I am very new to poly.. I met a man and fell in love with him. I've alway had a feeling monogamous relationships weren't for me. My husband doesn't agree. The man I fell in love with wasn't planned. We started talking and being friends and it just happened. How do I make my husband see that I need this. That I love them both and need both of them in my life? He tells me I'm greedy, and acting like a slut.. Any advice would be wonderful.
Ah, slut shaming. The first step in so many non-monogamous arguments. I long for the day that word isn’t an insult. (Off topic. Sorry, I know that wasn’t the reason for your question)
It’s always harder to have the mono vs. poly conversation after a third is already involved. What are your husband’s concerns? That you don’t love him, that you’ll leave him, that he’s not enough for you? Keep in mind that if he is truly wired for monogamy, he may not understand that you have different needs and wants.
You are going to need to sit with him and have some deep, open conversations. It might get uncomfortable, but you need to address any issues head on. He might be feeling insecure or jealous. Make sure you answer his questions openly and honestly.
Do a lot of reading. There are some great resources out there. The Ethical Slut, More Than Two, Opening Up are just a few off the top of my head.
It’s not going to be easy, but it will get easier over time. Good luck and let me know how things turn out.