Now available on my Etsy! “You are a garden, a universe.” Link is on my page. Free with any purchase of this poem is your choice of another, just leave the title in the comment section when you check out. I hope you all find a smile that never leaves!
who the fuck put the peeps in the microwave Ok it would be the both of those fucking idiots! Literally, I can picture them being slightly drunk, when someone comes up with the GENIUS idea to put fucking peeps in the microwave. Then, as they’re watching the thing fuckin explode, Em is all “DEREK YOU SAID-” “I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING EMILY WHAT-“ ”-MARSHMALLOW GUTS EVERYWHERE YOU MURDERED IT-” “-JESUS CHrist” And Prentiss would probably eat the exploded peep anyway…
who forgot to put the cat outside before sex Em, TOTALLY Emily. She “forgets” to put Serg outside, mostly because she hates locking him places, but that obviously backfires really fucking bad when he jumps on the bed expecting to be pet, or sits there staring at them. Prentiss doesn’t mind, but Morgan is intensely creeped out by the little fucker.
who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit DEREK. Prentiss is practically famous from all the vines Morgan posts of her fucked up comments, or inebriated dancing with Sergio and other screwy shit. Emily + Alcohol = comedy GOLD and after Garcia taught him how, he films almost every idiotic thing she does. The most popular vine was of Em drunkenly trying to arrest Sergio for peeing outside the litter box.
who breaks the most phones Morgan by far. Both of them break a fuck ton of phones due to work, but Derek excels at it because he’s usually the one to end up in the water, or in a fist fight, or jumping a fucking building and doing other crazy shit like that. Every time they go to Verizon the employees usually just sigh and say, “what now…?”
who dies first THIS ISNT FUCKING ALRIGHT DAMMIT well it’s obviously Emily. The reason Derek was so pissed off at her about Doyle is because they were already together at that point and he was hurt knowing Prentiss felt she couldn’t trust him or the team. That obviously changed when he found her FUCKING BLEEDING OUT ON THE FUCKING WAREHOUSE FLOOR FUCK THAT SHIT. No, no no nopety nope.
which one I could see as being lactose intollerant Uh what? I’m honestly not sure maybe Derek…? I DON’T FUCKING KNOW THIS IS CRIMINAL MINDS NOT ‘LETS KEEP TRACK OF THE BAU’S FOOD ALLERGIES’ jfc
who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t Morgan thinks he has the voice of an angel, but Em disagrees. According to Prentiss he sounds like “a chorus of dying animals” and she thinks he must be partially deaf. Sometimes when they are in the shower and Derek is singing she throws towels and other things to get him to SHUT THE HELL UP!
who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed Nobody. Morgan and Prentiss both have terrible nightmares because of their job, not to mention deep-seated abandonment issues and a whole slew of other problems. They find comfort sleeping together and could not possibly be okay without the other at their side. So no, nobody is getting kicked off the bed tht is not happening.
who uses the computer most I don’t know, Emily? She has a Tumblr dedicated to serial killers, cats, Vonnegut, and Star Trek.
I can’t actually possibly choose the best, but I think BoC was timed the best. I was going through a rough patch in my life and experiencing a bit of anhedonia. basically I’d just wake up at 6am, go to work for 10 hours, come home and sit around feeling shitty until I could fall asleep. It was pathetic that I couldn’t read, longboard, fish, any of the things I usually find relaxing in the summer. Anyway, eventually I started reading Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions and it cured my inability to read, if nothing else. I’ve often referred to it as “The most purely American novel I’ve ever read,” and for that purpose have recommended it to a few foreign friends of mine who want a taste of America. Also Vonnegut has achieved something very few (non-series) authors have been able to do in this era, and that is to attract an audience from the non-literary populous. A lot of people I know know that I read a lot and so when they’re looking for something to read will come to me, often times they’re guys who don’t tend to read much and would find no pleasure in classic literature no matter how much I enjoy it. But if I suggest to them some Vonnegut they always come back asking for more good titles of his.
“I had given him a life not worth living, but I had also given him an iron will to live. This was a common combination on the planet Earth”