very difficult

small pieces from zayn’s book

- zayn had an eating disorder toward the end of 2014 and seeing pictures of himself back is hard for him.

- there are no scathing things about perrie or one direction, perrie is barely mentioned and most of the things he says about one direction are fairly generalized and grateful.

- zayn was in a really dark place after he left 1d, he didn’t know what to do with himself and what he wanted to do in his life.

- he has a song called dragonfly that didn’t make the cut of mine of mine but that he will maybe release someday. it has a metal vibe with lots of guitar. 

- he had/has ADHD

- the day of his concert in nyc for the i heart radio theatre was very difficult for him, he was very sick and throwing up before the show out of fear and nerves. it was seeing pictures of fans waiting outside that helped him pull through and realize he could do it.

- the day of the i heart radio music awards zayn was also really nervous and anxious and vomiting before his performance but when he finally overcame it he felt so happy and relieved, he felt he gave a good performance.

- zayn knows he isn’t the best performer and it gets to him a lot, he gets especially anxious that people won’t know who he is and talking to the crowds in between songs. he doesn’t want to be a dick and not interact with people but he gets nervous speaking in front of people (ie: his speech introducing kim jones at louis vuitton he mentions how he was very nervous and how stumbling over the word innovative really fucked him up and he felt upset).

- zayn talks about the day of summertime ball. he was really happy to have his entire family there but as the day went on he started getting more and more anxious and upset. he was afraid people wouldn’t like him, he knew people were there to see other people and didn’t want them to be like oh well who the fuck is this clown? he was paralyzed with fear and his anxiety just consumed him. his team wanted him to put out a statement saying he was sick but he wanted to finally be open about his anxiety and tell the truth.

- he wants to become a better performer and he’s working on his anxiety every day. he’s a perfectionist and he wants people to genuinely believe he’s doing a good job. 

- he avoids social media because people are very cruel and he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing and having his words turned against him. he does spend a lot of time on social media and appreciates all the nice things people say or send him.

Okay let’s give this a shot

There are a million reasons to write fanfiction.   The first fanfic I ever read was by my dad, and he wrote it because I told him to, on account of how the ending of Stuart Little as written distressed me, and I needed it to turn out different.  (I didn’t understand at the time that Margalo the bird was meant to be a symbol, rather than a person - I thought Stuart had lost his friend and his car, and that was no way to end a story, as friends are very rare and difficult to come by.)  An unbelievable amount of years later I wrote a fanfic about the feeling of having had just the one friend, because playing Undertale reminded me of that feeling, and I wanted to highlight that element of the game, to illuminate it, in the sense of drawing in its margins.  I think these are both pretty decent reasons to write fanfiction, but I also think all other reasons are pretty decent reasons to write fanfiction.  It’s a useful practice.  It’s a way to expel stuff that’s in your brain without having to worry too much about whether it’s art or truth or good or evil, because it’s fundamentally a limited act, a thing meant for a particular crew who know the colors in the palette you’ve chosen and will surf your context without asking questions.   We are weirded out by the Yudkowskis and E.L. Jameses of the world because they let the thing grow too big – it’s meant to be a cipher, a curio.  A present.  A bit of writing on a wall.

Of course, that’s what it means to me.   There are folks for whom it’s a basic human way of being creative – talkin’ about Milton’s epic fan-poetry, Plato’s habit of writing RPF about his buddies, Dante’s self-insert adventures in the apocrypha, and so forth. That’s pretty big.   There’s people who are into the possibilities of fanfic as a narrative form, or more accurately as a metanarrative form, as a place where fiction can actively tangle with its artifice and characters can fight their multitudinous authors.  And then there’s fanfic as a statement of identity.  Fanfic as rebellion, fanfic as reclamation.  Fanfic as politics.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

At work I have trouble with the phone bc I have auditory processing disorder that makes it very difficult to understand what the caller is saying (+ extreme anxiety). If I talked to a manager about my apd do u think they'd let me not handle calls?

Unless it is vital to your job description, I don’t see why not!


Top Ten (very difficult, breaking your brain) biases tag LOL!

I was commanded lol jk tagged by @shinwhoohoo aka one ShadyQueen <3

I really never even know my top ten biases until now and damn I got headache to sort and find those rofl. And finding my favourite pictures was lol …. Yeah, I’m a damn Infinite trash as it seems, I’m pretty sure if it was a top 20 thingy all Infinite members would make it on the list lol. I was actually quiete close to kick Moon and put Chodingyeol on this top list already haha 

OK , here are my top ten biases: (akas from me or how I see them haha) 

Woohyun of Infinite aka Namgrease, Nampabo, (self-proclaimed) husband of all inspirits, Namstar, Namu, Aegyo-obsessed, fanservice lv: cringy lol 

L/Myungsoo of Infinite aka Visual Level L (every random photo turns into a literal damn poster lol), Visual wall, dimplepowa, cute af, black obsession 

Sunggyu of Infinite aka Leadergyu, grandpagyu, tsunderegyu, the witty geniusgyu, king of exaggerated expressions,  stan attractor + fandomexit blocker, eye jokes, the sexy eyeliner gyu 

Daehyun of B.A.P aka blackhole (he’s eating non-stop, loves and lives for food lol), foodpabo, sunnyboy, did I mentioned sexy lips? LOL, visucal 

Minhyuk of Monsta X aka puppy, ball of sunshine; part-time short, precise and funny english translator 

Youngjae of B.A.P aka sass, brain, nice guy lol, daejae 4ever 

Sungjong of Infinite aka Lemoncandy boy (this will probably hunt him for the rest of his life), too fab for this world (fabbest Idol or even person to me), pretty (that he makes you cry), Maknae on Top, crazy S-line, Sungjongie 

Jinyoung of B1A4 aka composerdol, grandpadol no.2, handsome arctic fox, tripple threat (singing, composing, acting:yeah lets not forget songwrtting etc)

Jackson of GOT7 aka sexy & WILD, (literal last name lol ) King of variety, unstoppable (loud) with Bambam (/dabdab lol), markson 

Moonchul of Royal Pirates aka underrated (RP are so underrated), chill, fun, belongs to the weird foreigner line for me lol, mr. chill and optimistic?, giving the playboy vibe though lol 

I’m going to tag: @leesungjongg @dimple-soo @puppynamu @bap93 @leaolivia @tangerinatantan @youre-my-cover-boy @yooneroos @squishymyungsoo @chickenyeol (just curious XD lol ofc you guys do not need to do it XDD just love to tag ppl hahah ) 

Salutations fellow travelers! We have some updates to get to all of you about the future of the retro-anime-collective.

First, I would like to apologize to those who I have yet to reach in the ask box. This school quarter for me has been very difficult and since September I’ve been sparingly checking my accounts.

Second, I want to thank all of you for getting the blog to 28,000 followers! I truly appreciate all the support each follower has given by reblogging, liking, and following this blog. Each of you have made my dreams come true for being the audience for the content. I will always be pushing out more and more gifs as long as you, the followers, are enjoying the beauty I find in retro animes.

Third, I’ve decided to team up with the amazing people at Anime Cart! Anime Cart is an amazing website where you can buy amazing anime goods, beautiful cosplays, and other awesome Japanese related items. I will be including posts about their products from time to time on this blog and I hope each of you take a look at their amazing site.

Finally, I hope each of you have an amazing day. Strive for achievement in everything you do! Believe in our blog that believes in you! Believe it!

- See You Space Cowboy…

I just got my first doll earlier this year. I have severe social anxiety so reaching out to people is very difficult for me, but everyone I have been in contact with has been so kind and welcoming! It gives me the confidence to be a little more active socially. Thank you to everyone who is nice to noobs!


anonymous asked:

Are nightmare demons immortal? Or do they have a certain lifespan? You mentioned in your Lucaya part 2 video that Luca was around when the Black Plague happened.. is that when he was born?

no they are not immortal but they are very difficult to kill. shapeshifting is one hell of a benefit for closing wounds and whatever. the only sure way to kill one is to set it on fire.

but they do, if they can avoid being killed, die of old age. i havent really thought of how old they can live up to but probably a few thousand of years if theyre lucky. the ones who live this long tend to be the ones in the “higher family line” or those who tend to avoid the human world

anonymous asked:

Lovely Flower Mun, how does one get Thistle to blush?

It’s very difficult

So difficult that not even the flower mun knows the answer

anonymous asked:

Peeing during masturbation and foreplay. Is there any damage that I can cause by forcefully urinating with an erection? I'm curious about future urethral sphincter damage (incontinence) as well as urine flowing into semenal vesicles, prostate, etc.

I’m impressed if you can manage it, but no, it’s not harmful.

It’s actually your prostate that blocks urine when you have an erection, not your sphincters.  The sphincters are able to open normally and will not be damaged.  Your prostate will not be damaged either; it’s a solid organ and urine can’t backflow into it.  (If it’s completely blocking the flow of urine, you’ll be pushing against it, but your prostate will win and the pee just won’t happen.  You won’t blast your way through.)  I’ve never heard of urine backflowing into the seminal vesicles, either; they’re sort of “upstream” from the path your urine takes.

So, no, I don’t think this is a risky behavior, just a very difficult one.


Does Ban the Box Disincentivize Minority Employment?

People of color have been disproportionately impacted by mass incarceration, an issue compounded by the fact that ex-offender status often makes it very difficult to find a job. Ban the Box is a policy that is supposed to help alleviate the problem. But, do Ban the Box policies actually exacerbate racial disparities in employment?

Individuals who have been convicted of a crime often have difficulty finding employment. Part of the reason may be that employers discriminate against those with criminal records, even when other observable characteristics are identical. In addition, since black and Hispanic men are more likely to have criminal records, making a clean record a condition for employment could exacerbate racial disparities in employment.

If even a few ex-offenders are more job-ready than some non-offenders, then employers’ statistical discrimination against those with criminal records hurts the most job-ready ex-offenders. This has motivated the Ban the Box movement, which calls for employers to delay asking about an applicant’s criminal record until later in the hiring process.

Ban the Box policies seek to limit employers’ access to criminal histories. This access itself is relatively new. Before the internet and inexpensive computer storage became available in the 1990s, it was not easy to check job applicants’ criminal histories. 

Advocates of Ban the Box believe that if employers can’t tell who has a criminal record, job-ready ex-offenders will have a better chance at getting an interview. During that interview, they will be able to signal their otherwise unobservable job-readiness to the employer. They believe this could increase employment rates for ex-offenders and thereby decrease racial disparities in employment outcomes.

If Ban the Box enables some re-entering offenders to get their foot in the door and communicate their job-readiness to employers, we might see a positive effect on employment for this group. But if young, low-skilled black and Hispanic men are now less likely overall to be called in for interviews, then the net effect on employment could be negative.

Unfortunately, well-intentioned policies, like Ban the Box, that remove information about negative characteristics can often do more harm than good. 

New research shows that when information on criminal records is available, firms are actually more likely to hire low-skilled black men. Meanwhile, Ban the Box and similar policies that limit information on criminal records negatively impact poor men of color.

Surveys show that employers are most concerned about hiring those who were recently incarcerated. Since young, low-skilled black and Hispanic men are most likely to fall into this category, many employers respond to Ban the Box policies by avoiding interviews with these groups.

On average, young, low-skilled black men are 5.1% less likely to be employed after Ban the Box than before. Ban the Box also reduces employment by 2.9% for young, low-skilled Hispanic men. Both effects are unexplained by pre-existing trends in employment, and—for black men—persist long after the policy change. The effects are larger for those with no high school diploma or GED, for whom a recent incarceration is more likely.

However, employers are less likely to use race as a proxy for criminality in areas where the minority population of interest is larger—perhaps because discriminating against that entire set of job applicants is simply infeasible. For example, Ban the Box reduces black male employment significantly everywhere but in the South (where a larger share of the population is black). Similarly, Ban the Box reduces Hispanic male employment everywhere but in the West (where a larger share of the population is Hispanic). 

Ban the Box’s negative effects on black and Hispanic men are larger when national unemployment is higher. In other words, employers are more able to exclude broad categories of job applicants in order to avoid potential ex-offenders when applicants far outnumber available positions.

Advocates for Ban the Box seem to think that in the absence of information, employers will assume the best about all job applicants. This is sadly not the case.

Read the study

anonymous asked:

is it ok to _want_ to do sex work... i feel guilty for it

no… that is fine. wanting to do sex work is fine! like…. it’s different from other career paths and it’s a very difficult and sometimes dangerous career but there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to do sex work. don’t feel guilty! sex work isn’t wrong or ~immoral~ at all, you are fine.

-mod tabby

anonymous asked:

Secret01 has ruined me. Saeran's sad angry voice is stuck in my head. I want to hug him but the game did not give me the option to. Is Secret02 this intense and heartbreaking because idk if i can handle that again so soon

Oh gosh. Just wait. It’s really difficult in Secret end 2. Like very difficult and angsty

khaleesinarylfiel  asked:

Ok, SVU preferences, do I really need to say it? Sex with Stabler. (I had a professor who looked just like him, that was a very difficult semester) In case my previous message didn't show it, I'm so excited to see you try your hand at SVU!!!

wow one fucking day into accepting SVU requests and I’m already getting sin

why am i not surprised oh my god

i have to admit, I wasn’t expecting a sex with Stabler preference. I thought I was going to get a sinful request for Barba AT LEAST

but whatever lmao added


The part of Cosette is now CLOSED.

We will be contacting the winner tonight, and be announcing tomorrow morning at 12 NOON EST.

Unfortunately, due to the number of applications we received, we will not be able to contact those applicants which were not chosen.  We had so many wonderful applications to choose from, and it was a very difficult decision.

Thank you to everyone that applied!

like, ace people aren’t trying to say we have it worse or even the same as gay, lesbian and trans people? (let’s ignore for a minute that a lot of ace people fall into these categories as well and they’ve been shit on by their supposed brothers and sisters in this clusterfuck, too). from what i’ve been able to find, it seems like ace people have been trying to describe their experiences to people who DON’T experience the same things - a very difficult thing (like the thought experiment “explain a color to someone who has never had sight”). clearly, the easiest thing ace people have used to try to do this is metaphors and parallels. and then these ace discoursers have been jumping down our throats, trying to make us sound like we just compared a stubbed toe to the holocaust when we didn’t do that at all? we were talking about how it sucked that our arm was broken and we never mentioned the holocaust at all? (look at me, having to resort to metaphors again).

the things is, though? ace people do have problems that are a direct result of heteronomative society’s reaction to our sexuality. no, we don’t have a history of direct oppression like how the lgt community with the government’s reaction to the aids/hiv crisis, denied housing/jobs, gaybashings and homicides, etc.

the thing is - we don’t have a history AT ALL. because asexuality is an INVISIBLE orientation. we get zero representation and resources. most people don’t understand asexuality or knows it exists. everyone from our friends to our families to our therapists will often tell us something is wrong with us. doctors will try to diagnose us instead of accepting that it’s our orientation and moving on. our therapists tell us we don’t want to have sex because we’re depressed. our significant others pressure us into sex with them, saying we don’t like it because we’ve never tried it. our doctors want to tell us maybe we have a hormone imbalance, maybe we should put you on these medications - because no NORMAL human being doesn’t feel sexual attraction. we need to be medicated, to be put in therapy, to be “fixed.”  

is it comparable to being murdered? NO. but the thing is is that we’re NOT TRYING TO MAKE THAT COMPARISON. we’re just saying that some of the things we go through are WRONG, and easily fixed with education and visibility and MAYBE THE BAREST HINT OF SOLIDARITY WITH OUR LGBT BROTHERS AND SISTER (because the vast majority of us are also homoromantic, panromantic, trans, non-binary as well. we see these spaces that we sort of - but never quite - fit.) 

literally i’ve seen some of y’all send death threats to someone for wanting lgbt+ bookstores/cafes, a less sexual safe space for people that i’m sure many aces would appreciate. somehow, y’all apparently got “we condemn all non-hetero sex” from that??? having a lgbt+ bookstore/cafe (which would be a great safe space for MINORS as well, HELLO), having options of safe spaces for ALL of the lgbt+ community is A GOOD THING. you don’t have to eliminate gay bars to open an lgbt+ bookstore, i??? Y’ALL are the only ones i’ve seen operating under these absolutes? this whole “they want a safe space, which must mean they want to eliminate mine”?? like, where is that coming from?? it hasn’t come from the ace community, i can tell you that right now.

So I have been trying to find a biography on Joseph II but it is proving to be a very difficult task. If anyone has any recommendations at all I would greatly appreciate them!!