valerie brewster

I PRESENT TO YOU PAGET VALERIE SPARKLETITS BREWSTER with a koala in her boobs because this dork actually did that at TAH down under how can you NOT expect me to draw it.

reasons paget brewster is gr8

  • one time she called somebody ‘Snootybritches’ on twitter
  • One time she wrote a whole magazine column on how sad she was she left her favourite vibrator in a hotel.
  • She owns furry boots that may or may not be the remains of the yetis she has slaughtered. 
  • Had her own 90′s talk show
  • Expressed the urge to have her cat stuffed when she died because her fur was so soft (no news on whether she actually followed through). 
  • Truly appreciates the artistry of clown porn 
  • Makes Krish her bitch
  • One time she and her husband wrote and performed a song called ‘An Ode to Peter Dinklage’. 
  • Expert bat fisher
  • Kind of wants to go to an orgy but she thinks it’d smell disgusting. 
  • Used the phrase ‘Had a good deflowering’ 
  • Wears matching batman onesies with her husband
  • Accidentally mentioned working in a brothel on the Conan O’Brien show that one time 
  • SHE ANSWERED THE PHONES
  • Said clitoris 4 times in 20 seconds on national TV
  • owns at least one starfleet uniform
  • Once told her 296k twitter followers she was drinking illegal absinthe
  • every time she eats a lobster she draws one as a thank you or possibly as a weird death ritual whichever (seriously)
  • Use the phrase ‘Circumcised Klingon penis’ 
  • Got drunk and announced on twitter she was gonna guest star for the 200th episode of criminal minds a month before she was supposed to tell anybody. Didn’t give a flying fuck. 
  • Has, apparently, tried to cook Alligator. 
  • Considers Die Hard a kids movie
  • “I wish an air freshener ad would show a mom telling her teenaged son “Your room smells like the old socks of a masturbating baboon. "”

Paget Valerie Brewster, everybody.