vanilla petals

Infused Water Magic

perhaps it’s a bit too warm for coffee potions, or hot chocolate magic, or even tea spells, but you still want to work a little magic into your day. infused waters! here’s just a couple of suggestions with fruit and even herbs, and their correspondences.

for all recipes, chop, cube, or slice all fresh ingredients. let them sit in a bottle of cool water for a few hours. the longer it waits, the more flavor infuses. afterwards, you can eat the fruit or infuse it again!

Honeydew Melon and Raspberry   🍈 🍇

for fertility, love, beauty, protection, abundance, and lunar magic

Strawberry, Lime, and Cucumber  🍓 🍊  🍠

for love, chastity, fertility, healing, fortune, peace and protection.

Raspberry, Rose Petal, and Vanilla  🍇  🌹  🍃

for love, protection, divination, healing, psychic abilities. happiness, and lust.

Citrus and Cucumber 🍊  🍠

for purification, protection, beauty, divination, purification, and wealth.

Rosemary and Grapefruit 🍃 🍈

for exorcism, healing, love, lust, protection, purification, spirituality and energy

Watermelon and Mint  🍉  🍃

for purification, new beginnings, exorcism, healing, protection, and wealth.

Strawberry, Lemon, and Basil  🍓 🍊  🍃

for courage, exorcism, protection, friendship, purification and love.

Orange and Blueberry  🍊  🍇

for protection, beauty, divination, fortune, love, purification, and wealth

2

ASTRAL PROJECTION/ ASTRAL LOVE TEA ~
-Mugwort
-Valerian
-Rose petals
-Cinnamon
-Vanilla
-Chamomile

After combing all ingredients in a mortar and pestle and getting to know the intents of each ingredient’s aroma, brew as a tea in boiled water for 4-5 minutes.
Meditate on the taste and smell on the tea as you drink it, feel the energies of mugwort and valerian pulling a lovely rose blanket over you from the astral plane!

This tea is perfect for drinking before spells or rituals that require a lot of your spiritual energy, or for you to be on a certain ‘level’. It is also a useful tool for divination rituals!
**I also didn’t put measurements for the ingredients as I go quite heavy on the mugwort and valerian!! All spells are personal so u can tinker with quantities based on desired outcome

Pls follow me angels don’t be afraid that this blog is a little new, there’s so much more of this to come xx
Iona

Being A Magical Practitioner:
1. Question everything you are told and read.
2. Hell even question this post. Only YOU can decide what is right and what works for you.
3. What may work for someone else may not work for you. What may work for you may not work for someone else.
4. Your practices are YOUR practices.

Support:
1. Ancestral veneration is so important.
2. Communicate with your ancestors daily.
3. They will help and guide you on your journey more than you will ever know.
4. You have several guardian angels and guardian spirits built into your existence, get to know them.
5. There is magic within you. Embrace your own power.
6. Mind your own magic. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. You don’t have to explain your practices to anyone else. Do you. 

Tools:
1. White candles are fantastic for every single purpose.
2. You can print your own labels for glass candles and glue them on plain glass candles.  You will save money this way in the long run.
3. You don’t need every single tool to start off with.
4. Water is life. Water keeps the flow of your magic, filters and is a conduit to you and spirit. Keep clear glasses of water in your home. Change them often.
5. Your altar space doesn’t need to be fancy.
6. You do not need expensive herbs.
7. Mirrors and Magnets are the best tools closest to crystals to magnify and amplify your magic.
8. The bible is a book full of spells and divination.

Herbs:
1. You can get most of the herbs you need from your local super market and dollar store.
2. Salt: Protection or cursing. Various Powdered Peppers: Protection and Cursing. Cinnamon: Money and Lust work. Basil: Money and Luck. Bay Leaves: Protection and Granted Wishes. Rosemary: Protection. Chamomile: Peaceful Home Workings. Cloves: Protection, Love, Control and Bindings. Eucalyptus: Cleansing. Thyme: Purification, Healing.

Floor Washes:
1. Do Floor Washes in odd numbers. One series to remove the negativity and one series to bring in good energy.
2. Curse Killer Floor Wash: Hot Water, Ammonia, Lemon, Salt (optional)
Open Roads Floor Wash: Cold Water, Florida Water, Parsley, Mint Leaves, Coconut Water (Strained of pulp)

Various Cleansings:
1. Cigar or tobacco smoke is a great alternative to sage sticks.
2.  You can cleanse yourself with an egg and a glass of water.
3. You can cleanse yourself with lemons, limes and oranges.
4. When cleansing your home make sure to open your windows and doors.
5. Start from the back of the home towards the front and then to various rooms to confuse the negative energy.
6. A can of beer and salt will cleanse your aura.
7. When you cleanse yourself, make sure to replace what you removed with good energy.

Powders:
1. You do not need to purchase branded powders from metaphysical shops.
Money/luck powder:  Bank dirt, Shredded currency and corn starch.
Love/Passion powder: Rose petals, Cinnamon and corn starch.
Open Roads powder: Dirt from four corners of a crossroads and corn starch. Add three dimes to bottom of container.
Cursing Powder: Graveyard dirt from criminals grave, black pepper, red pepper, cayenne pepper.
Protection Powder: Church Dirt, Psalm 91 passage from bible, Psalm 23 from the bible grinded into a powder.

Oils:
1. Do not buy oils from the botanicas and metaphysical shops. Most are made with mineral oil, a synthetic fragrance and colorant. If you want that, Get yourself some baby oil, food coloring and scented fragrance oil of your choosing. I wouldn’t recommend it though.
2. Get yourself some Olive oil, Sunflower oil, Grapeseed oil and Vegetable oil at the supermarket along with some Vitamin E oil for preservative. You can make your own charged oils with herbs and a few glass bottles.
3. My favorite simple oils:
Lust Oil: Sunflower oil base, Vitamin E,  Cinnamon stick, red rose petals, and Vanilla Bean
Money Oil: Grapeseed oil base, Vitamin E, Cinnamon stick, nutmeg, basil and thyme.
Protection Oil: Olive Oil base, Vitamin E, Rosemary, Basil, Eucalyptus
Life Force Oil: For when you need extra power in your magic. Olive oil base, 3 drops of blood.
Blessing Oil: Olive Oil, Vitamin E and Psalm 91 torn from the bible.

Deities:
1. You do not have to have a deity in your practice.
2. You can practice secular magic. Secular magic is a practice that does not refer to, venerate and otherwise “work with” any deities (or, in some cases, any supernatural beings at all). This is perfectly okay.
3. If working with deity, never promise what you can’t provide.
4. Feed your spirits and deities. This can be with food, alcohol, energy, light, darkness, anything.
5. Know the spirits and deities you are working with.
6. Listen to your intuitive pulls when it concerns your deity.
7. No one can tell you the right or wrong way to worship and work with your deity BUT you should learn their mythos and their base wants, needs and what offends them.

Misc Magic Info:
1. Your magic will not punish you because you can’t practice every single day. We are human, and sometimes life gets the best of us. It is okay.
2. Magic should never ever replace mental and physical health diagnosis and services from healthcare professionals.
3. “Black magic” is a racist term used to demonize the practices of people of color that are seen as “barbaric” or “uncivilized” to Europeans. Therefore “White magic” is considered good and “black magic” is considered bad. Energy is energy. Do not allow anyone to dictate your practice. That racist term is bullshit. Our melanin is magic. Our cultures and our roots are power.
4. You can purchase a Tarot deck from Amazon. You don’t need it gifted to you.
5. ALWAYS have a fire extinguisher in your home.
6. NEVER leave candles unattended in your home.
7. Coffee grounds speed up work.
8. Meditate. Leave the fuckery of the day at the end of the day. You will thank yourself in the long run.
9. Keep info to yourself. Not everyone needs to know what you are doing or all your secrets.
10. Do not bring your shoes into your home.

Some sugar scrub spells

Remember, you only need a very little bit (just a few drops at most) of any essential oils these may have. Mix them with your oil base before anything else so that it is properly diluted!!

Anything without a measurement is basically to preference

Self Love Scrub

- rose or hibiscus (whatever form. I like ground petals myself)

- vanilla extract

- 1-3 drops lavender oil

- 1/3 c. almond or coconut oil

- 2/3 c. brown sugar

As you use this, listen to that music that makes you feel like the hottest shit. You’re a fucking goddess and don’t you forget it!

Invisibility Sugar Scrub

- 2/3 c. white sugar

- 1/3 c. coconut oil

- poppy seed

- lemongrass

As you use this, visualize your intent to blend in and not be noticed. in your mind, imagine your light and as you scrub your skin, see it dimming so that it’s easily overlooked.

Happiness Sugar Scrub

- Bee balm or dandelion

- 1/3 c. cocoa butter

- 2/3 c. brown sugar

When you use this, listen to the music that makes you want to dance and cheers you up

Studying/Focus Sugar Scrub

- ginger

- peppermint oil

- 2/3 c. coffee grounds

- 1/3 c. coconut oil

When you use this scrub, think about what you’re needing to study for and visualize acing it.

Calming Sugar Scrub

- green tea bag (unused)

- 1/8 c. almond oil

- 1/8 c. cooled green tea

- mint

- ½ c. sugar

Listen to calming meditation music or white noise as you use this

💗 Love Bath Spell for Sapphic Witches 🌸

Whether it be to enhance a relationship, to open yourself up to go out and find a girlfriend, or even just to pamper yourself with a little self love~, this spell is made for wlw/sapphic witches!

—-

Supplies:
🌸 Violet Incense
🌸 Himalayan Pink Salt
🌸 “Pink Flamingo” Reusable Bubble Bar or “Rose Jam” Reusable Bubble Bar from Lush Cosmetics)
🌸 Or “Sex Bomb” Bath Bomb if you’re into the sex magic thing, no judgement~
🌸 If you can’t buy Lush, a handful of rose petals, some vanilla bubble bath, and a stick of ylang ylang incense works as a substitution!
🌸 Cute romantic playlist, if you want

—-

💜 Light your incense (use only one stick of each kind, and turn on the bathroom fan or crack a window open to ventilate) and put on your playlist. Keep the phone away from moisture– drape a hand towel over it and leave it away from the tub.
💜 Run the water a comfortable temperature, and drop a handful of pink salt (and vanilla bubble bath, if using the substitution) under the running water, making sure to “swish” the water and salt to dissolve.
💜 If using the bubble bar, break off a piece and crumble it under the running water. Using it on the stick and letting it dry can harbour bacteria, and both Flamingo and Rose Jam are made to be used more than once, so only use a chunk!
💜 If using the bomb, wait until you’ve turned off the water and you’re in the tub, don’t use it when the water is running, it won’t work as well. And it’s much more fun to sit in the bath while the bomb dances around you.
💜 When your bubble bath or bath bomb fizz is swirling through the water, you can envision all that love making a nice potion to steep in and just fill you with energy, if you’re into visualization.
💜 Let yourself soak and relax for about twenty minutes (longer can cause a UTI due to the bubble bath and whatnot) before draining the tub and rinsing off; envisioning worries and stress and all that internalized worry about the male gaze or self hate go right down the drain with it. you’re lovely ❤️
💜 Remember to safely extinguish the incense
💜 Before getting dressed in cute and/or comfy clothes, now would be a good time to use lotion sigils to massage into your skin!

—-

Note: do not use love spells to force someone to be attracted to you. The only spells you should manipulate will for/lack consent for are curses, and why would you want a relationship with someone you had to force by magic? it wouldn’t be a truly healthy and loving relationship.

2

Love Spell Kit 🌸

Sachet includes roses, sea salt, pink Himalayan salt, lavender, jasmine flowers, and a cinnamon stick. 

The oil contains almond oil, rose water, lavender essential oil, vanilla extract, dried rose petals, and cinnamon. There is also alcohol for preservation. Shake well before use.

Comes with a rough rose quartz

$8

Petals (1/2)

Part 2

Genre: Fluff, Smut | Wedding!AU

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Word count: 5850

A/N: I am not going to reveal the request but I have to say it was meant to be a drabble. I felt this way too much so I continued writing and writing and it ended up as a full scenario. It was requested by my amazing @junghoshigi and hun I am sorry it’s long af and I hope you enjoy it.

The emotions grab you from the back as you reach the place, the place you always fantasized about since you were a little girl with happy dreams. You are ecstatic, though so nervous as you walk slowly on the white hallway.

You can already picture him, black suit, blue tie to match with the bow of your dress, glistering eyes as he looks for you and that smile (that always got you on your knees, that made you see stars and that always brought a smile on your cloudy expression) that smile shot towards you.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Eremin, and number 30, please! ❤️

Of course, hun! Thanks for your ask :*

30 - Sharing a bath/swim


“Hmmm,” Armin hummed in content, “your hands are like magic.” He tilted his head to the side, taking in every smooth rub Eren’s soapy hands evoked as they glided up and down Armin’s naked back.

The bath tub water was almost still like lull, foam smelling like petals and vanilla stimulated their noses.

Eren wore a loving smile, going on with his massage that he decided to gift his husband with in a bath they did take together right now because Armin was back from a doctor’s congress that had lasted for five days. After a candlelight dinner at home and affectionate hugs and kisses they shared as soon as Armin had set a foot on the place he loved to go home to, Eren had practically begged him to take a shower with him because he was unbelievably happy to see him again and wanted to spoil him beautifully.

“Do you like it?” Eren whispered hoarsely, and his hands stilled, wrapping themselves around Armin’s chest now to coax him to lean back and on Eren’s own chest. Armin did so and cocked his head up to beam a radiant smile at him; looking so sweet and pretty. Their lips met in a long and passionate kiss, the slow movements of their mouths and tongues made up for the five days that they had been seperated and were lonely each.

Eren grinned joyfully, pressing a light kiss on Armin’s nose before his lips moved down to his neck, nibbling there in a ticklish way. Armin reacted with cute giggles, edging Eren’s head away to nuzzle his own one in his brunet husband’s crook of his neck.

“I missed you so much.” Armin cooed dreamily, eyes closed when he heard splashing sounds and seconds later a warm water stream floated down Eren’s cupped hands and fell onto Armin’s smooth blond hair. Eren was wetting his hair rhythmically, running a flat hand through his soon damp locks to tug them back. This was just for the sake of easing any stress that might or might not have risen upon Armin from flying back home. Being jet-lagged and whatsoever.

“Same here. I missed you, too.” Eren’s hands grazed Armin’s thighs now, drawing invisible circles there. “Are you tired?”

Armin shook his head. “How do you expect me to be tired? I was floundering like a little child at the thought of seeing my husband again. Let’s catch up on all the things that we had missed doing so together, I don’t want to waste my time for sleep yet.”

Oh, there was nothing else Eren wished more to do right now and the fact that Armin was thinking the same woke a sort of relieving and pleasant feeling in his chest. They would spent hours and hours together with nothing or no one to disturb them. First a nice dinner, then a relaxing bath and after that…?

Splashing sounds indicated for a body moving in the bathtub and indeed it was Armin who had shifted his body, facing Eren now. Waterdrops were rolling off his silky skin, and Eren wanted to kiss each of them in a way to treasure Armin’s marvelous figure.

As he looked silently at his blond husband, eyes hooded in faint lust that was sneaking up, he noticed a change in Armin’s expression as well.

He was smirking now and sat down on Eren’s thighs, arms round his neck and fingers playing with his chocolate brown locks. Armin stayed silent, but his lips scooting closer to Eren’s was enough for the latter to understand what was happening here.

What was going to happen.

“I missed you so much, Eren.” It came out of Armin huskily, with a thrilling undertone beneath it.

And that was when Eren grasped fully that his original plan to make love to Armin after the bath was dropped and instead they loved each other right there and right then.

Sachets to enhance and strengthen positive aspects of your sign

Aquarius sachet :

3 parts lavender 

2 parts patchouly

1 part benzoin

1 part mace 

1 part mint 

Mix, tie up in gray or some other dark colored cloth that appeals to you. Wear or carry. 

Aries sachet :

3 parts carnation 

2 parts jupiter 

1 part frankincense 

1 part fennel 

1 part cumin 

Blend, tie up in a red cloth, wear or carry.

Cancer sachet :

3 parts sandalwood 

2 parts myrrh 

1 part gardenia 

1 part lemon balm 

1 part gardenia petals 

Tie up in a white cloth, wear or carry. 

Capricorn sachet :

3 parts vetivert 

2 parts cypress 

1 part vervain 

1 part mimosa blossoms 

1 part comfrey 

Mix, tie up in indigo, gray or any other dark cloth you prefer. Wear or carry. 

Gemini sachet :

3 parts lavender 

2 parts mint 

2 parts gum mastic 

2 parts clover 

1 part dill seed 

1 part anise 

Tie up in a yellow cloth, wear or carry. 

Leo Sachet :

2 parts orange peel 

2 parts cinnamon 

1 part frankincense 

1 part nutmeg 

1 part juniper 

1 pinch gum arabic 

Tie up on orange, red or gold cloth. Wear or carry. 

Libra Sachet :  

2 parts spearmint 

2 parts catnip 

2 parts rose petals 

1 part marjoram 

1 part thyme 

1 part mugwort 

Tie up in a yellow cloth, wear or carry. 

Pisces Sachet :

3 parts sandalwood

2 parts sage 

1 part eucalyptus 

1 part anise 

1 part lemon 

Tie up in a purple cloth, wear or carry.

Sagittarius Sachet :

3 parts sassafras 

2 parts cedar 

2 parts clove 

1 part star anise 

1 part dragon’s blood 

1 part juniper 

Tie up in a purple cloth, wear or carry.

Scorpio Sachet :

3 parts pine 

3 parts myrrh 

2 parts galangal 

1 part allspice 

1 part violet flowers 

1 part basil

Tie up in a bright red or blue cloth, wear or carry. 

Taurus Sachet :

3 parts patchouly 

2 parts oakmoss 

1 part cardamom 

1 part rose petals 

1 vanilla bean, crushed 

Tie up in yellow or blue cloth, wear or carry. 

Virgo Sachet : 

3 parts lavender

2 parts patchouly 

2 parts cypress 

1 part caraway 

1 part fern 

1 part mint 

Tie up in a clear yellow cloth, wear or carry.     


You may also take these herbs and burn them as incense in a censer while you meditate, add crystals and personal amulets that appeal. Love and light!                      

Full Moon Ritual Masterpost

this is for the anon who asked me for about my full moon ritual tea, incense and bath.

Full moon ritual cleansing bath

this is the bath i plan on taking before i start my plans for this fridays up coming full moon. i like to take time to always cleanse myself before i start any form of magick work.  

Materials Needed 

  • 1 cup Sea Salt
  • white rose petals (preferably fresh)
  • ¼th cup Lavender
  • ¼th cup Lemon balm 
  • 1/8th cup rosemary
  • 1/8th cup  Chamomile
  1. Once you assemble all Your ingredients, Mix them together . While Feeling their energizes, pouring your power into them and visualizing your magickal goal blend the herbs with your fingers. once mixed Either set them aside in a bowl or Pour into a Sachet      ( adding them to a sachet makes clean up faster)
  2. Next run a hot bath, and add the herbal mixture and let seep for a few minutes before entering.
  3. Now enter the bath and just soak, focus on your goal and intent for this bath. Stay in the water until you feel ready or the bath water becomes cold

Full moon ritual loose incense

this is the incense i am going to be burning during my moon mediation. i don’t exactly know what i put in it…… i made this incense last month and my recipes vary depending on what i have available.   i should a written it down.  so im going to post a few different recipes 

Materials Needed: 

Recipe one (what i am using)

  • 2 parts myrrh resin
  • 2 parts frankincense resin
  • 2 parts lavender 
  • 1 part  dried rose petals
  • 1 part Lemon Balm
  • ½ part Rosemary  
  • 3 drops ylang ylang oil 

Recipe two 

  • 2 parts myrrh resin
  • 2 parts frankincense resin
  • 1 part lavender 
  • 1 part  dried rose petals
  • 1 part Sandalwood 

Recipe three 

  • 2 parts myrrh resin
  • 1 part lavender
  • 1 part  dried rose petals
  • 1 part Lemon Balm

Full moon Tea

this is the tea i will be brewing and offering to the moon.  i dont have much to really write for this one.

Materials Needed: 

  • Red tea
  • Vanilla
  • Almonds
  • rose petals

while gathering the herbs for the tea focus on your intent on them, and focus on them while the tea steeps.  

Spell to increase psychic abilities

Needed:
4 purple candles, 1 white candle, rose petals, vanilla, snow (you can use other forms of water as well), 1 cinnamon stick or frankincense/jasmine incense

Center and ground yourself first
Then cast a circle placing four purple candles corresponding to north, east, south, and west
Light a white candle and place it directly in front of you

Take rose petals and place them in a bowl
If the petals are dried, then make sure to ask the earth to put the energy and soul back into the dried petals
Rose helps enhance psychic powers

Put vanilla in with the rose petals
I used pure vanilla extract but any form will work as long as you call life back into it
Vanilla increases psychic powers

Since I live in a snowy place I decided to take some snow and put it in with the petals and vanilla, because snow water promotes transformation and balance

I then took a stick of cinnamon and burned it like an incense, because cinnamon stimulates spiritual power and psychic awareness
You could also use frankincense or jasmine incense
As I watched the smoke float up towards the sky I asked that the smoke carry my spell to the divine

Bless the bowl and put it next to you (this is what is pictured)

Lastly, clear your mind while gazing at the flame of the white candle, and visualize your third eye absorbing the energy of the candle
Chant the following:
“Vision of future present and past,
Psychic spirit I do cast,
To hear the unheard and see the unseen,
Psychic powers strong and keen,
I open to see all with my third eye,
Psychic bonds to me I wish to tie,
Unbind my spirit and my mind,
So that my visions shall no longer be confined,
Let my visions and dreams come before the rising sun,
As I cast let my will be done,
Psychic powers I invoke thee,
It is done. So mote it be”

Once you are done blow out the candles and close the circle
Keep the bowl by your bed for a while and keep a journal handy to write down any ideas that seem to pop into your head or any dreams that you remember
It may all seem a bit cryptic at first, but with practice you can understand divine messages more and more
Good luck!!

anonymous asked:

hello - I don't know if you would know (or perhaps even agree with it), but I was wondering if you had an attraction spell? More so encourage it with someone else - many thanks :)

Like attracting a lover/romantic partner? I mean I personally am not against such magick. I’ve got something for ya! I hope this is what you were looking for in the first place lmao if not, then send me another ask, please.

Attract Love Spell Jar by Cuddly Cottage Witch

  • tools:

Candle / Wax cube, Jar, pink ribbon, ultra fine tip red marker, Vanilla extract/Vanilla beans, Rose petals, Apple seeds/ground Apple seeds, Allspice, Ground Cinnamon/ Cinnamon sticks, Himalayan Pink Salt/Regular Salt, Cherry stems, the mingling hearts sigil, the person you wish to attract’s name in a different alphabet of your choice (optional)

  • Light a candle/melt a wax cube that has a sweet scent to it, such as strawberry or vanilla or apple. The scent you choose is up to you. If you wish to attract someone in particular, you could also use a scent that reminds you of them. Don’t wait for it to melt entirely, just get it started.
  • The words of power have the jar ingredients and the purpose they serve in the spell. When adding each ingredient, chant that ingredient’s line of the words of power until you’ve finished putting that ingredient in. Pour your magickal intent into the jar along with its physical counterpart. Visualize who/what you want. This chant doesn’t really rhyme, I’m sorry lmao

Vanilla for Sweetness,

Roses for Romance,

Apples for Everlasting joy,

Cinnamon for Passion,

Allspice for Luck,

(Pink) Salt for Purity,

Cherry Stems for Seduction

  • Repeat the entirety of the words of power one last time as you close the lid on the jar.
  • Tie the pink ribbon around the neck of the jar. If you wish to attract a specific person, write their name on the inside of the ribbon. I’d recommend encrypting it by writing it in an alphabet the people around you can’t read, but that’s optional. Tie it up in a neat little bow. On the edges (the streamers?) of the bow, draw mingling hearts sigils. If the ribbon is too small, using your own simplified version of the sigil (or a different love sigil altogether) is just as powerful. Still keep your intent in mind as you do these things.
  • Seal the jar with some of the wax from the candle you’ve been melting
  • Let the candle finish burning/ let the wax finish melting, and have the jar sitting near it, becoming more charged with your intent.
Young man, there's a place you can go...

I need to have an appreciation post for one of my absolutely favorite things on the entire planet.

No, it’s not Kristanna. Not basset hounds. Not red lipstick.

I speak, of course, of the beauty, the glory… that is Man Town.

Gather ‘round children, and hear the tale.

For those of you unaware, Yankee Candle is quite possibly the most comprehensive repository of all things olfactory. It is the towering juggernaut of the scented candle market, having long since brutally slaughtered the vast majority of its competitors with an endless onslaught of gardenia wax tarts and rose-scented votives.

It is also the most ridiculous, over-the-top, up-its-own-ass conservative purveyor of eye-roll-inducing Americana this side of a Nebraska craft fair.

(Ever wondered what freedom smells like? It smells like AMERICA, goddammit. Also cedar, wild petals, and vanilla. But mostly AMERICA.)

Now one day, in between corporate meetings about whether or not November Rain was one of their new scents, a Guns 'n Roses song, or a line of feminine hygiene products, someone decided that there was a tremendous gap in Yankee Candle’s marketing.

“I’ve just realized something,” Exec #1 (let’s call him Chad) said. “There’s something missing from the Yankee Candle family.”

“What’s that, Chad?” Exec #2 (let’s call him Brett — every corporate office has a Brett) said.

Men,” Chad said. “We have no candles for men.”

Because think about it — what is more American than MEN? Big, sweaty, hairy men killing things, fixing things, cooking outdoors… men who had for too long been forced to wince, cupping their massive AMERICAN genitals with one hand as they set a match to the wick of Fluffy Towels or Tahitian Tiaré Flower.

Well NO MORE. No more would AMERICAN men be forced to cover the rippling stench of their all-American flatulence with True Rose and Vanilla Cupcake.

Help was on the way.

And in 2012, they arrived.

MAN CANDLES.

Candles.

For MEN.

Oh, many had called them mad. But their doubting voices were silenced as they beheld the range of manly beauty that awaited them. Riding Mower. 2x4. First Down.

(Combining top notes of leather and spice, mid notes of grass and turf, and base notes of jockstrap and taint sweat.)

Men across America shed a collective single manly tear, for now, after so long, someone had finally heard their desperate call for a candle strong enough for a man.

But the best, dear children, was yet to come.

For there, at the center of the Man Candle collection, was its star. Its greatest beauty.

There… there was MAN TOWN.

No one could possibly have imagined that such a thing could exist, that such manliness could ever possibly be distilled into a single pillar of thick, hot wax. But there it was: MAN TOWN. Containing within every thick drop of its hot, sweet, delicious viscous scent the essence of MEN. REAL men. Hot-blooded AMERICAN men, the manliest of men, muscled and hairy and bulging with testosterone.

MAN TOWN.

Even its very description spoke to its overt, testicle-enhancing masculinity, as the copy encouraged men to “escape to the man cave with this masculine blend of spices, woods, and musk”. No aggressively-heterosexual manly man could resist such a primal call to his most masculine nature, of a musky wood held tight in a place of honor in his man cave.

And then there was its name: MAN TOWN. The promise of a land of men, all muscles and sweat, no women in sight, just men, hot-blooded men, REAL men, men who could bump thickly-muscled chests and cheer over their newfound love of all things manly, of the love, the peace, the raw overt MANLINESS they had found… in Man Town.

God bless America.

And Man Town.

(That night, Chad and Brett held each other close, a large jar candle of Man Town held tight between them, their hands rubbing over the smooth glass, breathing heavily in satisfaction as their greatest love burned between them. 

For what happens in Man Town…

Stays in Man Town.)

an-introspective-beat  asked:

Hi! If you have time, could you please post that recipe for the skincare? Your skin is absolutely perfect.

It just so happens that I’m making up a batch right now! It should also be noted: I only use natural products on my skin. Don’t know if you want a whole run-down on my bath process, though. I’m super picky and meticulous.

There’s actually a couple things I do for my skin care regime. One of the main components is this herbal mixture here- it’s great stuff.  It can be used as a scrub or a mask.

I’m going to post everything I put into my mix, and why. You can mix and match to make your own blend!

Here’s what you’re gonna need:

ACTIVE INGREDIENTS:

As the name implies, these are ingredients you need in there. This is the stuff that makes your skin smooth and clean! As such, this will make up MOST of your herb mix. 

  • Witch Hazel (Poisonous if ingested- do not eat.)
  • Rose Hips (Only a few of these)
  • Lemon Verbena
  • Chamomile
  • Peppermint
  • Cinnamon (You only need about a teaspoon of this)
  • Matcha, or green tea

SCENTS:

Let’s make your skin smell good! You can use any, all, a few, or none of these. The active ingredients are already pretty 

  • Lavender
  • Rose Petals
  • Vanilla bean
  • hibiscus flower
  • Any scented oil, really (Only a little! you don’t want them too wet.)

SPIRITUAL CLEANSERS:

I take my herbs as a religious endeavor, and you can, too! Add any scents and herbs that you associate with your gods or religion. Or not, if you don’t want to. These are some that I throw in, but you can use whatever:

  • Queen of The Meadow
  • Mistletoe
  • White oak bark

(Note: For the witchy ones out there, you can also add other herbs if you want to make a spell for a specific purpose. Basil for wealth, deer’s tongue to stop people from gossiping about you, etc. Just make sure it’s skin safe)

I usually make sure that my mix is about 70% active ingredients (usually using witch hazel as the dominant one, followed by lemon verbena), 20% scent, and 10% spiritual mix, but I don’t usually measure. 

 Pick your herbs and grind them down fine. You can either use a mortar and pestle or a mill. 

 Store in a airtight container.

I usually fill a small jar with the stuff, and it lasts me a few months since it’s so fine.

TO MAKE A SUGAR SCRUB:

  • Get about a cup of sugar, and put it in a bowl
  • Next, get two to three tablespoons of your herbal mix, and stir this into the sugar.
  • have three tablespoons of honey on hand.
  • Mix the honey into your sugar-herb mix IMMEDIATELY BEFORE USE. Not five minutes before, not two, and not when you get into the shower. you mix it RIGHT BEFORE USE. 
    (if you let it sit for too long, the sugar dissolved and it’s useless.)
  • You should get a grainy paste consistency. 
  • Turn off the water, scrub your whole body with it, and rinse.
  • Avoid contact with genitalia.
  • Moisturize skin with your favourite soap. 

If you want to use it on just your face, you can just adjust the amounts. A sugar scrub should be used once weekly.

AS A MASK:

  • mix Three to four tablespoons herb mix with four to five tablespoons honey
  • Wash face with warm water, and pat dry
  • Apply mask
  • Leave for 30 minutes. Lie down, meditate, go on tumblr, whatever
  • Wash off