w: daniel

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

Once upon a time in Berlin I went to a bar w this Swedish dude and we each had our little three drinks and im like lemme stop before I get too carried away so come time to pay I confused “bestellen” and “bezahlen” and ended up ordering 6 more drinks i was sooo mad im like bro why didn’t you help me out i only have like 20€ on me so im sitting there mad as hell and embarrassed, trying to give away drinks to random ppl who were looking at me crazy like I spiked the drink or something (i managed to give one away tho) but ended up having to drink the rest by myself .. the waiters felt bad for me and gave me free tequila shots tho which was nice but only contributed more to my drunkness and i spent the rest of that night just being a hot ass mess its something that haunts me still to this day 🙈

Looking back, I can’t remember the truth. I blew everything out of proportion so I could feel the hurt and betrayal and write about it in vivid detail. It was my own method of torture. My own undoing; and I enjoyed every second of it.
—  c.j.n.