venus of google

text meme 2/∞

i’ve been collecting funny/cute texts & texts from texts from last night for about 2 years. they’ve been sitting in a word document for a long time so with all the text memes i’ve been seeing around, i decided to take all the texts i’ve saved and make a meme with them bc why not. there’s a bit of everything bellow: fluff, silliness, nsfw, angst, etc etc

[text] Thanks for the pic It’s going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I’m in a meeting with your father.

[text] I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I’m glowing in the dark, there’s fog everywhere, and now I’m wearing a sombrero because apparently it’s silly hat night. I never want to leave. 

[text] She had a group on her phone called “great fucks”. I was in it. It’s almost like making the forbes list

[text] should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?

[text] You look good in that new shirt.

[text] I’ve been thinking about you all day.

[text]  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to “Transform already!!!!”.. yeah, I’d say you were pretty wasted.

[text]  I just got this text “hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused.”

[text]  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for “eating Henry”

[text]  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] 

[text] I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

[text] He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

[text]  You’re the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I’m ok.

[text] College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

[text] Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

[text] You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?

[text] In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she’s going…

[text] I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico

[text] You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people’s legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.

[text] You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”

[text] Geez don’t go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out. 

[text] I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked

[text] The stripper told you to sort your life out    

[text] Everyone was so shocked to hear that she was a virgin they were speechless. I said I could cure that problem for her and we hooked up. It was that simple.

[text] she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as “bathroom blowjob”

[text] Be still, my beating vagina.

[text] I believe some people would call last night an orgy.

[text] The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It’s a nice shirt.

[text] I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it’s web. They all have English accents. I’m drunk and this weed is incredible!

[text] I’m not sure who’s apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal… 

[text] I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said “pretend i’m your pet dinosaur” so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

[text] omg bring my wallet when you come get me tonight. i’m buying a fucking giraffe.

[text] Is it a good thing or a bad thing when you wake up naked with two naked guys in your bed, while holding glow-in-the-dark toy dinosaurs in your hands, and listening to the lion king soundtrack?

[text] She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

[text] A little alcohol is good for the soul! Fuck Chicken soup, I’m going to write a book called “hard liquor for the soul” It’s going to be a best seller.

[text] This is NO TIME for pants!

[text] Why did you just messaged me and saying you’re praying for me… 

[text] you’re the one who came to me for relationship advice !

[text] I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?

[text] Are cops allowed to hit on you if they’re in uniform?! Serious question.

[text] I hope you get stoned and think that you’re a seal in shark infested waters

[text] I can’t believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget

[text] My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.

[text] Just walked by a girl saying to her friend “honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him”

[text] Well if you don’t want to be kicked out before last call don’t I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don’t call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo “princess”

[text] Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid… Figured you would approve

[text] I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn’t drink tequila.

[text] I’m gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

[text] I think “we’ve never met sober” is a great relationship to have with someone

[text] Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we’re pretty tight.

[text] An d I’d rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?

[text] I want my tombstone to read “making poor life decisions since 1993”

[text] SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR

[text] He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.

[text] OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE

[text] I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing. 

[text] You introduced yourself and she said “wow that’s a long name” and you went “yeah well you should see my dick.”

[text] He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.

[text] Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.

[text] Summers almost over and we haven’t golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let’s do all three in one day, no particular order.

[text] Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I’m sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.

[text] Don’t do this to me right now. 

[text] The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?

[text] I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate’s horrid nudes alone crosses that line.

[text] I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate

[text] ugh I gave you morning sex and you don’t even text me back for my bagel order

[text] Don’t have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections

[text] You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.

[text] There’s going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!

[text] Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I’m glad there’s someone out there that’s just as fat at heart as we are.

[text] You broke into someone’s house and stole a pan of lasagna.

[text] So two questions…why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.

[text] I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is “i’m tequila” 

[text] Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog…

[text] you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up…you’re an amazing drunk

[text] You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

[text] Is it bad that we’re talking like nothing happened?

[text] I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

[text] You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.

[text] i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night

[text] I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning

[text] I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

[text] I was so fucking worried.

[text] my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it

[text] Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn’t cooperate. Nearly died. 

[text] I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..

[text] let’s just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex

[text] I’m 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

[text] You almost died !!!

Got to keep Safe Search Wrap Up going!

I’ve noticed in the last few months year I’d not seen anyone reblogging ye-olde call to arms post or made any additions to it; I myself am guilty of only doing the rounds twice in the last three months before I decided to start this blog.

It’s time to get this thing back in action and give it a bit of organization. Nobody wants the work that went into #safesearchwrapup go to waste due to complacency and inaction. The show is still going and fandom is still producing content, so the need for this project hasn’t diminished at all.

A reminder post will be made every Friday, highlighting any concern areas or updates. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to send an Ask!

Now I leave you with an excerpt of this blog’s little FAQ.

  1. What is the point of this?
    To help ensure the adult content of the fandom isn’t easily unwillingly found through normal venues, with a focus on Google Images with Safe Search on.

    I’ll attempt to keep the informational pages here as up to date as possible, as well as post weekly reminders to help with searches.

  2. How can I help?
    Basically, whenever you have time, once a week when the reminder goes out, or really whenever, head to Google or your search engine of choice, turn Safe Search on, and dump in MLP associated search queries. Spotted something that’s not “safe”? Flag/report the image as being NSFW / should not appear with Safe Search on. If you found something particularly NSFW, send an Ask / Submit and I’ll add it to the targets list and next reminder post for people to focus on.

    A short guide on how to report images on Google can be found here.
    A list of general search queries associated with MLP can be found here.
    A list of queries to focus on due to known presence of NSFW content is here.

  3. There’s a search query I think you should list.
    Send me an ask or submission; if it’s a general search query that could be commonly used it’ll be added to the List page; if it’s something that’s showing NSFW results, it’ll be added to the Targets page.

Thank you to everyone that participates, and to those that help spread the word around!

FAQ & Blog PSA

To help navigate my blog!

✨✨✨ My top FAQ:
Who is the guy in your icon/ theme?😉🔥
He’s a male model named Stephen James. I love him lmao if you see me say “my Sagittarius husband” I’m talking about him. His Placements

📝📝📝📝Blog Psa Stuff:

-What’s this blog about?❓❓❓
This blog, @askluxnovalibra , is the ‘ask box’ for my main astrology blog @luxnovalibra . To avoid cluttering everyone’s dash, I made a separate blog. This way I can answer many asks in a row and manage/organize the questions more thoughtfully.

-What can we ask about? 🤔
Anything really. The most common asks I get are about compatibility and placement descriptions. If you need advice or to rant, I will always try to help you out or send you a link to someone who can.

-Do you answer compatibility asks? If we send in a compatibility ask, what should we expect? ❤️
Yes I do, at least for now. Most people will send their sun, moon, rising, mercury, mars, and venus of themselves and their partner or crush. I will give my first impressions and potential problems I see. I may say how they get along, how they like to be treated, and what they want/need. It’s important to remember that without seeing charts, I can give only very very very generic answers. Know that people are complex and unique. I do not know you or your crush/partner personally. I can only attempt to guess how they act according to my knowledge of the signs’ archetypes. I will never be 100% accurate. No one will be.

-Do we have to send our sun, moon, mars, venus, etc. when asking a compatibility question? ❤️
No, you can send as many or as few placements as you want. It’s more interesting to send specific questions like ‘how is a Scorpio venus in love?’ or ‘how does a Scorpio venus and Leo venus get along?’ or 'compatibility for x mars and x venus with y mars and y venus?’ Stuff along those lines. If I’ve already answered something, I will link you to it.

-What’s important to know about compatibility? ❤️
I believe no matter the placements any pairing can get along with patience, time, and understanding. Communication is necessary and vital for healthy relationships. Most of the time, problems are not solved by simple compatibility. They are solved by committed partners learning to compromise and work with each other.

🔎🔎🔎 ***Want a better and deeper insight into compatibility? Do a synastry chart. A synastry chart takes you and your partners’ chart and overlays them together. Your planets will aspect theirs and your planets will fall into their houses & vice versa. These aspects and placements will tell you how you will interact, get along, and how you work together. You can calculate your synastry chart on astro-charts.com or astro.com or any astro site you trust. How do you read a synastry chart? It would be very hard for me to explain it step by step as I don’t do a lot of synastry. There are many resources online that tell you exactly what aspects and placements mean what. Have your venus sextile your partner’s mars? Type in “venus sextile mars synastry” into google and stuff will come up. You can still ask me about certain things in synastry, especially if you don’t understand something or want a second opinion.

-My crush smiled at me in the hall last year but hasn’t talked to me since. Do they love me or not? What are they thinking? 🤔❤️🔎
I don’t know. I do not know you or your crush personally. It’s important to remember that most crushes are just that, crushes. It’s best not to spend too much time worrying about them. For most people, crushes don’t last more than a few months, if that. As an air dom with a Scorpio venus, I hardly ever have crushes and so when I see a lot of people obsessing over them, I usually will give you an honest answer. That being said, it’s totally ok to ask for advice. I’m never going to chew you out or call you stupid for liking someone. It’s natural. It’s a part of life. I’m just saying, crushes are not going to make or break you. They’re not the end of the world. What will happen will happen. I only say this because I know how you feel and I try to tell you the things I wish someone told me when I was younger. In fact, most of the advice I give is based on what a younger me would need to hear.

-Is it ok to message you for advice? What do people message you about?📨📬
Sure, I get a few private messages about people wanting insights about crushes / situations / placements and I try my best to help.

-Are there any kinds of private messages you don’t like?📭💣
I generally respond to everything

-Do you answer some asks before others? 🔢🔝
Most of the time my inbox isn’t that full (RIP the blogs that have 50+ lol) so I try to answer them all as fast as I can. Usually I answer chronologically (first ask gets answered first). If a question is simpler, I’ll try to get those out of the way. Complex questions take longer because I need to think about them and look up info as needed. Lately, anon compatibility gets answered last. I am more likely to answer non-anon asks a little faster, especially if you’re following me @luxnovalibra (you don’t have to follow @askluxnovalibra). Why? Because I don’t like when anons copy and paste compatibility q’s into 20 astro blogs’ boxes. It’s a bit disheartening because usually it’s just people who don’t care enough to look into astrology at all, and send in their crush-of-the-week’s placements. But don’t worry sending anons is perfectly fine! I totally understand being shy, or even because you don’t your main blog to pop up or because you’re not a full-time astro blog or whatever the reason. I get it, and I send anons sometimes too. And don’t worry if you’ve sent multiple blogs the same ask to get another opinion. Usually we can tell who’s just copy and pasting and who wants to learn. Pro tip for sending asks to other blogs: it helps if you say hi and/or mention something specific you like about their blog not just 'compatibility xyz love ur blog.’ “Thank yous’ and polite feedback are nice too. Remember most of us are just teenagers that don’t get paid and genuinely want to help and learn together. To put it short, most asks get answered in 4 days or less

-Why do you add so many links?📚
I’m an air dominant lol I like to know things. It’s because I want to help and sometimes links are the best way to go. If I don’t know a lot about something off the top of my head, I’ll give you links and references. I get most of them from tumblr and a simple google search. Links aren’t mean to scare you, they’re there for deeper insight. I learn best with specific examples and links provide that. I give multiples because everyone has a different preference for writing style and multiples increases the chance of you understanding something and relating to something. Also, sometimes I’ll add them if the asker doesn’t specify if they want my personal opinion or a more general description.

-What if I ask about something you don’t know about? 🤷🏻‍♀️🕵🏻‍♀️
I will give you my best guess but admit that I don’t know a lot about that subject. I assume you don’t want a random answer and I don’t want to give one. Expect links or I’ll send you to someone who might be able to help

-What if I don’t agree with your opinion or your interpretation? 🙅🏻🙎🏻
That’s fine, I don’t expect you to agree with me all the time, that’s why it’s my opinion/interpretation. I’m still learning everyday. I’m not a professional. I’ll make mistakes. It’s all a part of the process.

//////////// Personal-ish Stuff:

-What are your placements? ☀️🌙💫
Libra sun, Libra moon, Taurus rising, Virgo mercury, Sag mars, Scorpio venus, Cap neptune, Aqua jupiter, Aqua uranus, Aries saturn, Virgo north node, Cap MC, Virgo lilith, Virgo juno

About Me My Chart My Placements

-What are your dominants? 👁
Libra, Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus, Sag, Scorpio, and Aqua. My planets differ based on the calculator but usually I go by Mercury, Venus, Uranus, Pluto, and moon. Air and earth. Cardinal.

-How long have you been studying astrology? ✏️📓
I just found out I made my blog on May 8, 2016, so since about then. I got into it because of the memes and stayed when I realized there was so much more than your sun sign. It’s more of a hobby for me than a full-time study. I mostly learn through tumblr and google. I never want to intimidate or scare anyone away from it. When I first started, I didn’t know all 12 signs let alone their order. Even now, I still have a lot to learn but I think I’ve come a long way 😊

-Do you use desktop or mobile? 🖥📱
I use mobile 99% of the time. That’s why I make a lot of typos lmao usually I answer asks on the iPad and it lags a lot so expect typos and weird wording. Trust me, it hurts my Virgo and air placements way more than it hurts you

-Is this your main blog?
Technically my main is @erinwriting so all likes, follows, replies, asks show up as that blog. The blog I use the most is my astro blog @luxnovalibra . I’m also @falling-for-the-winchesters and my tarot blog @queenofswordstarot

-Can we ask personal questions about you or your experience? 😁
Sure! It’s easier for me to talk about myself if someone asks rather than me coming right out and saying it (my air dom lol). If I don’t feel comfortable answering, I’ll say so, no hard feelings. Or if I can better answer you privately, I will

-Age/Gender/Name/Location 🎂🚺
19, Female, Erin, USA

-Are you in school? 🏫
I go to college for art

-Do you have any hobbies? 💡
Art & photography, reading, writing, astrology, tarot, camping, listening to music

smallmitgirl  asked:

what are some things you wished you could do in hs that you want to do now ? :)

ah! concerts concerts concerts, flea markets, open mic nights, drive in/roof top movie theatres, visiting the arts district, tv show tapings, urban hikes, visit griffith observatory (most touristy thing ever but i haven’t done it!!), visit the chinese american museum/museum of death/museum of broken relationships, clubbing in koreatown (HAHA), take film classes at the echo park film center, have an indepth convo w scie-ntolog*sts (feel like i have to censor bc they seem to have eyes everywhere and the org is a bit shady), start a lil online shop with my sister to sell thrifted clothes —- really make the most of all the cool spaces/events in southern california while i’m here!

general doc of venues i thought were super cool: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LQbCuJla45mpV9FfYC5PUX2SqkqxqJou98NP3pKu9VU/edit?usp=sharing

more venues/ticket sites: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y3IRFFOKMRESvK4NWLVcZZVmCnFhqv2ZfBWfNwZVQ7A/edit?usp=sharing

2014 list: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s6n3OcUhpZIyyFqK28-bjlxaHzybmNwO67XRaTdGH38/edit?usp=sharing

thank you for asking ^^

Got to keep Safe Search Wrap Up going!

I’ve noticed in the last few months (this being Sept 2015) I’d not seen anyone reblogging ye-olde call to arms post or made any additions to it; I myself am guilty of only doing the rounds twice in the last three months before I decided to start this blog.

It’s time to get this thing back in action and give it a bit of organization. Nobody wants the work that went into #safesearchwrapup go to waste due to complacency and inaction. The show is still going and fandom is still producing content, so the need for this project hasn’t diminished at all.

A reminder post will be made every Friday, highlighting any concern areas or updates. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to send an Ask!

Now I leave you with an excerpt of this blog’s little FAQ.

  1. What is the point of this?
    To help ensure the adult content of the fandom isn’t easily unwillingly found through normal venues, with a focus on Google Images with Safe Search on.

    I’ll attempt to keep the informational pages here as up to date as possible, as well as post weekly reminders to help with searches.

  2. How can I help?
    Basically, whenever you have time, once a week when the reminder goes out, or really whenever, head to Google or your search engine of choice, turn Safe Search on, and dump in MLP associated search queries. Spotted something that’s not “safe”? Flag/report the image as being NSFW / should not appear with Safe Search on. If you found something particularly NSFW, send an Ask / Submit and I’ll add it to the targets list and next reminder post for people to focus on.

    A short guide on how to report images on Google can be found here.
    A list of general search queries associated with MLP can be found here.
    A list of queries to focus on due to known presence of NSFW content is here.

  3. There’s a search query I think you should list.
    Send me an ask or submission; if it’s a general search query that could be commonly used it’ll be added to the List page; if it’s something that’s showing NSFW results, it’ll be added to the Targets page.


Thank you to everyone that participates, and to those that help spread the word around!

Venus of Google excitingly gets an article in Wired.com with some pretty insulting troll feedback that I’m not really bothered about, trolls will be trolls. The article makes an association with Venus de Milo which is wrong, the Venus of Google has no link to ancient Greece, instead its name refers to the umbrella term for prehistoric statuettes that are named after the location where they were found such as the Venus of Hohle Fels. Its just an evocative name given to the piece (considering she was ‘found’ on Google using image search), not a declaration of inspiration. Also the article softens the New Aesthetic into THE fringe art movement, rather than part of the current exchange of ideas, critique and research that I share with Bridle and others here on tumblr, but try explaining that to press. 

Tumblr friends, I love your support and intelligence.