vorry

2

“(Y/N) are you alright, don’t vorry I’ll get Bruce in here to make sure you’re okay,” Pietro panicked, zooming up to you as you looked up from the book you were reading.

“And why would I be I injured?” You asked, clearly not amused by his antics.

“Because you just fell from Heaven of course,” Pietro smirked, looking like he had just delivered the smoothest line in history.  

“Actually I scraped my knee climbing out of hell,” You replied on instinct, ignoring him and going back to your book. Pietro, however, seemed determined to get your attention, so much so he plucked the book from your hands and sped off somewhere else. Getting more than pissed you tried to chase after him, finally reaching your whit’s ends you turned the gravity in the area off. Pietro floated in the air, holding your book.

“Drop it,” You growled as he struggled to move without the assistance of gravity.

“Alright Printsessa, but only for you,” He chuckled before dropping the book into your hands. You walked out of the room, and with a click of your fingers, Pietro fell to the floor with a thud. Pietro only smirked after you, he wasn’t giving up yet.

~*~

If only Pietro wasn’t so hot, and you weren’t so stubborn something would happen between you two. Wanda and Natasha were on short fuses with you both, and Tony just wanted the pair of you to stop being idiots.

You walked down the towers hallway, nose in your book once again. Before you knew it, you were tackled to the ground, and of course, Pietro was above you.

“Sorry Solnishko, I didn’t see you there,” Pietro chuckled as he eyes your face. A raging blush spread across your face from the position you were both in before you pushed him off and stood up.

“You definitely did that on purpose,” You huffed before walking off once again.

~*~

“I swear to god if something doesn’t happen between the two of them I’m going to make something happen,” Natasha hissed as she watched Pietro try to flirt with you once again.

“Don’t vorry, it vill happen soon, I assure you,” Wanda responded casually.

“Your lips look so lonely; would they like to meet mine?” Pietro asked, leaning closer to you. You placed your hands on his lips, pushing his head back.

“No thanks,” You replied dramatically trying to ignore him still. Pietro huffed in annoyance before looking at you with a frown on his face.

“Oh come on katyonak, vhy von’t you play along for once. I know you like me I’m not zhat stupid,” Pietro huffed, smiling upon seeing the surprise on your face.

“Fine then. Are you a magician? Cause every time I see you everyone else disappears,” You replied. Pietro seemed taken aback for a second before a grin spread on his face.

“Are you happy now!? I hate you so much,” You groaned before getting up from where you were sitting and going off to your room. Pietro only continued to grin, maybe he did have a chance with you.

anonymous asked:

Hey if you have time: ReaderXChekov where reader gets injured on an away mission and has to go see McCoy but plot twist reader is afraid of doctors and tries to hide. Chekov finds reader and drags/coaxes them to med-bay and stays while they get treated and is in general a good partner and friend. Bonus points if McCoy is grumpy that they are being so affectionate while he is trying to work, but secretly is glad Chekov is there because he knows reader is scared of doctors.

Chekov X Reader – An Apple a Day

A/N – Writing for Chekov but thinking of Jaal in Mass Effect Andromeda.

Warnings – None.

Rating – T


Originally posted by mrsawkwardseb

There was no doubt about it. Being a red shirt officially sucked. Sure, you’d often heard jokes about it but you’d never actually believed it. Now, you were stuck behind a rock on a desert outcrop, shielding yourself from Klingon fire while Kirk and Spock did the same a few metres away. Ideally, you could have laid covering fire down all day until Scotty beamed you back aboard the Enterprise. The planet however, ruined that plan with its highly magnetic field, meaning that because of interference with the sensors, Scotty could only beam the three of you back if you were all grouped together; that meant you had to leave the safety of cover so as not to risk Kirk or Spock’s life. It’s not that you didn’t trust Kirk and Spock to have your back but being the only security member there left you wishing you were the one protecting your team, the way it was meant to be; after all, you were the best shot of the landing party.

I couldn’t have been more scientifically minded. Nooo, I had to decide punching things was more fun.” You grumbled silently, mentally preparing yourself for what was to come next.

At Kirk’s nod, you sprinted the daunting gap which had seemed pitifully small only a few minutes ago. Seconds before you made it to safety, you felt a stinging sensation under your ribs. You knew all too well the pain of a phaser shot and this most certainly wasn’t it. A risky glance at your attackers revealed that the Klingons were accompanied by some form of unknown animal. It was a creature the likes of which you’d never seen before, an iguana-like animal, about the size of a large German Shepard, that apparently spat some form of acid. You felt tugging on your arm and in the next instance, the three of you were back in the transporter room.

Kirk gave you a concerned once-over, his gaze lingering on your torn shirt, the bile had lightly burnt the skin underneath. You glanced down at the injury; fortunately, it wasn’t causing much pain past a light stinging.

“Spock, comments?” Kirk demanded, never looking away from you.

“The Klingons have been suspected of creating genetic hybrids for some time now, Captain. Lieutenant (L/N)’s injury appears to be the work of the first one we’ve seen; effects are unknown. It is advisable that the lieutenant is escorted to med-bay for immediate treatment and long-term observation.”

Kirk nodded at the practical analysis, meanwhile, deep-routed fear clawed at the back of your mind, making you nervous about what could come if you didn’t act fast. Hiding your reservations, you tittered a small laugh, Spock raised a curious eyebrow.

“Come on guys, a doctor for this paper cut? I’ve had worse injuries from falling over, I feel fine, really.” You grinned breezily.

“No, Lieutenant.” Kirk argued. “I want you checked over by Bones.”

You held up your hands in mock surrender. “Alright, you got it. I’ll go to med-bay right now if it puts your mind at ease. Still, I really do feel fine so it’d be a waste of your time for you to escort me when I already know the way.”

“You sure?”

“Stop fussing, will you? I’ll see you later.”

Before any more arguments could be made you ran out of the room, taking a left for the turbolift but changing direction as soon as you knew it was safe to. If you were going anywhere, it was straight to your hab-suite for a change of clothing. Once in the safety of your room, you glanced at the wound which had dried out rather quickly, you hid it with the new shirt and left quickly, heading to the one place you would fade into the background; Engineering.


“Vhat do you mean ‘not here’? Vhere else could (s)he be?” Chekov asked McCoy dubiously. He’d come to pick you up from med-bay as a surprise only to find a disgruntled McCoy arguing with Spock over the comm-link.

“I mean that (Y/N) is not in this room, nor has (s)he been here since the mandatory physical at the beginning of the year.” McCoy growled gruffly.

“But (s)he’s hurt, zhe Captain said so.”

“I’m sure (s)he is but I don’t have time to play a damned game of hide and seek on a ship this big. You want my advice? Get a tracking device. Better yet, check with Scotty, (s)he’s probably with him in engineering anyway.”

“Really?” Chekov looked hopeful.

“HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?” McCoy burst out irritably. “You’re not gonna find anything here, go ask somebody else and stop wasting my time, I do actually have other patients, damn it.”

Chekov knew better than to provoke McCoy further, he left the doctor alone and begun his search for you, trying to reach you through your communicator every so often but receiving no reply.


You didn’t remember entering the empty storage room, in fact, you didn’t remember much at all. All you could focus on now was the debilitating effect the iguana-dog had had on you; evidently, the bile it produced was a fast acting venom with a delayed start, not an acid. Knowing what had damaged you however didn’t help, what you needed now was a cure. You were currently experiencing a wide-array of symptoms, each worse than the last. It had started with mild nausea and sweating. Then came the dimming vision. After that, your breathing had become shallow and laboured. Even if you wanted to see a doctor now, which you didn’t, it wouldn’t be possible; small movements alone caused serious pain to flare through your body, as if your skin was on fire.

The next stab of pain caused you to wonder exactly how much time had passed, it had lost its effect at some point around the dimming vision. Had it been seconds or hours? Was it even the same day or had you slipped into a different one? How long did it take for the various new symptoms to occur?

At some point during your suffering, mild delirium set in. You were stuck reliving the previous battle, except, with each rendition, there was something else out of place. In one battle, you were walking on the ocean’s waves, in another you were fighting the people you’d lost through the years. Finally, you could hear echoes of things you’d heard before while you fired your phaser at imaginary foes. One echo however, was new, something you’d never heard said before. The familiar voice resonated within your thoughts, bringing you briefly back into reality.

“Pavel.” You mumbled upon feeling his arms wrap around you, raising you into the air; it felt vaguely like flying.

“Argh, you stupid, stupid… Hang on, McCoy vill fix zhis.” Chekov stressed frantically. He couldn’t believe his eyes, your skin was almost translucent, revealing the veins and arteries underneath.

“No.” You batted his chest lightly, barely a tap. “I’m fine… don’ need him.”

Chekov wasn’t listening, he was too busy trying to keep you steady as he ran the way to med-bay.

“Don wanna hurt ‘gain.” You argued bleakly through laboured breaths.

“He’ll make you better lyublyu (love).”

“…Docs ’re dangerous.”

“Not zhis one. I promise.”

Fresh waves of pain coursed through you, you writhed against Chekov who tightened his grip on you.

The only indication that you’d reached med-bay was McCoy’s exclamation of, “Good God man.”

“Doctor.” Chekov pleaded helplessly, so sure that he was going to lose the one person he truly loved aboard the Enterprise.

“On the bed.” McCoy ordered.

“Don’t leave.” You whimpered, using your little energy to grasp Chekov’s shirt.

“I’m here lyublyu (love), don’t vorry.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll make my work much easier.” McCoy grumbled sarcastically, hiding his concern for you behind a disdainful tone.

Shouted words turned to fuzzy mumblings and then to nothing as your body finally gave in, though whether to exhaustion or medication, you weren’t sure. McCoy did his best to stabilise you, all the while issuing orders to Kirk and Spock through his communicator; if he was going to save your life, you’d need a different kind of help.

After hours of work, pumping you with endless hypos and chemicals, your survival became a waiting game, relying purely on the success of Kirk and Spock. Chekov stopped murmuring comforting words to you for the first time since he’d brought you in. Fresh tears fell freely from his eyes as he gripped your hand and steeled himself for the question he’d been dreading since the start.

“Vill-” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Vill (s)he make it?”

McCoy sighed, lifting an uncomfortable hand to his face. “I don’t know.”

Although he’d been prepared for the answer, Chekov shuddered queasily. What he really wanted to hear was something along the lines of, “Yeah it looks bad now but it’ll be okay.” or, “(S)he’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep.”

It was foolish to wish for a lie but that was all he wanted to believe. Hearing the truth was acknowledging the likelihood of your death and that was something he simply couldn’t bear. After hearing that, Chekov couldn’t bring himself to ask anything else so he settled for whispering all his plans for the two of you in the future, slipping naturally into Russian as a small comfort to himself.


You struggled to open your eyes, squinting against bright light that forced you to keep them shut for a minute. You didn’t think you had ever felt worse, every muscle ached like it did after intense training, your mouth held the after-taste of vomit, and you could feel extra pain where you knew several hypos had been used; on top of all that, there was a heavy weight on your thighs and you wondered briefly if you’d been paralysed. You fought against the light again, forcing your eyes open until they adjusted. If you’d had the energy to smile, you would have, Chekov was sat on a chair next to your bed, his head was resting on your legs and his usually neat hair was ruffled all over the place.

“Glad to see you’ve joined the land of the living.” Nurse Chapel beamed at you, bringing a large glass of water with a straw in it.

“H-”

Nurse Chapel help up a hand. “No talking. I expect you to drink that first and then you’re going to let me run some tests; when I’m done, you can talk, understand?”

You bobbed you head lightly, instantly regretting the headache it brought with it.

“Good. Glad we’ve come to an agreement.” She passed you the water, making sure you were taking steady sips before scanning your body and talking again. “You know, you’re lucky you got me instead of Doctor McCoy. He’s worked on you for almost 60 hours straight and let me tell you, he’s furious; still, underneath all that crabbiness lies a heart of gold, if he yells, it’s because he cares. Now tell me, do you remember what happened?”

Disjointed memories of your delirium came to you, the only true one being of the iguana-dog. You put down the now empty glass and cleared your throat, ready to test your voice. “Venom?” You croaked.

“Yes, venom that you foolishly tried to hide. Venom that we didn’t have a cure to.”

“How-”

“Spock and Kirk had to ‘liberate’ one of the creatures that did it from the Klingon camp so we could synthesize a cure; I imagine they’ll want words with you too.”

You cringed, the thought of a telling off wasn’t appealing, surely the venom had been enough of a punishment already.

“Don’t worry.” Chapel smiled. “They won’t get to my patient until you’re fully recovered.”

You silently prayed that wouldn’t be for a long time so you could put off the punishment. “What about the iguana-dog?”

“Iguana-dog? Oh, the Triffid that poisoned you?”

You raised an eyebrow at the name.

“Yes, that’s’ in the animal lab being examined, though it made quite the effort to get to you. Spock believes that the scent the other Triffid made the creature friendly towards you; it’s tried to attack everyone else on the ship you know.”

“I always did want a pet that could kill me.” You joked, lying back uncomfortably.

“Well you’ll have to talk to Kirk about that, for now rest, it’s been a long-”

Chekov stirred, mumbling a tired, “Lyublyu (love).”

Chapel sighed sympathetically, “I’ll give you two five minutes together, any more than that and I’m fetching McCoy.”

Chekov stared blearily after her before coming to his senses and turning his attention to you. “(Y/N)!” he grabbed hold of you enthusiastically, quickly letting go when you cried out in pain.

“Shit, do you need a doctor, vater, sleep, tell me and I’ll get help.” He hovered uneasily, clearly ready to run wherever you needed.

“It’s okay, jus’ need a little rest and I’ll be right as rain.”

Chekov stared wide-eyed, unsure of what to say next. He was past anger and elation; right now, he just wanted to care for you and make your recovery his number one priority.

“Thanks for staying with me.”

“Lyublyu (love), I’m never leaving.”

“Good luck with that, five minutes and Chapel gets McCoy to throw you out.”

“I’d like to see him try.”

You managed a weak laugh at Chekov’s bravado, he was swelling his chest out to look bigger. “Easy there Rambo, McCoy would wipe the floor with a toothpick like you. What’s say we leave the fighting to a pro like me?”

“Leave zhe fighting to you?” Chekov tutted. “Zhat’s vhat got us into zhis mess.”

“Alright, alright, then you think you can stay on guard duty while I sleep? Who knows what kind of experiments McCoy’s ready to try when I nod off.”

“He vould never.”

“Wanna bet? I hear he’s pretty pissed at me.”

“(Y/N) please, zhe whole ship is pretty pissed at you.”

“Oh yeah? What about you?”

“I’m zhe vorst of all, unfortunately I’m stupid enough to love you.”

You grinned and continued the conversation, quickly losing track of time. Nurse Chapel watched through the window in the adjacent room while McCoy complained at her about anything and everything he could think of concerning you. “-and on top of that Chekov’s still in there and I know he won’t (Y/N) leave to do his damned job; that’s distraction in the workplace.”

“Oh hush.” Chapel chided. “We both know you’re glad (s)he’s not alone.”

McCoy blustered. “No. I’d be glad if the idiot didn’t fear doctors, I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous in all my years.” He kept complaining while rifling through drawers, making himself look busy as Chapel listened; she shook her head and continued to observe you, letting McCoy get all his ranting out before he could get to you, though she feared you would still get an earful anyway.

Outcast at Last

Anon asked: I’m not sure if you take requests, but if you do, i have one! Could you possibly do a Apocolypse! Kurt x Reader where he befriends the reader at the mall, but her parents are anti-mutant? And they hear so much about him that they tell her to invite him for dinner, but minor problem cause he’s blue and obviously a mutant. Ending is up to you! Hugs and kisses, Anon xoxo <if you don’t take requests, ignore this please!>

Kind of based off this song. I’m pretty drunk rn so this is probably trash. Let me know what you think xxxxxx

Originally posted by v-writings

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overwritings  asked:

Hi dear! How about some kissing headcanons for Pharah, Hanzo, and Mercy? Thank you!!! - Mod L

Of course lovely! Hope you enjoy it! ^~^
~Mod Fennec

Pharah
* Although Pharah is very professional she also has a fun side to her
* Which of course came out when she realize she had some feelings for you
* She read that jokes can increase someone’s attraction towards you
* But then she reminded herself she needed to stay professional-what if you didn’t feel the same?
* She tried to ignore them but how do you ignore feelings like this?
* It was during a mission where she saw how protective you were of your teammates and striving for peace did she realize she didn’t want to hide her feelings anymore
* She knew she loved you
* She remained pretty quiet during the rest of the mission, thinking of how to confess
* Then, back on the airship, she managed to get alone with you
* “You were amazing on the mission today with how you protected our teammates today. Even though it did cause for the mission to be tricker. Still, I respect that. I-I respect you.”
* She’d inhale nervously, a small blush appearing before leaning forward a little
* “I think I respect you more than just a teammate…”
* She’d quickly close in after saying that in fear that she might back down if she didn’t do it then
* Pharah’s kiss was strong and overflowing with emotion
* It was a simple kiss but amazing
* You could feel her emotion in it and although she had put a little more pressure than necessary it was still amazing
* When you returned the kiss she gently put her hands on your shoulders, pulling you a little closer
* The kiss lasted a while before Pharah backed away, looking down a little a small smile on her face
* “I’m glad you also respect me…”
* She’d let one of her hands slide down your shoulder and intertwine with your hand before walking back with you to the seats, a secret smile shared between you two


Hanzo
* Even this tough guy can have a crush
* Although he hates to admit it
* Always striving to better himself, Hanzo often spends time in the training room
* When he saw you there on a Saturday he simply raised an eyebrow
* Most don’t train on weekends since it was the few days where everyone was virtually relived of duty
* While he trained he watched you out of the corner of his eye, rather impressed
* After that day he couldn’t get you off his mind but he never acted upon these emotions
* He usually doesn’t act upon emotions
* Key word: usually
* After that day, it was usually just you two in the training room and you both quickly became workout buddies
* Hanzo will deny that this was his idea
* Besides, it was strictly professional
* It was after yet another weekend when it was just you two training that he decided to get this off his chest
* He has several regrets and wasn’t about to let you be another one
* You both were taking a water break, sitting on a bench when he turned his head towards you
* “You are a very honorable teammate. Always striving to better yourself, motivated by a sense of responsibility. That’s honor, and something worth honoring.”
* I’m sorry-what?
* Excuse me?
* Did…did Hanzo just actually compliment someone?
* Although he hardly shows it-Hanzo cares a lot about his family and friends
* And co-workers; this conversation is strictly professional, right?
* “Ever since I left my clan…I have been striving for redemption. Redemption for many things. One of them being my honor…and maybe this isn’t very honorable but…”
* He’d trail off before nervously but surely putting his hand on your cheek
* He’d search your eyes for a few moments for anything that might show discomfort in this situation
* He’d slowly bring his head forward, pausing just before your head
* “When I’m here with you. You make me feel like I’ve already redeemed myself.”
* He’d then close the gap
* Hanzo’s kiss is a little rough but passionate
* He might get a little more complex with the kiss but not too much
* It’s just full of such raw emotion
* He’s constantly moving his lips against yours and it’s a rather short but intense kiss
* When he feels you melt into it he smirks a little during the kiss
* He’d pull away, his hand still on your cheek
* “You have much more than my praise now.”
* Psst…it’s his love
* After that day those workouts usually ended a little more…romantic to say the least


Mercy
* It wasn’t until she spent a day moping around did she realize she actually looked forward to checking up on you
* You had been out on a mission on the day you had also been scheduled for a checkup
* Mercy suddenly realized how upset she was
* She also realized this stemmed from deeper, more passionate feelings
* Realizing this, she got a bit nervous
* What would she do when you came back for your check up?
* She exhaled deeply
* She didn’t believe in flirting or beating around the bush
* She was a very straight forward person and decided to be straight forward with her feelings
* At least that’s what she thought before she got a call saying you had been badly injured
* Her calmness melted replaced with worry
* She had just realized she loved you and you decided to get hurt?
* When they came in with you on a stretcher she was floored
* He heart sunk to her stomach to see you like that
* Your chest weakly rising
* She shut her eyes and gave herself a few moments
* She only ever allowed herself five seconds to panic
* A trick she had learned when she became the top surgeon in her field
* She quickly set to healing you and once you were stable she dismissed the others
* Standing next to you she read off a clipboard about your injury and what you should do to help it heal
* She sighed deeply after she finished reading it
* “Vat vere you zinking?!”
* (What were you thinking?!)
* (Okay maybe her accent isn’t this thick but whatever)
* “I vas so vorried! You could have died!”
* (I was so worried! You could have died!)
* “And nonezeless on ze day I realize I love you!”
* (And nonetheless on the day I realize I love you!)
* She blurted this is a fit of concern before leaning in in case she lost the adrenaline fueled courage
* Mercy’s kiss was soft but strongly romantic
* As the kiss deepened and when you kissed back she tightly grasped your hand
* She pulled back once you did, smiling softly
* She’d just quietly mutter sweet nothings in German, hiding behind her clip board, blushing terribly
* “I vill need to go report…important medical…zings…”
* (I will need to go report…important medical…things…“
* She’s rather flustered now but as soon as she returns she’ll probably talk about it with you and be cool about it
* In fact, I think you’re her favorite patient now

Ah! I was so nervous because I’ve never written anything remotely romantic but I had a lot of fun! I hope you enjoyed it!

3

“I tried me best, I swear! Oh, and I don’t have any organs ta’ give ya but I hope this is enough.”


“Danke! Don’t vorry about zhe organs, if I needs extras, I can always take a few from you― I mean, other people.”

AOS FIC: From Your Fences

Originally posted by butteryplanet

The AOS crew goes camping.

This is Post-Beyond. Scroll to the bottom for Anna’s author’s notes. I have a ton.

Big ol’ thanks to @outside-the-government for her inspiration/support, even if it didn’t turn out like I planned. If you have not checked out her blog, go now. It’s fabulous. She is fabulous. 

This is part one of three, but can certainly be read as a standalone. Full of fandom cliches, ‘cause I’ve never had an original thought once in my life.

Also, McKirk. It’s always McKirk.


Somehow, Jim had convinced them all to go camping.

They’ve been transferred back to San Fran after Krall’s attack. Len’s been holed up in the lab for most of leave, has grudgingly accepted a part time mentorship position working with senior cadets.

“C’mon, Bones,” Jim whines. “The White River is gorgeous in the fall. Everyone’s going. Ben’s even taken sabbatical.”

Len had bitched and moaned and grumbled,Years stuck in space, and the first opportunity you get, you wanna sleep on the cold ground under the damn stars.”

He finds himself in Washington, anyway.


Len spends most of the first day on the river. He hasn’t gone fly fishing since David’s illness, and dammit, if it doesn’t feel good. The breeze is cool on his cheeks and the rush of the water over his boots is a comfort. Ben and Hikaru have Demora at the shoreline. Ben’s splashing her gently, and she’s squealing. 

It brings a lump to Len’s throat.

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Prompt: "You should write a fic in which Chekov is unknowingly to himself being sexy af by hanging out in his room with his shirt off and some nice sweatpants showin off his bottom half if you know what I mean, and the reader is trying not to make it obvious that they’re attracted to him" - Anon

Word Count: 1336

Author’s Note: I got to research men’s yoga pants for this piece and it was a lovely bit of research indeed. Enjoy my lovlies <3

Cyrillic Key:  За здоровье - Za zdrovye - Cheers

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My Little Blue Star - Jim Kirk x Kat Sparrow (Original Female Character): Soulmate AU - Identical tattoos or birthmarks

           Kat sighs staring down at the blue star on her wrist. She was almost thirty years old and hadn’t met her soulmate yet… which normally would mean she never would. Hell for all she knew they could be dead or already happily married with kids. The soulmate tattoos caused a lot of controversy. Many people used to have their kids soulmate tattoos removed when they were babies or children. That was until it was forbidden for a soulmate tattoo to be removed until a person was twenty-one years old. This was to prevent parents from forcing their children’s removed and to keep teens who thought they were in love from having it done.

           Many people would fall in love and get married only to later end up in a horrible situation when they met their soulmate. They would have to choose between their spouse and the person they were destined for. Most couples who weren’t soulmates got their tattoos removed at their ten year anniversary, others when they first got married, or when their kids where born. If one soulmate removed their tattoo the others would disappear, the same would happen if someone altered their tattoo; their soulmates would change as well; whether this was by adding to the tattoo, removing part of it, or having a scar change it.

           Some people had multiple tattoos, meaning either they were destined for a polyamorous relationship or they simply had multiple chances at finding a soulmate, or one of their soulmates was destined to die… something no one ever wanted to think about. But Kat simply had one. Her blue star had never changed… at least not as long as she could remember. It sat right over her pulse point on her left wrist. A simple light blue star with a black border… it looked almost like a sketch, with the multiple lines making up each edge. The star was faded, like someone had tried to wash it away… Pictures of her when she was born show the star being much more vibrant.

           “Kat, are you coming to dinner?” Kat looks up as her best friend pulls her from her thoughts.

           “Yeah, I’m coming, Nyota.” She closes down her station following her friend to the mess hall. Kat was head of computer sciences aboard the USS Enterprise. She had worked on the ship since the Nero incident a little over five years before. Nyota had already found her soulmate in her boyfriend Spock. At first the only friend Kat had, had on the Enterprise was Nyota. Then she’d introduced her to the rest of the head crew. Kat had instantly clicked with Hikaru and Pavel, the two instantly earning themselves a place as her best friends. Hikaru had also found his soulmate in his husband Ben. The two had a daughter now.

           “Hey, Kat” She smiles as Pavel waves her and Nyota over to them. Nyota sits down next to Spock, who is talking with Bones, another of Kat’s best friends. The doctor was yelling at him as usual while Spock simply raised an eyebrow in concern? At least that’s what she thought that face meant; the half-vulcan was very hard to read at times. Hikaru and Pavel seemed to be in the middle of some type of challenge, they each had houses built of forks in front of them and where adding more. Scotty and Keenzer where cheering them on. Jim, the captain of the ship was watching all this in amusement. That was their little family.

           “What exactly are you doing?” Kat asks as she sets her tray down.

           “I bet Pasha here that I could build a taller tower then him.” Hikaru says smirking. Kat shakes her head sitting down and eating her food. She pulls her blue sleeve back from her wrist to look at her tattoo again, letting her mind wander as she eats, absentmindedly listening to her friends argue and talk excitedly.

           “Are you worrying about that again?” She looks up as Bones addresses her. Kat quickly covers her tattoo with her sleeve. She wasn’t one to display her soulmate tattoo; many people didn’t, wearing black bands on their wrists to cover it. Normally Kat wore one as well, but hers had broken that morning. This made it a lot harder to find your soulmate, but kept you from finding them while in the middle of situation that was inappropriate, such as at work, or during a negotiation of some sort. The only other person in their friend group who had ever worn one was Jim. But Kat had noticed he’d stopped wearing his when it became legal for captains to date their crew so long as they disclosed the relationship to the admiralty, their first officer, and their head of medical.

           “Worrying about what?” Kat asks playing dumb, as she pushes her thick black glasses up her face, a nervous habit she’d picked up as a kid. She was allergic to the medicine that fixed eyesight and so was one of the few people in the federation who needed them, something she had once been very subconscious about.

           “Your soulmate, you normally move your band to look at it to fiddle with the band when you’re thinking about it.” Nyota says. Kat scowls.

           “You people are too damn observant.”

           “You shouldn’t vorry; you’ll find zhem when iz’s time.” Pavel says placing another fork on his tower.

           “Not everyone does, Pavel. With my luck they’re either dead or already married.” Kat shakes her head.

           “Well you’ll never find them if you keep the tattoo covered like you do? I don’t think I’ve ever seen?” Bones points out.

           “I thought you didn’t believe in the soulmate tattoos?” Kat counters crossing her arms. Bones had been married when his wife had found her soulmate and divorced him. He’d been very cynical about it since. It didn’t help his soulmate had removed their tattoo when he was around sixteen.

           “I believe in them, just don’t like em.” Bone counters.

           “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it either?” Hikaru points out.

           “I normally where my band, it broke this morning though…” Kat shrugs.

           “But why hide it if you want to find yours, Lass?” Scotty asks. Kat looks away.

           “We weren’t allowed to show them in the orphanage or during the war…” She explains. “If we did we’d be beaten, arrested, or killed… It’s become a habit I guess…” Kat had grown up on the none federation planet of Arulan in an orphanage. A war had raged on the planet for most of her life. She had left the planet at nineteen to join the federation and a year later once she was a citizen of earth, to join Starfleet.

           “Oh…” The table falls silent. Kat stands up.

           “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” She says leaving the table.

                                           —Line Break—

           A week had passed since the day in the mess hall. Nyota had been pushing her to show her tattoo off ever since. She wasn’t being overly pushy about it, more reassuring then anything. Kat hadn’t bothered getting a new band. She figured her sleeve would be enough for most situations and figured Nyota and the others where right, if she wanted any chance of finding her soulmate she had to show it. They were on Shore leave on Yorktown that day as the ship needed repairs from a fight with a few Klingon war birds earlier that month.

           “Okay, so the purpose of this trip is to show your tattoo to as many people as possible.” Nyota says as she drags Kat into a club where they would be meeting the rest of the head crew for drinks.

           “I know; you’ve gone over this ten times, Ny.” Kat shakes her head rolling her eyes. She was wearing a blue sundress, her tattoo completely uncovered for anyone to see for the first time in her life. Her long wavy brown hair was pulled back in a braid, curtesy of Nyota’s hair styling skills. Nyota drags her over to the others. Hikaru was dancing with Ben not far from the table, Pavel flirting with a girl nearby. Spock, Bones, and Jim sit sipping drinks already at the table. Scotty was playing pool with some guys from engineering.

           “Hello, Nyota, Kat.” Spock greets them as the two slide into the booth. Nyota next to Spock, Kat across from her beside Jim.

           “So I see you’re not wearing a bracelet. Decided to show of your tattoo?” Bones asks clearly a bit drunk already.

           “Yes, she has. Our goal tonight is to show it to as many people as possible, see if anyone recognizes it as their own or someone they knows.” Nyota says.

           “Well then, let’s see it.” Bones says leaning around Jim to see. Kat laughs shaking her head.

           “You’re nosy when your drunk, Bones.” She holds out her wrist hesitantly. Before Bones can get a good look, a waitress comes over to them asking for their drink order, Kat turns back ordering herself a scotch. Bones now distracted by his drink doesn’t ask again and the group falls into their usual conversations. After a while Nyota drags Spock onto the dance floor, Bones heading to the bar to get another drink.

           “So, your actively looking for your soulmate now?” Jim asks sipping his own scotch.

           “More or less… Nyota’s idea…” She shrugs.

           “You don’t seem too happy about it?”

           “It’s not that… I’m just not very comfortable showing it… I feel like I’m going to be arrested or attacked for it any minute… I know I won’t be but…” She looks down at her wrist running a finger over her star.

           “But fear isn’t logical.” Jim finishes. “I had to keep mine covered before… I didn’t want to find my soulmate on the ship, knowing I couldn’t be with them…” He says pulling the sleeve on his right arm up.

           “Makes sense” Kat nods. She runs her finger over her star once more before turning to look at him fully.

           “Have you ever imagined what your soulmate will be like?” Jim asks.

           “Yeah… I hope their nice, a good person ya know? But I don’t know what to think… my tattoo is still here but it’s faded… I would have thought it was supposed to be, but pictures of me as a baby show it being a lot more vibrant… I can’t help but wonder if my soulmate attempted to remove the tattoo and failed…” She explains a worried look clear on her face.

           “It could have been an accident or their parents? My mom tried to remove mine with a home remedy when I was a toddler, I only know because my older brother told me… She didn’t want me having one after my father died… something about not wanting me to go through that pain… she tried the same on my brothers… it didn’t work. Now mine’s all faded.”

           “That’s horrible…” Kat shakes her head.

           “Yeah… But I still like mine… my little star.” He smiles looking down at his wrist, Kat tries to make out his tattoo but is just at the wrong angle to see it.

           “A star?” She asks, glancing down at her own little blue star.

           “Yeah, it fits, with me loving the stars as much as I do… I hope she likes them as much as I do…”

           “She?”

           “Yeah, I mean, I’d be fine if it were a he or whatever they are… but I feel like they’re a she…”

           “What else do you feel they’re like?” Kat asks with a small smile.

           “Their favorite color is blue, and they love the stars and the ocean… They’re a cat person, but like dogs too.” He says with a thoughtful look. “They are a huge nerd.”

           “All that from one little tattoo?” She laughs.

           “Well, yes and no… I’ve daydreamed about them, whoever they are my entire life… got me through some of my worst moments.” He downs his drink.

           “I guess that makes sense… I was too busy trying to survive to get a chance to dream of stuff like that… I love my little blue star though… It fits me perfectly.” Kat says laying her left wrist on the table to show him her tattoo. Jim leans over to look at it, his eyes slowly widening.

           “Holy crap.” He mutters as he slowly looks up at her. Kat raises an eyebrow.

           “What?” Jim lays his right wrist beside hers. Right on his pulse point is a little blue sketch like star… her little blue star. Kat stares openly at the tattoos for a minute before she slowly looks up at him.

           “You’re my soulmate?” Jim asks, looking completely shocked. “All these years… we were right there… and we never knew?”

           Kat stares at him, her heart racing in her ears. She slowly and almost fearfully brings her right hand to trace the star on his wrist. As soon as she touches it a small shock shoots through her, not a bad shock like static electricity but an amazing one. The shock is like a bucket of cold water being poured over your head on a warm day, the satisfaction when you put the final piece of a puzzle together, like the first bite of your favorite desert, or hearing the chorus to your absolute favorite song. It’s like the first snow of winter, or first bud of spring. Absolute belonging, like the world finally making sense. Something Kat had never known. Like for the first time in her life, she was truly home.

           Kat looks up at him her wide brown eyes, made even wider by her glasses, locking with his bright shocked blue. Blue… just like her… no their little blue stars.

           “Oh my god…” She mutters out, she covers her mouth with her right hand her eyes flickering form his back to their wrists then back to his eyes again.

           “Is… is that a good ‘oh my god’… or a bad one?” He asks slowly, looking at her nervously now. Kat blinks at him not getting his meaning for a moment. She moves her hand pushing her glasses up her nose.

           “A shocked one… I… oh wow… I never thought… that my soulmate could be… someone like you.” Kat says her eyes locking with his again.

           “I know… you probably expected someone better… Someone who deserves someone as amazing as you…” Jim says looking away, clearly misunderstanding her. “We don’t have to be together… I understand if you don’t want to be.” Jim says his voice breaking.

           “What? NO!” Kat shakes her head quickly, grabbing his right hand in her left frantically. “That is not what I meant!” Jim looks down at their hand then up at her confused.

           “Then what did you mean?”

           “I meant I never expected my soulmate could be someone as absolutely amazing and wonderful as you!” Kat says looking up at him desperately, worry clear on her face.

           “You… you think I’m wonderful?” Jim asks, a large grin slowly stretching across his face, happiness, wonder, and love replacing the hurt and pain. Kat nods slowly, her face turning red.

           “Well… yeah.” She looks down at her their hands. Jim uses his free hand to lift her chin softly so their eyes a locked again.

           “I think you’re an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, strong, and sometimes a bit scary, woman. I couldn’t have been given a better soulmate.” He says sincerely. Kat stares at him tears starting to form in her eyes.

           “You… really think that?” Jim nods a large grin splitting his face tears sparkling in his own eyes.

           “That and so much more… I’ve liked you for a long time… hell much more then liked, but I didn’t want to make a move knowing you still had your tattoo meaning you were probably waiting for your soulmate…”

           “I was doing the same thing… we really are idiots.” Kat laughs a large grin splitting her face as a few tears leave a trail down it. Jim brushes the tears away.

           “May I… kiss you?” He asks after a moment. Kat nods her smile turning nervous again. Jim slowly leans in, kissing her softly. Kat kisses him back, her heart leaping with joy. After twenty-nine years, she was finally home.

Hurt?

So I’ve been working on a Blitzbee/Bumbleblitz fanfiction for @herzspalter (That was also totally inspired by both her and @blitzy-blitzwing) because first off, she’s freaking amazing. Second, she was the one who brought me into such a wonderful ship (Which is now my OTP btw) And lastly, there really aren’t that many fanfics for this pairing. Anyways, here’s what I have so far! *Also! If anyone has feedback, it’s totally welcome!*


Blitzwing transformed into jet mode as he jumped out of the hole he had just blown through the Autobot ship. He then realized just how high above Earth he actually was. It seemed as though Sentinel Prime had been taking him and the rest of the prisoners back to Cybertron.
“Shoot him down!” Some Autobot screamed behind Blitzwing.
Blitzwing flew around in circles, trying to dodge the bullets that were being shot at him.
“If I can just…” Blitzwing muttered to himself.
He gasped in pain as multiple shots hit his chest plate. There was no time to see how badly he was damaged at the moment, as he needed to get away. Another shot hit his back thrusters, sending up a jolt of pain. Slag… He wasn’t going to make it! Blitzwing began to fall quickly, as his thrusters no longer wanted to work. He transformed as he hit Earth’s atmosphere. The Decepticon switched through his faces frantically as his metal plating began to grow hotter, and hotter.
“Hahahaha! I’m falling! How vonderful! I’ll probably be crushed on impact, but zhat doesn’t matter!” Random said, his red optics larger than usual as the large con picked up speed the closer he got to the ground. At least it was “winter” which apparently meant the planet got very cold, water froze into ice, and snow piled up on the ground. Maybe he’d get lucky and land in a pile of snow? *Click, Whir* his face switched back to Icy as he brought his arms up to protect his face plate. Blitzwing hit the ground at full speed, his frame melted the snow around him, due to being extremely hot to the touch. He shouted out in pain as he landed painfully on one of his wings, which ripped it off down the middle. Energon splattered everywhere, turning the once clean, white snow into a pinkish color. After finally coming to a stop, the ‘Con tried to stand up, but he was to weak. Energon dripped out from where he had been shot in the chest plate, from his legs, and from his now half of a right wing. Blitzwing quickly filed away all the alerts he was receiving. It was basically a huge list of injuries… He tried to get up again as snow began to fall from the sky. Still way to weak to accomplish this, he fell back down to the ground, his right arm hanging limply besides him. Frag, it looked like his right arm wasn’t going to be able to do anything anytime soon… Switching through his faces quickly, he stopped on Icy once again, his optics offlining as his systems did a force recharge.

Bumblebee sighed as he transformed and drove away from base. An unknown object had crash landed onto Earth, and Ratchet had sent him to go inspect it.
“It’s probably just a rock or something Doc bot.” He had told Ratchet while back at base.
“Just go see what it was.” The old medic had grunted in reply.
As he eventually made it to the point where he’d have to drive off road, Bee transformed back into robot mode, deciding to continue on by foot.
“I could be doing something like playing video games, or racing with Sari right now. But no, I’m out in the cold, searching for what’s probably a rock.” he said as he wiped some snow off his shoulder. The yellow Autobot stopped in his tracts as he saw what looked like Blitzwing laying in the snow. This had startled him so much because the two were technically dating in secrete, though neither bot would say so out loud. Quickly rushing over, and getting down onto his knees, Bumblebee took in Blitzwing’s injuries. The ‘Con seemed to be in recharge.
“Blitz! Hey, get up! Come on!” Bumblebee said loudly, shaking Blitzwing. 

Blitzwing lifted his head slightly as his forced recharge was interrupted. It took him a moment to remember where he was. His Rage face made an appearance as he felt someone shaking him. Aiming his cannons, they began to charge up.
“Autobot skum! Get avay!” He shouted.
“Blitzwing, stop! It’s me, Bumblebee!” The other bot shouted frantically.
This made Blitzwing freeze and he lowered his cannons.
“B-Bumblebee?” He repeated as Icy clicked back onto his face.
“Vhat… Vhat are you doing here?” He asked, letting himself fall back down into the snow. Everything hurt, especially the spot where his chest plate had been blown open. He flinched slightly as he felt a servo place itself on his good arm.
“I was sent to see what hit Earth, and it looks like that must have been you… Look, no more talking, I need to get you somewhere safe.” Bumble replied, starting to help Blitzwing get up.
The larger bot stood shakily. His legs weren’t working to well, thanks to that blow from the Autobots. He looked down at the ground for a moment, disgusted by the fact that there was so much Energon there.
“Ooooh!!! Look at all my Energon! Hahaha! How vonderful!” Random cackled.
Blitzwing forced himself to stay calm, and Icy came back. He didn’t want Bumblebee to see him in such a horrible state. He looked down as Bee sighed and put an arm around Blitzwing’s hips, trying to help keep him steady as they began to walk. It was a slow and painful process, but Bumblebee eventually led him to what looked like some old abandoned Human mine.
“Bug?” Blitzwing said quietly. He really didn’t like how quiet the little bot was being. It wasn’t anything like Bumblebee normally was.
“What is it Blitzbrain?” Bumblebee asked as he helped the Decepticon into the tiny entrance of the mine.
“….Vhat’s wrong?” He asked as Bee helped him into a sitting position. Blitzwing leaned his head against the cold stone wall and brought his good arm up to cover his chest wound.
Bumblebee sat down in front of Blitzwing, his bright blue optics had a worried look.
“Oh, ya know.. It’s totally not like you got hurt really badly. And you totally didn’t crash land onto the planet and lose your wing or anything.” He said sarcastically, crossing his arms as he looked down.
Blitzwing was silent for a moment, as he was thinking. No one had ever worried about him, or even cared for him in that matter. Bumblebee was the only one… *Click, whir* Random was grinning at Bumblebee, his freakishly long tongue hanging slightly out of his mouth. Using his good arm, Blitzwing grabbed Bumblebee and pulled him into his lap.
“Awww, buggy cares about me!” He said, holding the little bot close. The 'Con ignored any, and all of his pain for now, as he really didn’t want to worry about it.
“H-hey!” Bumblebee protested, a slight laugh entering his voice. “You really shouldn’t be moving.” he said with grin.
Blitzwing giggled, resting his head on Bumblebee’s shoulder.
“You’re a cute little bug.” He said, once again letting his naturally long tongue loll out.
Bee seemed happy for a moment, but then worried seapped back into him.
“Ok, ok. I really need to get you fixed up. I’ll be back shortly. Oh, and don’t you dare think about moving from that spot Blitzbrain.” Bumblebee said as he wiggled out of Blitzwing’s grasp and stood up. He had Energon splattered all over him from being up against the 'Con’s open wounds.
“Aw… Do you have to go? I vas just getting comfortable!” Blitzwing complained. His face switched back to Icy as he sighed.
“Be quick bug. I don’t vant to have to vait to long.” He said with a faint smile.
Bumblebee nodded as he left. Blitzwing pulled his legs up to his chest while he listened to Bee’s foot steps become quieter and quieter as the little Autobot got farther away.
“I’m weak.” He said after his face switched to Rage.
“Weak? Probably…” Icy replied to himself.
“Pff! Vhy does it matter?! Bee vill fix me!” Random cackled.
“But… Bumblebee vas worried…” Icy said quietly.
“I vill be sure to crush ze Autobot who shot me down!” Rage growled.
Finally switching back to Icy, Blitzwing sighed. This was fairly normal for him. He talked to himself when he was alone, and every now and then he’d accidentally do it in front of others. Well, that was one of the few good things about having three separate personalities. The Decepticon went silent as he waited for Bumblebee to return. His pain was over powering all his other senses, so he sat still, not wanting to increase that horrible feeling. 

Blitzwing sat up quickly, waking up from his short recharge as he heard foot steps approach the mine entrance. He relaxed against the wall again as Bumblebee’s voice could be heard.
“Hey big guy, I’m back.” He said, coming to a stop at Blitzwing’s side. The Autobot sat down and opened a Medical kit that had been firmly grasped in his servos.
“Took you long enough.” Blitzwing said, trying to hide his happiness that Bee had finally gotten back.
His comment earned him a small smile from Bumblebee. Without a word, the yellow Autobot started to patch up Blitzwing’s wounds.
“Do you know vhat you’re doing?” The 'Con asked, trying not to flinch as Bumblebee began messing with his broken wing.
“I’ve seen Ratchet do stuff like this before.” Bee replied, glancing up at Blitzwing’s face.
The two sat in silence after that, neither really knowing what to say. After quite some time, Bumblebee finally finished doing what he could. Sadly, Blitzwing would have to have his wing replaced, but that wasn’t to big of a deal. He moved the arm that had been messed up, and was glad to find out that he could indeed move it normally. His chest plate still looked bad, but it was at least welded back into a semi normal shape. Finally, Blitzwing gingerly moved his legs. They still hurt horribly, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk long distances for a while.
“T… Thank you Bumblebee.” He said just before his face switched back over to Random.
“Now you can stay. No more vorrying either!” He said, once again putting Bumblebee onto his lap.
Bee chuckled as he looked up at Blitzwing.
“I’ll stay for a while, but I do have to leave at some point. Boss bot should be getting back from Sentinel Prime’s ship soon.”
Blitzwing tipped his head slightly at Bee’s statement. But he shook it off, and pushed their face plates together for a kiss. After a few moments, the Decepticon pulled away. He snickered slightly when he realized Bumblebee had his arms wrapped around his neck.
“You are a zilly little bug.” Blitzwing said, his face switching over to Rage.
“But you are my zilly bug! Anyone who zinks zey can take you avay vill be crushed!” He said as Bumblebee placed his head against Blitzwing’s chest plate.
Bee looked up at Blitzwing, a content smile on his face.
“I’m your’s huh? Last time I checked, I owned myself.” The little yellow bot said with a slight tone of sarcasm.
Geeze, the little bug sure did like to mess with him. Though at the moment, Blitzwing just brought his arms tightly around Bumblebee’s chest plate in a tight hug. His face switched back to Icy as he leaned his head back against the wall. Feeling quite drained of energy, the 'Con was doing his best of keeping his optic open. Bumblebee seemed to notice this as he closed his optics and fell into recharge. Smiling slightly, Blitzwing allowed himself to do the same.

The recharging Decepticon jumped slightly as Bumblebee’s com went off.
“Bumblebee, where are you? You’ve been gone all day!” A voice -that sounded a lot like Optimus Prime- said.
Bee opened his optics, and looked hesitant to reply.
“Tell him you’re out on patrol just outside of the city.” Blitzwing suggested.
Bumblebee nodded and answered the com.
“Oh hey Boss bot! I’m just out on a patrol outside of the city!”
“Well I need you back at base now. Blitzwing was able to escape from Sentinel’s ship and we need to look around for him.” Prime said, a bit of annoyance in his voice.
“Uh.. Ya, I’ll be back soon.” Bee said, ending the com. “You heard him.. I have to go.”
Blitzwing sighed, finally letting the little bot free from his arms. As Bee stood up and stretched, Blitzwing stood up as well, his legs shook under the stress, but he ignored it.
“I vill go vith you to a certain point. And don’t argue, I don’t plan on changing my mind.” The large 'Con grunted as Bumblebee began to protest.
After a slight hesitation, Bee sighed and left the mine with Blitzwing close behind him. Once outside, Blitzwing looked around. Everything was completely covered in snow. The ground, the trees, and so on. Bumblebee sunk into the snow by a lot. All you could really see of the little bot was his chest plate and up.
“Bwahahaha! You seem to need a lift!” Blitzwing cackled as he face switched to Random.
Energon ran into Bumblebee’s cheek plates, making him blush.
“N-no! I don’t need you to pick me up! I can totally walk!” He said loudly, trying to walk.
Though of course his efforts were futile, as there was no way the bot would be able to move his legs. Still laughing uncontrollably, Blitzwing bent over and pulled Bumblebee up and out of the snow. He held the yellow bot how a groom would hold a bride.
“Guess I’ll be carrying you! Oooooh!!! Maybe I can just put you on my shoulders?” The larger bot said, placing Bumblebee onto his shoulders.
Bumblebee smiled once he was out of Blitz’s sight on his shoulders.
*Click whir* “Are you smiling?” Blitzwing asked, his voice calm now that he had switched over to Icy.
“Of course not. Don’t flatter yourself Blitzbrain.” Bee replied, resting his chin on the top of Blitzwing’s helm.
The little bot was of course, still smiling, and Blitzwing knew this. He began walking, both the snow, and the fact that his legs were still weak made it difficult for him to walk normally, but Blitzwing continued on. Being a Decepticon, Blitzwing always kept any and all emotion to himself. It was thought of as weak if you were caught having feelings such as “liking” another bot. Especially an Autobot.

ho la nausea, di stare male ogni giorno,
per qualcosa di cui non ho neanche colpa
nè merito

ho la nausea  dell’umilazione, di provare amore, ancora;
di vivere;  di non poterci fare nulla; di essere vittima e di sentire che
starei  meglio morto

nausea del dolore cha ha radici così profonde, che ha piantato gli artigli così a fondo dentro di me, che quando cerco di strapparlo
si porta via intriso il cuore il respiro, la mia anima
e tutto quel che sono;

stanco  di non poter separare il dolore da me stesso.

stanco che io son in te e tu fuori di me.
che io amo,e tu ridi; mi hai abbandonato, con parole indegne e false, e  crudeli.
che io ti cerco e tu mi svuoti.
stanco che ogni ricordo mi appia in ogni suo nitido dettaglio, quando vorrie solo non ricordare nulla.

sono nauseato, stanco, solo, povero, vuoto

vi prego, ammazzatemi.


Secret Admirer (Pavel Chekov x Reader)

Originally posted by kylos

A/N: Hello, everyone! This is a Star Trek/Pavel Chekov one-shot that I published on Wattpad late last year, I believe. Anyway, it is, as of right now (August 2, 2016), the only one-shot I have written for Star Trek. I hope to write more somewhat soon.

Enjoy! :)


Y/N was walking along the hallway towards the bridge. She was a nurse and had been sent from the medbay by Dr. McCoy to inform Captain Kirk that he was in need of a medical exam.

As she stepped onto the turbo lift, she couldn’t help but think about how Valentines Day was actually today.

Keep reading

         my art / writing trade with sfheibai  ~<3   [ c1. ] [ c2. ] [ c3. ]

His voice had changed into a silent, wrathful whisper: “Why is everything ya do jus’  another attempt to further break me ?”
Why indeed? Was this what he wanted? Was this what he wished to happen? No. He never intended this to go this far.
“I don’t know…” was his answer.

Keep reading

Who You Gonna Call?

Originally posted by claracivry

Originally posted by chezalp

Kurt Wagner x Reader

Who You Gonna Call?

Author: Morgan

Prompt: I saw Ghostbusters. That is all. And I had feels. (Good feels. It was awesome!)

Note: I don’t know, I just figured 4 X-Boys as Ghostbusters + scaredy cat Kurt = good times all around.

Warnings: Spooky ghosts.

It was a dark and stormy night. Thunder boomed and lighting cracked, filling the night with an eerie chill. Kurt was tucked into his bed, curled up in his blankets and shivering. Sure, it was cold, but it wasn’t that cold. Odd.

His breath clouded in front of him like smoke. Kurt sat up, startled. Surely, this had to be a dream.

“K-Kurt?” Warren sat up, shaking with shivers as well. “Is it just me or does it seem cold to you?”

“I-I Zh-zhink it’s p-pretty c-cold…” Kurt rubbed his arms.

“Sh-should we go ch-check s-something?”

“P-probably.” Kurt nodded, getting up out of bed. He looked around the room. There was a strange green light coming from somewhere. Warren held out his arm in front of him to stop the little blue teleporter from going any closer.

“I w-wouldn’t d-do that, Kurt.”

The mirror fogged up and an invisible finger wrote on the glass.

Come play with me

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!” the mutant teens ran out as fast as they could, Kurt grabbing Warren and teleporting to one of the living rooms downstairs. They looked at eachother, breathing heavily. Peter sped into the room dragging along a very startled and tired Scott.

“What’s the big idea?” Scott looked around tiredly.

“Yeah, what happened?” Peter asked. “You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I…I zhink ve have.” Kurt was wide-eyed, looking up the stairs as a bright blue specter drifted down towards them. It smiled wickedly, its face a mangled twisted mess.

“AAAAAAAAAAH!!” All four of the mutant boys screamed, running for the elevator down to the basement. Peter hit the button at the speed of light over and over and over again. Just before the ghost got into the elevator, the doors closed. The boys all sighed in relief.

“What do we do?” Scott asked, breathing heavily. Peter smirked, pulling his goggles down over his eyes.

“I have an idea.” Peter raced off to Hank’s lab. The others teleported there with Kurt, watching as Peter raced around the lab, throwing bits and pieces together. The end product looked something like backpacks with vacuum cleaners attached to the back of them.

“Vas ist das?” Kurt asked, eyeing the weapons curiously. Peter laid out four tan jumpsuits.  

“Gear up, boys. We’re going to bust us a ghost.”

*Cue the Ghostbuster theme song*  

The boys tiptoed through the halls of the mansion holding their vacuum guns in hand.

“You scared, Kurt?” Scott asked softly.

“Me?”

“Yes you.”

“I…I’m not afraid.”

“That’s not the line, bro.” Peter whispered.

“Vhat?”

“The line is ‘I ain’t afraid of no ghosts’.” Peter whispered.

“Shut up,” Warren whispered. “Do you want it to hear us just because you want to make some stupid reference?”

“Bro, we’ve got this under control.” Peter said. “Chill.”

Boo!” The ghost appeared in front of them and they screamed like little girls, running the opposite direction.

“Turn them on!” Peter shouted. The boys switched on their vacuum packs, suction power pulling the ghost toward them. Then suddenly, just before it got sucked in, it fell to the ground, no longer glowing. Just an innocent, normal mutant. They switched off their packs, raised their goggles, and stepped forward. Kurt was the first to kneel down to get a closer look.

“What happened?” Warren asked, obviously very confused by their whirlwind of a night.

“It’s just a-”

“Aaaaah!” You yelled, bolting awake on the floor. Your eyes opened and you looked up at the blue mutant in the tan jumpsuit. “Oh my God. I am so sorry. Was I dream-bending again?”

“Come again?” Scott asked.

“My name is (Y/N). I’m a reality bender. I swear, I didn’t mean anything I did. I was asleep.” You apologized profusely. “Are you…dressed up as the Ghostbusters?”

“Maybe…” Peter trailed off. Kurt smiled and helped you to your feet.

“Thanks. Um, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“I’m Kurt. Kurt Vagner. Meet Peter, Scott, and Varren.” Kurt introduced you to the others. You waved to them, offering an apologetic smile.

“Nice to meet you. Again, I’m so, so sorry.” You apologized yet again.

“It’s all right,” Kurt shook his head. “You only scared us a little.”

“A little?” Jean asked, rubbing her eyes sleepily as she walked down the stairs. “You sissies have been wailing like little girls. I’m shocked you haven’t peed your pants, Scott.”

“Babe. Not cool.”

“All of you should get to bed.” Raven walked down the stairs after her, yawning tiredly. “I’m sure you’ve all had enough excitement for one night. (Y/N), we’ll work on the dream-bending thing some other night. Come on. Off to bed.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

***

The next morning, you met up with the others in the kitchen. Kurt was there before you, his back to you as he faced the counter, buttering some toast. You snuck up behind him quietly and leaned up into his ear.

Boo!” you whispered.

*Bamf*

Kurt appeared hanging upside down from the chandelier, eyes wide. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sorry, scaredy cat,” you snickered, covering your mouth with your hand. “Didn’t mean to give you a heart attack.”

“V-vhat? You didn’t scare me.” he denied, appearing beside you once again in a cloud of smoke.

“Teleporter, huh? Cool.” You grabbed a cup of yogurt from the fridge and sat up on the counter for breakfast. “Anyway, I’m really, really sorry about last night. I hope I didn’t traumatize you too bad.”

“It’s fine. Nozhing to vorry about.” he reassured you with a kind smile. You couldn’t help but smile too, despite being embarrassed that you had scared his socks off the night before. “So um…some of my friends and I are going to zhe mall today…if you vant to come vizh us.”

“Are you asking me out, Mr. Wagner?”

“Vell, I’m trying to.”

“Then yes. I’d really like that.” You hopped off the counter, standing on your toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “I promise, no more living nightmares if I can help it.”

“I’ll hold you to zhat.”

Away Mission (Pavel Chekov/Reader)

Writing Prompt #14 “Have you ever thought about…like…us?” with Pavel Chekov…

Originally posted by travelerwithanocarina

You looked across the bridge letting out an inaudible sigh. Everyday for the past year you’d sat in the same spot and looked at him. He’d never look your way because he was super into his work, but when off the bridge he was your best friend.

Best…Friend…Pavel Chekov

You sighed again as the Captain came on to the bridge. You stood up at your station as expected with everyone else. He told you all to be at ease, “Mr. Chekov patch me through to the intercoms I have an announcement to make.

“Yes sir.” Chekov nodded his curls bouncing as he turned on the speakers, “Ready sir.”

“Attention crew of he Enterprise, this is Captain Kirk.” Kirk smiled as he sat down, “It has come to my attention that there are a select few ensigns who have yet to go on away missions. As it is part of Star Fleet regulation, you’re required to log so many hours.”

You cringed internally as he went on, “A ship wide message is being sent out pairing you off with a senior officer and a brief mission. Please report to your designated station as assigned. Thank you, and as always keep up the good work.”

As he finished a ping showed up on your data pad. Frowning you opened it up seeing your name at the top of the list. You followed it over to your partner and felt you heart thump against your chest.

Pavel Chekov…

You looked over to him smiling at you giving you a thumbs up. Well at least one of you was excited. You looked back to the pad seeing that you were to leave today and were going to be gone for a day mission. 

You were terrified.

A couple hours later you were on a shuttle with him trying to remain calm. You preformed your duties rigidly, “Our course seems…easy.”

He glanced at you with a small smile, “Y/N…”

You looked at him, “Yes?”

“Ve’re going to be fine.” He knew how much you hated leaving the ship. How much you were terrified of getting stranded in space. Why you ever joined Star Fleet you didn’t know, but you were here now.

“I…” You stared at him, “I know. I just…hope to survey the planet quickly.”

“Ve vill. Don’t vorry. I’ll protect you.” He winked at you causing your heart to flutter, “It is an easy job.”

You smiled a little, “If you say so.”

“I do.” He looked at you again, “Ve’ll be back before dinner.”

“I suppose you’re right. You always are.” You told him smirking, “I guess if I have to be stuck anywhere I’m glad it’s with you.”

You blushed as you felt his lingering stare on you. You hadn’t meant for it to come out sounding like a romantic gesture…but it did. Which is why you kept your head in the readings of the ship for a moment recording them down.

“Y/N…”

“Yes, Pavel?” You still didn’t look up.

“Have you ever thought about…like…us?” He spoke slowly watching you fingers slow down on the data pad.

“What?” You looked at him as your cheeks started to burn more.

“You know…ve’re really close.” He smiled at you, “Ve vere graduates together…joined ze Enterprise together. But ve never vent further then friends.”

“Well…I…I…I didn’t want to ruin…” You stammered.

“So you have thought about it.” He smiled more.

“I…” You looked to him again, “of course…we’re so close…but…”

“Have dinner vith me.” He interrupted you.

“What?” Your eyes got wide, “Pavel…we can’t just…”

“Have dinner vith me.” He repeated smiling more, “I von’t take no for an answer.”

“I…” You swallowed, “I…okay…”

He smiled at you his eyes twinkling, “Vonderful…I vill pick you up at seven.”

Seven…simple number but magical now. You smiled looking at him as he corrected course.  Who knew that simple meal, was going to change you life? 

One good friend, turned to something more.

Tubalcain: The following is a fan based parody, puta. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Vá lamber o cu da sua mãe. It means go suck your mother’s cu-

[Scene changes to show Integra talking on the phone with Alucard]

Alucard: Say it!

Integra: Fuck you.

Alucard: After you say it!

Integra: You’re really going to force me on this?

Alucard: I’m at half mast! I need to hear this!

Integra: FINE! YOU WERE RIGHT!!!!!!!

[Alucard makes a groan of extreme pleasure]

Integra: JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [slams down the phone]

[Scene change to Alucard in the safehouse]

Alucard: Ahhhhh! Houston, we have no problems.

[Anderson kicks in the door. Pip and Seras gasp.]

Alucard: Okay, dude, I just- I just finished, I'mma need like five minutes over here to recharge.

[Anderson punches Alucard in the face]

Alucard: Never mind, we’re back in business!

[Alucard draws his guns and Anderson draws his bayonets. Seras swings the Harkonnen at Anderson.]

Seras: I’ve got him!

[Anderson throws a bayonet and pins an official notice to the wall right next to Seras’ head, causing her to become jittery and slump to the ground]

Seras: OH!

Alucard: Oh great, and now she’s triggered. Could be all day with it.

[Seras mumbles incomprehensibly]

Anderson: The good Lord has handed down a blessing to you filthy heathens as a sign of good will. A small private Vatican jet. [picks his broken glasses up off the floor] Now, if you would be so very Christian-like to ship your sorry pale ass out?! And take your trigger happy harlot with ya! [Seras is still traumatized on the ground] And the woman!

Pip: Don quoi?

Alucard: Man, I don’t know what I find funnier, the Catholic Church strong-arming you into helping us, or the fact that you obviously haven’t seen what I did to the statue of Big J!

[Scene change to show the private jet flying past the statue of Christ the Redeemer, which now has a banner tied across it which reads “420YOLOSWAG4JESUS”]

Anderson: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Intro plays]

[Scene change to show the city of London, then a meeting between the Hellsing Organization and Iscariot in the Queen’s palace]

[Enrico and Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan (Who is also Italian) are examining photographs]

Father: The banner won’t-a come-a down. I think it’s a constrictor knot.

[We hear Alucard’s muffled voice outside the door to the room]

Alucard: What- What do you mean you forgot the song? Okay, screw, screw it, no screw it, screw it! Just- Just take my phone and hit random. No, just hit random. Okay, three, two…

[Door bursts open, and Alucard makes a dynamic entrance with the chorus to the song “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks. Everyone in the meeting looks shocked or appalled]

Alucard: Yeah, okay, turn it off, turn it off. It didn’t work. It did not work.

Integra: Following your example.

Alucard: Ooh, catty. [sees the Queen] Oh, shit, is that Betty?

[Two guards try to block him from reaching her]

Guard: Excuse me sir, you’re going to have to- [gets tossed aside by Alucard]

Alucard: Get out of my way!

Queen: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Allie.

[Alucard kneels in front of her. She grasps his face in her hands]

Queen: Your skin is still as smooth as the day I felt it on my own.

Alucard: You know it. Reminds me of when I’d keep your bed warm during the blitz.

Queen: Those were better days. I was younger, beautiful…

Alucard: Oh shut up you old hag, I’d still wreck you like Diana.

Queen: Hahahahaha! Oh you know exactly what to say to moisten me up.

Penwood: (Offscreen) Rah, I can never have sex again!

Integra: Alucard, if you please.

[Alucard stands up and faces the meeting]

Alucard: You’re right. Enough focusing on the past. Instead, let’s focus on the past! [We see flashbacks to his and Walter’s battles with the Nazis] Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top-secret government operation called “Operation: Kraut Control”. Walter was fifteen, and I’m pretty sure if I’m remembering correctly, that I was a girl.

Reggie: Wait a second, but that implies that the Queen-

Alucard: INTERRUPT MY STORY AGAIN, REGGIE! SEE WHAT HAPPENS! [More flashbacks] But yeah, we were under orders to stick it sideways to a group of Nazi scientist whackjobs interested in creating a vampire army. And did we!

Integra: Seems you missed a spot.

Alucard: Are you- are you gonna do this right now? In front of everybody?

Integra: The point is, enough members have survived and are planning on finishing their mission. They’ve established a base in Brazil and are using the name-

Schrodinger: Millennium.

[Integra and Enrico gasp. Heinkel and Pip pull their guns out.]

Schrodinger: Warten Sie! How you say, “do not shoot ze messenger.”

Alucard: Ah, the return of the why boner. With a vengeance.

Integra: How did he get in here?

Walter: We had over a dozen guards.

Alucard: Those were ours? I mean- Oh my God, how did he get through the guards?!

[Schrodinger sets up a portable TV]

Schrodinger: My commanding officer, ze Major, would like to personally introduce himself, along with our vonderful organization.

[Schrodinger presses a button on the remote, but the TV doesn’t come on.]

Schrodinger: What?! Uh- Ah-

The Major: Schrodinger?

Schrodinger: It’s not working Major!

The Major: Did you click “TV” zen “Power”?

Schrodinger: Oh wait, I’m on Video 2.

The Major: Nein, Video 1.

Schrodinger: Got it!

[TV finally comes on showing the Major]

The Major: Hello!

Alucard: Hahahahahaha, Ahahahahahaha! He’s still so fucking fat! He’s like a Nazi Louis C.K.! Wait wait no no, Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan!

The Major: Ah, if it isn’t ze memorable Alucard. His provider, Sir Integra, ze bean counters, und of course, very interesting to see by the way, the Vatican. How does it feel to vork with your sworn enemies, Father Maxwell?

Enrico: Not as painful as your obnoxious voice.

The Major: Ah, come on, we used to be friends with ze Vatican! Remember how you aided us in our escape from Germany?

[People at the meeting gasp, and Enrico looks mortified.]

The Major: Oh oh, I guess vhey weren’t supposed to know that.

Integra: So, that’s how you knew about them.

Enrico: (Sigh) Yes.

The Major: I’m sure you’re chomping at the bit to find out vhat ve have in store for you, nein?

Integra: Nazi army.

The Major: …wow, just, kill all the fun! Put the fun in camps, vhy don’t you?!

Alucard: Yeah, you Fun-Nazi.

Integra: GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!!!!!!!

The Major: Remind me if it seems a little too American for you, but at some time, some place, something vill attack you. Maybe. Probably. (singsong) Could be happening right noooooooooowwwwwwwwww!

Alucard: Fingers crossed!

The Major: But rest assured this is no simple incursion…

[Focus shifts to Schrodinger and Seras as the Major keeps talking in the background. Schrodinger takes note of Seras.]

Schrodinger: Fraulein! Fraulein! Fraulein! HEY FRAULEIN!

Seras: Oi.

Schrodinger: Ve would make beautiful children. [Seras is shocked/creeped out]

[Alucard blows Schrodinger’s head off]

Alucard: Was that boy/girl bugging you?

The Major: Und like that, the war begins!

Alucard: Whoops! Did I just accidentally a war?!

Integra: Police Girl!

[Seras blows up the TV showing the Major]

Seras: (Thinking to herself) Huh. They would’ve looked rather nice actually.

Integra: Alright now, Alucard, clean that u- (sees that Schrodinger’s body and all the blood has completely vanished) uh- oh.

Alucard: Oh wow! Looks like he was self-cleaning. And/or magical.

Queen: Integra? Alucard?

Alucard: Yes, sugarlips?

Queen: When you find him, and when you kill him, I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every night.

Alucard: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I’VE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Enrico: (Offended) HEY!

Alucard: Oh shut up.

[Scene change to The Major, The Doctor, and The Captain walking down a hallway aboard the Zeppelin]

The Doctor: Well, Major, I think that went vell.

The Major: You think it went vell?! Herr Doctor, I was there, und much like our former boss- [we briefly see a clip of the old SS colonel being torn apart by the Major’s vampire soldiers] -I killed it.

[They arrive at the bridge, where Schrodinger is sitting in the Major’s command chair.]

Schrodinger: Let us hope ze Major does not end up ze same! We do not have the freezer space to store all ze incidental leftovers!

The Major: Ah, Doctor, usually it is a faux pas to give a pet as ze gift, but I love him!

The Doctor: Major, I am so sorry for his disrespectful disposition!

The Major: Ah, don’t vorry. I much enjoy some playful cattiness in my staff. Nonetheless, it is time for phase two of our operation. Our fraulein’s excursion to ze English Channel.

[Scene change to show a Nazi helicopter moving to land on the deck of an English aircraft carrier. We see the ship’s control room.]

Radar Operator: Sir, there’s an inbound helicopter trying to land.

Ship’s Captain: That seems odd. Commander Violet, do you know-

[Commander Violet is shown to be a vampire]

Ship’s Captain: OH GOD, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE PURPLE!!!!

[Crew gets killed.]

[The helicopter lands, and Rip Van Winkle steps out.]

Rip: This is my favorite kind of ship: Running with blood und semen.

Violet: What?!

Rip: It’s the Game!

Violet: What game?!

Rip: You lose! LOL, I’m so random!

Violet: Uh, so, the ship is now under your command, Miss Rip Van Winkle.

Rip: Ah, danke schoen, Captain! Tell me, how did it feel slaughtering your kinsmen, turning them into Ghouls, betraying your family und country, all for the selfish desire to become an immortal vampire?

Violet: Wow, uh, when you put it like that I feel like kind of a cunt.

Rip: Oh, but you know what might make you feel better, Captain?

Violet: Uh, what’s that?

[Rip levels her musket at the sailors, who gasp.]

Rip: Checking your privilege. [Opens fire]

[Scene change to the Hellsing mansion]

Alucard: Walter, if I may confide in you…

Walter: I temper my sense of decency in expectation.

Alucard: I am positively throbbing over these guys returning.

Walter: Well, if it lasts for more than four hours…

Alucard: Walter, do you know what my top three favorite things I’ve killed are? Third is the Turks. Second is Nazis. Can you guess the first?

Walter: Your father?

Alucard: (Claps) Nailed it!

[Scene change to Anderson talking with Enrico on the phone while confronting a group of Millennium soldiers.]

Anderson: I see! Now it’s open season for these heathen swine!

Enrico: Alexander, while I mirror your fervor to lay steel upon the soulless jowls of the English Church, we have a much bigger foe knocking at our door.

Anderson: They knock at the door of Hellsing, and as the wolf huffs and puffs, we shall skewer these pigs ourselves.

Enrico: I do not know the metaphor on which you draw, but regardless, we must set aside the quarrels of our houses and unite under the banner of God.

Anderson: Ah, I see! So this… is a CRUSADE!

Enrico: No, nonononono! We don’t say that anymore, we’re calling it… ah, damn, what do the American cows say?

Anderson: Peacekeeping?

Enrico: Right! Now, shall we… keep the peace?

Millennium Soldiers: FOR MILLENNIUM!

[They open fire on Anderson, who quickly dispatches them.]

Anderson: Only until it’s time to slide in the knife!

[Scene change to a meeting between Integra and Sir Penwood in the London war room]

Penwood: We lost communication with the vessel eighteen hours ago. Currently, it’s resting in the Atlantic 300 kilometers of the coast of Corning.

Integra: Have you acquired visual via satellite?

Aide: Yes, and they’ve left a rather cryptic message that we’ve yet to make any sense of.

[We see Integra looking at a photograph of the ship’s deck with the phrase “THE CAKE IS A LIE” scrawled on the deck in blood.]

Integra: I- I don’t get this. I don’t get it.

Penwood: None of us know what it means either.

Integra: Is it a reference or something?

Aide: Of course, there was one other shot we had—

[We see a photograph of a yellow umbrella in the middle of the phrase on the deck.]

Aide: —which looks to be someone sitting in the middle with a yellow parasol. Seems a tad random if you ask me.

[Quick cut to Rip on the deck holding a yellow parasol and her musket]

Rip: Rainbow, tacos, Doctor Who, Homestuck!

[Cut back to the war meeting.]

Integra: This person looks like they’re begging for attention.

Penwood: And they’re about to get it! The Special Air Service has deployed two platoons via helicopter. They’ll have visual any moment now.

[There is a long pause.]

Walter: Ma'am?

Integra: Wait for it…

[Another brief pause.]

Radar Operator: We’ve lost both helis! [The assembled officers gasp] And that was Portal, by the way. That’s Portal. That’s… what it’s from.

[Sir Penwood is visibly shaking by now]

Penwood: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Integra: Well, this has been fun. Always nice playing audience to this menagerie you call a military. Since it seems like you’ve got this one on lockdown, I’ll leave you to it.

[Integra gets up and turns to leave.]

Penwood: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Based on new information that has been presented to us, uh, we’ve decided we require the Hellsing Organization and their services.

Integra: You know, it’s amazing how much time and people we could save if you’d just ask us in the first place. [She turns to leave] Walter?

[Walter chuckles and follows her out.]

[Scene change to a hallway with Walter and Integra walking down it.]

Walter: We’re talking a hefty game, Sir Integra. Three hundred kilometers into the Atlantic and they seem to be able to annihilate anything we send at them.

Integra: Well, we can’t send a submarine, it could be a depth charge showcase down there.

Walter: Can’t go at it from the sides, can’t go at it from below.

Integra: So our only option is to hit that son of a bitch from above.

Walter: Well, we do have one option. However, it was decommissioned in 1998.

[Alucard enters the scene.]

Alucard: The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. An advanced long-range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 85,000 feet.

Integra: You sure do seem to know a lot about it.

Alucard: DO YOU EVEN READ MY CHRISTMAS LIST?!

[Scene change to show Rip Van Winkle dancing and singing the song “Never Gonna Give You Up” (aka the Rick Roll) by Rick Astley.]

Rip: A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of. You would’t get this from any other guy.

[Cut to the bridge.]

Nazi Officer 1: The hell is she singing now?

Nazi Officer 2: I have no idea, I think it was popular a couple years back.

Nazi Officer 3: At least she is no longer on about the ponies, and the friendship, and the wrapping up of winter.

[During this, Rip sings the lines I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling, Gotta make you understand in the background.]

[Cut back to Rip singing.]

Rip: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

[She suddenly collapses and trembles in fear.]

Rip: (Gasps) IT’S HIM! LIKE ZE MAJOR SAID!

[The bridge officers are unaware of what is actually happening.]

Nazi Officer 2: Uh, mein fraulein Van Winkle, the- the song was nice, so you don’t need to-

Rip: (Aiming her musket straight up) PREPARE FOR COMBAT! IT’S ALUCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!!!!!!

[We see Alucard flying in with the SR-71 Blackbird as “Shoot to Thrill” by AC/DC starts to play.]

Nazi Officer 2: Focus your fire! We are going to tear that aircraft apart!

[Alucard grins in expectation. The Nazi gunners open fire, but cannot stop the Blackbird. Rip takes aim at it.]

Rip: Vhey say no man can kill you Alucard, that’s because you don’t use a man to do a woman’s job!

[Rip fires and destroys the Blackbird, but Alucard releases his Level One restraint and continues to dive towards the deck.]

Rip: WHAT?!

[Alucard and the Blackbird’s wreckage impact on the ship’s deck, setting it ablaze. We see one Nazi set on fire screaming and subsequently crushed by debris. We then see Alucard rising from the wreckage completely unharmed.]

[Rip is terrified at this point.]

Alucard: So… nice ship you got here.

[Rip pulls herself together and levels her musket at Alucard. A remix of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” from “The Social Network” soundtrack starts to play.]

Rip: I am Rip Van Winkle, und I command your respect!

Alucard: No, you demand my attention.

[Rip fires on Alucard.]

Alucard: Ow! Ooh!

Rip: I don’t have to take this from you! You racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig! [Rip then gasps as Alucard catches a bullet with his teeth and crushes it.]

Alucard: The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the 40s, I hate everyone equally, and there’s no one alive who can comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Miss Van Winkle- (punches Rip in the face) -CH-CH-CH-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!

[Alucard grabs Rip’s musket and begins shoving it through her chest.]

Rip: Vait- Vhat are you-?!

Alucard: Oh? Haven’t you heard the new sensation sweeping the nation? Bitches love cannons.

[Rip screams as Alucard fully impales her on her musket, killing her.]

[Scene change to the Major addressing the troops on board the zeppelin.]

The Major: Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Winkle is a rezounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little… “Surprise”. However, before ve begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var. I. LOVE. VAR. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in ze morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down ze street in his Porsche. “Class Var.” You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today. Und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife’s awful parents. “Drug Var.” But vhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. “Race Var.” Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat’s right und what’s wrong. “Flame Var.” You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: “Who gets ze box?” “What’s in ze box?” “How much is vhat’s in ze box worth?” “Storage Vars.” (chuckles) What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I vant a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, and certainly, no Cold Vars! Blueballed for forty years. Vhat I vant is a var zhat only ve can bring. A true var! A German var! The sequel you’ve all been vaiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!

[The Millennium Soldiers begin cheering.]

Millennium Soldiers: Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!

[We then see several characters including Anderson, Enrico, Seras, and Pip staring at the moon, which has turned blood red, an ominous sign of what is to come that night.]

[Then, we see Alucard on the ship. At the sight of the moon, he begins laughing maniacally.]

Alucard: I’d better not miss a damn thing.

[End]

—  Hellsing Ultimate Abridged 4