Em junho de 2013, poucos dias antes do dia dos namorados,minha namorada terminou comigo. Eu fiquei sem entender.
Voltei pra casa e durante todo o caminho me perguntava: “Por que?”.
A única coisa que vinha na minha cabeça era a voz dela dizendo: “Eu amo você”.
Eu passei um mês sofrendo procurando respostas para o que estava acontecendo.
Um dia, entrei no quarto do meu pai chorando e perguntei:
“Pai, ela dizia que me amava.
Então, por que ela terminou comigo?”.
Ele respondeu: “Meu filho, Quando alguém entra na sua vida e depois de algum tempo vai embora, pode ser qualquer coisa menos amor”.
Eu disse: “Não da para entender. Um dia, existe amor e no outro tudo acabou”.
Ele respondeu:“Você nunca vai superar seus traumas se continuar procurando no amor uma lógica. Construa uma nova história”.
Eu perguntei: “E de onde vem essa força pra começar algo novo?”
Ele respondeu: “Não se preocupe com isso. Todo começo vem de um final”.
Uma semana depois, meu pai foi diagnosticado com uma doença rara e degenerativa que iria matá-lo em alguns dias. Minha mãe não o abandonou.
Meu pai saia toda sexta para comer pizza com dois irmãos.
Quando ele parou de andar,
meus tios começaram a trazer a pizza aqui em casa.
“Sem o seu pai, não tem graça”.
E ficavam a noite inteira dando gargalhadas.
Hoje, meu pai não consegue mais comer.
Mesmo assim, toda sexta meus tios passam aqui em casa.
Meu pai estudou em Ouro Preto-MG.
Na formatura ele combinou com três amigos
de se encontrarem de cinco em cinco anos.
Este ano, meu pai não pode ir porque ele não anda mais.
Os amigos dele saíram do interior de Minas e vieram até aqui em casa.
Todo formando tem uma foto pregada na parede
na república que estudou.
Os amigos do meu pai trouxeram a foto dos quatro.
Pregaram a foto de cada um na parede do quarto e disseram:
“Agora, a nossa república é a sua casa”.
E combinaram que daqui cinco anos estariam de volta.
Meu pai chorou.
Meus pais completaram 47 anos de casados dia 2 de junho.
Eles sempre dançaram nesse dia.
Meu pai não consegue mais se levantar.
Minha mãe entrou no quarto
e colocou a música que eles dançavam.
“Meu filho, traz a cadeira de rodas”.
“O que você vai fazer?”
“Vou fazer o que seu pai faria por mim”.
Eu busquei a cadeira de rodas.
Minha mãe colocou meu pai na cadeira.
Ela ajoelhou ao lado dele
Abraçou meu pai e fez a cadeira girar.
Ela ficou ajoelhada a música toda.
Meu pai chorava e ria ao mesmo tempo.
Eles ficaram ali dançando e se divertindo.
Eu voltei pro meu quarto chorando.
Abri o notebook e resolvi escrever esse texto.
Porque eu vejo o mundo distorcendo
ou complicando demais o amor.
Um monte de gente dizendo
fique com alguém que faz isso, que faz aquilo,
que te de isso, que não sei o que mais.
Esse monte de regras e exigências,
são coisas criadas pela cabeça.
E, meu velho, não sei se você sabe
mas o amor é criado pelo coração.
O resto, é ilusão.
O amor, amor completo
é quando você quer o outro sempre perto.
Feyre’s face smoothed out in sleep. Her skin still a bit pale but she was healed. With the twins in his arms, Rhys crept out of the room and into the Nursery.
The chair in the corner, the ebony cribs, the threadbare rug stretching across the cherry floor; the nursery was worn and warm and meant to be lived in and he planned on doing just that.
Putting his children in their cribs, Rhys slid out of the room. He needed to find Azriel and Cassian. Keir needed to be taken care of once and for all. He would not forgive the attempt on his children or his mate’s life. He was going to enjoy taking him apart.
He found them in the study, with Nate and Ash.
He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. “What’s going on?”
Cassian ignored him. “Look. Nate, more than anyone, I want him to sleep. But if you two idiots try to force Bay to sleep and then he wakes up, he will kill you. You do realize this, yes?” Cassian crossed his arms. “Between being locked in his nightmares,” his eyes flicked to Ash, “And you using your magic on him right after promising not to and you being hurt already, when he wakes up, he will kill both of you.”
Nate crossed his arms, “You have a better idea? The lack of sleep and grieving is driving him suicidal.” He told them what Bay said to him. Ash getting himself killed saving Bay, it would make the guilt so profound he couldn’t live with himself.
Cassian’s jaw clenched. “Let’s go.”
As they left, Rhys sat next to Azriel. Aysel started to crawl to him in her crimson footed pajamas. Picking her up, Aysel stood on his knees, her fingers pulling at his hair.
He winced at tiny nails digging into his scalp. “Isn’t she supposed to be asleep?”
Azriel shrugged, “She know’s something is wrong.”
“Speaking of something wrong,” Rhys said, pulling her down from his shoulder. “Where are we on Keir?”
Nuella and Ceridwen are out looking for him. As are my other spies. We can’t completely trust he would use magic. He’s old and would know we have his magic traced. We’ll find him and find out what he knows about the coup.” Azriel’s shadows twisted around him, darkening. His voice was a whisper of darkness, honed and lethal. “And then I find out what he did to my son.”
He was tired, but he couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t sure if he was keeping himself awake to stay away from the nightmares or if he truly couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t had this bad of an episode for a while. In fact, with Nate sleeping next to him the nightmares tended to not come. Instead he slept peacefully. But this past week had been brutal, this day the eleventh anniversary of his mother’s death, it still felt incredibly raw.
The day after spending two weeks getting back to her just to find her dead in her bed. The day he tried to break into the still frozen ground so he could bury her properly but failed. The day he tried to get people to help him put her to rest. It haunted him, imprinted on the lids of his eyes.
He palmed his eyes before looking up. He froze. Cassian, Nate and Ash stood in formation, blocking the door. Their faces were set in grim lines and their arns crossed.
“No,” his voice cracked. “Don’t.” Ash was hurt. He was still healing and- he looked at Ash, “You promised.” His friend’s jaw was clenched, his eyes betrayed nothing else.
“You need sleep,” Cassian said. “Are you going to fight us?”
Bay narrowed his brows, “It isn’t a fair fight, now is it?” He knew he could take Ash down, and injure Nate, but Cassian, he would be as good as dead. And he was sleep deprived. They could best him.
Nate winced. Good.
Cassian leveled a stare, “I know you have nightmares, Bay. I do too. I see Nesta dying over and over again. I see Cass dying. I see you spiraling and I can’t stop it. But I still sleep. If I went without sleep with the life I have, you and Aysel would be parentless. You need to sleep before I lose another child.”
“I am not your child,” he said. Cassian blinked. “I am not your blood.” He didn’t have any blood left. He just had himself. “I am a charity case and I will not let Ash get himself hurt helping me.” He stood despite the dizziness in his head. Ash had to touch him in order to drop his heartbeat. “I am not worth his life.”
Bay’s blood pressure spiked. Ash knew he was pissed and sleep deprived and was ready to fight his way out of the townhouse. If only so he didn’t force him asleep. But in this state, Bay was weak and couldn’t best them.
Cassian and Nate acted. Bay managed to hit Cassian’s jaw before they could succeed in restraining him. They locked their hands around Bay’s arms and legs, keeping him flesh against the mattress.
“Get off me,” Bay growled.
“Let him help you,” Nate gritted out.
“Fuck you,” Bay snarled, trying to edge out of Nate’s grip.
“You’ll thank me when you wake up.”
“No, I’ll kill you when I wake up.” He couldn’t tell if Bay was lying.
Ash got up onto the bed, his hand pressed to Bay’s sternum. Bay’s heart thudded beneath his fingers, his chest vibrating from growling.
“Don’t,” Bay said. His magic slid around Bay’s heart, slowing it. Bay’s eyes fluttered. “Stop.”
Rhys rubbed Aysel’s back. The Princess’s cries vibrated around his mind. Rhys looked to Azriel. The male’s eyes were narrowed, his shadows twisted around him. “Why won’t she stop?”
“Give it a few minutes,” Az said quietly. “My guess is she’s picking up on the fight between Bay and the others.”
Rhys grimaced, “How does Bay deal with these cries in his head all the time?” It wasn’t a normal cry, nor Daemati. Aysel was different, just like her mother. And fuck was she loud.
Azriel shrugged, “Nate says he gets up and puts her back to sleep or gets Cassian.”
The cries slowed to a stop and Rhys tipped his head back, “Thank the Cauldron.”
Ceridwen and Nuella appeared. The twins inclined their head to him and turned to Azriel. “We found him.”
Azriel stood, his shadows twisting around him and onto the floor. Aysel squealed at them. Rhys wrapped his arm around her, keeping her from falling off his knee. Azriel turned to him. “Would you like me to begin?”
“Bring him in and wait for me.”
Azriel nodded before leaving. He was going to get his answers one way or another. ————-
Cassian released Bay’s arm. Bay was asleep; Ash slowly removed his hand from Bay’s chest and climbed from down off Nate’s bed with shaky limbs.
“He is going to kill us,” Ash said, wearily. “Not metaphorically, literally.” Ash gripped one of the columns to the bed and shook his head, his free hand palming his eyes. “I am going to pass out.”
“Nate, help Ash to his rooms.” Nate opened his mouth to argue. “Now, Nate. I’ll stay with him.”
Nate wrapped Ash’s arm around his shoulder and near dragged him out of the room. Cassian sat next to Bay and examined his face. Flushed red and tear tracks. The betrayal and anger smoothed out by sleep. It made him look younger. Reminded him of the petrified eight year old that Ash brought to him.
Three days of sleep deprivation made Bay snap at him. ‘Not your son, not your blood.’ Bay had made himself a separate person from the family for a long time, always prepared to be cast out. He could be surrounded by people and still feel alone. He knew the feeling, still hurt though.
Cassian brushed back Bay’s bangs. He didn’t move. He hoped Bay was so far deep he wasn’t dreaming.
“I’m so sorry, Bay.” He whispered. “I”ve been so busy with everything that I forgot you. You were breaking and I forgot you.” He tried to make time to talk to Bay, especially the last few days, but with Keir and Feyre and Aysel and being King and a Commander…He let his son fall through the cracks and didn’t realize how bad it was until Nate got him.
Ash slid into the bed. His head was static, luckily Bay was already tired and didn’t require much use of magic, even if he fought through it. “Nate, I know you love him but we really should not have done that. He will not forgive or forget this violation.”
“I know,” Nate whispered. “But we had to.”
“It’s been years but, I can heal nightmares. I healed Father’s. But after today, Bay will let me nowhere near him ever again. We broke his trust.” Healing his nightmares required Bay to let him into his subconscious. After this, he would never let him near him again.
Nate sighed, “How long will he stay asleep?”
“A while,” Ash said. “Probably close to a full day.” Ash inclined his head, “You aren’t going anywhere are you?” He had wondered if his cousin’s interest in Bay was just infatuation. He was beginning to realize it was much, much more than that.
Nate ignored the question. “Will he dream?”
“I don’t know. Cauldron, I hope not. I think I put him under deep enough it should be dreamless.” He didn’t know much about Bay’s dreams, only that they were about his mother. Only Cassian and Nate know anything about her. Ash had asked only for Bay to shut him down each time.
“Thank you, Ash. For helping him and Feyre.” Nate paused at the door. “And me.”
Ash blinked. “No problem. ”
He passed out before he hit the pillow.
Nate ran a hand through his hair while walking down the hall. They had gotten Baylor asleep, but the way they did it, he wondered if he destroyed their relationship. He wondered what Baylor would do when he woke up. Something told him it wasn’t going to be pretty.
His father was coming out of the study, his eyes dark, his shadows darker, twisting around him.
His father studied him. “Are you alright?”
“Yes, sir.” Nate lied. “Where are you going?”
“We found Keir.”
Keir was going to tell his father everything that they did to him. Nate knew it. He didn’t want his father to know, didn’t want anyone to know. He had buried the past and just wanted to kill Keir and be done with it.
“Do you want to come?” Azriel asked quietly.
Yes he did. “How long do you need him alive for?”
“Until we get every last last piece of information from him. A week at least.”
“I’ll come later,” Nate said. “After Baylor wakes up. He has his own questions.” When his father was finished, he and Bay would bring in Cyrian. They were getting their own answers one way or the other. And taunting Baylor with his father, that was a fatal mistake.
“He’ll forgive you,” his father said.
“He wants to kill me,” Nate said. He sighed, “I really hope I didn’t just destroy my relationship.”
“You didn’t. Once he’s had sleep his mind will start working again and realize you both did what you thought was best.” Rhys came out with Aysel, the princess was sleeping on his shoulder, her face dug into his shirt. “But if it makes you feel better, Feyre wanted to kill me too. She didn’t.”
“Yeah,” Nate said. “But she’s your mate. She couldn’t kill you if she wanted to.”
Rhys and his father met each other’s eyes. Nate frowned.
“It’ll be alright,” his father said. “Go check on him. Tell Cassian we found him.”
Keir had made it to the border before being caught. Azriel stood in front of him. His face cold and unyielding. His siphons glowed and arms crossed. The moon casted unforgiving shadows across his face, its darkness mixing with his shadows.
I was just going to have this as the conclusion but im not satisfied with it ending like this so there will be more parts.
Here you go!! Thank you for reading!! Please leave a comment XO
Sou mulher e não gosto de usar brincos, não amo cozinhar e isso não me faz menos mulher. Sou mulher e não ando com maquiagem na bolsa, não tenho medo de baratas e isso não me faz menos mulher. Sou mulher e não visto 36, sou alta e calço 39, porém, isso também não me faz menos mulher. Sou mulher e Jeová me criou com a necessidade de ser amada, e não oprimida e não escrava de vaidades. Sou mulher e faço parte de um grande exército, o que não me torna inimiga de ninguém e nem rival. Faço parte de um grande exército de mulheres que precisam ser unidas e não escravas dos padrões do mundo. Sou mulher e tenho todo o direito de expressar minha opinião. Nem Jesus tirou a palavra de uma mulher, não vai ser ninguém que vai bloquear a minha. Sei que vou continuar sofrendo em lojas de sapato, vou continuar ‘menos arrumada’ por não usar brincos e tenho certeza que nunca vou vestir nem 38. Mas vou continuar falando que apesar de tudo: eu sou mulher.