100 Royai Drabbles (30)

Oh, Fuery, my precious child, my innocent tech geek, I am so sorry how he must suffer through listening to the way Roy talks on the phone.

30. Conversation

To the outside view, Sergeant Kain Fuery was on the bottom of the totem pole when it came to Colonel Mustang’s unit, and for the most part, that assumption would be correct. He didn’t mind it, of course; it was natural since he was the youngest member on the team, though he was quite grateful that Mustang had pulled him closer into the unit not long after he was assigned to the group. The rest of the team took it as their duty to tease him, but he knew that it was all in good nature, mostly because none of them ever let outside the team do any of the teasing.

(To this day, Fuery will always look back fondly on the time First Lieutenant Hawkeye casually started examining how many bullets were in the clip of her service weapon when a visiting lieutenant from Central was being very rude to him, even if it had been terrifying at the time.)

But what people didn’t know was that as the main communications person, Fuery had a lot…intimate knowledge about his coworkers.

Like that Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes used the professional line an insubordinate amount of times to call Colonel Mustang, most of the time to gush about his wife and daughter, but there was always a bit of code hidden in between the lines or at the very end when both of them were sure that anyone listening couldn’t have hung on any longer out of embarrassment. Whenever the Colonel and First Lieutenant were out of the office, sometimes Havoc used the line to make personal calls to a girl he was seeing, depending on how brave he was feeling and how into the girl he was. Fuery found out that Breda was taking care of his widowed mother when the woman called asked for her son by a decidedly cute nickname that Breda made Fuery swore never to repeat. And it turned out that Falman had a fondness for placing bets on horse races, though he swore that he won every time he placed a bet while at work.

The day Hawkeye made a personal call on a professional line was the day that Fuery became Fuhrer.

No one was like the Colonel though. The man was absolutely horrendous when it came to personal calls, even worse than Hughes no matter how much the Colonel complained about him. Colonel Mustang didn’t use the line to make personal calls very often, but when he did, they were absolutely shameless, to the point where Fuery usually either ended up blushing or leaving the room altogether. He only made calls like that whenever the First Lieutenant wasn’t in the room and it was a good thing too because Fuery was sure she would’ve shot their superior officer on the sight for some of the things that came out of his mouth.

Strangely though, it didn’t occur to Fuery for the longest time that Mustang talked on the phone the same exact way as he did whenever they were on a mission and he was keeping tabs with Hawkeye. All of their code names were girls’ names (Havoc had not been pleased when he’d found out that Mustang had been calling him “Jacqueline” all this time), but Hawkeye’s had always been the most prominent and main one. “Elizabeth” was the beautiful shop owner that Mustang called whenever he was in the office and she was in the field. Fuery had been horrified when he’d first heard Mustang speak to Hawkeye like that, so sure that she would throttle him the moment they got back to the office, but she rolled with it easily, not even blinking at his antics.

When Fuery had given her a questioning look, she’d merely shrugged her shoulders and said, “No one in the office overhearing him would ever believe he was speaking with me.” Which was a good point and very true. Fuery heard it over the shared headset all the time and he was still uncertain about it.

Years went by, missions happened, and Fuery listened through the headsets, gaining intel on suspects and witnesses along with his coworkers whether any of them realized it or not.

Then, on a strange off day where Hawkeye was out on a sick day, Mustang was making a personal call when things got particularly awkward. No one else was in the room but him and Colonel Mustang, having gone off for lunch. He’d only stayed behind because he’d pulled double duty since Hawkeye was gone and he really wanted to get off work on time. Plus, he had eaten breakfast so working through lunch didn’t bother him.

Mustang was leaning back in his comfortable chair, his feet perched up on the window sill and slowly turning side to side. The phone was to his ear, the chord wrapped around a finger, and he cheerfully spoke into the receiver. “Oh, you work too hard for such a lovely woman. You should take breaks more often. I could help you with that, you know. I’ve been told that I have very deft hands.”

At this, Fuery turned pink, but he kept his nose down. Surely the Colonel knew that he wasn’t alone in the room, though that probably didn’t matter to him. He seemed to enjoy making everyone else in the office uncomfortable whenever he was on the phone with a lady friend.

The Colonel laughed. It was so…happy and honest. Everyone on the team knew that Mustang put up something of a mask when it came to the military, if only to play the game to his ambitions, and came off as careless, grinning and laughing a lot, but this time felt different. “Oh, that you would, but I rather like the sound of you manhandling me.” The smirk on the man’s face was scandalous. “I do like it rough.”

Fuery had to bite his lip to keep from making a noise after that comment. This conversation was getting dangerously close to a brazen and intimate part of the Colonel’s life that he did not want to know. Sure, they all knew that he was a lady’s man, but this was more than Fuery had signed up for.

“Really, now? Well, I could come over now since it’s my lunch break, give you a taste of your own medicine,” Mustang continued, tapping his pen on the desk. “The Lieutenant is out for the day, so she wouldn’t have to know.” It was quite shameful how far he went out of his way not to work whenever Hawkeye wasn’t around, but then they all did more or less. “No? What a shame. I should be out of here by six. We can have dinner, though I’d like to start with dessert. I’m sure it wouldn’t spoil my appetite for the main course. I’m ravenous as it is.”

All pretenses of trying to finish this paperwork were gone as Fuery buried his red face in his hands and leaned down against his desk. Why couldn’t the Colonel just stop? This was worse than torture. The next time they had a suspect in custody that refused to talk, they should just stick the person in a room with the Colonel whenever he was on the phone with a woman. That would get the person spilling the details of all their crimes in no time.

“Shameless, me?” Mustang sounded innocent as can be. It was nice to know that at least this mystery woman on the other end had the same thoughts as Fuery, even if she was entertaining them for this long. “I’d like to think that I am merely weary from being parted from you for so long. I enjoy a chase as well as any, but this wait is driving me a bit mad.” He laughed again. “Well, you’re not wrong about that. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I am eagerly awaiting our time together. I can’t wait to hear you–”

The door opened and the rest of the team began to mill back inside, lunch officially coming to an end.

Mustang sighed, looking put out. His game was coming to an end. He usually didn’t mind continuing his unabashedly dirty conversations on the phone when the team returned, but he had seemed earnest about being out of here by six, which meant that he had no time to procrastinate.

“Yes, I must return to work, I’m afraid,” Mustang said, a frown on his face. “I will see you tonight. Yes, yes, I will do what I can to be on my best behavior, but I can’t promise anything.”

The phone call ended and he hung up just as all the men returned to their seats. Fuery breathed out a sigh of relief. He’d been so close to darting out of the room in embarrassment. Though he hadn’t, he still wouldn’t be able to look the Colonel in the eyes for quite some time.

Havoc wheeled around in his chair, a roguish grin on his face. “You got yourself another girl, Colonel?”

Mustang eyed his subordinate with the type of cool smugness that said just how better with women he was than the other man. “A rather stunning one, if I do say so myself.” He sat up straight and shuffled some of the paperwork on his desk. “Now back to work. I’ve got a hot date tonight that I refuse to miss because someone is a lay about.”

As they all returned to their duties, Breda leaned over and muttered, “Of course, the only two things that get the Colonel to snap to it with work are either the Lieutenant or an attractive woman.” Not that the Lieutenant wasn’t attractive (oh, he hoped she never knew that thought popped into his head), it was just that they had become used to seeing her by her rank and not her sex for so long.

Fuery turned his attention to the Colonel for a moment. He looked hard at work, actually reading through the reports carefully before signing them. Breda was right about that. He only focused that much whenever Lieutenant Hawkeye put the fear of god in him. Well, judging from his conversation on the phone, he was really looking forward to meeting up with his date. If she was as great as he made it seem, maybe that was enough to get any man to jump to it.


“I give you a mausoleum of all hope and desire, which will fit your individual needs no better than it did mine, or my father’s before me. I give it to you, not that you may remember time, but that you may forget it, for a moment, now and then, and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it.”

- Dale Horvath, “Vatos”