waaaaah ;;

A Conversation at Dragonstone

Mid episode 7x07 “The Dragon and the Wolf.” Jon struggles to keep an illicit thought under the surface.

There were some things that Jon didn’t let himself think about.

Some things- facts, memories, recurring nightmares- just weren’t worth dwelling on. They were what they were, and Jon wouldn’t change them by worrying at their frayed edges. He had gotten rather good at setting unproductive thoughts aside, casting his mind to matters that he could affect, plans to be made and choices to deliberate.

Other things, usually having to do with unpleasant feelings such as anger, confusion, frustration- how could, for example, one human have so little consideration or depth of understanding inside him to frivolously hack away at, to mangle a whole family to butchered limbs, and leave the world without ever coming to terms with his own cruelty, his selfish actions? How could a woman grow a child inside her, feel him turn and move, his breaths in harmony with hers, bear the hours of sweat and agony to bring him into this world, and never once, not once, look into his eyes and greet the soul inside the son she created?-

-well, Jon had realized long ago that every hour spent brooding about such things was an hour of his life wasted, and as a man who had only recently been dead himself, he had become rather fond of using every waking minute he could to fight for the future.

Some things, though, he just wasn’t allowed to think about.

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For seven years, even when you’re a woman, I grabbed you by the hair, kicked you, and punched you in the stomach. I’m sorry.

Don’t be, Kwang Soo. I felt more comfortable around you than the others, and I behaved a bit carelessly towards you. So… I’m sorry if I hurt you.

Six years ago, you called me out and bought me bori gulbi. When I moved, you bought me an electric fan. At times, you sent me text messages… to congratulate me… and encourage me, so thank you.

Three years ago, when I left home after arguing with my mom… You said I could come to your place because I had nowhere to go. Thank you for saying that.

Is this my cue to say I love her?

You’re like a sister to me. I love you.

“Don’t touch him, don’t scare him, don’t talk to him. It’s only me you should deal with. Take me instead.”