Things the signs have said to me

Aries: I’m perfect, you can’t deny it
Taurus: it is definitely not a face. There is no eyebrow. You are blind.
Gemini: I think I’m high off of sharpies…
Cancer: I run this motherfucking pond
Leo: somebody should really slap Debbie on the last day of school
Virgo: *is my teacher all year and spells my name wrong on the last day of school* oh, yeah, I forgot
Libra: maybe the trees are crying but you just can’t hear them…
Scorpio: ew. What the fuck. Like what is she even doing? God I hate her.
Sagittarius: wait, Sloane, how do you spell school? (this was in eighth grade and sadly, she wasn’t joking)
Capricorn: put on the song I’m going to do the lobster dance
Aquarius: I’m going to draw cheese and megaflies. That’s going to be my new thing
Pisces: wow you’re sassy. Your new last name is sassofrass so I can call you miss. Sassofrass

“I Just Can’t Wait for My Dad to Die” didn’t have quite the same ring to it.

Because this joke had been posted to Twitter thousands of times without attribution, let me get serious for a second. I write every joke that I post. I draw all the comics and I do all the Photoshop (poorly). I’ve spent a signficant portion of the last three years of my life thinking about, drafting, writing, editing, and posting jokes that (hopefully) make strangers (that I’ll never meet) smile or laugh for zero dollars.

My wife and kids go to bed; I stay up and Photoshop Paris Hilton’s mugshot into an Olan Mills family photo. “Why do you do this?” my wife often asks. I don’t even know the answer to that question.

Recently a close Internet friend of mine (@pjtlynch) did a better job than I could at explaining why we write jokes, and more importantly, why we care when they’re stolen. (https://ljssentials.wordpress.com/2015/08/18/hello-world/) I encourage you to give it a read. I do feel slightly ironic linking to someone else’s words for my own thoughts on plagiarism but he said it so well and also I guess my point is that sharing is good (it means everything to me, actually); sharing without attribution is not.


Happiness is a Cupcake Away

Woozi story where you work at a bakery and later you end up dating Woozi, this first part is just build up to meeting Woozi. I really like where this story is going so… Enjoy~

“Y/N! Hurry up! We’re going to be late.” Your roommate shouts from her bedroom.

“Mhm.” You try to say through the toothpaste in your mouth. Spitting out the toothpaste and giving your hair one last fix, you leave the bathroom. “You’re not even ready! How are you going to tell me to hurry up.” You laugh, standing in the doorway with your bag. “You have five seconds before I leave without you.” You friend doesn’t respond. “five…four…three…” you start drawing out the syllables. “Twooooo.”

“Wait wait wait, coming!” she yelled, stumbling out her room with her phone in between her lips and bag between her legs, trying to push her arms through a pale blue hoodie. Her bag and phone both fall and she tries desperately to grab her phone before it falls, phone bouncing back and forth both hands before she finally catches it. You couldn’t hold back the laugh you were keeping in. She releases the breath she was holding in, “well” she smiles, “they won’t bake themselves.” You smile to yourself, even though it was way too early for most people to function, you loved going to work, baking was your hobby and hopefully, your career. Luckily you were a morning person, unlike your roommate, who could barely crack an egg without falling asleep. “How can you be this happy at butt fuck in the morning.” You hear you roommate say behind you with a yawn.

“I don’t know.” walking backwards to talk to her. “Today just feels good, ya know?” she chuckles and shakes her head.

“whatever you say, Y/N.”

Keep reading

*waits for him for a while when he doesn’t show up I go over to the shed pulling out my daggers and swords he got for my smiling at the insignia and my name carved into, puts Lei down on top of the bag* stay here ok? I don’t need to be loosing you around here, might not get you back *sticks two daggers into each pocket and draws my sword practicing my maneuvers and handling*

It’s only my 4th day at the new gig and already I’ve impressed people enough that I’m working directly with Accounting to take over the orders and half run this new account with a new client. I saved the day at least 3 times today and now all questions are being funneled to me and I’m taking on accounting stuff tomorrow with the person heading the account. It feels really awesome for once to just feel like I’m good at something and to have people say “Wow. This is so great. You’re awesome at this!” and then come and ask me things. 

I even drew a bird while waiting on a report to generate. I’m going to cover my desk with bird drawings.

anonymous asked:

I'm such Rowaelin trash like it's not even funny. They have Queen of Shadows available to search through on Google books and like you type in words and it finds where it's located in the story and I'm just stuffing my face in rowaelin because I can't wait and I'm dying for queen of shadows!! Your artwork fuels my love for rowaelin even further. Oh my god I'm such trash. I'm 22 and this is my life. Googling words on a book that's coming out in a few days because I am chained to Rowan Whitethorn.

Hahahahaha oh my gosh anon! I’m dying for Queen of Shadows too, i’ve filled up the next few days with things to do so they go by quicker! I feel like i’m never gonna stop drawing once its finished, its just gonna feed me with ideas :D


Peaceful mornings at the Skywalker residence. Sorry I was too lazy to google a more legit prosthetic. 



Finally finished this! Yaaay! I started this because I wanted to make a sticker set for my Redbubble store (but also because I wanted to draw them all falling and acting accordingly xD). I’m planning on combining everyone into a more complete poster, but it’s going to have to wait since I’m going on vacation soon. But yeah.

Stickers on my Redbubble store if you’re interested. c:

being best friends with michael includes
  • ‘Michael im ignoring you’
  • ‘Stop ignoring me Y/N’ and he’d give you his pout and then he’d poke you even though it had only been 30 seconds
  • you trying to contain your laugh when he tries to get you to stop ignoring him
  • ‘Mikey I’m going to walk around’
  • ‘I’m coming wait for me’
  • ‘Why are you coming with me? ‘
  • ‘Because you’re my best friend and you could get attacked by a wild Calum’
  • Constant debates on who’s the best character in league of legends
  • Cuddling while gaming
  • Him begging you to use your boobs as pillows
  • While you were mindlessly he’d take one of your pens and poke you until you acknowledged him
  • Him drawing on your arm with markers to annoy you
  • ‘fuck I forgot my money, I’m not getting any food, I’m full anyways’
  • Him coming back with the food you originally wanted to buy ^
  • ‘If you give me a blow job I’ll buy you pizza for the rest of this tour’
  • You defending Luke when Michael bullies him and Michael gets kinda jealous because after all, you were his best friend and his weak spot was you because little did you know, michael would be in love with you
  • ‘I’m not gonna miss you at all Y/N’ is all he manages to mumble before crying in your arms when you have to leave for home
  • Him giving you one of his flannels when he’s on tour
  • Michael crying on the plane because he was missing you so fucking much and he was so sad that the boys had to text you about it and then making him a bunch of audios to listen to
  • Him teasing you about your cute chub and you pretending to not be mad but you secretly were insecure and kinda hurt and he would notice something was up and would bug you until you told him what happened
  • Him being extra nice to you and he wouldnt stop saying sorry bc ^
  • Scruffy michael rubbing his stubble on your forehead when you two hug
  • loads of teasing

I really like Anders’ concept art and wanted to draw him closer to that.

unofficial claim count, and the dwindling artist problem

alright. I’m still keeping my spreadsheet. as I write this 160 stories have been claimed. that means 50 stories remain going into round three.

Guys, this is a really slow selection year. It’s slow because while the number of stories for each year of the DCBB goes up, the number of artists who sign up each year goes *down.* it’s not your fic’s fault, if you’re still waiting for a claim. There’s a serious artist shortage.

We need more artists. If I had -any- skill at all I’d help, but even when I did draw I did it on paper. but the fact is that each artist would need to take on two or three separate projects to cover the demand, and that’s a lot of work. too much work.

So if you can, put out a request for artists to illustrate the DCBB. if you already have your artist, if you don’t have one yet, ask for artists to join and take on a fic.

I also wonder: if the number of writers keeps going up, and the number of artists keeps going down, how do we solve this art shortage problem? 


I’m really excited for rhinocio‘s Homeworld T series!!! It’s very beautifully written and I can’t wait for the next chapter!! I planned on doing just one drawing but I realized I wasnt going to finish….The designs for Garnet, Ruby, and Sapphire are jen-iii‘s

(The other one isnt a character I just wanted a bunch of gems lined up..)


I go back drawing dorks. 

p.s. not in a great condition to draw long posts sorry.

So- there was this really nifty looking artzine that opened up for applicants a little ways back called the turfwarzine, but I unfortunately didn’t get in.

While I was WAITING to hear that news though- I started pondering what I might end up drawing for it, and regardless of whether I got in or not I didn’t want a cool picture idea like this going to waste >:D
It’s based on the first time I really got into the Tower Control mode- cause at first I hated it compared to Splatzones. But once I found the right weapon I gave it another go in the then recent Camp Triggerfish map, I had a complete blast with it.~ So two inklings in this are based on my own character. One being the first tower control set I liked, and the other in my main set of turfwar gear. Then the rest are all just random outfits I mixed n’ matched together ;Y

Am I upset I couldn’t get into the zine? ‘Course! But it was my first time even attempting to join one, and with almost like- 500 applicants there was quite a bit of competition I was up against anyways x,D So I appreciated the chance to even try getting into it in the first place.

The upside is that it caused me to come up with a splattastic piece of artwork that I’m able to share it with all of you cool dudes, as well as still promote the zine and encourage you guys snag one up when it comes out for the sake of supporting charity!

Stay fresh everyone~


PS: I put together some speedpaint vids of the piece as well! (how many months has it been since I ever did that? %D) I’ll update with links as the videos finish rendering :]

Part 1 - https://youtu.be/XvfADKwGGps

Part 2 - https://youtu.be/F2irEd0e2i8

Double ps: Full view is on my dA account here :P http://piranhartist.deviantart.com/art/Take-Control-of-the-Tower-554405611