If Jamie and Claire could text: Wedding Eve (1x06|1x07) Edition
  • Claire: cheerioooooooooooooooo yon brAwginge
  • Claire: wot wot
  • Claire: wot
  • Claire: woooooooooooot
  • Jamie: sry who is this?
  • Claire: WIFEY
  • Claire: fiansay-eY actually
  • Claire: that does nt look spellt correcticallement
  • Claire: willie gave m ur digits
  • Claire: it all fine. Cos we're affionzed.
  • Claire: affiunced
  • Claire: nope
  • Claire: snot it neithr.
  • Claire: B E TROTH ED
  • Jamie: are ye *quite* alright mistress Beauchamp??
  • Claire: SCPLENDLID
  • Claire: ...
  • Claire: why
  • Claire: is it because of youstoo drunjk?
  • Jamie: ...
  • Claire: wemakealovelllymatch
  • Claire: good to haveawhiskey manround the house
  • Claire: tent
  • Jamie: ...
  • Claire: patchofmud
  • Claire: oy! fiancé duty numbeone
  • Claire: HA
  • Claire: spiellerd it ringhtthat time
  • Claire: 👍
  • Claire: but anywhey HAVEADUTYFORYOU
  • Jamie: your servant, my lady
  • Claire: exlent
  • Claire: ~ohsomuchmorewhiskey in my hand plz. empty here
  • Jamie: I dinna think that's a good idea, Claire
  • Jamie: I'll be there in a moment
  • Claire: coming here? W/ 🍸?
  • Claire: wait
  • Claire: Ono
  • Claire: tomyroom?
  • Jamie: ...aye?
  • Claire: ohhhhhhnoooooooo
  • Jamie: just to make sure you're safely abed w some water n bread to settle yr wame
  • Jamie: ?????
  • Jamie: what's wrong MND?
  • Claire: wots mnd
  • Jamie: nevermind
  • Jamie: why did ye say oh no
  • Claire: cause u r
  • Claire: maannnnly
  • Claire: andyousmell like
  • Claire: camping
  • Claire: and beefjrky
  • Claire: and it makes mewanttajump yourvirginbones whereyoustand
  • Claire: but I'm mariagedddddd
  • Jamie: not til tomorrow lass
  • Jamie: but I'll take as a compliment? i suppose?
  • Claire: jesush Rooseveltchristmas piece of toazt
  • Jamie: be there to tuck ye in momentarily
  • Claire: don't doo itttt
  • Claire: stay ye back
  • Claire: forbidden tasty ginger fruit
  • Jamie: autocorrect?
  • Claire: um?
  • Claire: hold on 1 mo
  • Claire: ...
  • Claire: YES
  • Claire: Evrything from last 20 mns=Siri
  • Jamie: ha, oh aye?
  • Claire: gwing Togo vomint now
BB Gun challenge Luke/Beau

Sorry Beaus’s is long :\

Luke: Jai took 3 steps back and aimed the gun at Luke’s back. he had his back to his brother and was covering his balls, eyes closed waiting for the sting of the BB to pierce his skin. Jai shot it and it hit Luke in the lower back. He cried out, groaning and falling back onto the ground. You cringed at the sight as Luke rolled on the ground screaming and making sexual but painful groaning sounds. He got up slowly and limped over to where you were sitting the the bench against the wall. He sank to his knees putting his hand together to pray, shaking and closing his eyes for dramatic emphasis. He leaned onto his hands and knees so the boys could look at the mark. Indeed a swollen red spot was indented on his lower back. Luke groaned again. You traced around the spot lightly as the other boys examined it too.

Luke pulled his shirt down and sat back onto his knees in front of you. He looked back at you, his big brown puppy dog eyes looking for a little bit of comfort. You rubbed his shoulders, letting his head fall back into your lap, eyes closed. You rubbing over his shoulder feeling the tense muscles through his baseball tee and planting a kiss on the top of his curly head. 

“Auhhhhh” he moaning, squirming from the still stinging pain on his back.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, resting your chin on his shoulder and your cheek against his. You gave it a quick kiss and pulled back knowing his wasn’t very fond of pda, especially during dare sundays in front of the boys.

“You’re an idiot,” you said softly, stroking his cheek with the back of your hand. 

He opened his eyes for the first time. “Shut up, you know you love me.

"Luke, stop being a pussy and start the next round.” Jai jeered.

Beau: “One, two..” the boys sang in mockingly high voices before Beau pushed Jai into the bushes laughing. Jai turned around aiming the gun, sending Beau running, yelling , “Don’t shoot.”

But Jai had already done it and beau was on the ground, groaning in pain.

“Ohhhhhh. Oh fuck,” he moaned. You ran over to him and kneeled down next to him, grabbing him under his arms so his head was laying in your lap. “OHHHH…OHHH fuck” he repeated, his hands over his eyes, moaning.

Jai shot him again, nearly getting him. Beau sprang up and squirmed, grabbing his leg. You grabbed his hand and he squeezed it tight, squirming like an fish out of water. He moaned again, letting out the repetative swear word.

“No Jai, too far, too far.” James called.

“Jai c'mon.” you pleaded, pulling the hair out of Beaus eyes and stroking his side lightly, avoiding the sensitive spot on the back. Luke tried to calming him down but Beau protested and squirmed more, making you pull him up onto your knees to keep him from kick Luke. 

Jai came forward and held out his hand. “fuck off, fuck off!” beau yelled, serious upset at his brother over reacting, kicking at him. Jai back away, still pointing the gun at Beau. He turned onto his side and buried his face in your neck, trying to calm down. You put an arm around his shoulder, tracing the muscles in his arm slowly and rubbing his upper back to soothe his shaking body. The boys gathered around and pulled up beau’s shirt to see the mark.  

“Oh..it’s bleeding,” Luke said.

“That’s mad.”

The boys gave him sometime to sit on your lap. He was practically. sitting up and leaning again you. He had his face on your left shoulder, nuzzled into the crook of your neck with his eyes closed, breathing heavily down your neck. You had your left arm wrapped securely around the side of his body, supporting him up and keeping him close, his body rising with each slow breath.

You felt water drip from his face and down your neck. His eyes water both from the pain and from his anger. You reach your right hand up to wipe it away but he was done, over it and standing up, ready to move on.

* * *

Luke was taking his two steps back and aiming the gun at Beau’s crotch. Beau was absolutely terrified after already taking two hits and now taking one from close range on his balls. He covered his face with his hand and made frantic screeching cries before he was hit.

His hands fell away from his eyes and he keeled over. He was in so much pain he couldn’t even yell out. All he could do was let out quick moans and swear between his short, ailing breaths. His face was contorted and his eyes closed in utter agony. You slowly approached him.

“I’d rather get a chainsaw to the neck.” Jai admitted looking down at his brother. 

“Oh fuck..my baaaaaaallls” Beau moaned.

“Oh Beau…” you sighed frantically, not sure how to handle this.

“I’d rather get a chainsaw to the balls” James said taking it even further.

You kneeled down cradling his head, his hand never moving from his aching balls. He rocking into your knees and you stroked his cheek whispering to him.

“It’s gunna be alright baby” you said, still stroking his cheek. He opened his eyes to look up, to give you an appreciative glance before sitting up abruptly and vomint on the ground. You cringed and rubbed his back smoothly. 

“What the fuck!?” Luke cried. “There’s no food involved”

“I seriously feel like my balls are in my fucking stomach,” Beau moaned coughing. eventually he got up and they finished the out-tro. Still holding his balls he sauntered into the house. You quickly look through the freezer and find a frozen bag of peas. You grab it and sit with your legs across the coach cushions. 

“uhhhhg..” he moaning sitting down on your lap, careful not to sit on his balls, and leaning against your chest. You slowly lower the bal of peas on his crotch.

“uhhh…uhhh…awwww.” he moaned as it slowly suck down around his sore balls. 

You put an arm around his shoulder, stroking up and down again, felling his skin tremble under your touch. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into your shirt. His breathing slowed as he instantly drifted off to sleep. You kissed the top of his head before laying your head against his beanie and closing your eyes and drifting off with him.