So I am absolutely fuming. A few weeks ago, I was called to the dean’s office to discuss the antisemitic bullying I’ve been enduring since freshman year (I’m a senior now). Here’s a brief run down of some of what I’ve had to suffer through these last three years (this doesn’t even scratch the surface):
• A swastika carved into my desk, along with the words “ich haße juden” ie “I hate Jews” in German
• Intentionally spit on, usually accompanied by the word k*ke, the most vile word a Jewish person can be called
• Pushed into lockers/to the ground
• Called a “dirty Jew” more times than I can count, usually once a day
I identified the main perpetrator by name. There is proof he is a Nazi as he has a fucking swastika tattoo on his arm for everyone to see. Close after I went to the dean, the boy I accused was called to the dean. He denied everything, and received NO punishment.
I have several witnesses to these events, he is very vocal about being a Nazi, and he is the head of a neo-Nazi gang that is very active on campus. And the administration did NOTHING. I want everyone to know that antisemitism is alive and thriving, and affects Jews everywhere every day, and the world does not care. The world remains silent.
Women feel more guilt than men, not because of some weird chromosomal issue but because they have a history of being blamed for other people’s behaviour. You get hit, you must have annoyed someone; you get raped, you must have excited someone; your kid is a junkie, you must have brought him up wrong
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ever tell someone who survived through abuse that they might have done something to deserve it, whatever the abuse might be. Defending the abuser is not going to get you anywhere. It makes me sick that these people are victim blaming. If you do this, you should be ashamed of yourself. No More victim blaming.
[Looting rhetoric] is victim blaming which says inanimate objects ought to become the center of discussion and outrage surrounding the death of a living, breathing, vibrant human being, and that never should we mention the white supremacist institution which murdered him or the cop(s) who pulled the trigger.
A while back I tweeted that the most powerful weapon to destroy a people’s resistance is to erase their history. For the phenomenon that is victim blaming, this is absolutely essential. If people (read mostly white people) can erase an oppressed population’s history, they effectively erase the oppression they themselves committed and make invisible the power they obtain from it.
“Looting” rhetoric is a method of erasing the previous violence and oppression visited upon Ferguson’s black community, specifically the killing of Mike Brown, but also even before it. This rhetoric conveniently rejects greater sociopolitical, economic, and historical context for the sake of bolstering itself and in doing so it can dismiss the continuation of white supremacy in contemporary institutions (like police departments).
The mentally ill literally aren’t allowed to have anything. They aren’t allowed to have their emotions, they aren’t allowed to have their struggles, they aren’t allowed to have their life views. BUT THE PEOPLE AROUND THE MENTALLY ILL OH THINK OF HOW THEY FEEL HAVING TO DEAL WITH THAT ALL THE TIME. IT MUST BE SO HARD ON THE PEOPLE AROUND THAT PERSON STRUGGLING WITH THEIR ILLNESS.
- safety tips for preventing a crime (this includes lists of areas and activities to avoid/take a friend if you’re going there)
- teaching self defense or encouraging the teaching of self defense
- requiring proof of a crime in order to prosecute
- doubting a crime was committed in the absence of evidence
- being angry at being lied to
There is a massive difference between being a victim and playing the victim. Telling you to watch out for yourself, or ignoring the claims of a proven liar, is not victim blaming. You cannot victim blame someone who is not a victim.
Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.
Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.
Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.
Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.
Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.
Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.
Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.
Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.
Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.
They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.
Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.
Another way to manipulate someone into thinking that they’re not
experiencing harm or abuse is to constantly turn the conversation
towards the abuser, making it seem like you are doing harm by even
bringing up what’s hurting you.
If someone in your life cannot (or will not) let you speak to your
experiences, and instead insists on turning it into a conversation about
themselves, the conversation is not a healthy one.
Some red flag phrases for this tactic are:
“You always make me out to be the bad guy.”
“Constantly bringing stuff like this up makes me feel bad/is hurtful to me.”
“I’m actually the one hurting.”
“You don’t know what abuse is. Saying that I’m abusive is hurtful to me.”
“Pretending I’m hurtful/abusive makes you the bully.”
If these phrases are a constant in your life, if you feel like you’ve
been conditioned into mistrusting your own memories and experiences, you
have most likely been the victim of gaslighting.