waitress-story

The White Dress.

This story is about my friends MIL, and her wedding. Strap in guys, this is a wild ride in which I did THE THING that got me banned from any of her family functions. (Plus a few threats of dismemberment and bodily harm)

A good friend of mine from university was getting married! They had been a couple since Junior year of college, through her 2 years in the peace corps and currently her return to this continent. 6 years in total. She had been to all manner of family functions and always came back with a strange story about how she thinks her MIL secretly hates her. But she being a very quiet and sweet person pushed those thoughts aside.

Point 1: She is vegetarian and jewish, husband is not. She was invited and went to Christmas dinner and figured she would just eat sides, as well she brought a vegetarian casserole. MIL, after knowing her for THREE years, and being told by husband a few weeks before about not to forget friend doesn’t eat meat…proceeded to put meat in every dish. Friend drank water and ate her casserole the whole night while MIL cried to everyone that friend was so rude for not eating her cooking.

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Rugged landscape of Capri Island in the Bay of Naples, Italy

The Changeling's Lament

Have you ever heard of the uncanny valley? 

It’s a human thing that I don’t really understand. If something looks like an animal, they’re okay with it; if something looks perfectly like a human, they’re okay with it, but if it's not quite right, they’re repulsed. They can’t even say why, it’s just inherently wrong to them. One of the bio majors suggested that it kept early humans from interacting with sick humans, but I’ve seen them go and help humans they know are sick anyway. It’s very strange.

The worst part about it, though, is that it means there’s so much to keep track of! My mouth must have exactly 32 teeth, but no matter how wide I smile I can’t show them all. My skin tone must be exactly the same every day. My hair has to be thousands of thousands of independent strands, and yes, they notice if it’s not. The “whites” of my eyes can’t be pure white, there’s red and even a touch of yellow in there, and the irises have strange shadings over the muscles that they use to dilate their pupils. Knucklebones must be the right length, the bones of the hand must flex under the skin and around veins, the face must crease when I smile or frown, it’s all so much to remember, and then there’s behavior! I cannot speak of beauty, except the most superficial, and then only to woo another or compliment one portraying themselves. I must know which questions are not truly to be answered, when the only aid requested is a listening ear rather than advice. I cannot speak truth when a human bores me, nor when they speak falsehood, unless it harms another or myself but even then it is sometimes rude! My attention can never wander from their face, but my body must shift to match my reactions! It is all impenetrably, ludicrously opaque, and I cannot but wonder if the lot of you apes made it up to spite us! And THAT is why I am so glad that your friend has returned, because it means that I no longer have to try to imitate him!

…what do you MEAN, you knew on the first day?!

[x]

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natgeo On assignment with @daviddoubilet // Photographing an American crocodile at night in the mangroves of Gardens of the Queen National Park, Cuba. This crocodile rested in the soft seagrass for several minutes and then rose slowly to take a breath of air and return to the bottom to sleep again. Crocodiles are called the engineers of the mangroves because their movements increase circulation of water and nutrients through the dense root systems of the mangroves. Gardens of the Queen Marine Preserve, located fifty miles south of Cuba, is a time capsule in the Caribbean that looks much like it did when Columbus arrived and named it in honor of his Queen. From @natgeo story Underwater Jewels in the Path of Tourism with team @jenniferhayesig and #LeandroBlanco

shinee world 2017 (tokyo, day ii) ♡ 170429
translation: fantaemsie

no photos or videos yet but, according to numerous fan accounts from j-shawols today (branched out from speculative ones from yesterday), jonghyun has (at least) two tattoos. information is currently blurry, but this is what has been picked up on from fan accounts:

around three centimeters above left elbow, perhaps something that has text to it? a thick one line in a broad font. if you lift the right arm you can see, below the armpit, by about five centimeters, a kind of rectangle pattern? around three or four of them.

below are screencaptures of the areas where he apparently got the tattoos (which k-shawols picked up on / became suspicious of days ago):

Weird shit me and my friends say in school

“If I saw Adam Sandler staring at me, I’d show him my asshole" 
   "Please don’t show Adam Sandler your asshole”

“My eyeballs are squeaky” *proceeds to make eyeballs squeak for a solid ten minutes*

“I DON’T WANT A MOOSE, I WANT A MAN”

“I hate passion with a crayon”

“Don’t discriminate against cocksuckers”

“If you have a problem with it, kiss my cock”

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