view from brooklyn

Robert Small Headcanons You’d Have to Pry Out of My Cold, Dead Hands.

BECAUSE I AM A GLUTTON FOR PAIN.

[ROBERT’S STORY SPOILERS]

  • He loves classic films, as well as films that he felt should’ve win the academy awards if they didn’t already. He stays for the credits even for the worst piece of garbage movies he’s ever seen.
  • Before his alcoholism, Robert had loved the concept of documenting the little things in life. It developed after his admiration for the art of filmmaking really took off.
  • When he was first married to Marilyn, he’d carry around his old ass 1985 shoulder-mounted camcorder and film her doing mundane things: cooking, setting the dinner table, looking out at the view from their Brooklyn apartment, waking up in the morning, etc.
  • In the beginning, Robert took videos of Val when she was a baby up until she was 5 or 6 (when his alcoholism started eating up his life and changed around his priorities). He liked to document everything going on in his family.
  • White Zinfandel was Marilyn’s favorite drink. It’s the only fruity drink that Robert will have, and it’s one that often soothes him on his worst days.
  • Robert always told Val that he would do things with her and take her places and almost never follow through with these plans, but he never made promises that he knew he couldn’t keep.
  • He likes to watch bad movies ironically every once in a while (think The Room, Troll 2, Birdemic: Shock and Terror, etc.). He gets a kick out of the incompetence. You bet your ass he has drinking games for them.
  • Hypersexual Robert thinks that on his worst nights he needs just a warm body to keep his demons away, but really his repressed emotional tension is craving reassurance and a hand to hold when going through dark tunnels.
  • Mary Christiansen is definitely one of the people that helped him slowly get out of rock bottom, and despite feeling like he could never ever fully repay her for it, Robert returns the favor whenever he can. They pick each other up when they’re down, and they trust each other full-heartedly.
  • He tries his best to take care of Betsy the way that he feels he should’ve done for Val, to try and make up for his past mistakes in his first life. And he’s doing amazingly.
  • Robert and MC definitely start to document their cryptid hunting adventures as their friendship progresses.
  • After Robert starts his recovery, and when he feels comfortable being more than friends with MC, he goes back to wanting to document everything again. He gives Amanda tips on how to capture life through the camera.
  • He definitely documents MC (or anyone else you just so happen to ship him with, spread the love!) doing mundane things when they’re a full-fledged couple, exactly like he’d used to with Marilyn. Old ass shoulder-mounted camcorder and all.
  • He blasts Tom Waits on long car rides and unabashedly sings along as loud as he possibly can. Even if someone else is with him in the truck (HOIST THAT RAG, MOTHERFUCKERS).
  • Also, last one, sexually versatile Robert Small is my kink.