virginia ham

catladylexi  asked:

So I work in a deli and a few days ago I got a costumer that asked to have some vagina ham sliced. I kept a straight face, sliced their VIRGINIA baked ham, and processed to laugh until I couldn't breath when they left. I've had some crazy customers, but that experience was my favorite.

This made me cringe and cross my legs. That is not ham down there. Please keep the machinery away. -Abby

anonymous asked:

What do you think the founding fathers favourite foods were?

Benjamin Franklin consistently asked his wife Deborah to ship him barrels of apples while he lived abroad:

“Goodeys I now and then get a few; but roasting Apples seldom, I wish you had sent me some; and I wonder how you, that used to think of everything, came to forget it.  Newton Pippins would have been the most acceptable.” (letter from Benjamin Franklin in London, to Deborah in Philadelphia)

Franklin also had Deborah ship him barrels of cranberries both in England and France. Franklin helped introduce France to potatoes as a food source. At that time, the French believed potatoes to be poisonous. Franklin took part in a campaign to help the French embrace potatoes as an alternative to wheat after wheat crop failures caused a shortage. He was the guest of honor at a party thrown by French pharmacist Antoine-Augustin Parmentier, where every course of the meal featured potatoes. Benjamin Franklin also was the one who introduced tofu to the United States. 

George Washington was very fond of cherries. George Washington was extremely fond of fish, served in many ways.He ate it almost daily, often at breakfast with the Hoe Cakes which, he loved. At the Mount Vernon table frequently were Mashed Sweet Potatoes, String Beans with Almonds, Steak and Kidney Pie, and Fish Muddle. He also loved a wide variety of fruits and nuts. He preferred simple meals over fancy ones.

John Adams supposedly ate pickles nearly every day. Others say his favorite food was Indian Pudding. But, according to David McCullough in John Adams, President Adams and gulped a tankard of cider as soon as he got out of bed every day.

In Holland Thomas Jefferson sampled waffles for the first time and loved them so much, he immediately bought a waffle iron. Chocolate caught his fancy. He was so amazed by ice cream he was the first to introduce it to the United States from France and was the first to serve it in the white house. “Bring a stock of macaroni, Parmesan cheese, figs of Marseilles…raisins, almonds, mustard…vinegar, oil and anchovies.” He as especially fond of fresh vegetables. He was particularly fond of olives, figs, mulberries, crabs, shad, oysters, partridge, venison, pineapple, and light wines. As well as, sweet potatoes, turnip greens, baked shad, Virginia ham, green peas, crab. He was very fond of Virginia sweet corn that he raised it in his Paris garden. We also cannot forget Macaroni and Cheese can we? 

Dolley Madison, James Madison’s wife prepared many different types of ice cream. Madison’s meal usually consisted of, “Virginia ham, buttery rolls, apple pie, and cider.” 

There’s no clear documentation talking about Alexander Hamilton and his favorite foods, however, it’s known that while dining with Jefferson and Madison, “The beef was a masterpiece that Hamilton praised extravagantly” and that “Hamilton positively exulted” at the sight of “the delicious vanilla ice cream that still seemed like a miracle for it was enclosed in a warm pastry, like a cream puff.” 

James Monroe, like Thomas Jefferson, acquired a taste for French cuisine while serving abroad. Mr. Monroe is said to have loved this, and enjoyed dishes from his native Virginia.

“On the Monroe family plantation in Virginia…[Elizabeth Monroe] served many old Southern recipes, dishes her husband hand known from boyhood. One of the most famous, spoon bread, dates back to early Indian days…James Monroe, like his former teacher and mentor, Thomas Jefferson, was fond of Continental cuisines, but he was equally fond of the foods of his Virginia childhood…Chicken Fried with Rice…[was] used frequently by Elizabeth Monroe at the Monroe plantation, Oak Hill…Hot breads and biscuts were a way of life in James Monroe’s Virginia… ”

I have heard though, that Monroe’s favorite food was chicken. 

We begin in the middle of someone else’s fairy tale.

So, one question, right off the bat.  If Wakaba has a play inside her with spinning roses and everything – if she has dreams, I mean – how come she isn’t a duelist?

Is it because her prince doesn’t have a face?  This episode is big on obscured features generally – the frame tends to cut people off at nose-height, we get conversations between pairs of disembodied legs.  So is that it, that Wakaba is more into the idea of being in love than she is into any one person?  But of course the duelists are all in love with ideas too, ideas that they have stapled to particular people, so that doesn’t rule her out.  Is it a problem of execution, then?  Is it that she doesn’t aspire to the same kind of abstraction? Are her metaphors not up to scratch? Or is it just that she was born with brown hair?

It’s the last one, isn’t it.

Oof. 

Keep reading

so in honor of me seeing hamilton last monday im going to compile a list of all my fave moments/things i distinctly remember. i can organize it between act 1 and 2 but beyond that no promises. also spoiler alert (?)

-so they dont have curtains and the lights just get dark and the music plays but it’s still relatively dark and burr wears dark clothes so when he casually walks out it’s really surreal that it’s starting

-cjack got more applause in the opening number than hamilton. people clapped every time he opened his mouth in act 1

-thayne was u/s for laurens and in aaron burr sir he went to lean on burr but he wasn’t looking and burr was a lil too far and he almost fell over

-thayne tripped in my shot he kept falling i felt so bad for him

-elizabeth judd was the first ensemble member to put on a dress and it was amazing shes gorgeous

-they all are

-how does rory keep a straight face people don’t stop laughing

-he goes why so sad and then frowns and like sinks down w his whole body

-“im so blue” *stomps on stage to change lighting from red to blue*

-andrew chapelle was herc and his hair poked out of his beanie just a lil bit it was great

-not on soundtrack: the extra whoas into story of tonight and herc’s “let’s have another round gentlemen”

-also not: the marching cadence to get kgiii offstage that stops as he eliminates a patriot

-angelica and peggy are always in the rafters, peggy more than angelica and they dance along to the songs

-guns and ships: jasmine was shaking her arms, renée was twerking (or as much as u can in 18th century dress)

-jasmine was wearing shiny earrings and was just really pretty in general

-idk if this is a dance move but in satisfied it went “number one” and the whole female ensemble dabbed for a split second

-charles lee: gets shot, falls halfway across the stage, gun goes skidding. calm down charles. u survive

-battle of yorktown straight up gives you chills like damn

-winter’s ball/helpless and satisfied legit have the same choreography it’s just how long they are in certain locations it’s really well done

-at the end of right hand man they’re all behind gwash and then everyone walks away except burr who steps forward to be pissed off abt ham in winters ball

-dear theodosia is hijacked by ham. eliza steps in the back at the end and i started crying bc she has the letter from south carolina

-in nonstop he says he was chosen for the constitutional convention and his voice gets high and he shakes his hands and arms like straight up fangirling about the govt a. ham is the og leslie knope

-at the end of nonstop everyone is surrounding him and singing and he walks up the movable staircase to meet gwash and it ends

-BUT during intermission tech crew put it back then rolled it back to the middle like wyd tech ???

-speaking of tech there was a malfunction w burrs mic and they fixed it without like the majority of the audience noticing it or stopping the show (i only noticed bc thats what i do when i tech) like the tech crew is amazing ??? and no one every really says that ??? do u know how hard it is to fix a mic in the middle or a show ??? really fucking hard props to them

-also tech crew doesnt give two shits during intermission theyll walk across that stage w a laundry basket u can fight them

-one of the ushers was walking around asking people to take selfies w him

-theres a draft in the rafters and it blows on a letter and jasmine’s dress and it’s really distracting but that’s okay it’s probably their air conditioning

ACT TWO
-an ensemble member (neill that night i think) pops out of the conductor’s pit at the beginning of what’d i miss

-tjeffs spends more time bouncing than he does walking no wonder he needs that cane

-ham literally shoves himself in between gwash and tjeffs and inserts his hand into jeffersons when he introduces himself

-an ensemble member helps tjeffs off the staircase and he wipes his hand after the contact

-in the cabinet battles gwash, tjeffs, and ham all have personal microphones. im surprised tjeffs didnt have rhinestones on it

-at the end of cabinet battle #1 tjeffs drops his mic into madisons hand (im proud of them for protecting their mics) and madison KEEPS IT SAFE FOR HIM until the next cabinet battle

-cjack broke character bc when he went to tell hamilton to take a walk michael luwoye was halfway across the stage and he started laughing people were confused, i laughed at him

-the hamilton household has different rooms distinguishable by lighting which is actually really rad and eliza has to walk to the back of the stage to go “up the staircase”

-philip is really nervous for the forst half of his rap but then gets into it. like really

-angelica has an umbrella when she is reciting her comma letter

-the foyer of their house is downstage and when angelica arrives the light extends to where she’s standing it’s a p big foyer and as i said before: the whole lighting of the dif rooms was hella rad

-say no to this hamilton is alone at his desk in the middle of the light and the turntables. the outer one has the lamposts and mariah starts to walk around

-side note jasmine is perfect and her dress is. so red

-james reynolds is a cocky dick youve probs seen the pictures of him but he’s always walking with his faux swagger and i hate him. so much

-mariahs house is in the balcony on sr based on where she was looking

-when ham gets mad at her abt the letter she gets on her knees in front of him and holds his hands and looks down and it’s really sad and he rips his hands away then walks downstage and she follows him after some aggressive hip/dress movements that idk how to explain w words

-“when her body’s on mine i do not say no” she’s sitting on his knee and he’s sitting on a chair wth kind of affair

-if you have seen wicked and the song where elphaba’s mother has an affair ?? it’s nothing like that. at all. that’s what i had always pictured though

-at the end when ham agrees to pay reynolds, he walks offstage and mariah looks like she’s going to stay but HE SNAPS HIS WHIP AND SHE RUNS AFTER HIM. i feel so bad for her she needed help i hate ham

-they just continue the show as if nothing happened and you’re like. dying inside. it hurts a bit to look at eliza and philip in schuyler defeated ham sucks they deserved better

-ANYWAYS in the room where it happens you see the whole repeated choreography motif as it shows burr, madison, and jefferson in their thought processes leading up to that night and then taking hamilton away from the dinner so he can piss off burr

-also in cabinet battle #1 burr is in the rafters so technically he WAS in the room where it happened

-congres is fighting over where to put the capital, yet they all shouted virginia, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

-when ham says “you get nothing if you wait for it” to burr he’s really irritated and shakes his shoulders as if he could get burr away from him and does lil quotation movements if i was burr is be angry too

-the burr dance in room where it happens, like the big one, he was using his hands to make his coat flap more

-cabinet battle #2 madison hands tjeffs his microphone (which had been kept INSIDE HIS JACKET) and hamilton retrieves his from the special case

-when he pretends he’s king louis’ head he put his hand on his head as if he was holding it up by the hair

-tjeffs is about to walk offstage but burr is singing “it must be nice” and he just HAS to gice his input

-they r all jumping as they say southern mother fucking democratic republicans

-tjeffs hands gwash his letter of resignation as he walks offstage after washington on your side

-ham is reading a bunch of papers but puts them all down in favor of reading tjeffs’ letter of resignation

-the f ensemble has their corsets and legging things and female overcoats but no dresses in one last time and it’s probably my favorite look bc as they do their dancing it falls around their legs more and i love it

-kgiii walks on stage and is disgusted to be near gwash

-he is told the next president and goes WHAT like really monotone and loud then tells the ensemble member (kamille) to go away

-at the end of his song he sits downstage sr on a stool and makes kamille move the stool. he stays there until hamilton screams motherfucker

-speaking of which he’s holding a stack of papers the size of abt 5-6 harry potter and the order of the phoenix’s and drops the stack from the top rafter like g e e z

-jefferson’s WHAAAAT and he like bounces over to burr to look at the letter

-ham keeps the letter in a drawer that i didnt notice until then but is like on the wall ????

-hurricane lighting is rad. ham is in the middle surrounded by a blue ring of light that looks like wind or waves

-at one point a lot of ppl are on the turntable slowly doing their thing: reynolds is being a dick, mariah is transporting the quill to ham, and burr is there. why is he there. he was just reading a book

-mariah hands ham the quill over his shoulder and is there to support him even though he didnt support her i feel bad for her have i said that

-the reynolds pamphlet: aka everyone has a pamphlet. where did they come from ??? i followed jasmine across the stage she only had the quill yet she had a pamphlet as soon as the song started. magic

-james reynolds is back this time to be all proud of himself when he is mentioned

-thayne slowly backs up into jevon, careful not to fall or trip again

-philip finds out via madison and jefferson (and burr a lil bit) he looks up at hamilton and you can see he is crushed. ham watches as he runs offstage

-reynolds pamphelt is chaotic but fun to watch. angelica is savage. she arrives from london by walking under some peoples suitcases

-at the end ham is surrounded by people throwing pamplets on him. kgiii helps and does some Classic White Person Dance Moves

-they must throw abt a hundred papers but they are all gone by the end of the song. magic

-they set up burn and the juxtaposition of the sadness if burn w the fact that neill was doing some insane dance moves as he put the fire bucket down was weird

-burn is quiet. we are sad. eliza is perfect

-philip stands in the middle of the theater to shout at eacker in the balcony jesus christ can you try NOT to make a scene

-you think you’d care if you were shooting someone but eacker is extremely indifferent

-eliza screams. im sure you know this but if u weren’t already crying then you are then

-renée is amazing her it’s quiet uptown is amazing how does she not break down how is it so perfect

-after eliza forgives him they just stand in the middle of the stage. crying. my heart is broken in actually going to cry just remembering it

-madison is wiping away tears when he says please in election of 1800

-it’s dead silent when burr says “i learned that from u” and i heard the crinkle of the paper when he gave hamilton is pamphlet

-“gave” more like forced upon. hams arms were crossed and he put it on his chest burr was so smug and excited abt winning sorry fam but no

-hamiltons big announcement is in the rafters. it’s funny how earlier when people wanted to listen to him he was downstage but in act two and he was posting unwelcome letters or responses they put him in the rafters which is where lee was when he talked abt washington in stay alive. hmmmmm

-so jasmine was in the rafters in your obedient servant and i was looking at her until burr literally screamed “then STAND, alexander” and i got a lil scared

-burr said “this man has poisoned my political pursuits” instead of “this man is poisoned by political pursuits” was it on purpose or not ?????

-“we were near the same spot my son died” philip is there. hamilton runs to him

-sasha #thebullet is the bullet in other songs but in the world was wide enough it’s really distinct. burr shoots the gun and she follows its path slowly across the stage during hamilton’s monologue. this is in a straight line as the turntables turn. they choreography is reminiscent of previous songs in the musical. he goes in the middle like he did for his my shot monologue and the ensemble is around him. the bullet is coming towards him. “im running out of time, im running…” he runs away from the bullet which is center stage at this point. gwash salutes him. laurens looks on from the stairs. when he speaks of eliza she is standing between him and burr as if she’d thrown herself in front of him to take the bullet. he’s surrounded by the whole cast and then suddenly theyre gone

-he is shot, he hunches over (philip had done the same and was places on a table)

-the music is slow now, we can hear the turntables. we are shocked. we knew it was coming but we are shocked

-burr is sad. we are sad. wlwdwtys plays

-eliiiiiiiza

-at the end of the song she cant wait to see him again and they walk in a heartshape to meet

-everyone is in storyteller clothes again, even rory

-ham leads her center stage, she looks out and up, gasps and it goes dark

-i got chills just remembering all this

What's this? What's this, huh?

Trying out your new silver? Less appealing for Daddy, hmm? I’m sick, Daisy, we know that, but here you are in so-called recovery, playing Betty Crocker, cut up like a goddamned Virginia Ham. Help me understand, Dais, ‘cause I thought you didn’t do Valium. Tell me how the safety net is working for you. Tell me that you don’t take that blade and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down. Tell me how your Daddy helps you cope with that. Illuminate me. I bet he loves you with every inch of his manhood. They didn’t release you because you’re better, Daisy. They just gave up. You call this a life, hmm? Taking Daddy’s money, buying your dollies and your knick-knacks, and eating his fucking chicken, fattening up like a prize fucking heifer? You changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation, and the warden makes house calls. And everybody knows… everybody knows that he fucks you. But what they don’t know is that you like it. Hmm? You like it. But hey, man, it’s cool. It’s fine! It’s fucking fine! A man is a dick is a man is a dick is a chicken. Valium, speculum, whatever, hmm? Whatever. You like being Mrs. Randone. Probably all you’ve ever known. 

Lisa, Girl, Interrupted

Shorthand names for all those new to the know:

  • Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens - Lams
  • Alexander Hamilton/Aaron Burr - Hamburrger
  • Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson - Jamilton
  • Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Marquis de Lafayette - the Gay Trio
  • Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson/James Madison - Virginia Ham Sandwich
4

I think I’ve skipped three days of keeping myself accountable on Tumblr. I’m now at 4 of 15 pounds lost! Pictured here is my water bottle looking aesthetically pleasing against the light, a pimento cheese sandwich with Virginia ham on it that I ate yesterday, and the healthy pizza I’ve been talking about making for ages. The crust kinda sucked so now I’ve just started stir frying the veggies and then adding a little bit of the healthy pizza sauce and a sprinkle of cheese and calling it close enough to pizza lol. It’s sad but it’s better than bad crust 😂😂

alwaysalreadyangry  asked:

steve x bucky, setting: that cheese shop you discovered in san francisco

Please note: I have not yet actually GONE INSIDE the aforementioned shop so I have taken some liberties. (Pls see also: Post-Recovery Social Cues, for situational/atmospheric context.)

“What the fuck is this,” Bucky asked when he saw the blackboard above the counter, which proudly advertised nine different types of grilled cheese and no other food.

“A grilled cheese shop,” Steve said. Bucky didn’t talk much these days, and when he did, it was usually a question in the form of several expletives, but he had stopped incapacitating people for looking at him strangely in the street, which had been a stage of rehabilitation that took a solid three months, so Steve wasn’t exactly complaining.

Bucky didn’t say anything for a long moment, just stared at the menu with what an ill-fated young woman on a park bench had once audibly referred to as his crazy eyes. There was a vessel throbbing in his forehead.

“Why the fuck,” he started, speaking very slowly, “would you have a restaurant with nothing but grilled cheese.”

“You like grilled cheese,” Steve pointed out, as he deliberated between the four cheese and Virginia ham options. When he looked back over at Bucky, he wasn’t glaring at the blackboard anymore. “You do.”

“That’s not –” He stopped, huffing. “I don’t want any.”

“Okay,” said Steve, who had by this point long ago learned not to argue with Bucky when he expressed an opinion, unless that opinion involved committing random acts of violence. “We can get you something else, there’s a good salad place next door.”

Bucky looked pinched.

“I’m kidding,” Steve told him. “You can watch me eat this and then we can go home and cook potatoes and, I don’t know. Chicken. Sausage.”

He glared.

“I was being serious that time,” Steve said. There were a lot of foods between artisanal salads and overcooked meat and potatoes (well, some), but the sad fact of the matter was that Bucky, when presented with them, tended to spit them out reflexively, like a baby.

It was difficult to take Bucky places, but Steve did anyway, because the alternative was a future in which Bucky never left the house or developed any modicum of independence. Even Steve, who knew that he was, at his core, pretty fucking disturbed, needed a break sometimes, and Sam, who had a few screws loose but was relatively well adjusted, needed substantially more than that. (Sam needed, possibly, to find a new house, but that was neither here nor there. For the moment he would settle for Steve and Bucky getting off the fucking couch.)

“My mother used to make grilled cheese,” Steve told him, instead of any of the less advisable things he might have chosen. Bucky blinked. “You liked it. But you don’t have to eat it now if you don’t want to.”

Bucky stared at the menu again and didn’t say anything.

“Four cheese,” Steve said.

Out on the sidewalk, Bucky watched him eat. Similar to most toddlers, he had not yet mastered the skill of surreptitious observation, but was instead just staring at his sandwich with a kind of ferocious intensity that Steve would in another lifetime have imagined he would reserve for enemy combatants, but which he had now seen him turn on dogs, cats, squirrels, and a wide variety of inanimate objects.

“Can I try some,” he said, all in a rush, when Steve’s fingers were covered in grease and he only had around three bites left. He handed it over. Bucky took it gingerly and looked down at it with no expression on his face at all before ripping off a piece with his teeth in a way that was reminiscent of nothing so much as a hungry dog. Steve prepared himself for a glob of half-chewed food landing on the sidewalk.

Bucky swallowed, and looked back down at what was left of the sandwich, throat working, as though he were about to say something, before shoving his hand back at Steve, face turned in the other direction.

“Why don’t you have the rest, Buck,” Steve said, and told himself, as he watched Bucky finish it, and then fall into step a little closer to him than he had before, that he would have said the same thing even if Bucky had not, in all likelihood, slobbered all over the grilled cheese in the first place.

London, May 1944

My name is June Tomlinson and I am now a very old woman. Widowed twice and a great grandmother. In May of 1944 I was seventeen years old and living in wartime London. I met technical sergeant William Asher when he and two other American servicemen were invited to my family home for supper through the USO. He was a short dark young man from Tennessee. He spoke with a slow southern drawl and was very polite. 

In those days leading up to the invasion of Normandy Britain was packed with young American soldiers. They were dashing in their uniforms and had plenty of money and were glad to spend it. Many young girls were attracted to them but there was a great deal of resentment locally about this. My father in particular was not “keen on the yanks”. Billy and I saw each other again in the cinema and spent a long afternoon walking and talking. There were few places young couples could go to be alone in those days and nobody had an automobile. So, we walked in the park. He was a complete gentleman unlike many of the young servicemen who seemed to want nothing but to get into a girl’s knickers as fast as possible.

I asked my mum if he could come to dinner again and she consented. He showed up with a full sized Virginia baked ham for mother, a carton of Lucky Strike cigarettes for father and a packet of candy bars for my younger sister and brother. He had flowers for me. We ate and I suggested we go for another walk hoping that we might steal a kiss or two but Billy was more interested in playing with the children and talking war news with father. 

Billy and I became inseparable in those days leading up to the invasion. He would show up unannounced with the oddest things. One time he brought a 55 gallon drum of petrol complete with pump for father’s car. He brought fruit, sugar, flour, coffee and tea all things which were next to impossible to get at home. When asked where he got them it was always “I know a guy”. He and father became very close and spent a great deal of time talking about fishing. Billy would help mum bake in the kitchen and would tell stories to my sister and brother. I was still a virgin and I decided that I wanted Billy to be the one. I told him and he got very quiet. He said that he felt that if he did this that he would be betraying the trust my family had placed in him.

I told my Mum this and she looked very thoughtful. She spoke to father. Then in May 1944 my parents hatched a plot. They made plans to stay with the kids at my aunt’s flat across town. Mum made a special dinner. Dad brought out his best cognac. Candles were lit and the radio was playing love songs. I met Billy at the door in a lace nightgown. We ate together and danced to the radio. We sipped cognac by the fire and then made love as Les Brown’s “Sentimental Journey” played on the radio. After I asked him “Billy what is it that you really want?” I meant out of life after the war. His answer chilled me to the bone. “I am not going to make it and I want somebody to remember my name”.

Billy died on Omaha beach on June 6, 1944. William Asher my first love I remember your name.

June Tomlinson, Los Angeles, November 11, 2014