vermouth bottle

♥ KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE QUOTES
feel free to adjust sentences to make it fit your muse better!

  • ❛ So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam. ❜
  • ❛ There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. ❜
  • ❛ Manners maketh man. ❜
  • ❛ Martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth. Thank you. ❜
  • ❛ You throw away your biggest opportunity over a fucking dog. ❜
  • ❛ You shot a dog just to get a fucking job! ❜
  • ❛ If you’re prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform. ❜
  • ❛ You’re full of surprises. ❜
  • ❛ How deep does this fucking thing go? ❜
  • ❛ Is this the part where you say some… really bad pun? ❜
  • ❛ This ain’t that kind of movie, bruv. ❜
  • ❛ Sorry, love. Gotta save the world. ❜
  • ❛ I’m awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up. ❜
  • ❛ Oh, no no no. I cancelled the gala because of you. ❜
  • ❛ Are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight? ❜
  • ❛ The suit is the modern gentleman’s armour. ❜
  • ❛ At least the girl’s got balls. ❜
  • ❛ I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit. ❜
  • ❛ You dirty… little fucking prick… ❜
  • ❛ That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head. ❜
  • ❛ I suppose asking to borrow a cup of sugar is a step too far. ❜
  • ❛ Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson. ❜
  • ❛ What did you do to me? I had no control. I killed all those people. ❜
  • ❛ To Pee or Not to Pee? ❜
  • ❛ Not everybody had thanked you for that one. ❜
  • ❛ A gentleman’s name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he’s born, when he marries, and when he dies. ❜
  • ❛ I’m just a pleb. ❜
  • ❛ Being a gentleman is something one learns. ❜
  • ❛ Sorry about that, needed to let off a little steam. ❜
  • ❛ Looks like a lot of people are going to die. ❜
  • ❛ Do I look like I give a fuck? ❜
  • ❛ What a shame we both had to grow up. ❜
  • ❛ Sorry, sir, but why the fuck did you choose me as the gimp? Am I the expendable candidate? ❜
  • ❛ You need to take that chip off your shoulder. ❜
  • ❛ This whiskey is amazing; you will shit. ❜
  • ❛ Who the fuck are you? Where am I? ❜
  • ❛ This knife can save your life. ❜
  • ❛ Mankind is the virus, and I’m the cure. ❜
  • ❛ You’re a bloody disgrace. ❜
  • ❛ I apologise for putting you in this position. You trained him well. ❜
  • ❛ A little gratitude would be nice. ❜
  • ❛ Fuck that guy, whoever he is! ❜
  • ❛ Do I look like I give a fuck? Just get it done. ❜
  • ❛ Perfect timing. Gentleman’s just finished. ❜
2

The Churchill Martini, made famous by Sir Winston Churchill

Ingredients:

One bottle of ice cold gin

One unopened bottle of vermouth

Martini glasses

Cocktail olives

Instructions

  • Stir gin and ice together.  
  • Gaze at the unopened bottle of vermouth while stirring.
  • Strain into chilled glass.
  • Add olive for garnish.

Yes, essentially what you get is a glass of gin.  Winston Churchill liked his Martinis served without the vermouth actually being added to the drink, just present in the same room. He is quoted as saying of the drink, “Glance at the vermouth bottle briefly while pouring the juniper distillate freely”.

Kingsman: The Secret Service - A Sentence Meme

“I’m a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon.“
"If you get me out right now, I’ll give you more than just a kiss.”
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.“
“Manners maketh man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.”
"I’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”
“Martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth. Thank you.“
“You shot your dog and had it stuffed? You fucking freak!”
“Limits must be tested.“
“Is this the part where you say some… really bad pun?”
“Sorry, love. Gotta save the world.”
“The fuck’s wrong with them?”
“Now, if you really wanna make the world a better place, I suggest you open your fucking ears, because I’m about to tell it to you.”
“Are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight?”
“The suit is the modern gentleman’s armor.”
“Would you like a lift home?”
“Get out. I knew you couldn’t make it. Go home.”
“That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.”
“You dirty…little fucking prick…”
“I suppose asking to borrow a cup of sugar is a step too far.”
“What did you do to me? I had no control. I killed all those people!“
“'To Pee or Not to Pee?‘”
“A gentleman’s name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he’s born, when he marries, and when he dies.”
“Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the circumstances of one’s birth. Being a gentleman is something one learns.”
"Sorry about that, needed to let off a little steam.”
“Looks like a lot of people are going to die.”
“Do I look like I give a fuck?”
“I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well-versed in their… 'shit’.”
“You blew up his head. It’s a bit much, ain’t it?”
“What a shame we both had to grow up.”
“I don’t know. Could have something to do with the mass genocide.”
“Is God the bad guy?”
“Let’s turn those frowns upside down. Eat, drink, and paaaaarty!”
“Tell that tailor friend of yours to make a nice chicken costume that’ll suit your mug.”
“For God’s sake, I barely touched you. Oh, man up…”
“And on this occasion, I think it is acceptable for us… to bend the rules a little.”
“By the time I count to ten, you will have told me exactly what I need to know. If not, the number ten will be the last thing you will ever hear.”
“You need to take that chip off your shoulder.”
“This whiskey is amazing: you will shit.”
“A little gratitude would be nice…”
“Fuck that guy, whoever he is!”
“Seventeen years and still evolving with the times remains an entirely foreign concept to you.”
“I have trouble understanding you people sometimes. You all talk so funny.”
“Ever heard of knocking?”
“I’m up a shit creek.”

Dance With Me

Tagging: @speedypan @insideoflit @coffee-randomness @cupidjayne @coffee-randomness

A/N This is what happens when i watch Kingsmen one too many times

Originally posted by seasideliving


Annabella smiled as she looked around the ballroom. Rolling her eyes at the group of guys who were still arguing over who should come up to her. It was going to be a long night, she thought as she ordered a glass of champagne.

“Yes I’ll have a martini, gin not vodka, obviously, stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at a unopened bottle of vermouth.” Said a young man who appeared next to her. He was wearing a dark blue blazer with black lapels, black slacks, his blonde hair slicked back and his blue eyes hiding behind a pair of specs.

Annabella smirked behind her glass, or maybe not.

“Well that’s one hell of a way to order a drink.”

“Best drink to have at events like this.” Said the man.

“Oh? And what brings you to an event like this.” Annabella inquired.

“Business.” He replied simply.

“What kind of business?”

“Tailoring.”

“Interesting. You know what I think you are doing here Eggsy?” Annabella set her glass down and turned to face him her voice dropping to whisper.

“How did you-”

“How do you think you were let in the first place? Now, I think your organization believes that either me or my family is in danger or there is something happening at my father’s or my business and you are trying to get to the bottom of it. My father is a hard man to come into contact with yet everyone knows how friendly his daughter is. Now I bet you came here with the intention of seducing me even wearing the color blue to appeal to me. Now what you don’t know is that that method will not work on me.” Annabella explained.

“If it won’t work then why are you getting closer love?” Eggsy smirked.

“Because there are eyes everywhere and we need to be subtle.”

“We?” He teased.

“Please don’t pride yourself love, you have a better shot swooning my cousin.” Annabella spared a glance at the cousin in mention who gave her thumbs up causing Annabella to roll her eyes before focusing back on Eggsy. “However I am willing to listen to what you have to say.”

“Because of my charming good looks?”

“Because of your personality.” Annabella clarified. “You love your mother, would do anything to protect her and your sister. You remind me of someone close to me. So dance with me.”

Eggsy looked down at Annabella’s hand and gingerly took it. Intrigued by everything the girl was saying. As much as he loves to swoop a girl off her feet to get information this was somehow a lot more fun.

“So let me ask again what is the important business?” Annabella asked as they began to glide across the dance floor.

“A scientist under your father’s biochemical division has been spotted working with the wrong crowd. They say he’s helping them build a weapon-”

“That could render an entire country helpless against a disease. We’ve been keeping a close eye on him but we haven’t been able to find who he’s working with or why. We can work together to figure that out and stop him before any harm can be done. I will talk to my father and contact you as soon as possible.” Said Annabella as they finished their dance and she pulled away.

“And how will you do that love?” He questioned.

“I have my ways.” Annabella smirked as she turned around and went to head towards her father.

“For someone who has no idea how to flirt you sure do know how to use the Wayne charm.” Said Dick as he walked alongside his sister.

“He was intriguing.” Said Annabella as she looked down at her hand and plucked the gold ring she swiped off of Eggsy, studying the symbol stamped on it. “Though I do wonder…”

“Wonder what?”

“How the hell do you get Eggsy from Gary. That’s almost as bad as getting Dick from Richard.”

“Jerk.” Dick elbowed her causing her to laugh.

“Come on. We have work to do.” Said Annabella as they approached Bruce.

The signs as Kingsman: The Secret Service quotes
  • Aries: “That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head. Feels good, right?”
  • Taurus: “Made me kill Professor Arnold. Goddamn loved Professor Arnold.”
  • Gemini: “My point is, if you’re prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform.”
  • Cancer: “I shot Mr. Pickle and took him home. Then I cared for him for 11 years until he died of pancreatitis.”
  • Leo: “Martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while staring at an unopened bottle of vermouth.”
  • Virgo: “A gentleman’s name should only appear in the papers three times. When he is born, when he marries, and when he dies.”
  • Libra: “The first thing a gentleman needs is a good suit, and by that I mean a bespoke suit. Never off the peg.”
  • Scorpio: “So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon madam.”
  • Sagittarius: “It's just scare tactics. Classic Army technique. No one's going to die.”
  • Capricorn: “Sorry luv, I’ve gotta save the world.”
  • Aquarius: “Sometimes I envy the blissful ignorance of those less versed in their shit.”
  • Pisces: “I have no stomach for violence. Literally. I see one drop of blood, and that’s me - done.”
Sweet Vermouth

“Stir it for ten seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of Vermouth.”

Eggsy looked up from his soon to be Martini to make sure Harry knew how baffled he was. Harry, meanwhile, looked back at Eggsy with a cryptic smile.

“You what?” Eggsy’s little laughter of disbelief mixed with the gentle jazz playing in the background.

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One thing that I really like about Hartwin is the so many possibilities it opens for a My Fair Lady-esque AU.

  • Harry tries to correct Eggsy’s accent and manners and ends up spending most of his time resisting the urges to smack the little shit in face or snog him senseless and getting nothing done.
    • Using the old fashioned “marbles-in-the mouth” method from My Fair Lady (1964). And Harry being surprised (and “oh my word, that should not be arousing”) at just how many balls Eggsy can fit in his mouth.
  • Harry being rendered speechless for once when he sees Eggsy all dressed up in a bespoke suit with glasses for the first time.
    • Complete with all the trailed off sentences, secret glances, and the whole “I can’t look at you in the eye without feeling the urge to jump you” spiel.
  • Harry resisting the urge to scream “IN YO FACE, ARTHUR” when Eggsy takes everyone’s breath away and becomes the best Kingsman despite the boy’s low upbringing.
    • …and doing a totally cool secret high-five with Merlin in the process.
  • Harry pursing his lips in annoyance at a fancy dining establishment when Eggsy requests a martini “with gin, of course, stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth.” Complete with a perfect posh accent; charming wink and smile included.
    • Harry does not swoon at all.
  • Eggsy’s version of “I Could Have Danced All Night” is taking Roxy for a joy ride in the middle of the night and dodging the police with his awesome drifting skills.

Tumblr prompt: We hooked up last night and it turns out you are my child’s teacher (or in this case, his little sister’s)


Eggsy felt kind of floaty as he walked the long route to Daisy’s nursery, under the railways tracks and down past the overgrown car park, adorned with the various scrawls of rival street artists, colouring in the dull concrete with their own unique fingerprint. The neon streaks reminded Eggsy a little too much of the strobe lighting and dancing lasers from the night before.

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Holy god in heaven, @malmao I haven’t?? And now it’s all I can consider??? Like ok let’s flesh this out because this is lovely.

Eggsy is the new boy in school. His family just came into a butt load of money because a family member died (dad? Again?) so of course that means sending him off to an expensive school, right? And he hates it. he doesn’t fit in and everyone is just cold and cruel.

Harry of course can’t help but watch him. He sticks out like a sore thumb but Eggsy makes no effort to try and fit in with the Digbys of the school. Also he’s so rough around the edges harry can’t help but be charmed… and a little turned on

So he takes him under his wing so to speak. Harry shows Eggsy that not all posh people are tossers and Eggsy actually softens Harry a bit and makes him smile. Actually Eggsy is somewhat impressed with how little fucks Harry seem to give the system.

And during that time. When they’re climbing out the dorm windows to drink on the rooftops and skip morning sermons they both just become utterly besotted with each other. But Eggsy hasn’t been with a boy. he’s kissed a girl once and… it was alright. He didn’t know how one should feel but the thought of kissing Harry makes him blush uncontrollably. Meanwhile Harry wants to do all sorts of things with those broad shoulders and beautifully toned arse.

“You ever had sex with a boy, Eggsy?” Harry asks out of the blue one night while he’s taking a swig from the smuggled bottle of Vermouth.

“You what?” Already Eggsy’s cheeks are a hot pink

“Sex. With a boy”

“…no?” Because if Eggsy has learned anything (apart from a bunch of useless latin) is that Harry can see right through anything. And that’s when Harry leans in with a smile that reaches those chocolate eyes and asks.

“Would you like to?”

Black Velvet: Part One

An Erron Black/Kung Jin slash fanfic in two parts (would have been just one, but I got too lazy). Hope y’all enjoy!

Inspired by Alannah Myle’s “Black Velvet“. Give it a listen at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT4d1LQy4es

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Black velvet and that little boy’s smile
Black velvet with that slow southern style
A new religion that’ll bring ya to your knees
Black velvet, if you please …
______________________________

Kung Jin had no idea how he ended up in the bar that night.

Personally, the young Shaolin monk blamed it on Cassie Cage for introducing him to the establishment in the first place. The blonde-haired sergeant had dragged him, Takeda and Jacqui to that place a week after her father put together their team, and it was the first place where she had dragged them (again), along with their friends and mentors, to celebrate their victory over Shinnok. In both instances, it seemed that all had forgotten the fact that Jin was prohibited by his order to consume alcohol. Still, everyone was too ripped to the giddy tits at that point to notice him stealing a sip of red rice wine from a clearly inebriated Johnny Cage’s glass and a generous mouthful of beer from Jax Briggs’s cup.

It’s not like I hadn’t tasted alcohol before. Dad still won’t forgive me for stealing that bottle of vermouth from his liquor cabinet years ago. I didn’t even finish it, it tasted helluva awful, so I don’t know why he was mad – then again, he wasn’t impressed when he found out that I threw half the stuff down the bathroom sink.

In all honesty, Jin did not think much of the joint in which he was now sitting for the third time. With its drab brown décor, the dark maroon-coloured walls, the various bottles of liquor stacked almost higgledy-piggledy on the high brown shelf behind the rough, wood-topped counter over which he was leaning, the old-fashioned yet garish jukebox sitting in the corner by the door, the poor lighting, and the red-faced punters who eyed the Shaolin monk with suspicion, it was not exactly much of a wholesome bar. If anything, it reminded him of one of those Western saloons so often fictionalised in movies and books.

It’s like that saloon in Johnny Cage’s movie, “Brokenose Mountain” –  ugh, why did Cassie have to make me watch that junk? Jin thought with a grimace. A stupid-ass movie with a stupid-ass cliché saloon.

So then, how did I end up back here in this stupid-ass dump?

This is the kind of joint I’d expect to find –

Jin growled under his breath, stopping his thoughts in time.

Don’t even think about him

Emitting a furious sigh, and trying his best to ignore the slight burning sensation in his cheeks, he took a large gulp of his lime soda. Jin was aware that he was drawing more attention from the aforementioned punters. Granted, he was dressed in civilian clothing, but he, a young man of Asian descent who sat alone amongst the other patrons with a non-alcoholic beverage in his hands, hardly looked inconspicuous.

Ignore ‘em, a voice intoned in his mind. Just drink up and get the hell outta here, Jin. You shouldn’t have come here in the first place. Who, or what, did you expect to find? Nothing.

Certainly not him – damn it, Jin, stop it!

The Shaolin monk wanted to pull on his ponytail out of frustration. Instead, he took another gulp of his soda, which somewhat quelled his nerves, although he gave himself a fright when he slammed his glass down on the counter in a violent manner. The bar-flies gave him an odd look; even the bartender glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes with suspicion. Luckily for Jin, however, they continued to go on drinking and serving customers, respectively.

You nearly blew it, the voice said-cum-lectured sternly. Just be grateful that no one’s gonna cause you any trouble.

If the Elder Gods had happened to hear that, they probably would have laughed themselves silly at the trouble that was about to come in about five seconds.

Jin barely registered the door opening, keeping his eyes on his glass. It was only when he heard the ominous cling-cling! of spurs sliding over the wooden floor and the loud, collective gasp from the patrons that he looked up …

… and saw him.

Oh, hell no …

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