voulez vous coucher avec moi

When he’s got the chance to sing any French song ever made but y’know he’s John Lennon and he goes for a ‘Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir’ (Would you like to sleep with me, tonight ) instead.

dazeli  asked:

Oh man, you're taking prompts, I have a mighty need from some Jack/Bitty and French <3

I DIDN’T FORGET ELI!!!! I JUST…. ACCIDENTALLY WROTE… A LOT…. please enjoy my transparent excuses to use metropolitan french whenever possible and also my sister’s brief cameo under a pseudonym about which she knows nothing!

translations provided via hovertext–i’m fsl so it’s very possible there are mistakes, but i was pretty diligent about proofreading so *crosses fingers.*

Apprivoisé

“Papa, j’peux pas faire ça.”

Bitty is definitely not eavesdropping.

Ransom is in full panic mode in their bathroom, so he’d had no choice but to use Jack and Shitty’s. Shitty’d told Eric it was alright on his way out the door.

Plus, all those French vowels, so much rounder and more satisfying than in artsy Parisian films, just sort of reach out to the ear. They demand to be heard, if not understood.

Plus, Jack’s voice is so strained, so sad, so terrified that Bitty only manages to stay on his side of the door because his not-eavesdropping probably wouldn’t help.

“Ouais, j’veux jouer, mais—j’suis gay.”

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Romance Languages (Remus Lupin x Reader)

So sorry for not updating as often but midterms are upon me and I’m drowning in study guides and essays.

“Hey there! I love your writing!! I was wondering if you could do an imagine where the boys (James, Sirius, Remus, etc) have to take a foreign languages class and they have no idea what’s going on, so they get the reader to tutor them. Bonus points if there’s mutual pining! Thanks!!” OH MAN THIS IS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY BECAUSE IM A SPANISH MAJOR AND HAVE 6 YEARS OF FRENCH EDUCATION AS WELL SO I AM SO READY THANK YOU FOR THIS. Therefore, I’m going to make the languages that the boys take those two because I’m familiar with them, hope that’s okay because I don’t want to butcher up a language, you know? As for the mutual pining, you didn’t specify which pairing so I hope Remus is okay!

Dumbledore had recently come back from a visit to the American wizarding schools and was inspired to implement language courses in his own school. You were beyond thrilled, ever since you were little your parents had hired language tutors for you; you were fluent in both French and Spanish.

The rest of the school seemed pretty okay with the idea of having another class added to their day, well except for the marauders.

“Can you believe it? As if we don’t have enough work already.” Sirius muttered as he looked at the timetable McGonagall had given him. McGonagall gave him a pointed look as she continues to distribute the timetables.

“Ms. Y/L/N, it seems that there’s a mistake here, they have you down for two languages.”

“There’s no mistake Professor, I talked to Professor Dumbledore to see if it was okay for me to take two.”

She nodded approvingly at your enthusiasm as Sirius rolled his eyes.

“What languages are you taking, Y/N?” Remus asked as he looked at his own paper.

“French and Spanish, mother was very excited for me to study those languages again, it’s been a few years so I hope I’m not too rusty.” You replied.

“What about you guys?” you asked the rest of the boys.

“James and I are taking the language of looove.” Sirius said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows as James snickered. This time around it was you who rolled their eyes.

“Peter and I are taking Spanish. Mum wants to take a family vacation to Spain this upcoming holiday so I figure taking Spanish would benefit me.” Remus answered as Peter nodded.

“Well if you lads need help you know where to find me.” You announced, as you picked up your books heading towards Defense Against the Dark Arts, Remus followed suit and offered to carry your books, you smiled as you handed them to him.

A couple of weeks passed by and it seemed that the students were really enjoying their language classes. You were sitting in the common room when suddenly, Sirius and James barged in, Remus following behind with a pile of books.

“Y/N, WE ARE IN GRAVE DANGER.” Sirius exclaimed.

You quickly stood, thinking that the castle was under attack or something of the sort.

“WHAT IS IT? A SIEGE?” You babbled.

“WE HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW.” Sirius bawled.

“Sirius Black, are you talking about the French exam?” You asked, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“The one and only.” James confirmed.

“Let me guess, once again you both procrastinated till the very last minute, huh?”

“You see my dear Y/N, usually we wouldn’t be panicking a dumb exam, but this one has an oral part.”

“Stop saying the word oral, please, you’re creeping me out.” You countered.

“If any respectable French person heard our speaking abilities they would avada kedavra us on the spot.” James concluded.

“Very well, I’ll help you two…f you get me some fancy chocolate.” You proposed.

They both nodded furiously.

You told them to gather their supplies and to meet you in the library in ten minutes; they both ran to their dorm to do so. You shook your head, chuckling at their frantic states. You heard Remus clear his throat from behind you, you felt guilty having forgotten that he was there since he had been relatively quiet during Sirius’s moving speech.

“Sorry Remus, here let me help you out with those.”  You said as you grabbed half of the pile of books. You noticed they were his Spanish books and a rather heavy looking Spanish dictionary.

“Thank you, Y/N, you didn’t have to.” He said kindly.

“It’s my pleasure. Are you ready for our Spanish exam tomorrow?”

“Kind of, I was wondering if you could help me practice as well but it seems that you’ll have your hands full with James and Sirius.” He answered, looking rather disappointed.

“Nonsense! I would love to help you out. I was going to ask if you wanted to study with me earlier.” You responded as you both made your way to the library.

Much to your surprise, Sirius and James were there already. They must’ve used a shortcut…

You made copies of your own study guide and gave them to them. After five minutes of them looking it over, Sirius finally broke the silence with a loud groan.

“This was so not what I signed up for. Romance language my arse.”

“Sirius, how do I put this gently…” you pondered out loud, Remus was already chuckling knowing exactly what you were going to say.

“French is called a ‘Romance’ language because it derives from Latin. Latin was the language of the Romans.” You explained slowly.

“Some of the other Romance languages are Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, and Romanian.” Remus added as you nodded.

“And you two didn’t think of telling me this before?!” Sirius wailed as you and Remus laughed. After that mishap you were practicing some terms of endearment in Spanish with Remus, trying not to blush as he said them. Since valentine’s day was around the corner your professor thought a Valentine’s day theme exam would liven things up, but in your case it was making you like a tomato in front of Remus.

“Remus, please, I’m begging you, enunciate that ‘nya’ sound because right now the way your saying mi cariño, is sounding like macarena.” You said trying not to laugh.

He nodded, blushing furiously. Sirius and James were sneakily watching the two of you, smirks on their faces. They both knew how you two were heads over heels for one another but were too shy to admit it.

By this point James didn’t know who was blushing more, Sirius was about to have a betting pool going on to see how many times either one of you stuttered and blush.

“Ma chère, aide-moo?”

“Very close, Prongs, but it’s moi, not moo.

“Y/N, am I allowed to practice with you again?”

You had given Sirius a sort of time out from practicing his speaking skills after he kept sneaking in suggestive phrases in French (butchering them up terribly, but the boy knew what he was doing).

“If you say voulez-vous coucher avec moi again, I will lock you in the dungeons with Snape.” You threatened. Sirius behaved for the rest of his practice session with you.

Est-ce que tu veut aller á Hogsmeade avec mon ami Remus ce week-end?” Sirius asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Your cheeks turned pink as Sirius gave you a knowing smirk. Looks like Sirius was finally getting the hang of the language. You quickly composed yourself, feeling Remus’ eyes on you, he had been attently listening in on the conversation in case Sirius stepped out of line and thought nothing of the phrase until he heard his name.

S’il me demande.”

You quickly looked down back at your book after answering but by doing so you missed how Remus scribbled down what you had said and was now flipping through James’s dictionary, a blush overcoming his fair features. With new found vigor he was flicking through the pages of his Spanish dictionary.

“Well Sirius, it looks like our work here is done.” James said smugly. Him and Sirius gathered their belonging and left, shooting Remus a thumbs up. You were correcting Remus’s paragraph and didn’t see their exchange or how flushed Remus became.

La joven tiene un carro rojo.” You said slowly, enunciating the roll of the letter r in the word carro. Remus was mesmerized by how your lips moved seamlessly as you said the words, and how soft they looked.

After a few tries he finally got the hang of the double r.

“Good job! Your r’s have gotten so much better.” You congratulated him as he chuckled, glad to see you smiling proudly at him. You were both flickering through your notes silently when the clock surprised you both as it chimed 11 times.

“Wow, time really does fly.”

“Yeah, it’s um better if we called it a night.” He said gathering his belongings.

“Do you have any last questions?” you asked, as the two of you made your way towards the Gryffindor common room.

“Just one.” He mumbled. You prompted him to go on and he inhaled deeply.

“¿Y/N, cariño, quisieras acompañarme a Hogsmeade este sabado?” he asked. Your mouth went slack as you marveled at his almost perfect pronunciation. The question finally sunk in as your heart hammered wildly in your chest.

It must’ve only been a minute but to Remus it felt like hours and your silence was killing his slowly.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have listened to Sir-“ you cut him off with a soft kiss.

“Sí.” You whispered as you broke the kiss, a joyous smile on your face.

He looked surprised and confused at the same time by your actions but then a grin broke out on his face.

“Really?” he said as he hugged you tightly, spinning you around.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me out for ages.”

You both laughed gleefully and kissed once again.  

I guess Sirius was right, Romance languages had a little romance in them.


Translation of phrases:

Ma chère, aide-moi: dear, can you help me?
voulez-vous coucher avec moi: shout out to Lady Marmalade, would you like to sleep with me.
Est-ce que tu veut aller á Hogsmeade avec mon ami Remus ce week-end?: would you like to go to Hogsmeade with my friend Remus this weekend?
S’il me demande: if he asks me.
La joven tiene un carro rojo: the young lady has a read car.
¿cariño, quisieras acompañarme a Hogsmeade este sábado?: love/dear, would you like to/accompany me/ go to Hogsmeade with me this Saturday?
Sí: yes.

The Joker x Reader - 10 Things The Joker Randomly Does That Kind of Prove He Cares

1.   J is in a good mood more often. It strangely happened after he met you: the first year he had two good days the whole year, the second year he had four and this year is about to have the sixth day and the year is not even over yet! A new record.

The King of Gotham calls you Insanity when he’s in a good mood; that’s the signal you can ask for pretty much whatever you want and he won’t say no.

“Hey Insanity,” J greets when you open your eyes in the morning.

You gasp. OMG, he’s gonna be in a good mood today, such a rare occurrence!

“Hi handsome,” you kiss him super-fast and don’t waste a single moment so you start your tirade:

“Can we spend the day at the beach?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can we make love instead of having sex?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can we hold hands more than 20 seconds?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can we say lovey-dovey things to each other?”
“Don’t push it, Insanity.”

Crap.

But you remember your secret weapon and sweetly smile. J squirms, uncomfortable.
“Ummm…maybe…no guarantees.”

Jackpot!

“Can we make out for more than 10 minutes before you undress me?”

“Yeah.”

Jackpot!

“Can I call you “my sexy Metal Mouth” after you undress me?”

“Don’t push it, Insanity!”

Crap.

Oh no, here’s the sweet smile again and your boyfriend fusses under the covers, uneasy.

“Ummm…maybe…just once…no guarantees…”

Jackpot!

2.   The Joker never buys you flowers but he makes sure fresh ones are delivered for each room at the penthouse every three days. He likes to break a random one from the bouquets and places it behind your ear.

You’re usually reading a book but stop when he does that.

“Thank you baby,” and you smile in such a sweet way it catches him off guard. You go back to your reading and he sits there, staring and mumbling words. “Want me to get you anything?” you offer, turning the page; can’t really tell what he said.

“No, I have stuff to do!” he sulks, slowly walking away. What J actually said was that you look very cute with that flower but got pissed at himself since you almost heard him. A very unique way to give his girl flowers but it counts; gets a solid E for Effort.

3.   He is reeeaaally straining to do something nice for you once a month.

It’s July, 95 degrees out there; scorching hot and The Joker places his jacket around your shoulders. He saw that in a movie once and figured chicks dig it.

“I’m so hot already,” you try to give it back and see he’s getting angry and then it hits: must be that one nice thing he does monthly. “On the other hand, the air conditioning in the car is going to be full blast and you know I get cold easily.” You keep his jacket and J keeps his cool.

For August he plans to outrun every single nice thing he ever did for you: since you can’t swim he’s going to push you in the river, leave you in there for a bit and save you before you drawn. My God, you will love that for sure!

4.   He takes you to casinos because you like to gamble.

His business partners own your favorite so they close out and seal a whole room just for you two to play the slots machines.

“Baby, I’m not winning!” you stump your foot, pouting.

J loses his shit.

“Why is my girl not winning, hm?” he yells at the guys.

“Well, sir, it’s just luck,” one comments and The Clown Prince of Crime is not happy with the answer.

“My woman needs no luck, SHE HAS ME ! If she doesn’t win in the next 15 minutes, you’ll see what happens !!!!” and J hands you over another stack of 100 dollars bills because you like to play maximum bet and you run out of money pretty fast.

Fortunately, you win $100,000 and it makes you so excited you jump up and down, clapping and laughing. The Joker is excited too for a different reason: he keeps on glaring at your cleavage and your boobs almost bursting out of the tight fabric.

You don’t collect the money because you don’t need it: you just like to win. The blue eyed devil just KNOWS you will be this enthusiastic next month also when he will toss you in the river to let you drawn. You will certainly jump up and down after he saves you.

Probably J’s gonna have a huge surprise regarding his plan, but for now we’ll let him believe in his dream; gets a solid D for Delusional.

5.   The Joker goes insane if he only gets a hint somebody is disrespecting his Queen.

Once he shot somebody because the man said “hello” to you and J didn’t like the tone of his voice. Actually, the dude had a cold; that’s why he sounded weird. Oops!

Another time J thought a guy was giving you the evil eye and stabbed him on the spot.Actually, the dude just had corrective eye surgery and was blinking faster than normal. Oops!

Today is legit though. Both walked in at the meeting right when two smugglers were talking garbage about his Princess. They were saying you look average, not that attractive and The Joker could do better.

He absolutely lost his marbles ! Beat them to a pulp while screaming:

“My woman is not that attractive?! By whose standards you pieces of shit ?! Every time I look at her, my pants are getting tighter !! Do you understand what I’m saying?! I like her and that’s the only standard there is!” and he keeps on kicking them and punching them, completely out of control.

After he’s done and your henchmen take bodies away, you have to ice his bruised up hands; the skin is scraped too.

“Thank you,” you kiss his knuckles and emerge them back in the iced water, smitten by his actions. “Nobody did this for me before, you’re my hero,” you point out, drunk on euphoria.

“This town already has a hero; goddamned Batsy takes all the glory! The bastard is selfish, hates to share the spotlight!” J rolls his eyes.

“Who cares about him?! You’re my hero,” you kiss him and have to say: “I think your pants are getting tighter,” and he growls:

“Either I need new pants or I need to get laid.”

“We’ll go with the second option, OK?” you sweetly smile again and he’s feeling warmer even with his hands in ice.

“If you insist,” he sighs, hating the fact that he did two nice things for you this month instead of just one.

6.   The Joker can’t cook but once a week he makes breakfast in bed.  

Takes him an hour and a half to finish and you are famished. Finally shows up with toast, a boiled egg and salt.

“What took you so long? I’m starving!” you whine, seeing there is almost nothing on your plate…again.

“You can’t rush these things, Kitten ! It has to be perfect, OK?” he raises his voice and you realize you talked too much.

“It is very good,” you take a bite of your toast. “You are getting better and better at this!” you praise his aptitudes and strike his ego.

“I am basically a chef,” J concludes and you peck his cheek, mesmerized by how he has such an outstanding opinion about himself.

“And my hero,” you add and he takes a deep breath, pride making his chest go up and down faster. “Batsy can’t even compare to you.”

“Precisely, Pumpkin. He’s just a psycho out of control.”

“Indeed,” you agree, wanting to emphasize that nobody is sexier than your sexy Metal Mouth but you already used the opportunity when he was in a good mood the other day so you shut up.

7.    J is aware you love his purple coat so he custom ordered an outfit for you made of the same crock material, this way you match.

It’s a two piece ensemble: a very skimpy little bra and an equally flimsy thong, only for him to see. You were thinking you’re getting a halter top and a skirt or something? Ha! Forget about it!

8.   The Joker comforts you when you cry.

“Seriously, Kitten, you’re not ugly,” he caresses your hair while holding you in his arms.

“I am ugly!!” you continue to bawl, making a mess of his favorite silver shirt.

“Hey, look at me,” J lifts your chin up, forcing your eyes to meet, this way maybe he can save whatever is left of his shirt also. “When I wake up in the morning and I see you, I don’t get scared. If you were ugly, I would freak out. But I don’t, which means you look fine.”

“You mean it?” you sniffle, squeezing him harder.

“Absolutely. It could be much worse.”

“So now I look bad and I could look worse in the future?!” whaling restarts.

He walked right into this one unprepared.

“Nahhhh, it can’t get worse than this,” he kisses you and then adds since you cry your eyes out. “ What the hell, I’m teasing; calm down woman! Crying makes you very ugly!”

You stop instantly.

I guess he was prepared after all.

9.    He gives you massages even if you don’t ask for them.

For some reason, his hands always slip in your undies.

“That’s not my back,” you utter and J is quick to respond:

“My bad, Pumpkin.”

For some reason, his hands always get to your boobs afterwards.

“That’s not my back.”

“My bad, Princess.”

“Did you just say my Bat?” you tease and your butt gets pinched.

“Hilarious! Want him to come and give you a massage too?!”

“I wouldn’t mind,” the reply makes The Joker turn you around and you get pinned under his body.

“Watch it, you bad girl!” he snarls, smelling your freshly washed hair.

“Did you just say Bat girl?” you giggle and he grinds his teeth:

“Are you starting to get a kink for Batsy?”

“Me?! No way! I like my hero,” you stretch your neck to kiss him and he purrs, wanting to get the most out of it.

“I am your hero; remember that next month in August,OK?”

He is surely referring to that nice thing he’ll do for you when you’ll be pushed in the river to drawn and he’ll save you in the last moment. Oh, yeah, you’ll enjoy it tremendously!

10.   J learns French just for you.

Spent the whole day fussing around with the dictionary, three laptops and five books until he realized he got what he wanted out of it.

“Princess, I’m done,” your boyfriend announces, victorious.

You can’t wait to hear everything, you’re gonna lose your mind. The Joker takes a deep breath and pronounces with perfect accent:

“Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” (Do you want to sleep with me tonight?)

That’s all he knows.

Holy Commissar Gordon! That’s sooo hot because it’s the only French you know too. Plus the answer:

“Oui, (yes)“ you wink at him and he is totally turned on.

“Oh my God, Y/N, you didn’t tell me you speak French fluently!”

“Surprise,” you grin, signaling him to come closer. “We gotta compare notes, don’t you think?”

“Definitely,” J licks his lips, ready to comply since his pants are getting tighter.

Hmmm…either he needs new pants or he needs to get laid. I suppose you’ll go with the second option one more time.

 Also read: MASTERLIST

 http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

Remember how Yasu trolls you briefly in his route, by saying he wants to sleep with you? He just wants to rest with his head in your lap, but you think he means that he wants to frick frack:

Both. He meant both.

Well, he does it again in his Draughts of Starlight epilogue:

We fade into the story in the early hours of the morning, when the whole castle is asleep. Yasu is dreaming of a woman calling him Takechiyo, his childhood name (Matsudaira Takechiyo). 

As he starts to wake up, he’s aware of something unusual…he’s not alone:

Last night, you got drunk off your ass and moseyed into his room, even after Nobu said that Yasu could have his way with you as his reward for winning the contest. 

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College Tutor (BTS x Reader)

A/N: This story contains Poly!BTS x Reader(the reader is female). That also means that there will be some Boy x Boy scenes in here. Also if you can come up with a better title for this story, please let me know. I’ll give you credit. I pinky promise.This story is based off of a story line that I made in five minutes at four in the morning. This is the first chapter of probably many because I have shitty planning skills. PLEASE, let me know you think. I really appreciate helpful criticism. Also let me know if you see any grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I just realised that I’ve been up for thirteen hours and I just now decided to write a huge ass chapter for something that’s probably shitty.

Character Description: Common nerdy girl. Wears big sweaters, baggy pants. Nothing tight fitting and has glasses. Just had to throw that in there because well, I suck at figuring out how to describe a character.

~Enjoy the shit show~

I found this gif on google. It’s not mine. I don’t know how to make gifs. I’m not that smart.


“Psst. Angel.” The librarian that I had recently befriended motioned me to come here.

“Hm?” I put my notes down, giving him my undivided attention as I made my way over to him.

“You still down for the tutoring job?” He grinned at me, “Please, for the love of all that is holy and unholy, say yes.”

I shot him a look, not really understanding why he was begging me to take the job.

“What’s the problem? Is it some troubled frat boy who can’t get his grades up?” I quirked an eyebrow up at him. Why does he want me to tutor this person so badly? I mean, I don’t mind the extra cash but the way that Jay, the quirky gay librarian, is practically begging me to take the job makes me a  little uneasy.

“Try three troubled ‘frat’ boys.” He put air quotations around the word frat, “It’s Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook.”
I let out a low groan and shook my head no, crossing my arms in an ‘x’ position. There is no way I’m tutoring three of the seven infamous fuckboys of this small college.

“Please!” Jay grabbed onto my arm, “None of the male tutors want anything to do with them and all of the female tutors are begging me to pick them. Please, I need you. You’re the middle ground.”

“I think I’m going to go with the other guys and refuse your offer.” I pulled my arm out of his grasp, “Even if I were to try and teach them, I doubt any of them would take it seriously. You know they’re playboys. Just go pick one of the other female tutors.”

“All they’re going to do is flirt and fuck.” I raised an eyebrow at him, he never cursed around me before so it took me by surprise when he did. “That’s basically prostitution if you think about it. They’re getting paid to not teach them anything and to please them.”

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kixboxer  asked:

Le Filet-O-Fish

one day i will write something that doesn’t need a cut. today is not that day. 


college au. 


Yuuri alternates between stress sleeping and stress insomnia. No one ever knows where he’s going to be because his scheduled is so ~unpredictable~ 

EXCEPT WAIT. There are food deliveries? Every time he’s innocently sucking on his pen cap in the Science Library? and Beautiful Senior and Yuuri’s French TA Victor Nikiforov is having weird, supremely worrying hand spasms that seem vaguely aimed in Yuuri’s direction? That can’t be right. 

(Yuuri only took that class for Victor.) 

(Victor wishes he was that pen cap.)

Seemingly unrelated, someone keeps making sure there are always fresh, piping hot, vaguely-fish-like sandwiches waiting for Yuuri whenever he can drag himself out of bed to face the Existential Pit of Despair that is studying for midterms. He’s very familiar with that Pit of Despair. He lives one pit over in the Pit of Existential Discontent. The view from the Pit of Despair is much nicer. 

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