vantage point much

anonymous asked:

Hi! Idk if this is weird and I hope it's not but do you have any difficulties comforting your partner when they're upset; and how do you calm down after a fight?

Yes, it’s often difficult, but at the risk of seeming like I’m passing the buck, that has equally as much to do with her own issues as it does with mine.  As I’ve said before, we’re both neurodivergent (in very different ways), and we both face difficulties in interpersonal interaction.  We don’t fight too much anymore, thankfully, but it’s not uncommon for one of us to unintentionally make the other one upset or angry.  Personal space is crucial in this; we both benefit greatly from having time to cool down and deal with how we feel.  Once I’ve spent a little time removed from the situation, I can assess it dispassionately, and from that vantage point it’s much easier to see what I need to do or say to mend things between us.  As difficult as it can be for me to admit that I’m wrong, I’ve taught myself to apologize first, whenever I can.  My narcissism sometimes makes this extremely difficult, but apologizing when I’ve upset her is worth the discomfort it brings me.  I’ll often apologize even if I don’t mean it at the time, because I know that I will mean it later, once I’ve calmed down and had time to reflect, and apologizing is an important step towards putting things back together.  Even if I don’t feel bad from upsetting her (in an empathetic way), I certainly don’t want her to be upset.  Her happiness is important to me, and I make sure she knows this.  For the sake of our relationship, I’m willing to swallow my pride and admit to having done something wrong, even though it’s often hard for me to do so.