vulcan range

Spock and his makeup

Look I’m extremely passionate about Spock and his makeup so here are some facts about my favorite Vulcan, take them as you will

  • Spock has over 8 different huge eyeshadow palettes ranging from Vulcan nudes and covering every shade of blue you could imagine
  • his favorite palette is a smokey eye palette with rich navy colors that are just a tad bit shimmery
  • Jim loves this deep violet Spock wears on occasion because it really brings out Spock’s brown eyes
  • Vulcans have extremely sensitive skin, so all Spock’s foundation is hypoallergenic and sensitive-skin friendly
  • Spock’s makeup routine is as follows: moisturize, foundation primer, a light olive liquid foundation with a translucent setting powder that follows, contour with a veeery slight highlight, some light blush, filling in his eyebrows with one of his many eyebrow pencils, eyeshadow application, and if it’s a special occasion he’ll throw on some matte pink lip stain
  • he only has 3 makeup brushes: one for eyeshadow, one for foundation, and one he uses for contour, blush, and highlight, but he has a bright yellow beauty blender he would die for
  • Spock picks what color eyeshadow he uses based on how he feels that day (the more confident he is that morning the more sparkle and pigment the eyeshadow color will have)
  • he does his makeup sitting cross-legged on his and Jim’s bed (Jim is either doing his hair in the bathroom or watching Spock apply his makeup)
  • when the crew is on shore leave, one of the first things Spock does is go to the Space Sephora store
  • he’s a regular there and all the workers know him by name and update him on the shipments they got of new products they think he might be interested in
  • sometimes Spock gives a beginner’s lesson on makeup application to other crew members in the rec room
  • during Hanukkah, Jim gave Spock a new palette with golds, oranges, pinks, and more purples because one morning Spock made an offhand comment that none of the colors he had correlated to the way he felt that morning
  • Spock spent the rest of the night trying out different colors, mixing some together and by the end of it his left hand was covered in eyeshadow from swatches and his eyelids were two different colors (Jim has never been so fond of someone in his life)
  • once on shore leave, Jim and Spock did the “Boyfriend Does My Makeup” challenge
  • Jim did Spock’s makeup better than Spock was expecting, but he still used too much foundation and the eyeshadow was… Something
  • also, Jim has no idea what a beauty blender is and was thoroughly confused by Spock’s
  • Spock did Jim’s makeup perfectly, using colors that complimented his eyes and skin tone and you shoulda seen the highlight on that boy once Spock was done
  • at the end of the day, Spock uses makeup wipes to get his makeup off, usually puts on a thin face mask to keep his skin glowing, and then moisturizes (”dry skin is illogical if one has ample opportunity to avoid it, Jim”)

Given the existence of Vulcans, as a species, one would assume that, however small, of the billions of them, a non-zero number would be into watching, and, presumably, making, pornography.

Further, given the wide array of sexual proclivities humans exhibit a taste for in theirs, it is reasonable to assume that Vulcans have similarly wide-ranging appetites in their erotica.

Which is fine, until First Contact, and the subsequent trade relations, whereupon, eventually, human skin-cinema purveyors start to cater to the Vulcan niche market for first-time mating ritual participants, giving rise to such deathless titles as PON FARR 2: PONN FARRTHER and PON FARR WITH A VENGEANCE.

This causes a potentially-surprising spike in trade with the Klingon Empire.