vermont teddy bears

If you take the most religious states in the U.S. and put them next to the ones preordering the most Fifty Shades tickets on Fandango, it’s the same fucking list. Like those kids in high school, the people who were stereotypically the least condoning of an alternative lifestyle are the same ones ironically celebrating its commercialization. … For Fifty Shades, that ironic commercialism also comes in the form of vibrating dick-rings and blindfolds being sold within spitting distance of children’s toothbrushes at your local Target, which is actually pushing Fifty Shades-brand sex tools as if they were camping equipment. And since Fifty Shades became a hit, sadomasochism has been turned into a $150 “fan experience” hotel package that includes a gift box of lube and frilly leather whips, is being called “the new yoga” in health articles, and was made into a Vermont teddy bear complete with an adorable set of handcuffs.

Slapping on dollar-store toy cuffs and weak-arming a few softball lashes into the mother of your children is this year’s Valentine’s Day special. And now, thanks to the film being on IMAX, never has this been a better time for anyone who’s wanted to see Buick-sized genitalia. But commercialized nudity is nothing new.

Remember that? Suddenly, with Blink-182’s “What’s My Age Again?” punk rock was whittled down to the fake shock value of not actually seeing a naked person – which came years after a pug-faced man named GG Allin performed countless sets naked and covered in a puree of bodily fluid.

For more: ’4 Reasons 50 Shades of Grey Is the Limp Bizkit of Sex

Growing up, I LOVED my stuffed animals. I loved them so so SO much, that I of course kept several of my favorites. Today, I dug them out of the bag they have been living in for the past 10 years, and cleaned them up (note to moms out there, washing them in a pillow case is pretty brilliant). Looking at them all hanging on the clothesline is oh so cute :)

Perhaps the baby will enjoy them as much as I did?