12:00 PM: Parents of barefoot toddler arrive at my table with barefoot toddler trailing behind them. I guess the restaurant’s “No Shoes” policy doesn’t apply to children.
12:05 PM: Child is bored so parents are allowing it to eat sugar packets. Kid is hopped up on sugar and is now shrieking loudly and literally climbing the walls of my booth, scaring the customers on the other side. Third sugar packet down the hatch. Surely parents realize no good can come of this. Nope. Here we go.
12:07 PM: Aaaand now the parents are watching their kid eat creamers. This is somehow amusing to them as they are laughing. I feel like I’m at the zoo.
12:15 PM: Parents are allowing their savage monkey child to run around the restaurant barefoot and are oblivious to customers looks of disgust. Where are your shoes, poor child?
12:30 PM: Food has arrived and the parents are no longer paying attention to their offspring. Demon-Spawn is in an empty booth, away from line of sight of parents, destroying the sugar caddy and unrolling all the silverware. Oh great, he’s got a steak knife. He's about to put said steak knife in his mouth. THEY AREN’T EVEN WATCHING THEIR KID. I almost intervene, but decide to let God handle the situation. In an amazing turn of events, child was completely unharmed.
12:55 PM: After what seemed like hours, Mowgli and his keepers have finally left the building. It looks like a bomb went off and covered everything in a 5ft radius of that table in a disgusting, sticky mess. Toddler ate a total of 6 sugar packets and 4 creamers. I am still not entirely sure how this child is even alive in the first place.
Please don’t reproduce anymore.
*This actually happened in real life*