w 8th

9

Kdrama kisses

2

2013 vs. 2017

Back in 2013, I did n o t know how to draw, but I brought a tablet anyway (before promptly losing it) I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be a character, but I didn’t for the redraw

I’m personally just really happy with how radical the improvement is, even if it’s an “unfair” comparison

Universe (Alexander x Reader)

Word Count: 4,321 (WHAAA.) 

Warnings: Mentions of sex, swears, ANGST

Authors Note: So the person who asked for this specifically asked for angst so you bet that I pulled out all of the angst prompts I had in my head. ALSO WE HAVE 100+ FOLLOWERS????? THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! LOVE YALL. ANYWAYS BE SURE TO SEND IN REQUESTS, FEEDBACK, AND ANYTHING YOU WANT. LOVE YOU AGAIN!

Request:  a college au where you are dating hamilton and you have to see the other three boys warn u about how he cheats u ignore and he ends up cheating on u ad and the boys dont let him talk to you for a month and you’re devastated, but the boys take care of u,they find ways to sneak into ur dorm at night when they hear u cry(because your dorm is right next to lafs adn hercs)and eventually ham apologize to the boys and proves that he changed. they boys allow you to be together again. something w angst

Masterlist

August 8th, it marked your one year anniversary with Alexander. You had never met anyone like him before, he charmed you with smart and witty lines and his dark passionate eyes. You couldn’t imagine what your life would have been if Lafayette had not introduced him to you. Lafayette, or as you liked to call him, Laf, was your best friend since high school. He was the social friend, you were the introvert. He was the party animal, you were the nerd. He was the matchmaker and you were the lover. Opposites truly did attract in your world. In college you had a hard time making friends so Laf had introduced you to his roommate and his new friends whom he had met in debate class. John, Herc, and Alex became a big part of you life, you loved their company and bubbly personalities. You mostly loved Alexander’s work ethic, however, that was not the only thing you loved about him. When you found out Alex returned your feelings of affection, you quickly accepted his offer out to a date. “Y/N if he acts up call me” Laf had said while you got ready for your first date with Alex. “And before you get too into him, he has a flirty nature so please be careful. I don’t want to break his skull if he breaks your heart” You had laughed at his statement. Laf laughed along but then turned serious and said “I’m serious Y/N” “Ok, I’ll be careful.” you said touching up your lip gloss before heading out the door. You had tried to be careful, but Alex made you feel so loved and important. He shot down your guard within the first 5 minutes of your date. It was at that time you knew he was the one. You sat at your desk reminiscing about your first date as you got ready. It was crazy to think that you had spent a full year with Alex. You were interrupted from your thoughts when Alex walked into your dorm, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek. “We’re going out for drinks with the boys Y/N, Get ready.” He said setting his backpack on the floor, digging in your mini fridge. “Haha” you said sarcastically “Where are we really going?” you asked. “I’m serious Y/N, you love going to the bar.” he responded his head still in the mini fridge. ‘Well that’s not romantic’ you thought. “We’re not really going are we?” you questioned. “I always do what you want, why can’t you just come with us?” he said irritated, finally closing the mini fridge “I want to do something more romantic.” you shot back raising your voice slightly. “Ok fine Y/N, you do what you want, I’m going out with the boys.” He said just as loudly, picking up his backpack and walking out the door. The door slammed shut and you were left alone.

Maybe you had overreacted. He was right, he always did what you wanted. Why couldn’t you do this one thing for him? You decided you were being selfish, so you put on a nice clubbing dress and headed for the bar. Once you arrived you quickly spotted Herc. It was quite impossible to miss him. You chuckled lightly, and headed over to their table. “You came mon ami!” Laf said smiling giving you a friendly kiss on the cheek. “We were worried about you!” John said taking a swig of beer. “Have you guys seen Alex?” you asked wanting to find him and apologize. “Yeah he just went to dance” Herc said notioning to the dimly lit dance floor. You made your way to the dance floor looking for his familiar brown ponytail. When your eyes spotted him you quickly made your way over but stopped dead in your tracks when you realized he was not alone. His arms were on Eliza’s hips, his lips sucking on her neck. Eliza, she was Alex’s ex and you knew you could never compete with her. A couple months into the relationship you had begun to feel inadequate to Alex, but he had reassured you that you were the best thing that happened to him. He was obviously lying. You quickly turned around and made a beeline to the nearest exit, desperately wanting to go back to your dorm. Once you made it out of the club you ran all the way back to your dorm. Laf had seen you leave the club, and tried to catch up to you but you were just too fast. Once you were in the sanctuary your dorm provided, you slipped onto your floor and began crying. You were interrupted when you heard a soft knock on the door. “Y/N are you alright?” It was John’s soft voice. “Yeah, I’m fine.” you said trying to pull it together. “I can hear you crying mon ami, just open the door. Please” Laf begged. You slowly creaked the door open and John, Laf, and Herc were all huddled together outside your dorm. “What happened, and who did this to you?” Laf slightly yelled once he saw you barging into your room. The rest of the boys following after. “Did you find Alex?” Herc asked. “Yes.” You whimpered. “And he was all over Eliza…” you managed to get out before your voice cracked and you began to cry again. “Quelle!? Oh that bastard is dead to me…” Laf said while John pulled you into a tight hug. “He never deserved you, I never should have let him ask you out.” Laf said shaking his head. “It’s not his fault, it was me. I was never good enough for him anyways.” You said still in John’s arms. “Nonsense Y/N, any boy who gets a chance with you is the luckiest boy ever.” Herc said joining in on the hug, squeezing from the opposite side of John. They stayed in your room for an hour, until they could manage a smile out of you. “Call us if you need us.” Laf said before he closed your door reluctantly. You got into bed and glanced at your clock. 12:30 it read. You sighed and tried to fall asleep.

1:35 was what the clock said, and you did not get a minute of sleep. You had never gotten into a fight with Alex, and you couldn’t get him off of your mind. You decided it was better to talk to him, maybe it was a misunderstanding. You couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing now. Finding his spare key, you made your way to his dorm. When you opened the door, you were greeted with loud moans and grunts. Your heart stopped and shattered at what you saw. Alex was on top of Maria, fucking her. Maria quickly got out from under him and scurried away. You couldn’t even say anything as you were speechless. “Y/N I can explain.” Alex began. You were still in shock, so you just looked at him unable to get your mind to process words. “She dragged me into it, Y/N. you know I didn’t mean it.” He said. “Is this how it’s going to end?” you finally ask him. “What do you mean? I love you Y/N” he said. “Well it seemed like you were enjoying yourself.” you spat at him, managing to find anger within your sadness. “We rarely have sex Y/N, how can you blame me?” Alex shot back, unable to swallow his ego. “Oh please” you scoffed rolling your eyes, realizing how much of a coward he was. “This” you said motioning to you and him “Is over.” you said. “You know what, fine. You’re such a brat Y/N.” he said back. “So this is it?” you asked surprised he didn’t even try to get you back. “Yup” he replied simply. “On our one year?” you asked choking up. “Oh shit, it is our one year.” He said finally realizing what he had done. “Yeah, and it has been a waste of my time.” you screamed at him running out of his room to yours. When you found your room you began to cry into your pillow. Unable to stop to hear the jingling of your door knob. You jerked away when you felt a hand on your back. “Are you ok?” you heard a familiar voice with a French accent ask. You shook your head no. “Want to talk about it?” he asked again. You responded by shaking your head no again. He climbed into your bed and wrapped you in his arms. Before you knew it, Laf had picked you up and was going to his dorm next door. He set you on his bed and turned on the lights which earned a groan from Herc, his roommate. He looked around in his mini fridge before retreating with a gallon of ice cream. He handed it to you along with a spoon. You slightly laughed, realizing how well Laf knew you. Soon after, you fell asleep on his bed with your best friends beside you.

Alex didn’t know what he had gotten himself into. He had too much pride, and didn’t know when to swallow it. He didn’t sleep at all that night, thinking how you must’ve felt. The next morning bright and early, he headed to Laf for help on what he could do to get you back. You heard a knock on the door, but you were too tired to get up so you nudged Laf to go get the door. He lazily made it to the door and opened it. “Lafayette I messed up, and I don’t…” you recognized that voice. Alexander. You tensed up and became stiff. All of a sudden Alex stopped mid sentence when he saw you on Laf’s bed. “Oh, I see how it is Y/N. You see me with someone new, and you go sleep with your best friend? Is that how it is?” he spat at you past Lafayette. “Hey, whoa Alex, it’s not what it looks like.” Laf said calmly. “You’re such a whore.” Alex yelled ignoring Laf. At that Laf pushed Alex into the wall in the hallway. “Get out of my room, get out of my life, and get out of Y/N’s life. Ok? You never deserved Y/N, and you never will.” Laf said inches away from Alex’s face. Alex shuffled out of the hallway back to his dorm. He had messed up again. Bad, this time.

It had been a couple weeks, and you had managed to avoid Alex completely. You couldn’t bear being reminded of your horrible night, and the boys helped you through it. Alex had tried to talk to you on multiple occasions but one of the boys would shoo him away. For the first few days, you wished they wouldn’t do that. You wanted to know what Alex had to say for himself. But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned to months, you forgot about Alex. you didn’t care what he had to say, nor what he thought of you. In fact you moved on. There was someone in your English class that you had been eyeing for a while. Aaron Burr, was his name. For an English project you had been paired up with him, and have been together ever since. It wasn’t a fun and exciting relationship, but he treated you with respect. Something that you thought you needed at the time. You were walking out of chemistry when Alex finally got a hold of you without any of the boys around. It had been months since you had even seen him, and seeing him would usually cause a lump in your throat but this time it was different. You didn’t mind him. You didn’t mind him because he no longer mattered in your heart. “Hey, Y/N” he said. It looked like he hadn’t slept in 5 years. “Alex.” you responded with a head nod. His eyes widened, surprised that you even responded to him. The floodgates to his mouth opened and he began to spurt out all of his emotions. “Y/N, I never got to say sorry. I’m sorry I forgot our one year, I’m sorry I cheated on you, I’m sorry I called you a whore, I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.” He began ramble. “Hey,” you said holding on to his shoulder. “It’s ok. I forgive you.” You said giving him a smile. He looked up at you with a spark in his eyes. “Does that mean you’ll give us another chance?” he asked, his eyes pleading you. “What?” you asked surprised. “You said you forgave me.” He said, just as confused. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you get to waltz back into my life Alex. I forgive you as a friend.” you said back, trying your best not to hurt him. You didn’t know why you were trying to protect him, he had hurt you in so many ways. Ways that you could never forget. But it seemed like you always had a soft spot for Alexander in your heart. “Why not Y/N? My life has been a living hell without you” he replied, his eyes searching yours for some kind of answer. You had to look away. “I found someone else.” you said looking at the waxed hall floors. “What?” Alex managed to gasp out. “And I think it’ll be the best if you learn to move on too.” you said returning your gaze to him, trying to pull a smile. “Who is it?” Alex whispered looking directing at his shoes. “Why does it matter to you?” you asked, starting to get irritated that he wouldn’t just accept your forgiveness and go. “Please Y/N. Who is it?” Alex practically begged you. “It’s Aaron.” you replied, whispering.

Alex’s heart got stuck in his throat, and his fists clenched together. Aaron didn’t deserve you. Aaron barely even knew how to love. You deserved someone who would love you with all of his heart. Someone like himself, but he had screwed up his one chance. So even he didn’t deserve you. To Alex you deserved the world, all the stars and the galaxy. You deserved the Universe and he didn’t know who could give that to you. But he knew for sure it wasn’t Aaron. Alex stiffened and mumbled a goodbye to you before hurriedly walking away. Why couldn’t Alexander just be satisfied.

Alex sat in debate class wondering why he had been so stupid, even though months had passed you never passed his mind. He hadn’t touched another girl since you had left him. “Mr. Hamilton are you paying attention?” his professor asked. Alex quickly snapped out of his thoughts and proceeded listening to the professor ramble about a midterm project. “And this project will be with partners” as the professor announced this, the whole class filled with ‘yay’s  “but I will be assigning the partners.” he added on. The ‘yay’s quickly dissipated into ‘aw’s and groans. Alex prayed and hoped he would get someone who he didn’t know just so he could do all of the work without having to stress. “Alex and Lafayette” the professor said. Alex’s eyes widened and his head slowly turned to Lafayette who had done the same. ‘Shit’ he thought. ‘This was going to be a long week.’ When class ended Laf made his way to Alex. Alex spoke first to avoid awkward silence. “Want to meet in my dorm?” he asked. “Sure” Laf responded. And they parted ways.

The next day Alex ran into Aaron outside of his dorm. “H’lo Alex” Aaron greeted Alex. Alex grumbled a greeting before adding on a comment. “Why are you so happy today” Alex said unenthusiastically. “It’s actually mine and Y/N’s one month anniversary.” Aaron said happily, ignoring Alex’s death glare. That was when Alex lost it, his fist clenched and it went straight for Aaron’s jaw.

You had just finished your makeup when you heard the knock on your door. “Coming babe.” you said applying your chapstick. You quickly shuffled to the door and opened it to see an Aaron with a bloody nose, and a black eye. He gave you a smile and his teeth were covered in blood. “Oh my god, what happened Aaron?” you asked ushering him inside and setting him on your bed. You reached into your mini fridge, and pulled out an ice bag handing it to him. You then wet a towel with a water bottle and made your way over to him. “I think we will have to reschedule our date Aaron” you said. He flinched as you put the wet towel onto an open wound on his face. “Who did this?” you said. “Alex…” before he could say anything else you got up and were out of your dorm room in a matter of seconds. Your adrenaline pumping, you pounded on Alex’s dorm room. He opened it, and you stormed in past him. “Why Alex. Why on earth would you beat up Aaron?” you asked, anger bubbling in your veins. “He deserved it.” Alex grumbled. “Can’t you let me be happy for once?” you screamed at him. “He doesn’t deserve you.” Alex spat back. “Oh, so you think you do? He is a better boyfriend than you ever were and could be.” as you said those words, Alex shrunk. He had never seen you so angry before. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was hindering your possibility of happiness, but he knew he could make you happier than anybody else. He was too in depth with his thoughts that he didn’t realize you had left until the dorm room shook with the force of your door slam. By the time you got back to your dorm, Aaron had cleaned up. “Ready?” he asked you as you entered the dorm. “Aaron, we really don’t have to go…” you said worried for his physical health. “Nonsense, it’s only our one month once.” he said leading you back out the door. You smiled and left for your dinner reservation.

Alex slammed his fist on his table. Why could ne not do anything right. He called you, and called you, and called you. And every time you let it go to voicemail. He may have ruined one of your relationships, but you would not let him ruin anymore. Alex finally caved and left a voicemail:

“You think Aaron is better than I am Y/N? Stop, stop thinking that. I’m better than him, and you know it. He may like you but I love you. He doesn’t find the passion in love. I love every little thing about you and I will never stop loving you Y/N. I don’t care what you will say to me. You can tell me to move on, but if I can’t love you as your boyfriend, I will love you from afar. As a get a girlfriend, I will always be thinking of you. As I get married, you will be on my mind. As I have kids, I won’t be able help but wonder what ours would have looked like. And I will never, ever forgive myself for making a mistake that ruined my life”

Alexander spilled out all of his feelings into a voicemail, and just hoped that you would have a chance to listen to it. He was interrupted when the door creaked open. Laf stood on the other side of his door awkwardly. “How much of that did you hear…” Alex asked, a blush rising to his cheeks. “You really love her, don’t you?” Laf questioned, proving he had heard enough. “I guess I do.” Alex replied sinking onto his bed.

Your phone buzzed with a notification. ‘One new voicemail from: Alex’. You wanted to continue on with your wonderful evening with Aaron, but your curiosity got the best of you as you excused yourself to the bathroom. You locked yourself into a stall and pressed play on the voicemail.
“You think Aaron is better than I am Y/N? Stop, stop thinking that. I’m better than him, and you know it.” you paused the voicemail and scoffed. ‘What a cocky bastard’ you thought as you turned off your phone. He hadn’t even apologized to you or Aaron. You returned back to your table forgetting about Alex. Life was less complicated with Alex out of it.

When your date ended, Aaron dropped you off at your dorm like a true gentleman. Before you could get into your dorm, the dorm next door opened and Laf stuck out his head. “Hey Y/N, how was your date?” Laf asked. “Great!” you replied a smile slowly spreading across your face. “Did Alex call…” Laf began carefully before you cut him off. “Yes, he called me 100 times. He has some nerve to walk back into my life.” you said walking into your dorm. Whenever you forgot about Alex, he managed a way to get back into your head.

Lafayette and Alex had been working together on their group project for 4 straight hours. Both boys were careful not to mention you, or anything that could lead to you. “Oh god, I’m so tired. Merde.” Laf sighed into his open textbook. “Coffee?” Alex asked. “Coffee.” Laf said quickly. “I’m not going.” Alex said writing something down on his notes. “Non, I went last time. It’s your turn.” Laf said, now smashing his head into his textbook. “Ugh, fine.” Alex groaned, reaching for his wallet. “You’ve gotta start taking notes on the Appraisal Theory though.” Alex said before walking out the door. ‘Damn it’ Laf thought as he flipped the page in his notebook to realize that he had gone through all of the pages. He hoisted himself up from the floor and made his way to Alex’s desk. He began to dig through his drawers when his attention landed on a notebook with your name on it. He quickly reached for it and opened it. In the notebook were journal entries for every day since you two broke up. Pages upon pages, never missing a single day. Laf quickly packed up his bag, and texted Alex: ‘I think we should call it a day Alex. See you tomorrow.’ Alex responded within a minute: ‘Seriously? I just got the coffees. I’ll just have both I guess.’ Laf rolled his eyes and ran to your dorm, the notebook in his hands.

You were woken from your sleep by sudden knocks on your door. You bolted awake and stumbled out of bed. When you made it to the door you were greeted by Laf, who looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Are you ok Laf? You do know it’s 4:00 am right?” you asked laughing. Laf, however, did not laugh with you. He handed you the notebook. “I think you should see this Y/N” he said seriously. “Also did you ever listen to Alex’s voicemail?” you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at Alex’s name. “I listened to like the first sentence, but he was being a bastard so I couldn’t listen to the whole thing.” you explained. “I think you should listen to it.” he said abruptly before going into his dorm. Confused by Laf’s behavior you opened the notebook to see familiar scribbles. The first page was labeled ‘August 8’. You almost choked remembering that day. The day of your first break up. You skimmed the pages beginning to get emotional. You reminisced each memory Alexander had written down in the notebook. Your first date, your first kiss, your first time, the first birthday together, the first fight. Every little thing you had forgotten about your relationship with Alexander was written in the notebook. You didn’t realize you were crying until the black ink of the page began to smudge by your tear drops. You reached for your phone by your bedside and went through your voicemails to find Alexander’s from a few days ago. You listened past what you had listened to previously. You listened to the whole thing. Crying harder and harder the more you replayed it.

‘And I will never, ever forgive myself for making a mistake that ruined my life. ‘

You listened to it for the 3rd time. You grabbed the notebook and left your dorm. You knew what you needed to do.

Alexander was scrummaging through his desk when he heard a knock on the door. He had been looking for his journal needing to write down today’s entry. “Hey Laf, have you seen this notebo-” he began before he looked up to see you. “This?” you asked handing him the notebook. Alexander was frozen by the door. “You weren’t supposed to find this..” He began his face turning a bright shade of red grabbing the notebook from your hands. “I’m sorry about everything Y/N, I’ll just go back to obsessing over something I can’t have” he said slightly chuckling, trying to lighten the mood.  “You don’t need today’s entry.” you said to him. “What?” Alexander said, his head snapping back to meet yours. “Alexander, if you can’t forgive yourself, I will.” you said tears starting to blur your vision.  “Y/N” he whispered as he began to sob silently, tears rolling down his face. You made your way to him and wrapped your arms around him. He was quick to the embrace as he buried his head in your shoulder sobbing. “I love you so much Y/N.” he in between sobs. “I love you Alexander.” you said, also beginning to cry. 

Sure life was complicated with Alexander in it, but life was not meant to be simple. It was meant for adventure, fun, heartbreak, love, and every emotion in between. And Alex was the only person who could give that to you. And finally, both of you realized that. He gave you the world, all the stars and the galaxy. You deserved the Universe and he ultimately knew that he was the one who could give that to you.

I saw Tess say that Tim Gunn is ace and that was something. So went down a rabbit hole and found exclusionists saying that he’s not, he’s celibate (even though he literally said at one point he didn’t want to have sex with men or women). And even though he calls himself asexual. Obviously, they know better than him and he can’t be trusted to determine his own sexuality.

Anyway that just reminded me about how when I read an interview w him in 8th grade and heard that he hadn’t been in a relationship or had sex for almost 30 years I felt so relieved, because that meant someone who was successful and loved hadn’t had to do the thing I was dreading, and so maybe there was some hope.

Anyway I was just thinking about that and about how much I fuckin hate these people.

anonymous asked:

ay yo (lol sorry I'm being so... eh... formal. and edgy. ;w;), I'm going into 8th grade this year and Ik it's nothing compared to high school but I'm still really nervous... even worse is that my mom is pressuring me to be the top person in my class and... I'm pretty dumb. :/ any advice? :c

tbh i don’t think there’s much you should be worried abt, focus on your studies, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride