visitor friendly


AU spinoff of #TFW adopts a monster ‘verse, set in an animal adoption center.

Warnings: some indistinct shadows of smutty thoughts

Words: 2,700

Shoutout to @fantastically-fictional for sparking this idea, and happy belated birthday to @thebest-medicine!

“Thank you. This room will be open again after feeding time is over.”

Castiel ushers the last visitors out into the hallway as he follows. The door, honey-colored wood with a large pane of wired glass embedded in its upper half, clicks shut behind him, followed by the light hiss of the sealant system. The pheromones that would shortly pump into the room are fairly harmless to people, but it always sends the critters inside into a bit of a tizzy, and rowdy animals don’t get adopted. Cas had been hired here less than two weeks ago, but that much is already obvious.

The three-year-old girl with the purple coat is fussing at the closed door. Her tiny fingers curl at the frame of the glass, trying in vain to pull herself up to see the “woopers” some more, until her father deftly redirects her toward the kitty room down the hall.

Cas has never understood why people liked loopers, anyway. Cats are soft and cute, and the shelter cycles through them at a good pace. Dogs are enthusiastically loving, although loud, and their playfulness is always a hit with families. Sure, loopers can be great service animals, and most kids weirdly like them, but what’s the appeal in a pet that is neither fluffy nor adorable? Invisible animals have to lose the novelty sooner or later; not to even mention the tentacles. (Cas squirms his shoulders uncomfortably.) Plus, feeding them is bizarre. The artificial pheromones have gotten a lot better at fulfilling the looper’s nutritional needs over the last decade or so, but still. Feeding a pet via gas chamber is never going to seem normal to Cas.

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Stiles- I Kind Of Needed It Too

Request-  (This might be long sorry about that) could you do one where you’re Derek’s daughter but like he doesn’t know you exist because when your mother found out she kinda ran off but now you’re older you come back looking for him and you ask Scott and the pack for help (as Derek went off with Braeden somewhere) and they’re all kinda shocked and they make Stiles like babysit you one night to make sure they can trust you and you and stiles hit it off (your imagines r so great ily)

A/N- Thanks hun ily too. I really liked this request (kinda made me miss Derek to be honest) and I hope you’re happy with it!

You walked up the seemingly endless metal steps, your boots thumping in the empty stairwell. While the elevator in the apartment complex was broken, you were grateful for the long walk to the top floor. It gave you time to practice what you were going to say, the words you had been thinking about over and over for the past few days.
Hi my name is Y/n, you began in your head. No, that’s not good.
You shook your head softly, trying to come up with something better than just your name. From what you had heard about the person you were looking for, he would probably slam the door in your face if you started off with that.  Are you Derek Hale? I’m Y/n…I’m your daughter.
“Yeah, that’s great,” you muttered to yourself. “Start off with ‘I’m your long lost kid’.”
As you made a move to climb another step, your foot fell through the air, letting you know that there were no more to take. You blinked as you realized you were standing in front of an enormous, rusted metal door.
Homey, you thought to yourself, looking down at the piece of paper clutched in your hand. You had the name of the apartment complex and you knew this loft was your destination, but you hadn’t really known what to expect. Of course you hadn’t been expecting some big house with a white picket fence, complete with a brand new family welcoming you home with open arms, but still. This was a little sketchy.
From what your adoptive parents had told you, you were the product of a teenage one-night stand about fifteen years ago. You were pretty young to be going off to look for your father on your own, but you had been waiting your whole life to find your parents. When your search for your mother revealed that she had died in a car accident a few years ago, you made it your mission to find your father, especially since you had a supernatural connection.
You doubted he even knew about you, but one of his uncles had. He had been involved in the adoption when you were only a few weeks old, and when you called him looking for answers, he had given you Derek’s address. Derek Hale. Your father.
The name sounded strange on your tongue and it seemed even stranger  that a man you didn’t even know could have that much of a connection to you. The again, that was the nature of the beast you were living with, and you were determined to make the best of it.
You stood in front of the door and took one last deep breath before reaching up to knock. Before you could start, though, you realized you could hear voices from inside, shouting and laughing. You swallowed, knowing that the mood inside that apartment was about to be killed by what you would bring.
You figured you could always go back your adoptive parents a few towns over. The drive wasn’t that long to begin with and you could always come back another day, but it occurred to you that you didn’t want to. You had waited long enough to meet your father and now that you were there, standing on his doorstep, there was no turning back.
At the sound of your knuckles rapping on the door, the voices inside the loft ceased their murmuring.
“Is that the pizza?” a voice wondered aloud.
“Nah, dude, we just ordered it,” another voice answered. “I’ll get it.”
You stood there, staring at the door quizzically. The voices of the two boys you heard inside didn’t sound old enough to be your father. Maybe he had visitors?
You didn’t exactly have any more time to think about it, because suddenly the rusty door was sliding open.
“H-” a tall boy with brown hair began, but when he caught sight of you his tone turned suspicious. “Hey, can I help you?”
“Does Derek Hale live here?” you asked, cutting right to the chase.
“Yes?” the boy offered questioningly.
“You don’t sound sure,” you remarked with a raised eyebrow.
“N-no,” he stuttered. “I’m sure. Derek does live here.”
“Stiles, who is it?” a voice called back from inside.
When you looked in the direction of the voice, you saw another boy leaning over the couch in the center of the room. When he turned, the two other people on the couch turned as well, and you saw a girl with bright, strawberry blonde hair and another with short, dark locks.
“It’s a girl!” Stiles called back, paying very little attention to the other boy.
“I’m guessing Derek isn’t here,” you stated, your eyes moving down to the floor.
“Not right now, no,” he told you. “But he’ll be back soon.”
“How soon?” you asked him.
Stiles blinked. “Why?”
You sighed. “I really need to talk to him.”
“And why is that?”
“You ask a lot of questions,” you stated.
“Well, can you blame me?” Stiles asked. “A pretty stranger shows up out of nowhere, asking about my friend. Don’t I have a right to be suspicious?”
You frowned and something in your expression reminded Stiles of something he had seen a thousand times before. Before he could point it out, you began to back away.
“I’ll come back later,” you stated.
“No, wait!” Stiles cried. “Look, uh, whatever it is, I can help you. Sorry if I was rude before…we just haven’t had friendly visitors in the past.”
“You’re looking for Derek?” a voice behind him asked, and you looked past him to see the other boy walking toward you.
He was a little taller than Stiles, with a tanner complexion and a slightly crooked jaw. He had warm brown eyes and he wore an expression of concern. For some reason, you felt like you could trust him and judging by the smell, he was a werewolf too.
“Yeah,” you told him. “Do you know when he’s getting back?”
“He should be here tomorrow,” he told you. “Can I ask why you’re looking for him?”
You sighed, looking out over the faces of everyone staring at you. “I’m pretty sure he’s my dad.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Stiles breathed as he sat in the chair across from you. “You’re telling me that Derek-big, gruff, never smiles ever-is your dad? That’s…actually not surprising.”
“If that’s what he’s like,” you stated with a shrug. “I’ve never actually met him.”
You took a bite of your pizza, eyeing the group of people sitting on the couch and chairs around you. The food had arrived a few minutes after you did, so you and Scott’s pack were currently crowded into Derek’s living room, talking and eating.
“And when exactly did this happen?” the boy you now knew as Scott asked. “I mean, Derek would have to have been our age, maybe even younger.”
“From what his uncle told me, his girlfriend had just died and he was trying to have some fun. He went to a party and my mom was there, and you can guess the rest. When she found out she was pregnant, she didn’t get a chance to tell him before the fire. After that, she didn’t want to dump that on him and she didn’t want to be a single parent, so she left Beacon Hills and gave me up. She died a few years ago in a car accident.”
“I’m so sorry,” Scott told you quietly.
You shook your head softly and suddenly any appetite you had was gone. “I didn’t know her.”
“Wait,” the brunette girl, Malia said. “Which Uncle?”
“As far as I know he only has one,” you stated. “His name is Peter.”
Malia huffed. “Great.”
“Am I missing something?” you asked.
“Peter is Malia’s dad,” Stiles stated.
“Wait, then that means-”
“You and Malia are related,” Lydia finished for you, picking at her nails.
“Do you…do you not like our family?” you asked Malia.
“No that’s not it,” she said with a sigh. “Peter’s not one of my favorite people. I barely know him. Derek though, he’s a good person. And I don’t really know you, but I’m willing to believe you are too.”
“Uh, thanks,” you said.
“Derek’s been gone with his girlfriend for a while,” Scott explained to you. “Things have been pretty quiet around here lately, so he took some time away. He actually called a few days ago and told us he was coming back tomorrow. We were kind of using his loft for a pizza party.”
“Yeah, don’t mention that when you see him,” Stiles told you, pursing his lips in thought. “That would not go well for us.”
You blinked, staring questioningly at Scott. He gave you a small smile, but you had a feeling Stiles wasn’t kidding. “Uh, I can’t promise he’ll be stoked to see you, but I know he’ll give you a chance.”
“So what you’re saying is, he won’t slam the door in my face, but anything after that you can’t guarantee?” you asked.
“Yeah,” Scott said hesitantly. “You never really know with Derek, but I’m sure he’ll hear you out, Y/n.”
You nodded and rose from the couch.  “I really appreciate this. Thanks for talking to me. ”
“Wait, Y/n,” Scott said. “Where are you staying tonight?”
“I’m not really sure,” you admitted. “I was going to try and find a motel…maybe come back tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Stiles told you. “You know, if you wanted to…one of us could stay here with you until Derek shows up.”
You raised your eyebrows. “What?”
“Or…or not,” he said. “I mean, staying in some stranger’s loft might not be your thing, but…”
“Who’s going to stay with her?” Lydia questioned. “I mean, I would offer, but ever since Eichen House my mom has been keeping major tabs on me…despite my being eighteen.”
She muttered this last part, looking at the floor with a roll of her eyes. The Alpha sighed and looked from Lydia to Malia, who simply shrugged. She might have been your family, but she wasn’t exactly looking forward to introducing you to Derek. She had had enough parental drama for a lifetime and she didn’t want to get mixed up in anyone else’s.
“I’ll do it,” Stiles announced, looking at all the reluctant faces.
You frowned. “Are you sure? You don’t even know me.”
“You seem pretty normal to me,” he pointed out. “I mean, as long as you’re not going to wolf out and eat me, I think we’re good.”
“Great,” Scott said, clapping his hands together. “That’s settled then. I guess we’ll clear out in a little bit.”
You nodded and sank back into the couch as Scott and his pack chatted around you. Every few minutes, you’d feel the familiar itch of someone’s eyes on you and you’d look over to find Stiles turning away. You shook your head softly, wondering if he trusted you or not. You realized he had probably only offered to stay with you to keep an eye on you. You couldn’t exactly blame him, seeing as you were a new werewolf in a town that had been threatened so many times. Still, you hoped it wouldn’t cloud his judgement of you, and you hoped it wouldn’t cloud Derek’s either.

You walked out of Derek’s bathroom after brushing your teeth, tugging the old t-shirt that acted as a pajama top down over your stomach. You padded back down the swirling staircase and stepped into the wide open first floor, only to find Stiles laying out a sleeping bag directly across from the couch.
“What are you doing?” you asked him, raising your eyebrows.
“Laying out my sleeping bag?” he offered questioningly.
“I thought we agreed that I had a sleeping bag and that I would take the floor,” you told him.
“I think we were arguing about it,” he reminded you. “And then you said ‘This isn’t over, Stilinski’ and you went to brush your teeth.”
You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Well, what I said still stands. I’m not taking the couch while you take the floor.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because…I don’t know, it just feels weird,” you admitted. “I’m kind of an omega and no matter how annoying and human you are, you’re part a of Scott’s pack.”
“Well I don’t know anything about pack hierarchies,” he told you honestly. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t care. You’re a guest. Well, technically you’re Derek’s guest, and since we both agreed it’d be weird to sleep in his bed, one of us is taking the floor and it’s not going to be you.“
You sighed, looking over at the couch Stiles had already laid a folded blanket on. It did feel weird to be taking the couch, but you had never met a more stubborn person in your life. You had a feeling that you could argue with Stiles until the sun rose and still not be able to change his mind.
“Fine,” you relented, and you snatched the blanket from the couch. “But if you snore I’m going to drag you outside.”
Stiles shook his head. “You’re definitely Derek’s daughter.”
You swallowed as you laid down on the couch, pulling the blanket over your shoulders. You turned toward Stiles and watched as he wriggled into his sleeping bag, a slight frown on your face. “How well do you know him?”
“Derek?” Stiles asked, looking up at you from the floor. “Uh, pretty well I guess. All of this supernatural crap has brought everyone a lot closer, I think. I met him like two years ago. I kind of thought he was a serial killer for a really long time, but he’s really not that bad. He’s a little broody, I mean, he’s been through a lot. But sometimes he’ll laugh or smile, and you know he can be a happy guy. He just has to warm up to you.”
“Do you think he’ll warm up to me?” you asked softly.
Stiles was silent, and you blinked, cursing yourself for getting so personal. “Nevermind. That was stupid.”
“No, no,” Stiles assured you. “It wasn’t stupid. It’s just, I don’t know you very well, and I don’t know how Derek will react to the fact that he has a kid. But I’ve only known you for a little bit, and I already like you. So if you just keep being you and hope for the best, I think it’ll work out alright.”
“Thanks,” you whispered. “I just…I didn’t get the chance to meet my mom. And my adoptive parents, they’re great, there’s just a lot of us there. It’s easy to get left out and I’ve always wondered what my life would have been like if I had met my real parents. I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot, like…like they’ve missed out on a lot.”
“I know how you feel,” Stiles said softly. “My mom’s dead too. She died when I was eight.”
“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “And…and I know you must have heard that a thousand times.”
“Yeah,” he said. “But I know what you mean. I wish she was here to see me, you know? And maybe she can see me, I don’t know, but I wish I could have shared all of this with her. I didn’t know about the supernatural until a few years ago, but it’s totally flipped my life upside down. Some of it’s been good and some of it’s been bad, but I just wish I could talk to her, you know?”
“Yeah,” you agreed. “I know exactly how you feel.”
You sniffed, realizing that you were starting to cry. You closed your eyes, trying to will away the tears, but what Stiles was saying hit home. You could definitely understand what he was saying, and you knew he was no stranger to wishing for things he could never have. There were so many things that could have been, so many things that should have been, but life just hadn’t dealt you those cards.
You laid there in silence for a few seconds, but then you heard Stiles shifting on the floor. A loud zipping noise cut through the quiet of the loft, and you watched as he wriggled out of the sleeping bag. You sat up as he walked over and sat next to you, pulling you into a tight hug. You froze at first, a little startled, but you quickly wrapped your arms around him.
“Uh, thanks,” you sniffed, your cheeks red from embarrassment at crying in front of someone who was practically a stranger. You didn’t normally do that, but considering the situation you were in, it shouldn’t have surprised you.
“No problem,” he murmured as he pulled away. “You looked like you needed that. And to be honest, I kind of needed it too.”
You nodded and leaned against the couch, your shoulder touching Stiles’.
“And hey, don’t worry about Derek,” he told you, gazing at you with those warm brown eyes. “He might be a little standoffish at first, but he’s lost a lot of his family. Don’t let how he acts fool you. I know he’d do anything to gain some back.”
You nodded. “Thank you.”
You sighed and closed your eyes, exhaustion finally overtaking you. At that point you didn’t care that you barely knew Stiles or that you were about to fall asleep on his shoulder. All that mattered was that you had found someone you could connect with and that hadn’t happened to you in a long time. You just hoped that you could connect with Derek too.

“What the hell is this?” you awoke to hear a voice snarling. “Stiles!”
You blinked awake, your eyes going wide as you caught sight of the tall, enraged-looking man standing in front of the couch. You immediately pushed away from Stiles, whose face had been buried in your shoulder as he slept.
“Stiles,” you hissed, shoving him in the shoulder.
“Huh-what?” he mumbled, opening his bleary eyes and looking up at who you could only assume was Derek Hale. “Oh, hey Derek…Derek!”
He suddenly bolted awake, sitting straight up against the couch. “Hey, uh, I know this looks-”
“What the hell are you doing in my loft?” he demanded, his green eyes filled with anger.. “With a girl?”
“See, it’s a funny story,” he began to explain. “I was here last night with Scott and the others, and Y/n here knocked on the door. She was looking for you, but she didn’t have anywhere to stay, so…”
Derek’s icy gaze flashed to you. “You were looking for me? Why?”
“I…” you began as you stood up, suddenly finding yourself at a loss for words. “I, um, I needed to ask…I needed to tell you…”
You swallowed, realizing that Derek was staring at you like you were stupid. His eyebrows were raised, his gaze was accusing, and you suddenly realized you never should have come here in the first place.
Just as you were beginning to doubt your decision, you felt a warm hand on your back and you looked over to see Stiles staring at you with a reassuring smile. You took a deep breath, remembering what he had said about not letting Derek fool you. You didn’t know how he was going to react and you didn’t know what would happen, but as Stiles rested his hand on your back, you realized you had at least one person rooting for you.
“I’m Y/n,” you stated as you looked up at Derek’s face, the one that, now that you thought about it, was quite similar to yours. “And I’m pretty sure you’re my father.”

spikesjojo  asked:

what is the secret of getting to the reviews from your site? I am going insane

the secret is you have to go into my blog…

I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself, I’m obviously kidding! I LOVE YOU DON’T GET MAD AT ME!

The thing is my blog’s theme is not very visitor-friendly and I’m a lazy fuck who won’t change it because ugh it’s too much work. And I’ve forgotten to add the rewatch tags to my taggage page because, yes, you got, it, I’m a lazy fuck! Who would’ve known?!

Anywho, you can access all my recaps here, or if you want to go through them in chronological order, you can go here

(sorry again about the tutu/pillock thing, I’m a jackass sometimes and I can’t help it! love you!)

Background Videos For Modern Web Design

Videos that automatically play in the background can add a lot to a page. They can be used to tell a story and significantly reduce the amount of other content that is needed to explain your business.

Let’s take Wistia’s website, for example. When you land on their homepage a large video automatically starts playing in the background, and by clicking on the play button, you get a deeper look at Wistia:

This background video serves as a brilliant way to get the visitor engaged to click-through to the main video.

Why is it useful?

Background videos focus on enticing the visitor from the moment they land on your page. The video allows your visitor to understand the key points about your company without ever having to read a single line of text.

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“-Where the hell are you going?!”

You reached for your kutte as you stormed through the doorway,
“I need to get out of here Jax,” slipping on your leather you  pulled out your keys.

Jax followed closely behind, “Where are you going?” His eyes pleaded with you, regret flooding him, this sudden information had hit you harder than his expected.

Mounting your bike, you pulled on your helmet, “I’m gonna stay up at the cabin for a couple days, clear my head…”

Jax takes a step back as you turn your engine,
“Be careful up there! I love you!”

You smirk, “I love you too big brother!”


The ride alone leveled you enough that when you pulled up, you were decently calm, the silence of nature was soothing. Up until you heard the buzzing roar of a distant bike, growing closer and closer.
Reaching inside your kutte, your hand rested on your pistol, just in case your unexpected visitor wasn’t a friendly. But when your eyes narrowed in on the rider, you pulled out your gun anyways, pointing it straight ahead.

“Look, I can explain,” Juice switched off his engine, holding his hands out in front of him.

“You can try,” your core burned with fury.

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archangelxfallen  asked:

Giving a cursory glance to the list of charges heaped upon the head of the young prisoner: 7 counts of weapons trafficking, 2 of murder, and fraud. Commander Reyes smirked at the memory of meeting him -- that same tenacity and pride that served him so well in his own life reflected back at him. Different yes, but someone once gave him a chance and the kid did not look like anyone had ever done that. A fool's mistake he thought, telling the guard to let him in to see this wise-cracking teenager.

  The new prisoner still felt naked without his hat. A quirk of a brow as that damn steel door was slowly coming open, watching it closely. He sure as hell wasn’t expecting any visitors, at least any friendly ones. What else could they want? He remained highly observant as he watched the man that entered the room carefully. “Whatever it is, I probably did it,” he sighed, rolling his eyes with a chuckle at the end. He hated this handcuff bullshit, it definitely wasn’t meant to be relaxed in any way. 

I believe that these extraterrestrial vehicles and their crews are visiting this planet from other planets which obviously are a little more technically advanced than we are here on Earth. I feel that we need to have a top level, coordinated program to scientifically collect and analyze data from all over the earth concerning any type of encounter, and to determine how best to interface with these visitors in a friendly fashion…. For many years I have lived with a secret, in a secrecy imposed on all specialists and astronauts. I can now reveal that every day, in the USA, our radar instruments capture objects of form and composition unknown to us. And there are thousands of witness reports and a quantity of documents to prove this, but nobody wants to make them public.

Colonel L. Gordon Cooper, Mercury and Gemini Astronaut, in an address to the UN in 1985 after announcing that he had seen and chased UFOs over Germany in the 1950s. Cooper also reported a greenish object, which passed by his capsule going east to west (opposite normal man-made orbits) while in orbit in May of 1963. The object was tracked by ground-based equipment in Perth, Australia. The press was told it could not question Col. Cooper on this aspect of the mission.

Paint Samples

While spending some time with her mother, Emma thinks about second chances and a certain confession in Echo Cave.


Emma watches her mother knead the dough, her nimble fingers covered in flour as she works. Snow White’s movements are methodical, a well-practiced routine that seem almost second nature. Emma’s own fingers tighten around her mug, lifting it to her lips to hide her awestruck smile.

Emma, herself, has never been one for the kitchen, opting for TV dinners, take out, or pasta with sauce from a jar. She has memories – fake memories that she tries to push down because they hurt too much – of baking cakes with Henry, them mixing chocolate chips into waffle batter, and homemade lasagnas that she made from scratch – sauce and all.

She wonders if there hadn’t been a curse, if she would have been able to deftly knead the bread like her mother does now, but those thoughts are almost as painful as her fake memories with Henry, so she presses them down. Instead, Emma tries to resolve herself to focus on what she has now, a mother who is here and making more memories – real memories – with both her and Henry.

Henry is spending the day on the Jolly with Killian, her father and baby brother in tow. It warms her heart to know they are bonding, this little family of hers, especially after the hell – both literal and figurative – to get this point. Emma also loves how it gives her extra time to spend with her mother, just the two of them.

Her mother eventually finishes her kneading, and transfers the tough to an overlarge bowl to let it rise for a few hours. As Snow White washes her hands of flour and dough in the sink, Emma comments, “You’ll have to teach me how to do this some day. Killian always complains about how the processed stuff is too sweet.”

“Compared to the Enchanted Forest, he’s right,” Snow hums in agreement, toweling off her hands. “Of course, it’s also really nice just to go to the store and pick pre-sliced bread.”

“Convenience – the real magic of the Land Without Magic,” Emma says, thinking of her own forays into the Enchant Forest and its lack of easy shopping for food, clothing, or anything really.

In an unspoken agreement, the two women move to the living room, opting to curl themselves opposite of one another on the couch. Emma is hit with a string of memories from her earliest weeks in Storybrooke after she first moved into the apartment. That period in her life had been such an emotional upheaval, but her newfound friendship with the woman known as Mary Margaret had grounded her.

There are times when Emma misses Mary Margaret-the-friend. There had been a certain ease in the camaraderie shared between them, one that is not easily found between mother and daughter. Mary Margaret had been one of the few people in her life that made her feel special, wanted even. But Emma wouldn’t trade this, not anymore, these little moments she gets to spend with her mother in the quiet of the loft.

It takes her a moment to notice paint samples scattered across the coffee table. Lifting one of the many shades of blue, Emma asks, “Redecorating?”

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Silmarillion Cocktails - Valar Edition (first half)

Which flavor of divine intervention shall it be for you tonight, friendly visitor?

The Manwë
You are the breezy King of Arda, doing the windy thing when needed and occasionally sending your prized Eagles on dangerous rescue missions. You love seeing the good in people, but the heartache about your brother - Eru damnit, Melkor - makes even you thirst for a light drink, befitting of the heights of Taniquetil.

  • Ingredients: 2cl Gin, 2cl Blue Curaçao, 1cl Grenadine, 2cl lemon juice, 3cl pineapple juice
  • Preparation: Pour all of the ingredients except for the Grenadine into the shaker, add ice. Shake. Pour into a longdrink glass. Carefully add Grenadine. If feeling exceptionally enamored with your wife, garnish with a slice of Starfruit. Optional: Watch the Elves fuck up while you enjoy your drink.

The Varda
Your aggressive and bratty brother-in-law gives you a headache. You are angry enough to create an entire star constellation spelling “Fuck you, Melkor” forever on your beautiful night sky. Your husband lets Melkor go nonetheless and you need to calm the fuck down before you nuke this place with asteroids.

  • Ingredients: 4cl Vodka, 2cl Amaretto (Disaronno)
  • Preparation: Stir the ingredients in a tumbler glass over ice cubes. Lean back, sip the drink thoughtfully, feel in power and enjoy.
The Aulë
It’s been a long day in the smithy. Your favorite elvish pupils turn out to be doomed, two of your Maiar turned evil and never returned. Also, Melkor smashed your favorite mountain. Again. You need to dull your mind for a second.
  • Ingredients: 3cl Bourbon Whiskey, 2cl Single Malt, 3cl lemon juice, 3cl sugar syrup
  • Preparation: Add all ingredients to the Shaker, shake well. Serve in a Tumbler over ice cubes. Decorate with a cocktail cherry and a lemon peel. Question eternal life choices and enjoy.
The Yavanna
Your husband created dwarves and they need wood. You get back at him with walking and talking trees. Now to celebrate the feeble victory of nature over industrialism.
  • Ingredients: 2cl white Rum, 1cl Watermelon liquor, 2cl Passoa, 8cl pineapple juice, 8cl mango nectar, 2cl lemon juice
  • Preparation: Pour ingredients into shake, add ice. Shake well. Serve in a longdrink glass. Optional: Skewer tiny delicious fruits to munch on, because you are worth it.
The Oromë
Hunting rules, staying at home drools. Melkor broke the Lamps and you get to do what you do best. The asshole escapes and you’re left with nothing but your horn and the bitter taste of defeat. Time to drink.
  • Ingredients: 1,5cl Chartreuse Green, 4,5cl Dry Gin, 1,5cl Maraschino, 1,5 cl lime juice, 2 twigs rosemary
  • Preparation: Add one twig of rosemary to a heat enduring tumbler and pour the Chartreuse on it. Shake the rest of the ingredients with ice. Roast the rosemary in the glass by lighting it (try using a spray bottle filled with Chartreuse as help, be cautious). Extinguish the flame by pouring the mix from the shaker on it. Fill the glass with crushed ice. Enjoy and curse Melkor.
The Vána
You could win any singing contest without opening your mouth and any beauty contest by merely existing. Flowers bloom when you walk past them, birds chirp to their hearts’ content. You are a damn Queen and need a drink to go with that attitude.
  • Ingredients: 4cl peach liquor, 1cl lemon juice, 8cl pineapple juice, 2cl Cream of Coconut
  • Preparation: Add all ingredients in a shaker, add a little bit of ice. Shake well. Serve in a Longdrink glass with crushed ice. Decorate however you fancy, this drink deserves to look at least nearly as good as you do.
The Tulkas
You’ve arrived late to the party, everybody has calmed down and you declare your wedding the longest party ever to compensate. Sadly, Melkor had to play wedding crasher and now you’re angry. You are already drunk and should totally master the Drunken Fist. Your newly wed wife also claimed that keg stands don’t count as sophisticated drinking, so you need to come up with something else.
  • Ingredients: 3cl Apricot Brandy, 3cl Martini d'Oro, 4cl Ginger Ale, black beer, 1/8 orange
  • Preparations: Fill a glass of appropriate size for your giant hands to ¾ with ice cubes. Add the ingredients. Stir well. Squeeze the orange over the drink as if it was Melkor’s head. You don’t decorate it, but more aesthetically inclined spirits may add a puny mint leaf.
The Nessa
You’re as swift as the coursing river and as mysterious as the dark side of the moon, because the Elves never see you. You are way too busy partying with Oromë, Vána and/or your jolly good husband. The dancefloors of Arda are ever-grateful.
  • Ingredients: 4cl Vodka, 2cl peach liquor, 1cl Grenadine, 6cl peach nectar, 6cl orange juice
  • Preparation: Add ingredients to shaker, add ice. Strain over an ice filled Longdrink glass. Decorate with a piece of peach. Optional: Snatch the mint leaf from Tulkas’ drink when he isn’t looking. Suits your drink way better.

The beloved divine rest will be published soon. Stay thirsty.

anonymous asked:

for the TAU prompts: Henry introducing the triplets to his former teacher

Ms. Morecombe looked up from her work on her desk, interrupted by the ringing of her desk phone.

She picked it up. “Friends In Need, Director Morecombe speaking.”

“Hey Jessica! You got visitors; friendly ones. I think you’ll wanna see them.”

Ms. Morecombe smiled. Her secretary Heather was one of the first people that her program had helped, back when it was just her in the spare bedroom of her office.

The smile faded from her face as she looked at the papers spread across her desk. Even now, with case workers and cops, lawyers and judges, volunteers all, working towards her cause- She blew out a sigh. It wasn’t enough, never would be enough.

She thought of the red headed little boy that had inspired her to quit her job and found Friends in Need, inspired her to reach out to children that would otherwise have fallen through the cracks of the system. Thought of small hands that had treated the books with as much care as they could muster, a burning spark of a mind and eyes that were constantly sunken under deep bruises. She had failed him, and as he left her care, transferred to another elementary school by his parents, she had sworn to never fail another child like Henry Corduroy again.

“Ms. Morecombe?”

She shook herself clear of her thoughts. “Please send them in Jessica.”

The door open and three teenagers came in, clearly all related; triplets if she had to guess. They were followed a second later by a ridiculously tall man with (antlers? No that was silly) an odd shadow and flaming red hair and-

Her jaw dropped.

She struggled to say something, anything, but the words died in her throat, relief and amazement choking her.

Henry Corduroy smiled, the same shy sweet smile she remembered, and gave a little wave.

“Hello Ms. Morecombe.”

innsmouth-looker replied to your post “guess who woke up yesterday at 5 am and woke up today at 1 pm???…”

a better, brighter, more scientifically accurate Jurassic World

It was not supposed to be a theme park.

Indeed, the chunky concrete buildings and unglamorous enclosures covered over in thick wire mesh were anything but visitor-friendly. Within the wire were habitats so thickly planted that the most a guest might glimpse from the raised walkway was the flick of a vanishing feathered tail.

Still, guests came.

Slumped in her chair, wearing a feces-covered smock and sipping a mug of lukewarm tea, Sarika considered the incubator on the counter before her. It was one in a row of twenty or so, illuminated only by the dim, orange-y glow of heat lamps. Beneath the plastic top, something moved restlessly.

Sarika put down her mug (which was emblazoned with the words “Jurassic World?” over a cartoon of a shrugging Regaliceratops) and wheeled her chair closer to the incubator to lift up the plastic top.

Within, a near-perfect ball of fluff blinked back up at her with little button eyes. It was just a bit smaller than a housecat, covered in mottled brown fuzz, with a slender bare snout filled with perfect tiny teeth. It opened its mouth and made a sound somewhere between a pigeon’s coo and a seagull’s chuckle.

Sarika could not stop a sigh as she leaned down to reach into a bin below the counter to retrieve a thawed pinky mouse. Her awkward angle gave her a clear view of the label someone had scribbled on the front of the incubator: T. rex #4, hatched 2/14/2017.

The chick gurgled and cooed and tilted its head back to gulp down the mouse and Sarika sighed again. It wasn’t just that she’d spent the last four sleepless nights hand-feeding the only survivor of their latest T. rex clutch. That was what she had signed up for. It wasn’t just that she couldn’t tell anybody, by orders up top, that a chick even existed for one hundred days, in case it did the awkward thing and died.

No, it was that this chick- this specimen of the long-extinct species of deadly predator, feared and adored by thousands- was fat, fluffy, and had earned the nickname ‘Romeo’ from the staff for hatching on Valentine’s Day. There was something ignoble about being told you were going to care for the only T. rex in existence and then finding out that it was more or less just a toothy Furby.

‘Jurassic World’ had originally been a joke name, coined by the scientists running the semi-secret, poorly funded cloning operation. Yet when they were finally able to announce their first success- a hatchling Kulindadromeus- to the press, the world went wild. They had to start giving tours or face riots outside the building. Not that the extra money didn’t help their little fledgling operation, but it attracted a lot of corporate interest. So far, Sarika’s boss had refused the offers in the interest of scientific purity, but they kept getting more and more tempting. The only reason they were growing T. rex specimens at all, rather than smaller, more manageable species, was because of all the public demand. If you were going to clone dinosaurs, you had to include a rex, by America’s reckoning.

They did have velociraptors as well, but most of their visitors didn’t realize that the creatures huddled together on a tree branch and puffed out for warmth were raptors at all until their guide explained it to them. It went over surprisingly well, considering the number of plush toys they were selling in the gift shop.

Romeo cooed again, his oversized toes peeking out from beneath his fat, fuzzy tummy. Sarika rubbed his chin, and he closed his eyes.

Well, she had to admit that this was a T. rex she could get used to.

(It makes sense if you read this first. I think.)
I hope this is what you wanted notadamsel37. ‘ A ‘/
(If not, please feel free to throw rocks.)

Eren lies quietly in his bed. He notices that it is becoming dark outside as he can distantly hear his adopted son crying in the background.

Eren isn’t too bothered with the news. He smoothes out the wrinkles of his bed sheet; pretending that his body is older than it is and acts as if he can’t hear the whimpers of his “grown-ass adult” son while the doctor drops the verdict.

92 years old is a pretty good fucking time to call it quits to be honest.

Keep reading

New Patch Today!

Update: 04/13/2015 – PC Version Mac Version

Howdy Simmers,

While everybody else has been trying to “Get to Work”, SimGuruGnome has been trying to “Get Some Time Off” for a while now. We took pity on him and let him out of his cave temporarily.

Here’s a small round of fixes to rein in a few pesky problems…

Issues Fixed

  • Our overly-friendly visitors from Sixam were a bit too amorous. We’ve reduced the frequency of alien abductions and further reduced the frequency of male pregnancy thereafter. We know our men are good looking but that’s no excuse!
  • We’ve fixed a couple issues in the Medical career that could cause problems for actions around repairing broken medical equipment or transferring a patient case. A career in medicine can be grueling for anybody, but nobody wants to be given an impossible task.
  • We’ve upgraded the firmware on our cameras to prevent larger photos from appearing too dark. We’ve also fixed an issue that was causing screenshots to come out blurry.
  • So what did five say to three about… you know what? I don’t have a joke for this. Save Error 531 is bad and we fixed a couple situations that would cause it to occur.
  • Fixed an issue that sometimes caused a crash when doing sciencey stuff during the Scientist career.
  • Is your Sim unsatisfied with their love life? Maybe it’s all that alien affection they’ve been getting, or maybe it’s the stress from their new careers, but our Sims have been leaving their partners with an unsatisfied moodlet. We’ve conducted some remedial WooHoo education and Sims should now be better about taking care of their partner’s needs.
  • Fixed an issue where children and teens weren’t getting school credit if they were coming home in a mood not explicitly approved by their school. Harsh!
  • A recent update mistakenly removed some items from teens, but they’re back now. Teens can wear heels again! Fashionable teen Sims can once again experience unnecessary foot pain in the name of looking good.
  • We fixed a few unintended issues on our side that caused problems with certain types of CAS Custom Content.

That’s all for this quick update. Most of these fixes started as feedback from the community and we couldn’t do it without your help and support.

-SimGuruGnome’s Understudy
NCIS: LA Sneak Peek: Did Kensi Calls Deeks a 'Sex Machine'? And Bite Him?

This Monday on NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 10/9c), Deeks and Kensi get into a friendly dispute in the midst of working out – and then realize they have a perhaps not-so-friendly visitor. In this week’…

Marty Deeks:  Lean, mean sex-machine.  And that woman taking photos is LAPD (Alexandra Barreto as LAPD Detective Jacqueline Rivera).