybe even leaving them with the knowledge of anything that goes amiss, no matter how small. They are often high strung and process things very quickly, a jitteriness to them at times. Yet this ability to really see and understand the details can give them this natural healing ability, the talent of extending their hand to those that may struggle with daily tasks or living to a high quality in the day to day. This should and cannot be undervalued, and they know this. They often have an intuitive knowledge of the human body, natural remedies and more importantly, simple kindness.
Libra: The Swayed to The Just
Libra can find that keeping the peace feels better that sticking to their own will, that creating a charming atmosphere of compromise is easier than bringing about conflict. Yet, this can be a wonderful trait for diffusing anger or aggression, of being able to unite the left with the right and still be able to smile at the end of it. As they grow however, they often find a value system to live by, a way of judging the world around them but with an open mind and heart, whether this is to do with the law or their own code of morality. They appreciate and believe in a system whereby everyone is treated well and fairly, but ultimately judge things justly too.
Scorpio: The Secretive to The Liberator
Scorpio can be reserved to the extreme, building walls between themselves and the people around them, yet this often comes about because of their empathic nature, of needing a break from soaking in the atmosphere and the emotions of the people around them. As they go through personal growth, they can intuit the motives and the thoughts of the people around them, bringing the darkest and most unappealing aspects of ourselves into the light. They can grow into people that can find beauty in the parts of ourselves that we hide away, teaching us to release resistance to them. With this, they can be our liberators.
Sagittarius: The Irresponsible to The Mentor
Sagittarius find their spirit in living as freely as they can, to losing the plans in place of something that gives them the liberty to live how they want to, when they want to. They don’t do well with too much structure or restriction, yet in others eyes, this can lead to a recklessness, an inability to obey the rules of others and instead live without responsibility. Yet, as they grow older and under the guidance of their home house, the ninth house of higher learning and travel, they often find themselves as a spirit that seeks wisdom in many forms, and beyond this, seeks to give this wisdom to others. Their infectious spirit can fill the pages of books, but also fill the minds of those that admire them.
Capricorn: The Restricted to The Visioned
Capricorn know the struggles of their ruling planet Saturn, the planet of lessons, as they are often a reserved personality that can feel like they have to leap over one hurdle to the next to really get what they want out of life, like they break out of their shell time and time again, or simply outgrow it. Yet, Capricorn are also defined a lot by their dreams, something that we may not at first consider for such a tangible orientated and practical energy. Their striving motion, that moving forward with method, intelligence and wit can have them looking at the top of the mountain, not just the mountain itself. If there is something to win, a title to hold, or a personal goal to reach, then trust Capricorn to achieve this.
Aquarius:The Rebel to The Activist
Aquariusare system breakers, catalysts to change, yet sometimes they can enjoy the pure thrill of destroying the archaic, whether it is for a righteous cause or not. They can flourish in the destruction itself rather than what comes after it. Through their growth however, they often learn how to use this nature in a way that paves the way to something better, that lends itself to those that live without a voice or those that are vulnerable. They learn the art of protest, of holding people to account to proceed into a more just and virtuous society. In this, they are not denying that urge to shake things up, to hold a mirror to society, but are also actively ready for what comes after.
Pisces: The Vague to The Transcendent
Pisces often don’t obey the rules, the norms of this world, not to be actively rebellious, but because they can see so many different ways of doing things. For each person they meet, another idea seems to grow, yet when they wish to communicate this to others, it can seem other worldly, strange, too vague for practical application. Pisces often learn how to transcend these struggles and criticisms, to show us new ways of existing from a higher perspective but with a caring and compassionate heart. Vagueness, nothing of solid form can turn to things we have only ever dreamed of. They often long for utopia, and when they transcend their restrictions or worries, they can introduce a piece of it right here, much the innovator.
Some days I think about you from the second I wake up. All throughout my day you’re in my mind, crowding out every other thought. And once I feel like my mind is about to burst, I close my eyes and see you in my dreams.
This week’s spread featuring my winter essentials. I’ve been waking up rather anxious every morning this week (for no legit reason), so I’ve been trying to wake up earlier than usual. Having lots of time for your morning routine really allows you to go slow on groggy mornings; It’s never too early for some self care, and starting the morning out right will make your whole day feel a lot less tiring!