vindictive writers

English Composition and Language Zodiac

Aries: Throwing rocks at journalists

Taurus: Elitism

Gemini: (like smallpox)

Cancer: *references Shakespeare to prove history in unimportant*

Leo: Chicago is a country

Virgo: volume, issue, or series??

Libra: Populism

Scorpio: Communist mother

Sagittarius: To what degree is lying to people a good skill?

Capricorn: Preacher that gives the audience hell

Aquarius: The limit of enough money

Pisces: Vindictive, vengeful writers 

New Girl Rewatch Party: 5x10 Goosebumps Walkaway

Originally posted by fyeahnewgirl

Stray Observations:

  • Ugh, seeing Nick and Reagan kissing is so damn awkward. I know a lot of Ness haters say it’s because Nick is kissing someone that isn’t Jess but I liked all of Nick’s other girlfriends. Jake Johnson and Megan Fox just have anti-chemistry. They suck chemistry from a room whenever they are together. Megan Fox has the best chemistry with Zooey or Lamorne.

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So apparently there was a mock ichiruki proposal at Burimyu, and I personally want to send the entire cast flowers and chocolate for their beautiful, beautiful selves. In the absence of that, I thought a really really meta AU oneshot in which Ichigo and Rukia are actors in a musical adaptation of a popular shonen (called Fabric Softener), decide they’re unhappy with its ending, and kiss onstage in-character as a ‘fuck you’ to the ending will have to suffice. Lmao i don’t even know anymore, guys, just take this. 

Also, if you’re confused as to what I’m making references to throughout the oneshot: 

Ichigo and Rukia are cast as Ichiroku (because Ichi-go is one-five in Japanese and Ichi-roku is one-six) and Hikari (because it means light hur hur hur) in the musical adaptation of the popular manga Fabric Softener. Gin’s actor in the actual Burimyu tweeted a while back about how he hopes Ichiruki becomes canon. Both Ichigo and Rukia’s actors in the actual Burimyu uploaded pictures of themselves reacting to the last chapter on twitter. The rest is pure crack, from my own mind. Enjoy. 

Title: The Author Is Dead

Fandom: Bleach

Pairings: Ichiruki

Rating: Teen

Warnings: None

Summary: “We’re giving them their happy ending. The ending they deserved. All of them. The fans. The musical cast. Us. It’s up to us.” “Well, I’ve always been a sucker for happy endings.” The end of the once-popular, long-running manga Fabric Softener satisfies nobody, least of all Ichigo and Rukia, the lead actors in the manga’s musical adaptation. They decide to take things into their own hands. Because hey, Death of the Author is a legitimate concept, right? (In which I am the saltiest person across the seven seas, and Burimyu has healed my broken heart.)

“You’re kidding me.”

“Unfortunately not.”

“They don’t get together at the end?! What the fuck was I acting for all this time?”

“Beats me. I have a kid with a guy I never showed the slightest romantic inclination for! How do you think I feel?! This is a spit in the face to feminism!”

“No, you’ve got to be trolling me. Give me that!”

A brief scuffle over the magazine ensued.

“Fine, fine! I yield! You won’t like what you see, though. I was trying to keep you from breaking your own heart, dumbass.”

Rukia threw the magazine into Ichigo’s face, and Ichigo didn’t even bother to snap back at her for it. He grabbed a hold of the magazine and rifled feverishly to page 132, where the first page of the last chapter of the popular, long-running manga Fabric Softener began. His heart sank lower and lower with every page he turned, until—

“Wait, that’s IT?!”

“Well, did you think I was lying?” his… sort-of-not-really-girlfriend-more-like-bestfriend-definitely-colleague crossed her arms imperiously and drew herself up to her full four-foot nothing height. “That’s it. Zip. Nada. Finito. Fabric Softener has left the building, folks. It’s gone. Shuffled off the mortal coil. Fallen off the deep end—”

“Fallen off the deep end is right! What the fuck kind of ending is that?!”

Rukia shrugged. “Take it up with the mangaka, moron, I’m not him! But I do agree, what the hell was he thinking? What was he on when he wrote this? Is he ok? Should we pay him a visit?”

Ichigo threw the magazine down and dragged his hands over his face. “I can’t believe my character ends up with… with her. What the fuck? She wasn’t even important enough to be in this musical! And why the hell do I have a receding hairline?!

Rukia snickered. “Maybe it’s a prediction for your own inglorious future.”

“Don’t even joke about things like this,” he snapped. “How the hell are we gonna play this, Rukia? We just assumed we’d end up together in the end! The entire cast did! Hell, the scriptwriter and director thought so too! We have a fucking duet together, I cannot believe—”

“I know, I know,” Rukia soothed. “Believe me, I’m not exactly happy with this either. I can’t believe he dropped this on us the night before our last performance, but what the hell, there’s been rumours he’s unhappy with his editorial department. Maybe this was his last chance to say ‘Fuck you’.”

“He didn’t have to bring us down with him! What the hell kind of adult ruins his own career just to say ‘fuck you’ to his own bosses?”

Rukia ticked the list off on her fingers. “Let’s see, there was that time you got into a punch-up with the director during Romeo and Juliet because you disagreed with his interpretation, that time during Twilight where you hated the production so much you deliberately overacted the script to the extreme and had it backfire on you because the director loved it, that time you—”

“Alright, alright, I get the point! But I mean. Those were for productions that only ran for a couple months at maximum. Fabric Softener is kind of a long-running thing, you know? 15 years. And it’s international to boot. I just… I can’t believe he’d go so far as to cut of his own nose to spite his face, yeah?”

Rukia was surprisingly patient. “Agreed. But there’s nothing we can do now to change the course of fate, Ichigo. I know we were both very invested in this series and the characters, but it is what it is. We only have one more night left of this production, in any case. We better try to forget the ending happened and just enjoy it to the full.”

Well, that was oddly touching. Terrifying harpy she may be on occasion, but Ichigo couldn’t deny Rukia had a way with words that fired him up like nothing else. He looked into her violet eyes, brimming with steady purpose and steely determination, and allowed those qualities to overflow into him as well. “Rukia…”

The tentative leaning in of their heads towards each other was interrupted unceremoniously by the door banging open. “Hey! Ichigo! Rukia! You guys seen the new chapter yet?! I end up with Rukia’s character, of all things!”

Ichigo slumped onto Rukia’s shoulder and groaned. “Fuck off, Renji.”

Renji grinned broadly. “That’s my line, asshole, that’s my wife you were about to snog.”

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