voldemort jokes

HEY so I just had a thought, like it’s pretty obvious but…People always talk about how Harry and Draco almost killed each other, but no one talks about how they also saved each other’s lives. In the castle, Harry went back to save Draco from the fire, which later provided him with the information to tell Narcissa that Draco was in the castle and safe, and of course Harry knew he was, because he had saved him himself.

  • Voldemort’s dock: Voldeport
  • Voldemort organizes the house: Voldesort
  • Voldemort gathers some pillows and blankets: Voldefort
  • Voldemort kicks a ball: Voldesport
  • Voldemort bakes a delicious pastry: Voldetorte
  • Voldemort laughs at a funny joke: Voldesnort
  • Voldemort realizes these puns aren’t funny: Voldabort
  • Voldemort: A lot of you have been hearing the werewolves complaining about a lack of diversity in the Death Eaters.
  • Peter: What in the hell's diversity?
  • Rodolphus: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the medieval era.
  • Voldemort: Rodolphus, I would be surprised if the werewolves were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try.

anonymous asked:

Is there any part of "doing" SSC that you regret, or would do over again differently, if you knew then what you know now?

That one time I compared some feminists to Voldemort as a joke in the middle of an extended analogy, and now the Usual Suspects have just given me the epithet of “Scott, that person who thinks all feminists are Voldemort” and made sure that is the only part of my million-plus-word blog anybody knows about.

I’m remembering that story about that Scottish guy who says “I eat eggs every day, and nobody calls me Angus The Egg-Eater. I have three beautiful children, and nobody calls me Angus The Child-Raiser. I’ve grown barley every year, and nobody calls me Angus The Barley-Grower. But you fuck one goat…”

It’s kind of like that.

They made Hermione black. Which is fine and cool. She’s not particularly different from the Emma Watson-version of Hermione. Oh, except she gets (unfairly) pulled over by the cops more and Fox News hosts are constantly trying to justify why Lord Voldemort is right to want to kill her.
the signs as knock knock jokes

Aries: 

Voldemort- “knock knock”
Harry Potter- “who’s there”
Voldemort- “you know”
Harry Potter- “you know who”
Voldemort- “exactly”

Aquarius: 

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“daisy”
“daisy who”
“daisy me rollin’ they hatin’”

Cancer:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“doctor”
“doctor who”

Capricorn:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“Britney Spears”
“Britney Spears who?”
“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“oops I did it again”

Gemini:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“Idaho”
“Idaho who”
“I da ho”

Leo:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“to”
“to who”
“to whom

Libra:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“Obama”
“Obama who”
“Oooo Baaa Maaa self”

Pisces:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“date”
“date who”
“date me…”

Sagittarius:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“boo”
“I don’t know anyone named Boo. Get off my property.”

Scorpio:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“not Zayn”

Taurus:

“knock knock”
“who’s there”
“yoo”
“yoo who”
“yoo who big summer blowout”

Virgo:

friend: “knock knock”
me: “who’s there”
friend: “not your favorite character”
me: 
friend:
me: “there’s a special place in hell for people like you”

-mina :-)