van houten's cocoa


With TFiOS opening in theaters this weekend, we’re all gonna need some tissues, happy thoughts and baked goods to survive. What better way to eat away the pain than with these Van Houten Cocoa Fudge Brownies? A little bit bitter like our favorite misanthropic recluse of an author, but plenty of sweetness to compliment whatever stars you’re drinking in a desperate attempt to forget the emotional pain.


  • 3/4th cup Van Houten cocoa powder (add 2 tablespoons if using Hershey’s powder)
  • 10 tbsp unsalted butter
  • 1 pinch salt
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 eggs
  • ½ cup flour


Preheat oven to 325°F. Melt butter in microwave and add sugars, cocoa and salt, mixing until batter looks as gritty as Counterinsurgence 2: The Price of Dawn. Add the vanilla and beat in the eggs one by one, whipping until well-mixed and somewhat fluffy before gradually adding the flour and stirring until fully combined.

Line 8x8 baking pan with aluminum foil, allowing for excess over sides of the pan to enable easy removal. Bake for 35 - 40 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the Literal Heart of the brownies comes back clean. Once fully baked, remove brownies from the pan and cool in a fridge or freezer until firm enough to cut into squares.

Or, y'know, grab a spoon, curl up on the couch and continue sobbing into your chocolate salvation. Whichever’s okay.