veryunfortunate

It is funny how digits like
1,
 2,
   3,
      4,
          5.
              6,
                 
can make everything
                                   feels like
                                            f
                                               a
                                           l
                                             l
                                           i
                                              n
                                           g
and at the same time
              breaking or tearing apart,
                            or building and starting a new.

Numbers,
with
     ones,
         tens,
             hundreds,
                    and even
                          thousands
                               and so on
                                   can measure
                                        our distance,
                                             the seconds, time
                                                  the absence of someone
                                                       the presence of something
                                                             and even the worth of existence.

                          It is also the gap
                          between       our
                          fingertips     and                           and the last time
                          we’ve met  each
                          other,        which
                         somehow dictates
                         how  much  I  miss
                                you, 1,
                                   2,3,
                                     4
                                     5
                                     6
                                     7
                                     8
                                     9
                                                                  10, 11,
                                                                   and when the clock
                                                                   starts to tick at twelve,
                                                                   thoughts of you would
                                                                   start lingering inside
                                                                   my head, until millions
                                                                   of thoughts about you
                                                                   find its home inside.

13.
They said
that it is a very
unfortunate number.

                                                   But
                                      there is nothing more
                      unfortunate than having numbers measure
               the distance we are from each other: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50,
         or even so kilometers apart, and I feel so lonely, although there
               there were times when numbers seem to be wrong that
                       no matter how the meters tick in the scale,
                                I can still feel you, here, next
                                          to me, alive, warm,
                                                   beating.

                                  and speaking of scales
                          with numbers from one to n,
                        with translations to kilograms
                 have become a nightmare for you
          as everyday you check yourself on the
   mirror, and on the weighting scale, like as if
these numbers can measure your real entirety.
                                                       and you wonder
                                                             how how some
                                                                tend to have less
                                                                    numbers around their
                                                                        waste, and more on their
                                                                                                     breasts.

                                                   and
                                                numbers
                                                 created
                                                  years         
                                                    and
                                                     age
                                                     and
                                                     the
                                                   number
                                                    of
                                                     gamutes
                                                    and
                                                       the
                                                     precision
                                                    of
                                                   everything
                                               about
                                                 you
                                                 along

                                       with the number of roles
                                        expectations, script,
                                             imposed upon
                                                  you.

Funny isn’t it how numbers can be not just mere digits taught at school, but in fact, they have become the reality of people, as indicators of something, as measure to constructs, as basis and proof of who you should be.

And I never thought
in my whole life
that numbers
can be this dangerous.

                                               1 bam!
                                                  bam!
                                                  boom!
                                                  a nuclear
                                                  bomb fell
                                                  from the sky,
                                                  it is just one,
                                                  just one.

                                                2 boobs
                                                   and for
                                                   a girl,
                                                   you are
                                                   assumed
                                                   to be
                                                   an object
                                                   for two balls.

                                                3 for men
                                                   and women,
                                                   and what is
                                                   the third one,
                                                   which society
                                                   claimed as freaks.

                                                4 hundred for
                                                   minimum wage
                                                   for a mother
                                                   who works
                                                   for five jobs,
                                                   six times a week,
                                                   seven men a night,
                                                   eight mouths to feed,
                                                   nine in the evening,
                                                   ten little dreams
                                                   for the children.

50 hectares
And people started
wanting to own more.

60 thousand pesos
               And people started
               buying everything,
               even love, even joy.

                               70 deaths or more
                               a year for people
                               who tried fighting
                               for the truth.

                                            80 photographs
                                            as a summary
                                            to everything
                                            we have had.

                                                       90 wishes,
                                                       for the hungry,
                                                       for the homeless,
                                                       for the sick,
                                                       for the naked,
                                                       for the people

                                                                                  100
                                                                                   you defined
                                                                                   yourself
                                                                                   with every
                                                                                   hundred
                                                                                   things
                                                                                   you did,
                                                                                   and did not.

Numbers are confusingthat is why I didn’t take math too much.
No calculated steps.

-Digits, Zakk Habitan