vittoria vici

Vittoria Vici: *takes a deep breath*

Vittoria Vici: oh, excuse me-

anyone who has spent five seconds in Solitude ever: yes, you’re getting married, we know, you‘re getting married, you’re just so distracted, so much to plan, you’re getting married, we KNOW, you’re getting married you’re getting fucking married ok we know, we get it, YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED. WE GET IT.

omfg so i was playing skyrim last night (shocker, i know) and i experienced a sequence of events that was so fucking catastrophic oh my god

okay so i was doing the dark brotherhood quest where i had to kill vittoria vici. i’m at the wedding standing by the gargoyle, i knock it down and kill vittoria (and also steal her adorable flower wedding crown), the audience goes wild, yadda yadda. the whole city of solitude is on my asscrack as i’m racing out of the doors

i get outside and the late bride’s family, plus a herd of guards, are chasing me as i’m frantically running down the rocks toward the stables where my horse is. one of the family members is firing ice beams at me, i’ve got arrows sticking out of my forehead and i’m repeatedly using health potions but i can see my horse

i finally get on the damn thing and i’m turning to leave and guess what i fucking see: a group of vampires, randomly spawned bc i’m a lazy ass who hasn’t finished the dawnstar dlc, and they’re attacking the stableworkers. i jump off my horse and start blindly swinging my war ax, fighting the vampires WITH THE AID OF the townspeople that were just trying to kill me

the vampires are swiftly killed and i FINALLY get on my horse; the townspeople seem to have forgotten their quarrel with me, since they’re heading back up to solitude and leaving me alone. i turn my ass around, ready to leave the stables, and what do i fucking see?

a fucking elder dragon, hovering right above me

  • Me: Drops a fucking statue on Vittoria Vici
  • Me: Runs and jumps the fuck away like a badass
  • Me: Gets shot at but Matrix the shit
  • Me: Leaves and gets a sufficient distance away from Solitude
  • Me: "Alright, I'm basically in Whiterun now. Maybe I should fast travel..."
  • Game: You can't fast travel while guards are pursuing.
  • Me: "Alright alright, I'll just run across the whole of Skyrim."
  • Me: Gets to the Sanctuary.
  • Me: Does things then tries to sleep.
  • Game: You can't sleep while guards are pursuing.
  • Me: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Me: "Oh fuck I'm gonna have to get to every hold I'm wanted in manually and pay off every bounty like that, am I?"
  • Me: "Where am I wanted anyway?"
  • Game: Solitude and Dawnstar.
  • Me: "WELL GOD DAMN IT NOW I GOTTA CROSS THE DAMN COUNTRY AGAIN."