In which I get a wife in my first session of a campaign
Context: So I made a new character for this campaign, and she is a very punchy fighter by the name of Mae Gjallarfjall. And her trouble is “Punch first, ask questions later.” I joined one or two sessions late, so I have no context for this campaign other than “Magitech is a thing that exists and can do things.” I am a crewhand on a ship traveling across the sea.
DM: All of you hear the crashing of wood as a cannonball tears through a bit of your ship’s hull. You then hear the captain yell “PIRATES OFF THE PORT BOW!” What do you do?
Me (OOC): I run over to the captain and tell him to get me in punching distance.
DM (as captain): Wait what?
Me: Get. Me. In. Punching. Distance!
Wizard: *grabs me by the shoulder* Hold on. *rolls Magic to teleport*
DM to me and Wizard: You two end up on top of the pirate ship’s mast, a good sixty feet above the deck. The ship is also flying above the water. Below you see six pirates that do not seem to know you are here. What do?
Me (OOC): Well, my trouble is “Punch first, ask questions later,” so I’m going to roll Fitness to sprint down the mast and activate Fist of Havoc.
DM: Alright, roll.
Me: *rolls +2 on Fitness and 18 damage on Fist of Havoc*
DM: You kill two of the pirates instantly and send the other four back a ways staring at you in shock and fear.
Me (OOC): I want to roll Persuasion to convince them that fighting me is a terrible idea.
DM: Um… okay, roll for it.
Me: *rolls +2 on Persuasion*
DM: You succeed on two of the pirates. Pirates 1 and 2 sheathe their weapons and take a step back. Pirates 3 and 4 are not convinced.
Everyone else takes their turns.
DM to me: Alright, so Pirate 3 has been smacked by [Paladin], and Pirate 4 tried to attack but accidentally lost grip on his sword and is floundering to pick it up. The pirate captain has come up from her quarters and yells “What the hell is going on on my ship‽”
Me (OOC): I run over to her and punch her right in the face. *rolls +3 to hit and another +3 for damage*
DM: Wow. So you run over and deck her right in the schnoz and she staggers back a bit. In retaliation, she shoots you. *rolls +2 and deals 3 points of damage after armor*
Engineer: *busts out from under the ship and yells* “ABANDON SHIP OR BURN IN HELL!”
Me (OOC): *rolls neutral on Fitness and jumps overboard, rolls again for Hero Landing™ and gets +2* Wait, where’s pirate captain lady?
DM: That’s a good question. *rolls dice* She says goodbye to her crew and ship and jumps overboard.
Me (OOC): I roll Initiative to see where she’ll land, and Fitness to catch her.
DM: Go for it?
Me: *rolls +1 Initiative and crit Fitness*
DM: Holy shit, give yourself a fate chip and let me paint you this word picture. [Engineer] sprints out from the engine room and yells to get off. Both of you dive off and land on your ship. [Paladin] jumps off and lands on his horse, and then Pirate Lady jumps off after you guys. You look up and hold out your arms and catch her bridal style so comfortably that she swoons and blushes profusely at you.
Me: I apologize if your fall from heaven hurt. *rolls persuasion and gets +3*
DM: She is so overcome by her emotions that she is now profusely in love with you and wants to marry you.
Me (OOC): I say yes and marry my new pirate bride.