vegetarian zombies


  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞
Project Runway

Challenges I’d like to see on project runway:

1. Funeral challenge. “Design a respectful look for a woman going to a funeral.”

2. Ugly challenge. “Design a look that is purposely hideous so we know you know what NOT to do.”

3. Zombie apocalypse challenge. “Design a look based entirely on functionality instead of beauty and that will hold up in a zombie infested world.”

4. Tattoo challenge. Design for a HEAVILY tattooed person that will compliment and showcase their tattoos well.“

5. REAL woman challenge. "Design for a woman over size 18.”

6. Project runway/Faceoff crossover challenge!! “Design a horror movie costume for one of the contestants of Faceoff while they create the make-ups.”

7. Alien challenge. “Design something you think an alien would wear.”

8. Blind challenge. “Design a garment that will be heard and felt but not seen, as the runway will be pitch black! The designs will be judged on their other sensory values. And we have a blind guest judge.”

9. Prison challenge. “Design a look for a former male inmate recently released so he can go out and get a good job.”

10. Homeless challenge. “Create clothes for a homeless person.”

11. Astrology challenge. “Now that there are twelve of you left, you will each choose an astrology sign that will be your inspiration for this challenge. Your designs must be something that your sign would wear and match their personality traits.”

12. Fake fur/faux leather challenge. “Design a look that showcases faux leather and/or fake fur, and makes them look GOOD. The winning design will be featured in the magazine ‘All animals’, and will be auctioned off with all proceeds going to benefit the humane society of the united states.”

13. Dissociative identity disorder challenge ;). “Work with a client who has D.I.D and design three cohesive outfits for three different personalities of theirs. Because picking out clothes with D.I.D is HARD.”

I can think of lots more lol. Would also like to see a season made up entirely of unconventional challenges (who wouldn’t? 😼) and also a season where all the contestants are people who went home on day 1 or day 2. It would be so awesome to give them another chance.

FEED - Page 1

Synopsis:  FEED features a troublesome trio who don’t get along so well. As the three travel to find a place to stay longer than a single night, they soon realize someone is following them, stealing their supplies, and tainting any safe path which makes them turn on one another. They aim to figure out the problem, which reveals a much bigger surprise than they “signed up for”.

Here it finally is, page one of the reboot of FEED! I’m releasing page 1 for everyone to see as sort of a “teaser”. 

For those who know what FEED is, welcome back! For newcomers, I hope you like this humor-filled, slightly dramatic zombie comic! I hope to get this fired up and popular and eventually sell it as a comic book! I will be posting it on Patreon for now on, but it will be very cheap!

I will be updating every Friday to every other Friday!

Please reblog my comic pages to spread it around!

The Zombie squad.

Toothy, no armed zombie big sis - @retrofrieddoodles

Straight, zombie loving lil sis - @morbidmist

Centi, leader who’s seriously tired of babysitting - @spadegamerartist

Puppe, finally not the tallest - Me

Void, Puppe’s pet zombie partner - @veeenaaake

A/N: I got this template from tenseoyong and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?

Honestly he wasn’t surprised because whoa y'all go at it pretty darn often so you sent him a text message saying you had a surprise and he took it a sexual way and came home from work early with a bottle of champagne and your favorite flowers. He walked into your bedroom with a sexy smirk on his face which turned into a confused pout when he saw you sitting in sweats and hiding something in your hands. You showed it to him and he nearly dropped the bottle out of shock. He’s been waiting for this to happen so after making sure his things were put down safely he tackled you to the bed and hugged you tightly and laughed until he was near tears. You both decided to keep things simple so you texted the members and Jimin’s boss the news and they all agreed you could tell the world whenever and however you both wanted to.

B = Books.- Did he read the books?

Gah he doesn’t need many books, just the ones about nutrition so he can think of ways to ensure your and the baby’s health are at the highest point possible.

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more?

You both smother the baby in love anyway so their is no shortage of cuddles. When you are sleeping and the baby has woken up before they start crying he’ll be right by their side to coo them to sleep. He’ll stay up for a bit just to live in the moment and enjoy his son or daughter being in his arms and peacefully sleeping.

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in.

He understands he’s a father and would enjoy being called so in public, it’s the same as bragging about his family, whom he loves with all of his heart. He’ll be used to it pretty quickly and pretty much as soon as he announced you were pregnant.

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?

It would really depend on what you needed. If there was a certain formula or baby food you needed he’d probably let you go since you knew exactly what it was. If is was something as simple as some baby wipes or a few towels he’ll go real quick and be back before you could say “buy diapers”.  

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?

He’d like feeding his baby but if things were getting a bit messy he’ll ask you to take over so he can wash up. If or when you are breast feeding he’s the guy that’ll ask a ton of questions while your nipple is being bitten by a human being.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby?

Try as you might you have the hardest time making your baby giggle when they’re in one of their moods. You don’t know how Jimin does it but one moment your kid is crying and the next their goofing off with Jimin and Pororo toys.

H = How?- how many kids does he want?

The more the merrier in his mind but there is such a thing as too many so I think he’ll cap it off at three. If you guys end up having more then that he will not love them less but he’ll have parenting pretty down after that so.

Jokes.- best dad joke?

What does a vegetarian zombie eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby.

Their little hands!!!!! And their itty bitty fingers!!!

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.

There’s something smaller than he is and he must protecc, and attacc those who do wrong to his baby.

M = Mommy.- what does he call you?

He’s the cheesy name caller so he calls you “sweetie pie” and really dumb pet names in public just to make you cringe.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad diapers?

There’s no wrong his baby could do so he’ll be on diaper duty when it’s convenient for you.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits?

Jimin would really like doing it during events he has to go to where the three of you wear making outfits but their different colors. That way he can find you guys in the crowds. Totally not to be a dork about it.

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby.

He just likes to call his child his “Little (The baby’s name)” because all of the pet names are reserved for you ;)

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse?

He’ll ask the nurse more questions about health but also about what foods are better for you sleeping or if cucumber and jelly is really the best thing to suit your weird pregnancy cravings.

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?

Jimin gets a bit sad when he has a busy schedule and can’t make time for his family so he heavily relies on you to stay strong until he can come back and he’ll return the favor by bringing you and your baby presents to make sure you both have something to remember him by next time he’s on tour or staying at work late to get a choreography down.

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night?

He works very hard to support you guys and most of the time he sleeps right through your baby’s cries unless you woke him up by tapping his shoulder. If you were clearly exhausted he’ll do it for the rest of the night.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent.

Jimin is afraid of having conflict with his baby when they are upset or getting an attitude when they are older, or when he doesn’t know how to make his child feel better when they ask him for advice.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.

He would immediately want to know the gender of the baby, even if it was too soon for the nurse to tell. He’ll make extra appointments just to be extra sure things are running smoothly.

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.

Jimin would want his baby to do whatever they want and be happy to do it. He wants his child to have the least stressful life as possible and to be proud of the person they became in the future.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths?

He’d want the both of you to do it together because it’ll be cute and a great moment for all of you.

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays?

Holidays are for spending time with family so he’ll dress you both all up and take you to a fancy family dinner with immediate members from both sides.

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in?

Life was well for Jimin before, he had a woman he loved and a career he put his all into. Now he had a baby and he couldn’t think of anything to make it better. He’s so grateful for the life he has so he’ll never yell, instead if it’s you who is yelling he’ll try to ease the situation down as much as possible.

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?

OK so having a baby was a lot easier in Jimin’s head but in reality there’s trash in the sink, the crib’s in the living room, and there is a mysterious stain on a wall which you can not tell if it is peaches or finger paint.


we were nowhere near...

requested by @smilingseb

AU in which someone questions the group about the grand canyon/wisconsin/philly situations

Everyone’s riding in the suburban when you see it. It stands out, that’s for sure.  Resting flat in the middle of a valley, with various Z’s trapped in it and on it, is a ball of cheese.
Not just any ball of cheese. A ball of cheese you heard about. The biggest ball of cheese. And for some reason, it’s here. Being eaten by some seemingly-vegetarian or very-confused zombies.
“Is that…?” You ask. 10 and Doc share a glance, and you turn towards them, brows furrowed.
“How did the worlds biggest wall of cheese end up here?” You ask. Again, there’s no reply.

Keep reading

burningdesireoftheflame  asked:

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

Arme let’s out a sigh as he puts down whatever burnt piece of toast he’d been holding in somber despair after he’d put it in the toaster for far too long.

✚  - “…You are so lucky murder is illegal and also frowned upon in most societies.”」 He glared as he placed the, not wanting to deal with her shit at the moment. He puts aside the burnt toast and points a knife jokingly/threateningly towards her.

emborn  asked:

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

game grumps sentence starters

                  “ rain. rain i swear, how many of these do you know ? “ she didn’t want the other to know, but she was secretly keeping a book of all the puns rain told her, and maybe, one day, she’d give it to her as a present. 

I have seen a copy of the book where someone had put masking tape over the word Bisexual. I have been told by several people that while they love the book, they can’t put up a review because they don’t want to have their name associated with a web page with the word Bisexual. One older lady where I work had me buy a copy of the book for her because she didn’t want her husband to know she was reading it.

Ron Albury, Author of the book Bisexual Vegetarian Zombies (Source)

* Please note: I have not read this book, and this quote isn’t a recommendation. Reviewers say that the book is sexist and the depiction of bisexuality is problematic. Be forewarned.