Bring It On Bitches

Last night I had the “pleasure” of serving 12 competitive cheerleaders and their super-obnoxious parents.

They demanded separate checks and ordered their drinks one.at.a.time. They gave me dirty looks when I was trying to get all the drink orders on the right check. One of the cheer-moms asked me, “How hard is that?” Can you handle it? Fuck You Turbo-bitch. 

So they’re loud, rude and condescending from the start, and they ignore me whenever I ask basic questions. Aaaaannnnnd they were encouraging their barely-dressed teenage daughters to act the same way. After a few glasses of Pinot Grigio is when they got really rowdy and I started noticing my other tables staring at them with looks of disgust. Awkward.

When the food came, the cheerleaders were too busy taking duck-face selfies (that’s still cool?) to aknowledge that I was holding burning hot plates in my hand. Burning hot plates of THEIR FOOD. I asked their parents politely to make some room for food and they completely ignored me. The cheerleaders got up periodically to show their parents how good they are at dancing like strippers and humping the air to the Bruno Mars song playing on the restaurant’s radio. At this point my other table signaled me over to tell me how their son is a server and they are sorry I have to deal with “people” like that.

In the end, they left a HUGE mess of smushed French fries and glitter all over the carpet and a 15% tip. It could have been worse I imagine, but I could have just given up the table and saved myself the aggravation.

Here are some quotable quotes from this gem of a table:

  • “Give her a DIET soda, she can barely fit in her uniform.”
  • “So the beef fajitas are steak?“ 
  • “I’ll have this chicken dish, but with shrimp. Can’t you just give me less shrimp so there won’t be an upcharge?”
  • “Taylor, you little shit, I can’t wait for you to be a mom.”

I hope Taylor is sterile.


The work I showed at the “mini-crit” before the holidays for the ISTD Waitress Story. Although the layout inside is the same in all books, there were still two ideas in form of stock and colour. One would have been just the white and the other would have been a set of four colours selected from within the story. 

From this session, I was given helpful advice and will be somehow combining both ideas together. Will talk more about the layout towards the end of the project.  

Trato de hablar espanol

Hoy trabajaba (trabajo en restaurante como camerera) cuando yo oí dos clientes hablando en espanol. Les traje sus helados y despues les pregunté como estaba sus helados. La cliente me dijo “muy bien” y luego rió porque ella usó la idioma incorrecta. Me dijo “Tienes que hablar espanol!” y yo le dije que hable espanol. Cometí un error. Ella trató hablar conmigo en espanol y ha pasado un semestre desde yo estudié espanol y no puedo recordar nada.

Omg! I totally forgot. Today at work it was basically empty in the morning so I was trying to clean the mess the other waitress had left when I heard someone enter. So as I’m walking out to greet the table… Their little girl freaking comes running to me and hugs me. She’s like 3 maybs. I’m just standing there like heyyyyy… And like I’ve only served these people once before. So I’m just like freaking out cause she won’t let me go. And then her mum saw me and yelled at her. And she smiled that cute little kid smile and ran to her mum. Little kids scare me.


I absolutely love days where customers tip you for the service you give. Thank God for no cheap customers today lol! Nice tip total today ^.^ WHOOH!

I have a little boyfriend as of today(x His mama puts him on blast. Not knowing I was behind him he says “she is hot.” Turns around to look at me and blushes while smiling hahaha! The kid is only 5. Goodness gracious(x What a cutie pie lol<3 “Give your girlfriend a hug!” Haha shys off but still gives me a hug. Cute cute.

Not Everyone Should Be a Parent: A Short Story

12:00 PM: Parents of barefoot toddler arrive at my table with barefoot toddler trailing behind them. I guess the restaurant’s “No Shoes” policy doesn’t apply to children.

12:05 PM: Child is bored so parents are allowing it to eat sugar packets. Kid is hopped up on sugar and is now shrieking loudly and literally climbing the walls of my booth, scaring the customers on the other side. Third sugar packet down the hatch. Surely parents realize no good can come of this. Nope. Here we go.

12:07 PM: Aaaand now the parents are watching their kid eat creamers. This is somehow amusing to them as they are laughing. I feel like I’m at the zoo.

12:15 PM: Parents are allowing their savage monkey child to run around the restaurant barefoot and are oblivious to customers looks of disgust. Where are your shoes, poor child?

12:30 PM: Food has arrived and the parents are no longer paying attention to their offspring. Demon-Spawn is in an empty booth, away from line of sight of parents, destroying the sugar caddy and unrolling all the silverware. Oh great, he’s got a steak knife. He's about to put said steak knife in his mouth. THEY AREN’T EVEN WATCHING THEIR KID. I almost intervene, but decide to let God handle the situation. In an amazing turn of events, child was completely unharmed.

12:55 PM: After what seemed like hours, Mowgli and his keepers have finally left the building. It looks like a bomb went off and covered everything in a 5ft radius of that table in a disgusting, sticky mess. Toddler ate a total of 6 sugar packets and 4 creamers. I am still not entirely sure how this child is even alive in the first place.

Please don’t reproduce anymore.

*This actually happened in real life*

My “f” and “work” tags are literally the only reasons I am surviving my job. This place is absolutely ridiculous.

For example, was hanging out with my cute co-worker and three of our coworkers tried to reach him about what we were doing.

We literally got into a conversation of how many self inflicted injuries we had, that’s like it.

Kansas GOP issues perfectly angry response to waitress’ snub of Sam Brownback: Local Weekly Paper The story about waitress Chloe Hough criticizing Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback’s education policies has drawn a rebuke from Clay Barker, the state’s top Republican party official. And it’s perfect — as in perfectly capturing just how dense the GOP can be when it comes to trying to defend Brownback’s policies and the damage they are doing to the state of Kansas. … Click to Continue » http://www.kansascity.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/yael-t-abouhalkah/article20194380.html#storylink=rss