They’re Very Humerus
A/N: This was a fluffy request for a reader who makes a ton of nerdy and science-y puns around the office for Spencer, which he of course loves. However, it drives everyone else insane. @coveofmemories
“A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a drink,” you said to Spencer, coming up behind him first thing in the morning. “The bartender replies, for you, no charge.” You were unequivocally the queen of corny puns. As you passed his desk, setting down the cup of coffee you’d promised you’d pick up for him, he inhaled so hard he snorted.
Garcia was coming off the elevator just as you began to tell another crappy pun. The punchline was dropped and you could see Garcia dragging her hand down her face. “You must stop!” she moaned. “It’s so early in the morning. How do you have this much energy? I mean, I know I’m a shining ray of sunshine in the darkness, but even I can’t have that kind of energy at-” She pulled her phone out of her pocket, barely awake enough to read the time. “It’s 7:15 in the morning. How?”
Spencer smiled as Garcia walked toward her office and you took a deep breath. He could tell you were about to drop another pun that would make Garcia want to scream. “Hey Garcia,” you called after her, stopping her in her tracks. She gazed at you with the best death stare she could possibly muster.
“What?” You could see the smoke coming out of her ears. She really was cranky first thing in the morning.
“They’re finally making a movie about clocks…it’s about time,” you snorted, watching as she said nothing, took a deep breath and walked to her office.
Spencer held his hand in front of his mouth, attempting to hide his cheesy grin from anyone else that was coming into the office. “That was a really bad one, Y/N,” he laughed. “I’ve got a worse one though.”
“Bring it, Spence,” you chuckled.
“Why can’t skeletons play church music?” Because they have no organs, you thought to yourself. A classic.
He giggled. “Because they have no organs.
Both of you began laughing like fools as you waited for everyone else to come in. “These are so, so bad,” he laughed.
“I know,” you replied. “Hey, Spence…skeleton puns…bone puns…they’re very humerus.” You cackled, slapping your knee. “So great.”
“What’s so great?” Emily asked. Everyone was filing in early in the morning because they had to be on the jet by eight. “Oh no…” She could see your face light up with glee, the glee only brought to you by a shitty pun.
“Oh yes…” you giggled.
“Not again!” Morgan screamed coming off the elevator and immediately taking not of you and Spencer laughing under your collective breath.
“Oh yea. I got one for the two of you. Spencer will probably know this one.”
Emily took a sip of her coffee and Morgan looked her way with envy. “I haven’t even had my coffee yet, Y/N. Don’t make me listen to this.”
“But you have to and you love me even though I like shitty puns. So here we go, how much room is needed for fungi to grow?” You swallowed your laughter. God, it was so hard.
They cut their eyes at each other, then at you, and finally back toward Spencer, who had definitely figured it out. “How much room is needed, Reid?” Emily deadpanned. “I absolutely need to know.”
“As mushroom as possible,” he said, his mouth opening wide as a bellowing laugh emanated throughout the bullpen. “God, they’re so bad. I love it.”
“It’s such a good thing I love you, kid,” Morgan said, turning to the coffee machine. “Normally, this kind of energy in the morning would be met with a swift punch to the face.” When JJ got off the elevator, her hair still a mess from just rolling out of bed and driving to work, Morgan motioned for her to walk away before you had the chance to shower her with crappy puns. There were times she could deal with them and others…not so much. You and Spencer seemed to be the only truly morning people, although Rossi wasn’t too bad of a morning person.
“You’ve been working here for a year now, Y/N,” Rossi said, calmly sipping his espresso as he walked toward your desk. “How is it possible that you still have a slew of puns in that head of yours that we haven’t heard yet? I could practically hear the stifled giggling from the parking garage. How many people have you drive crazy this morning so far?”
“Garcia, Morgan and Emily,” you laughed, sitting on Spencer’s desk. “Spencer appreciates my crappy jokes. And Morgan robbed me of the joy of watching JJ’s face this morning. I have a special one for you though, Rossi. I can’t believe I haven’t used this one before.”
“Go ahead,” he sighed. “It’s so rare that we get people smiling in here, I can’t deny you that.”
“What do you call a fake noodle?” you asked.
“Oh, come on!” Spencer cackled, throwing his hands up in the air and nearly knocking over his cup of caffeinated goodness. “Everyone knows that one!”
“He’s right you know,” Rossi replied, taking his thumb and pointing backward toward the Boy Genius’s desk. “An impasta.”
Dammit. That was an easy one. “I’m gonna have to come up with a better one for you.”
“Especially if you’re going with the Italian theme,” he laughed. “Impress me.” Now everyone was in. The only person that hadn’t had one of your jokes showered upon him was Hotch, and honestly, you weren’t sure how much you were willing to test him, no less first thing in the morning.
As everyone filed into the conference room, cups of coffee in hand, you opened your mouth to speak - not tell a joke - speak, but you were cut off by Emily. “Unless you plan to whisper one to Spencer or bestow a crappy pun on Hotch like you did the rest of us, you must stop.”
She was hoping that would be enough to keep you quiet, but she had no that you ran on puns and if you didn’t keep spouting them you’d lose your mind. Actually, the case could be made that was already starting to happen. “If you’re going to tell one to Hotch, it better be bad,” JJ mumbled. “A really bad one.”
“Okay Hotch,” you said. Spencer was waiting with bated breath to see his reaction. Last week, he’d dared you to bring out your worst pun for Hotch and you’d chickened out because he wasn’t in a good mood. But now… “A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement…He became a hardened criminal.”
Much to your surprise, as well as everyone else’s…Hotch started to chuckle under his breath, trying desperately not to smile. “Don’t encourage her!” The rest of the team screamed.
JJ banged her head into the table, still barely awake after a half a cup of coffee. “Or she’ll never stop.”