1. Turn on the radio. Throw it in the oven. Take the oven out of the refrigerator. Put the refrigerator into the ocean. Turn off the ocean.

2. Do not forget to feed the widows. Leave fresh water and feeding tubes below their balcony.

3. Pet the lab rats. They are lonely and seek your companionship. Do not wear gloves, as it will halter your expressive faculties.

4. Collect tiny porcelain figures of the various ways you could die and hide them under the pillows of your enemies while they are still whales.

5. Die happily, and bury yourself at sea. Let the starfish and lampreys rasp their plate-like mouths over your body until you are nothing but green, happy bones. Surface and befriend an aquatic sheep who does not fear your now skeletal appearance. 

6. Canada won’t be needed anymore at this point, so you can just put it in the trash or the recycling bin if you have one.

7. Walk up to the silent Aztec chief staring at you with remorse. Check your pockets; you will have a beating heart that you must give to the Aztec. Shake his hand firmly.

8. Become a tuna fish.

9. You should have reached the bridge of sighs—quickly, stop and ask a tourist which city you’re in. Do not uncross your fingers.

10. After 35 minutes, test the cake: it should be risen and cooked through. If it isn’t, collapse to the kitchen floor, one palm placed across your mouth. Weep slow, dry sobs. Wait as light slowly slips from the room.


Surrealist Language Event #4, with contributions from Veritabs, Urbsantiquafuit, Dr. Gibberyshrooms M.D., Cig in Your Bed, Eoten and myself. Thanks for the wonderful stuff as usual, everybody. 

Art by Joan Cornella

Normally the sight of snowfall fills me with dread but lately.. it’s all seemed so tranquil. When it snows I’m filled with this impulse to go outside and just stand and see, absorb it all. No anxiety, no commuter worries, just me and little bits of me floating all around.

This gif was inspired by this post made by the lovely Taby.  I seriously recommend you go follow her and read her poetry.

veritabs replied to your post: I’m slow on language

Arabic spelling is almost entirely phonetic! Grammar is pretty complex, on the other hand, just because there are so many rules and exceptions.

Omg Senpai (in Arabic) Arigato gozaimasu.

Entirely phonetic - yeah if you managed to internalize its alphabets/letters. And now I’m having fun with them. 

Before that, staring at Arabic writings, I was just like - ‘how people read this?’

And yes, I know about grammar. I’ve read about those abstract rules before - When my interest shifts to (real) reading, probably I will start to be able to master them real quick. (Because I’d be curious to decipher what kind of secrets Arabic presses are talking about.) 

Though - I’m finding Google Translate (machine translation) becoming increasingly accurate so might choose to stay as ‘having fun’ beginner eternally. It looks in few years, in some language combinations, machine translation will really really advance into something incredible. 

Compared with how Japanese-English combination is ‘mostly not making sense at all’ (while making some progress) - Arabic-English/European lang combination looks like something machine translation is already handling quite reasonably - not all the time, but in some cases. 

beautyinherdays replied to your postomg when we were waiting for man of steel to play,…

OH GOD I SAW THAT TRAILER TOO FOR ANOTHER MOVIE And I was like “nope. fuck no.” that is a legit fear of mine. And its called Gravity.

amy-says-relax replied to your postomg when we were waiting for man of steel to play,…

I got it in front of The Great Gatsby! At an indie cinema!! NOOO!! Why would you think anyone would be there to see that?! Because it’s in 3D?

veritabs replied to your postomg when we were waiting for man of steel to play,…

It’s called Gravity and OMG I was shitting bricks the entire preview. When she’s reaching for the handle but can’t cus has no leverage to push her down.. fucking terrifying. Best horror film of 2013.

~You guys I let out the biggest Kevin Hart “Noooooooooo”.  I was so scared. I wanted to cry for her.