2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to
begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like,
“I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line
right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes…sort of: “Got a good
woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest
face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she
weighs 500 pounds.”
4. The Blues is not about choice. You’re stuck in a
ditch, you’re stuck in a ditch - ain’t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and
broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility
Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train,
blues NEVER go on the northbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor
pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues
lifestyle. So, does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’
to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being
old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in
Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably
just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the
best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that
don’t get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A
woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg because you were skiing is not the
blues. Breaking your leg ‘cause an alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping
mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom
b. gallery openings c. Ivy League institutions d. golf courses
11. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a
suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it for the last 6
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. you’re older than dirt b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis Not if: a. you have all your teeth b. you
were once blind but can see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund now
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of
bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white
people also got leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and your darlin’ give you
gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. muddy water b. nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b.
Chardonnay c. Snapple d.
15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun
shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another
Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can’t
have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting
16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c.
Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little
Willie d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie,
and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. “Make your own Blues Name” Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see
above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of a President
(Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg
Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)
20. I don’t care how tragic your life: if you own even
one computer, you cannot sing the blues. If you are reading this on a computer
- maybe you cannot sing the Blues - but you sure can listen to it…
High beltline and low roof led to a cool mixture of exotic coupé style and Swedish practicality: Has Volvo ever built a better-looking car than this Pelle Petterson designed dream machine? Volvo P1800 Coupé (1961–1972).
Volvo 1800 ES Rocket by Frua. In the late 60s Volvo commissioned Pietro Frua to design an extended roof version of the 1800 Coupe. The Rocket was the result. Volvo adopted a more conservative in-house design for the 1800ES instead
Volvo designers can not only draw with the ruler: Volvo P1800 ES Overdrive Shooting Brake (1971 until 1973), the most expensive classic Volvo. Because of the frameless all-glass tailgate its German nickname has been „Schneewittchensarg” (Snow White’s coffin).
The Volvo Ocean Race runs over nine months, thirty-nine-thousand miles, four oceans, and six continents. This year, one boat became the twentieth in the race’s history not to make the finish. John Clarke reports on the twenty-first-century shipwreck.
Photograph courtesy Brian Carlin/Team Vestas Wind/Volvo Ocean Race