very unsanitary

anonymous asked:

more klance first kiss scenarios please?

yes ok 

  • lance is hanging out with allura and trying to teach her about earth things 
    • somehow they arrive on the topic of romance and lance goes “yeah and then people hug and kiss and all that” 
    • “kiss?”
    • “yeah like,, how do i explain…” then he spots keith who’s just walked in looking for lance and is like “hey keith get over here”
    • keith is like “alright” and lance pulls him in and holds him around the waist, gets very close and says “i’m showing allura what a kiss is. you alright with that?” 
    • and keith is so surprised all he can do is nod 
    • and then lance kisses him 
    • he pulls away after a second and then grins at the look on keith’s face and gives him one more peck before turning to allura, still holding keith’s hand, and being like “and that’s what a kiss is!!”
    • allura is holding her chin thoughtfully and says “well it seems very unsanitary. but an efficient strategy for disarming your opponent” 
    • lance is like “hu?” and allura just gestures to keith and says “you disarmed keith. in the heat of battle he would be useless. look at him” 
    • and lance does 
    • keith is just, staring at the space in front of him, in a daze, cheeks pink, hair messed up, still squeezing lance’s hand
    • “um,, well,, if you’d excuse us for a second,” lance says and starts dragging keith away 
    • allura just waves them away and tells them “of course. go practice disarming each other!!”
    • and keith finally snaps out of it and just calls back “oh we definitely will!”
  • or things are looking grim and keith and lance are huddled up, hiding from the enemy, bloody and very injured 
    • lance is kind of hyperventilating but he has keith beside him so he manages to start breathing ok after a minute 
    • guns are shooting lasers are firing the lions are down things are not good 
    • then lance is like “keith look, this looks really bad and i don’t know if we’re going to make it out i mean i’m probably bleeding to death and your hurt but i don’t want to die without doing this so,, can i kiss you?” 
    • keith is very in shock and also very in pain but he leans closer in and cradles lance’s head and presses his forehead to lance’s and whispers “you’re not going to die. i won’t let you. but yes” 
    • so they kiss 
    • and lance passes out right after 
    • which keith doesn’t handle well 
    • but they end up making it and then start going out 
    • pidge takes one look at them and says “figures it’d take the universe nearly coming to an end as we know it for you guys to finally get together”
    • thank you

Weird Harry Potter Canon

So it turns out it is canon that before the 1800s wizards didn’t use the bathroom and instead soiled themselves and made it vanish with a spell. So um since the legal age for using magic outside of school is 17 how did wizard minors use the bathroom before wizards used toilets. How did young witches and wizards evacuate their bowels. Did they just wear diapers until 17? Why is Draco Malfoy not being toilet trained in A Very Potter Musical now canonically realistic to a wizarding child in the early 1800s? Why did J. K. Rowling make this canon? Why is this the most baffling part of the canon to me???

anonymous asked:

does Viktor in bmscv get jealous about how often Yuuri talks about Phichit when they're together?

Anon, I’m sorry to unload this on you, but I keep receiving prompts and asks about things like this revolving petty jealousy and I want to say…. healthy relationships DON’T work that way.

When you have a partner you trust and respect, you don’t get jealous because they talk to a friend or hang out with someone that is of the same gender that they’re sexually/romantically attracted to.

What I’m saying doesn’t apply to everyone, of course, but from my experience… It takes a heck of a lot to make me jealous. Same goes for my partner. There’s only been a few instances where I know my partner has had a strong reaction to someone approaching me:

1. Someone grabbed my ass on a train
2. Someone asked me ‘how much’ it was to spend the night with me

The reaction to these weren’t jealousy or possession, it was anger that someone disrespected and invaded my boundaries like that. It’s a perfectly natural reaction to have; their instinct was to help protect me in that situation and make sure I was safe.

Otherwise, I regularly go out to concerts or clubs or events, by myself or with friends, often times interacting with musicians or artists that my partner KNOWS I’m attracted to. But they aren’t jealous and always encourage me to go have fun, because we trust and love each other and both know that neither of us is going to “cheat” or do anything along those lines. They regularly go out drinking with friends from high school, some of which I know are exes, but so what. Exes from a heck of a long time ago, and I know there’s nothing lingering there. Why would there be?

I LIKE it when other people flirt with my partner. Especially if it’s in front of me. You know why? Because HECK YEAH. I know I picked someone who’s hot and amazing and funny, and I’d flirt with them too!

Boosts my ego, boosts my partner’s ego, and you know what…. My partner is still going home with ME. So flirt away. Most of the time, they don’t even realize someone is flirting unless I point it out.

To give a very extreme example…
Before we got married, my partner went to a friend’s birthday party. Cool. Have fun. Later that night they call me and go, “ummm…. there’s strippers here…” Which I thought was hilarious.

“Okay, cool, thanks for letting me know. That’s fine, please have fun.”
“….I know one of them. We had a class together.”
“Is she cute?”
“I JUST SAW HER VAGINA!”
“Do you have any $1 bills?”
“…I have a couple of twenties.”
“Good, tip those girls well, they work hard.”

Long story short… reportedly, the stripper took the twenty, put it on my partner’s face and proceeded to pick it up with her…. private area. Wow. Neat trick. Also seems very unsanitary.

But at no point in that was I jealous. Because I knew nothing was going to happen. Maybe I’m just really comfortable in my relationship in a way some people aren’t but… petty jealousy usually isn’t a good sign of a healthy relationship. Especially not if it’s handled in a way that could damage it.

What I find good about the whole Chihoko incident is that Victor might have been a bit jealous, but his reaction wasn’t to blame Yuuri or makes demands, it was to SCALE A CASTLE TO SHOW YUURI HIS LOVE AND DEVOTION. Victor reacted by showing that HE was good for Yuuri, and would do whatever he needed to prove how much he loved and could flex for Yuuri. And Yuuri went after him, even if it meant being just as ridiculous, because he wanted to show Victor that they would stay together through whatever.

Trust your partner.
Love your partner.
If something makes you uncomfortable, talk to them about it.
Don’t be jealous of their relationships with their friends.

And stop sending me prompts and asks about petty jealousy. I will ignore them.

anonymous asked:

Hello, can I ask for Akira, Yusuke, Ryuji liking someone that's just kind of oblivious to flirting and romantic gestures. Like they're the "if you drop me a hint, I will pick it up and give it right back to you without understanding" type person. I mean they're only just bad at understanding when someone likes them and thinks it's just close friendship. Hope that's fine, thank you!

That’s so tragic lol. Thank you for the request! I hope you like it!


Akira:

  • Akira’s a natural flirt, so he drops hints and makes innuendos all the time.
  • “Should I hold your hand? It’s looks kind of cold.”
  • S/O simply says, “No thank you. It’s kind of you to offer though.”
  • He isn’t fazed one bit. In fact, he approaches it as a challenge or a game, testing out how far he can go before S/O understands. 
  • He’ll brush their hair behind their ear and whisper into it, “You should be careful. Someone might just whisk you away for looking so cute.”
  • “Thank you for warning me. I’ll be on my guard,” they reply seriously.
  • The entire power of the universe was required to hinder him from kissing S/O on the spot. 
  • He becomes quite daring after that. One evening, the two agreed to purchase hot chocolate from a nearby street vendor; it was winter, and their breath was visible in the chilly air when they ordered their beverages. 
  • S/O excitedly sipped their freshly-made cocoa, and some whipped cream fastened itself on the corner of their lips. you know what happens next
  • Akira chuckles and wipes the cream with his thumb. He proceeded to thrust his thumb in his mouth and suck on it, never breaking eye contact with S/O the entire time.
  • S/O wore a baffled expression as they stated, “Thank you for the gesture, but that was very unsanitary. I’ll go fetch us some napkins.” He smirked as they departed, and he patiently awaited their return. 
  • “Why don’t we take a ride on the Ferris wheel?” The smirk remained plastered on his face while he asked. S/O agreed and they hastily boarded the ride upon arriving.  
  • Akira sits so close to them that their shoulders brush together.
  • “S/O,” he suddenly says. When they face him, his face is inches away from theirs. “Will you let me be your boyfriend?”
  • Realization hit S/O like a ton a bricks, and Akira’s lips twitched upward in satisfaction as he witnessed the blush manifesting on S/O’s cheeks.
  • “U-u-um, yes, that would be nice,” they said, averting their eyes away from him.
  • Akira snickers and gently takes hold of S/O’s chin, making them face him again. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now.”
  • He lightly flicked their forehead.


Ryuji:

  • Ryuji was utterly frustrated. 
  • Here he was, dropping some of his best one-liners with a rosy tint on his face, and S/O had the audacity to remain so adorably oblivious.
  • “I-I really like you,” he stuttered to them, after assembling all of his courage.
  • “Aw, I like you too, Ryuji!” S/O replied.
  • Ryuji beamed, but his face quickly morphed into suspicion when he asked, “Whaddaya mean by that?” 
  • “Huh? You’re just a lot of fun and you’re a great friend.”
  • Friend.
  • Awakening to his Persona paled in comparison to how much pain he felt hearing S/O say that word.
  • “Ryuji? Are you okay? Do you need to use the restroom?”
  • Good idea, maybe I’ll flush myself down the toilet while I’m at it since I feel like shit. 
  • “N-nah, I’m fine. Thanks,” he squeaked. “H-hey, do you wanna come with me to the park later?”
  • “Sure! Does six work for you?”
  • “Yeah, that’s cool. See ya later!”
  • The two ‘friends’ meet up and stroll around, discussing numerous subjects and exchanging anecdotes.
  • They took a seat on the bench by the lake, and Ryuji spotted a couple holding hands and pecking each other on the lips.
  • Grateful that the darkness hid his ferocious blush, he nudged S/O and nodded in the direction of the couple. “D-do ya think we could do that?”
  • “We could, but we’re not dating,” S/O casually answered.
  • “…Can we change that?”
  • S/O was also grateful to the darkness for disguising their flushed cheeks. “Y-you mean it?”
  • “Y-yeah…” He waiting for the rejection when…
  • “T-that would be amazing.”
  • Ryuji.exe has stopped working
  • “C-cool! S-so uh…” He swiftly pecked S/O on their lips, and the couple couldn’t even look at each other as they continued their walk holding hands.


Yusuke:

  • Yusuke is extremely clueless himself; he’s clueless that they’re clueless.
  • S/O accepted his invitations for dates, and they permit him to embrace them when the two are alone in his dorm.
  • When they visited him in his dorm once again, he pulled them into a hug and whispered, “I have missed you, my love.”
  • S/O pulls back and laughs in his face. “Why are you acting like we’re dating? Did one of your friends tell you that we were? I swear, just because we’re close…”
  • Their voice became a distant fuzz, and Yusuke felt his soul disassemble on a molecular level.
  • This is too cruel to be a joke.
  • “You’re so gullible sometimes, Yusuke. I really worry about you…”
  • “U-um yes. I apologize. I will try to… read between the lines more often,” he replied, barely concealing the disappointment in his voice.
  • How had he not realized it sooner? He felt like such a fool.
  • “You look awful… did something happen?” S/O’s eyebrows furrowed with concern, and the urge to kiss them was overwhelming.
  • “P-please, there’s no need for distress. I’m all right, just a bit… drained.”
  • “Is there anything I can do to help?”
  • Yes.
  • “No. I’m fine, I assure you,” he said with a sigh.
  • S/O stayed with him for a bit; they tried to make him laugh from their outrageous ideas, and paid him a plethora of compliments.
  • When they were making their exit, their hand had just grabbed the doorknob when Yusuke spoke. “S/O. I’m sorry to further take your time, but I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
  • S/O turned around questioningly. “What’s wrong?”
  • He took a deep breath and his cheeks glowed with a peachy hue. “I would be interested in furthering my relationship with you… as your romantic partner. Will you accept?” you could have just said you want to be their boyfriend
  • S/O is speechless, and Yusuke nearly has a panic attack until they say, “I… would love nothing more.”
  • Art boy has died and went to heaven.
  • The blush crept back on his cheeks as he beamed and exclaimed, “Wonderful!”

HERE COMES A SPECIAL BOY

hope I’m not too late to the bnha oc train but here’s mine! he was a shitpost that became a character lmao (ty @jiliu for helping me develop my son!)

some other notes under the cut that didn’t fit on the image

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

how would the sakamaki brothers react to their s/o always biting their hand or an object of her's often? (she's still human, she just bites things out of nervous habit)

♥Shu: -he’d take away the object you were biting and place his thumb in your mouth instead- Go on… Why don’t you bite it?

♥Reiji: You should stop biting your nails. It’s very unsanitary, not to mention how your nails look afterwards.

♥Ayato: Haha… Are you scared of me? Hey, what if I tie you up? That way, I can be the one biting your tiny hand.

♥Kanato: What makes you so nervous? Me? Hum, I wonder why? I’m the most pleasurable company you have.

♥Laito: Bitch-chan? Are you biting your fingers again? I think I have a little something over here you can bite instead~ Look, a candy~!

♥Subaru: -you usually bite your lip, and that works like a charm to get certain side of his mind running- Hey… I’d like to bite that lip.

3

Guys. DON’T DO THIS. I don’t care if you just want to “have fun” or if you think you’re cool and edgy because “rules are meant to be broken”. Do not take your hedgehog (or other pet for that matter) to places where it’s forbidden, especially stores, because:

1) it’s forbidden. That should be enough.

2) people could be allergic, it’s very unsanitary to take your pet to places where they serve/sell food etc. Maybe you don’t care, others do. Stores or restaurants (which tends to come down to their employees) could even get in trouble because of your pet.

3) exotic pets already have a pretty bad rap in many places. Don’t make it worse by taking your hedgehog to places where they’re not allowed. Hedgehogs look cute, but that doesn’t mean everyone likes them.

4) “they will most likely sleep”. Exactly. Hedgehogs are nocturnal animals that sleep during the day. Let them get their needed sleep in their enclosure instead of dragging them around just because you want to have fun.

Unsure if you’re allowed to take your hog somewhere? Just ask. Sometimes dogs aren’t allowed but they don’t mind small mammals. But don’t be selfish and risk ruining things for everyone by just taking your pet wherever you want.

(also I sure hope that fish comment was a joke because that must be the pinnacle of bad care)

ok so last night out of curiosity i was watching videos with the zircons’ voice actress, amy sedaris, appearing on late night talk shows and on one of the videos the host asked her what she had done with her hair to get to look like it did and she said “i’ve been drinking horse placenta” and i had to pause right there because i was already laughing too hard

2

Some girl from my town wanted the tattoo in the first picture and this is the end result. She defended the artist at first after he forgot the second ‘n’ but quickly turned on him after it got infected. Tattoo was done in a living room with very unsanitary practices.

Young Avengers Presents #3 by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa & Alina Urosov

Despite what the red hair would lead you to believe, that is, in fact, Wanda. Unless it’s one of those lifelike Wanda sexbots Doctor Doom made. I don’t really wanna think about that right now. It’s meant to be Wanda, so that’s who we’re saying it is.

I think about this panel a lot because there is a large bird in her kitchen. Next to her oven. Very unsanitary. Or maybe not. I don’t know anything about birds. I think that’s a crow? Or a raven? I don’t think you’re supposed to keep those as pets.

What’s really important is that this obscure panel, combined with Wanda’s pet falcon from the 60′s, has lead me to believe Wanda is a bird person.

okay all of that was very depressing so!!!!! something nice that happened earlier this evening
i was at work with my boss and another coworker and we were wrapping things up and somehow the conversation went to how a couple of past coworkers used to have sex everywhere at the shelter (god i mean… at a very unsanitary animal shelter… during goddamn work………….. why)
and i was saying to my boss something like “hey at least you don’t have to worry about me having sex here. or anywhere for the matter”
and my coworker raised her eyes and she was like “oh wait you’re asexual?”
and i didn’t even say the word, i didn’t even mention me being ace to her before (i don’t hide it either but it was never relevant before)
and i almost had an emotional breakdown because she’s the first (straight) person i met who actually knew what asexuality means without me having to explain it to them, and going through the whole them eyeing me like i’m a freak phase and stuff
and she actually said that she has some ace friends and like jesus woman where did you find them i want them too

anyway that was a super super nice moment of reassurance and casual acceptance and it made my day

youtube

An interesting twinbirth

I love the or-atmosphere and the many people observe the birth.

But I miss the stirrups because I think the holding of the foots are very unsanitary.

Intruder • Gelo

Late night update, so whoever is up enjoy ☺☺

-

Omniscient

“That’s what I was talking about, that bitch is so annoying and always to complaining to the boss when shit don’t go her way.” Queen ranted to her bestfriend Tasha over the phone.

“And she always kissing somebody ass, I can’t stand her!” Tasha popped her gum.

“Bitch what I tell you ‘bout poppin’ that damn gum in my ear. Shit 'bout to bust my goddamn ear drum.”

“Queen stop being to dramatic.” Tasha laughed.

“You not gon’ be saying that when you paying my doctor bill.”

“Tuh! Girl bye.”

“Don’t you got a dick appointment or something?” Queen got out of the bed and looked out her window to see it pouring rain.

“And bitch it’s raining what the fuck, I just washed my car.” Queen added.

“My dick appointment is 10 minutes late, that’s why I called yo ass because he taking too long. I’m getting lonely hoe.”

“He probably on his way from another appointment.” Queen joked.

“He better not, I’m gon’ beat his fucking ass, I don’t play that shit.”

“Tasha you know damn well you ain’t gon’ do shit, when he bang yo head from the washer to the dryer you gon’ be crying.” Queen laughed, and put the phone on speaker.

“Yeah you right, I’m one big ass cry baby.”

Queen tightened her silk black robe. “Talkin’ bout you gon beat his ass, girl!”

“Alright queen I’ll have to call you back tomorrow, my dick appointment here.” Tasha said.

“Enjoy girl, bye.”

“Bye.” Tasha ended the call.

“She know she can talk up a storm.” Queen shook her head and left out of her bedroom going into the kitchen.

She opened her refrigerator and squinted her eyes from the bright light.

“I really need to buy food, I can’t be living like this.” She rummaged through the refrigerator looking for something to eat.

Just then Queen heard something coming from the living room. Queen quietly closed the refrigerator and peeked around the corner to see someone coming through the window.

“Fuck! My phone is in the room.” She whispered.

She started to panic, she didn’t know what to do. “Lord I don’t wanna die like this, what do I do?”

She looked around the kitchen, and she pulled out two knives from the drawer and she hid in the kitchen closet leaving it open a little bit.

“What if he comes in here? I’m a dead ass bitch.” Queen whispered to herself.

She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She opened one eye and peeked out the crack of the door, she saw no one, but she heard footsteps coming closer to the kitchen.

She quickly closes the closet door and gripped onto the two knives. She backed away from the closet door and her back hit the shelf and noodle packs fell to the ground making loud noises.

“Fuck.”

Whoever it was opened the door, and Queen threw the two knives at him, well two spatulas since she mistaken then for knives.

Queen tried to run past the intruder, but he quickly grabbed her and slung her to the floor, and he pulled out his gun.

“It’s already loaded, don’t try any crazy shit with me.” He put the gun to Queens head.

She didn’t even look up at hin she just kept her head down. “P-p-please I- just don’t kill me please, take anything, I-I won’t tell I promise.” Queen sobbed.

He chuckled and cut on the kitchen light. He then looked over to the two spatulas that were laying in the ground from when she threw it ain’t him.

“Good choice of weapons, that was really gonna kill me.” He said sarcastically.

“I think I did good by robbing this house first.” He squated down and ran his gun down from her head, down to her neck then he stopped at the opening of her robe.

“Let’s see what we got here.” He smiled and pulled the tie from her robe.

Queen pushed him making him drop the gun and she quickly grabbed it and stood up pointing the gun it at him.

He held his hands up.

“Look who has the gun now bitch!” Queen snatched the ski mask off of his head revealing his face.

He licked his lips and stared at her. “Put the gun down babygirl.”

Queen just looked at him. She noticed his messy curls all over his head, his plump light pink lips, and his hazel eyes. Queen thought he was such a fine intruder, but she knew she shouldn’t be thinking like that since she could’ve been killed.

“I know you won’t kill me, you’re probably just as soft as you look.” He smiled and got up from the ground.

“I. Will. Kill. You.”

He laughed and quickly pushed Queen into the refrigerator and he snatched the gun from her hands, and pinned her arms above her head.

Queen bit her lip and stared into his eyes.

“You gotta be quicker than that.” He opened her robe with his gun exposing her naked body.

“Damn I’m glad I found you.” He put his gun down on the counter.

“You’re not gonna kill me are you?”

“I don’t kill, I steal baby girl.” He took off her robe.

“And you know… you shouldn’t be enjoying this.” He whispered in her ear making chills run down her spine.

He picked her up, walking over to the table and sitting her on top of it.

“This is very unsanitary.” Queen said.

“I don’t live here so I don’t care.” He took off his black hoodie, and his white muscle shirt.

He stood inbetween her legs and he pinched her nipples before wrapping his lips around them.

Queen moaned as he sucked on her right nipple, tugging at it with his teeth and sucking on it, swirling his tongue around her nipples as he massaged Queen’s left boob. Then he went on to the right one.

“I think I’m a little hungry, lay back baby.” He grabbed a chair and sat in it.

Queen laid back on the table with her legs spread apart.

He teased his fingers up and down the folds of her pussy.

“Please.” She begged

He placed a kiss on her clit, then flicked his tongue on it.

“Shit.”

Two of his slender fingers slipped inside of her while he continued to work on my clit.

Queen’s body then jerked forward as he hit her g-spot.

He removed his fingers and replaced them with his tongue.

“Shiiit.” Queen dragged out.

His tongue worked around her clit making figure eights

“Ah shit I’m- ” Queen moaned.

He got up from the chair and smiled at her.

“You sure do smile alot for a dangerous intruder.” Queen joked.

“Well this intruder just got his braces off, I have the right.” He unbuckled his belt.

“I don’t get a name?”

“LiAngelo, call me Gelo.” He stepped out of his pants leaving him in his boxers.

“I’m Queen.”

He pulled her closer to the edge of the table. “Nice to meet you.” He chuckled pulling down his boxers.

Queen’s eyes widened. “Um.. Gelo I…” Queen tried to get up, but she was pushed back down.

“What?”

“That’s not going insi-

"Oh fuck!” She shouted, grabbing onto his arms as he slid into her.

“Goddamn girl.” Gelo grunted.

Queen moaned in pleasure as Gelo continued to thrust in and out of her.

He wrapped both hands around her neck, increasing his pace which made the table squeak.

“Gelo!” She digged her nails into his arms.

“You want me to go harder? Hmm?” He squeezed her neck.

“Y-yes.” She yelled in a hush tone.

He let go of her neck and grabbed her legs, pushing them back.

“Gelo, right there!” Queen screamed out as he pounded into her even harder.

“Fuck Queen.”

“Gelo..” Queen’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she gripped on Gelo’s arms moaning uncontrollably, as she came.

Gelo slowed down his pace and he pulled out cumming in the inside of her thigh.

“Shit.” Queen breathed out.

“You kn-

"Gelo!” Queen shouted two legs on the end of the table broke causing Queen to slide off the table onto the floor.

Gelo looked at her with his mouth wide open.

“Nigga are you gonna steal me a new table?”