vodka and monsters

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#sour #vodka #drinks #cocktails #monster #lime #lemon

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anonymous asked:

Today me and some kid drank a lot of vodka mixed with monster and did a bunch of Coke then talked about the nature of the universe and it made me think of u

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Okay but the greek gods as high school stereotypes

Zeus is the homecoming king, date-rapey, wears crowns to school half the week, football star, wears a lot of red clothes, daddy issues, dating Hera but mad cause she won’t put out, cheats, has fathered 3 kids but payed the moms off, unliked by fathers, doesn’t read, “No you’re stupid” “I know you are but what am I?”

Hera is the super protective, top of the class, teaches home ec to underclassman, willingly takes the robot babies for fun, vintage sundresses, homecoming queen, loves reading, abstinence advocator, 

Athena is tiptop of the class, v v smart but will fuck you up, wears blazers, vegan, will not hesitate to tell you she is vegan, started chess club, is president of chess club, is the only one in chess club, Quiz bowl, 

Apollo is designated gay guy, throws the best parties, always lit, super tan, spends summers in Tahiti, really likes hummus, shitty poetry slams at the local bars, “come to my poetry slam Tuesday night!” Drums on everything, takes more time on his hair than his homework

Artemis, super gay, wears a lot of jewelry, blogs all night, skips school for first day of hunting season, wears white camo, eats meninists for breakfast, loves the bell jar, dog person

Dionysus wears Hawaiian shirts 24/7, drinks before school, does everything but heroin because that is too far, water bottles filled with vodka, dabs ironically, puts Monster in his coffee and drinks it, spends all his money on booze, eats two bags of Doritos a day

Poseidon– captain of the swim team, ironically doesn’t like fish, has sea food allergy, has a shark stuffed animal, wears board shorts to school, talks about surfing but can’t surf, talks with Californian accent but is from Ohio, “radical”, bucket hats, orange spray tan, cried watching finding nemo

Hades, oldest but his family hates him, wears nothing but black, still in the scene phase, secretly likes Justin Bieber, girlfriend goes to a different school, “you wouldn’t know her”, spikes hair every day but always brushes it out because “it doesn’t look good”. every day. “welcome to my twisted mind” blog title, guyliner, joined theatre as a joke, is really good at it, under appreciated, watches one tree hill in his free time

Persephone– flower child gone goth, irrational fear of pomegranates, dog person, “It’s complicated” relationship status. only drinks long island ice teas, flower crown and punk edits, wears crop tops and ripped jeans, in love with my chemical romance, cosplay youtuber

Aphrodite– settler in the relationship, cheating on her boyfriend, tells people she is in an open relationship, has had so many abortions her next one is free, wears pink ever Wednesday, spends all her money at Victoria’s secret, Instagram famous, personal relationship with Kylie Jenner, wants to be a model, wears crop tops and skater skirts, makeup youtuber, “I was the sidechick”

Hermes– meme trash, works in school office, wears cardigans, on the track team, studied abroad, afraid of heights, wears nike sandals with socks, wants to be a doctor, tweets for a living, Dabs unironically, trolls everyone

Hephaestus– Girlfriend is cheating on him, reacher in relationship, loves star trek, relates to Spock, makes model airplanes, mommy issues, kind heart, hard worker, pure cinnamon roll. wears a lot of flannels, and work boots 24/7, hates his brother Ares, only reason there is a handy cap entrance, 

Hestia–Possible arsonist, dad is an asshole, cozy fire aesthetic, slut-shamer, obsessed with disney movies, always has tea, wears cardigans, “too hot for you” mug, still sleeps with a stuffed animal at 18, best tipper

Demeter – mom friendTM, seasonal wardrobes, texts you to make sure you ate, loves a good nude lip but is always down for a plum, goes by Demi,, hates when people rhyme her name with things, has a life style blog, minimalist.

Hypnose– Deadass, sleeps all day, failing all classes because he doesn’t do his homework, anxiety, loves camomile tea, loves catcher in the rye, binge watches a new tv show every week

Ares– only drinks fireball, head of the wrestling team, tried to fight teacher, will fight you, will fight his dog, will fight your dog, claims to have wrestled a bear, motorcycle, also wears guy liner, has a designated detention seat, calls the principle by first name, really good with little kids, makes a child army, WOW, rage quitter, texts Hephaestus that he stole his girl 24/7

@barackohanameansfamily @trainer-of-mischief @twelve-percent-pepper

alright but just picture Zedd just saying fuck it and making random monsters just to see what might happen

behold the nutella monster which shall force humans to eat nutella until they are too fat to fight! 

behold the straight jacket monster which shall hug all the humans until they cannot fight from all the kindness

behold the vodka monster it’s always drunk so the humans will be too distracted while I take over

so basically just taking pages out of Divatox’s playbook

looking at you pizza monster and toothpaste monster

Okay but

woops the vodka monster gets everyone drunk

Zedd has WAY too much fun with vodka monster

suddenly just starts zapping things on earth

and if we follow the pattern of what Zedd THINKS will be powerful turning out to be not so powerful and random things being powerful instead, mixed with shitty drunk aim from space

‘what happened last night’ 

‘sir the earthquake making vibrator monster caused tidal waves and destroyed the earth’ 

‘oops’