wah-wah-wah

4

Olitz - Scandal 4x06

“You don’t know him the way you know me.”

Monday

Today I sat on a bench outside of my apartment and cried while Patrick sat in his stroller and cried. 

We were walking back from the pediatrician - our 2nd visit since Thursday.  He’s had fever for five days. We’ve been able to manage it with Tylenol but as of yesterday he’s been crying and whining most of his waking hours.  And as of 2:45 this morning he’s been mostly awake. The verdict: A virus. A virus, a virus, a virus. I’ve heard this “diagnosis” about nine or so times (honestly, I’ve lost track) since the 4th of July. He doesn’t have an ear infection, no remarkable sounds in his chest, no coughing, no redness in his throat. It’s always just a fever, no other symptoms. 

Patrick needs to be fever-free for 24 hours before he can return to daycare. If you’re keeping track at home (and if I’m playing by the rules - which I will because his little immune system doesn’t need anything else added to the mix) that means he won’t be back at daycare (and I won’t be back in the office) until Wednesday.  And then we’ll just start this vicious cycle all over again. 

I suppose this is what sick time is for, right? But, I can’t actually bring myself to call into work because I’m afraid that these three days will somehow overshadow all the good work I’ve done over the last three years. So instead I’m working at home with a sick, sad, cranky kid by my side and everything feels like it’s *this close* to falling apart. 

I can’t wait for cold and flu season to start. 

Thanks for letting me vent. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to make another cup of coffee. Bye!

I can already tell that the worst part of 3rd year, for me, will be feeling like a complete fucking idiot 95% of the time. If you’re accustomed to feeling competent, like I imagine most med students used to before med school, this is so painful.

I am totally the type of person to practice something quietly on my own till I am awesome at it and then emerge and do it perfectly all the time. To have everyone (my mentor, my classmates, patients) witness my bumbling is horror. I know this is just narcissism or whatever but ouch.

I don’t think he’s coming home today. They are waiting on the neurologist, who is going to be late. By the time he has the tests done, it’s going to be too late to release him. And from the way he was talking, it didn’t sound much like they wanted to release him, anyway. So maybe tomorrow. 

He says hi to everyone and thanks you for your good thoughts. He said to tell you “I’m fine and I would be better if they didn’t wake me up every half hour so my nights are screwed up and now I woke up thinking it was Wednesday.” I imagine that when he gets back on tumblr he’ll have a lot of typical Todd bitching to do.

It hasn’t even been 48 hours yet. It feels like a week.

This has been another Todd post.