waiting for santa!

10

(✿ ♥‿♥) Santa Beard Appreciation 

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the one christmas veggietales silly song where larry the cucumber is waiting for santa and a member of the IRS knocks on his door and he slams the door in his face and then looks into the camera with the most smug expression it kills me every DAMN TIME

(Nothing to see, just audio.)

I had posted a text post about twenty minutes ago saying that I was having a five star shoot out and the bar, playing as Michael, with Trevor hanging out with me and helping. I had lifted Michael’s head from behind the pool table to get a better look at the officers in coming, when Trevor yelled with his voice serious and full of genuine concern, “Stay in cover, sugar!”
And then shot the officer before I could.

I then waited, literally, TWENTY MINUTES with my phone on record to get a clip of the audio file. It wasn’t fun because I just had to sit there and hope it happened again.

The shit I do for my fellow trikey fans.

sometimes i feel as though my sadness is tangible
the way it rests beneath my sheets with me
follows me into the shower
drives me to work
drops me off at school
curls itself around me when i least expect it in an embrace i cannot break free of
i can feel it in my bones
inside my chest
i can see it in lose strands of hair
and unfinished meals
and unanswered texts
i can hear it in every “i’m fine”
and “i’m just tired”
happiness, on the other hand
happiness reminds me of true love, of soulmates
of heaven and hell
because i believe it exists but it isn’t something i’ve ever experienced
and most of the time i find myself doubting that it’s real
“i’m not happy,” i say
“so just be happy,” they tell me
as if it’s the easiest thing in the world
and maybe for some it is
but for me
happiness is like falling asleep on christmas eve, waiting for santa claus to come, only to sneak downstairs and find your dad eating the cookies you left for him
happiness is seeing the sun shining from inside and going outside to feel its warmth, only for it to start to rain
happiness is staying up until midnight on your birthday and having nobody text you
happiness is giving your all to someone only to one day wake up and find out they don’t feel the same about you anymore
happiness is fleeting
happiness is momentary
happiness evanescent
happiness is your favorite relative coming in from out of town, it’s your internet friend meeting you for the first time, it’s your old school friend coming to visit after moving away
and then inevitably leaving you
it’s always leaving
—  makenziiann said: I was wondering if you could write about someone who is sad but wants to be happy but they’d rather be sad because being happy can be taken away as soon as they get it?
(cc, 2017)

Proud Evening Star,
In thy glory afar,
And dearer thy beam shall be

Merry Christmas @kayteaem-fic ! It was so wonderful to be your Turn Secret Santa! I hope you have a lovely day. Here’s a drawing of the adorable star-gazing cuties, that aren’t quite gazing at the stars.
2

“So many things for me are unfortunate in the commercialization of something that is special. It’s like when Led Zeppelin appears in Cadillac commercials. There’s something that is taken away from your love of this thing and your connection to it.”
–Chris Carter

Laughed because it’s all true!

1. The Finns aren’t “in a very bad mood”… they are like “a bear shot in the ass” (Kuin perseeseen ammuttu karhu).

2. The Finns aren’t “broke”… they are “open in the ass” (Persaukinen).

3. The Finns aren’t in a “great hurry”… they “run using a head as a third leg” (Juosta pää kolmantena jalkana).

4. The Finns don’t think someone is “crazy”… they doubt “if one has all the Moomins in the valley” (Olla kaikki muumit laaksossa).

5. The Finns don’t use a “computer”… they have a “knowledge machine” (Tietokone).

6. The Finns don’t “get big-headed”… they have “piss coming up to their head” (Nousta kusi päähän).

7. The Finnish children don’t wait for a Santa Claus on Christmas Eve… they wait for a ‘’Christmas buck” (Joulupukki).

8. The Finns don’t ask “how are you?”… they ask “what are you hearing?” (Mitä sinulle kuuluu?)

9. The Finns don’t call remote places “godforsaken”… they state that a place is “behind God’s back” (Jumalan selän takana).

10. The Finns don’t say women are curvy… they say that women “have something to get a hold on” (Olla jotain, josta pitää kiinni).

11. The Finns don’t say “fuck you”… they tell you to “sniff cunt” (Haista vittu).

12. The Finns don’t have fairytales about “dragons”… they tell stories about “salmon snakes” (Lohikäärme).

13. The Finns don’t say someone looks extremely happy… they say one “smiles like a sun in Naantali” (Hymyillä kuin Naantalin aurinko).

14. The Finns don’t say something “vanished into thin air”… they say it “disappeared like a fart in Sahara” (Kadota kuin pieru Saharaan).

15. The Finns don’t say that “as a result of a rush something was implemented poorly”… they say something was “pissed while running” (Juosten kustu).

16. Angry Finns don’t say they will “kill you” …they offer to “take you behind the sauna” (Viedä saunan taakse).

17. The Finns don’t encourage you (or themselves) to “drink more”… they just say that “a drop won’t kill and you can’t drown in a bucket” (Ei tippa tapa eikä ämpäriin huku).

18. The Finns don’t think something is “very heavy”… they think it “weights like a sin” (Painaa kuin synti).

19. The Finns don’t say that “it’s water under the bridge”… they say “it’s snow of the past winter” (Menneen talven lumia).

20. The Finns don’t “bite the dust”…they “kick the emptiness” (Potkaista tyhjää).

Merry Christmas @watsonofabitch!

I hope you enjoy this :D

Read on AO3

Bad Santa

“Wait, what?” Stiles sputters, spitting Cheetos everywhere. He twists round to stare at Scott, the episode of Brooklyn 99 they’re watching forgotten.

“Secret Santa.”

Stiles gapes. “Seriously?”

Scott shrugs, “I thought it would be nice.”

“Nice.”

“Y’know, promote pack bonding or whatever.”

“And you couldn’t have mentioned this earlier?”

“I sent a text,” Scott’s face falls. “Oh, wait, I sent it a couple of weeks back, around the time your phone was broken.”

“Oh my god, Scott. When I didn’t get back to you, you could have e-mailed me. Or skyped. Or written me a letter or something.”

“There were giants, man. Actual giants. I was distracted.” Stiles rolls his eyes, and Scott sighs. “I honestly thought you knew. I didn’t make the connection between the lack of reply and the broken phone until just now.”

Keep reading

Caprice [Jungkook]

{{ noun // a sudden change, as of one’s mind or the weather ; a tendency to change one’s mind }}

Is he or is he not your boyfriend?

Fluff. College AU. 3,404 words.

➵ Joie De Vivre Series: a holiday collab with @dreamscript and @zephyoongist

Seokjin / Yoongi + Hoseok / Namjoon / Jimin / Taehyung / Jungkook

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

Chemistry is going to be your cause of demise.

It’s inevitable. You have a seventy-nine percent in the class, and the professor just announced that the class’s average score on the second midterm was a measly forty-five percent. You had been hoping that she’d curve the midterm, so your grade might reach a more stable percentage, but she refused on account of some overachiever earning a one hundred percent on the midterm. The look in everyone’s eyes when she said that— whoever received the perfect score better sleep with one eye open. College students, yourself included, are pretty volatile over grades.

Did you mention that the only four components making up your overall class grade were a compilation of quiz scores, two midterms, and the final?

So yeah, you’re screwed.

In more ways than one, actually, if you have to admit.

A certain cute boy named Jeon Jungkook sitting in front of you is awfully distracting.

You might be paying more attention to him than the lecture at times.

Huh.

Maybe that’s why your lowest grade is in this class.

Keep reading