vandal life

Can’t wait to brag about my super glamorous career at my next high school reunion!

Anonymous submitted: 

I am a conservator for a museum located on a lovely downtown canal, and we have many beautiful outdoor sculptures for visitors to enjoy.

Yesterday I got a call from one of our security guys, informing me that a large animal sculpture had been vandalized with, as he delicately put it, “pictures of male anatomy.” I went to check it out and, sure enough, the poor thing had been tagged with two penises: one in the anatomically correct location, and (because why not) one on the side. 

The second was perfectly visible from the viewing window in our natural history gallery.

Which is why this morning I was to be found using a toothbrush and acetone to scrub a bright blue dick off the side of a bronze mastadont.

more and more i am reminded that literally no one cares about the jews except for us. i went to a anti-trump protest/rally on friday and anybody could come up to the mic and talk and literally one (1) person mentioned bannon or anti-semitism and it was the other fucking hebrew teacher at my shul. no one else cares.