Ladies and gentleman,
Rockstar Energy drink regrettably presents:
Sixty minutes of mediocre Rock and Roll action and gratuitous dick jokes,
with thousands in attendance, and the millions watching around the world,
Are you ready?!

In the left corner, pound for pound, the strongest bass player in Rock and Roll,
set to star alongside Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike 2: Zack “No shirt, no problem” Merrick!
*Can’t Touch This plays while Zack Enters*

And in the back, weighing less now than he did when he was an over weight, sexually frustrated card magician, half of you don’t know he’s in the band, and the rest of you think he’s a potato. Please welcome, Rian “I’m just happy to be here” Dawson!
*Eye of the Tiger plays while Rian Enters*

In the right corner, only slightly heavier than Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2, he breast fed until he was 13 years old, and loves to snapchat pictures of his genitalia to random guys, it’s Jack “The Salami Sammy” Barakat!
*Barbie Girl plays while Jack enters*

And finally, in the center of the stage, the man with the golden pipes,
and a small, crooked schlong,
he’s the pride of England, and the shame of his family, Alex “I have diarrhea’ Gaskarth!
*The Final Countdown plays as Alex enters*

—  Vinny Vegas- All Time Low Spring Fever Intro