vai's

anonymous asked:

Hello, I was wondering if mirroring is a problem for people w BPD? Because I have this thing where as SOON as a friend is sad, I will mirror it but multiply it by 500. I like I could be in the best mood ever and if they seem slightly off, even if they aren't, I go into a full blown panic attack within seconds. I mirror everything. I do have problems with being afraid when a friend is sad because I think something bad will happen if they are, so maybe that's why I get so upset? I dunno, wondering

Hey, I experience something very similar to what you are saying. Part of BPD can be having rapid mood changes and many of us can be hyper aware of others feelings so I imagine these two can overlap.

From the diagnostic criteria (Section I and II):

  • I have a heightened sense of empathy and am hypersensitive to the feelings and needs of my peers, although my perceptions are often biased towards negative attributes.
  • I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I theorise the “something bad will happen if they are” might be part of the biased perception towards negative attributes. Which often can be from past experiences.

For example I was often punished with silence from my mother when I was growing up. So now if my partner is sad and quiet I will perceive that as something bad, something I’ve done wrong, something I should atone for. It really doesn’t mean anything in reality- he just needs time alone to process things. But it’s hard sometimes for me to feel that because all I experience is the crushing feeling that I’ve done something wrong.

For some of us with BPD we have heightened empathy and that in combination with our intensity of emotional response might mean when a close one is sad we will feel that, possibly more than even they do. It could be something mundane like they are annoyed about a bus being late but we will feel that annoyance to the extent that even when they’ve gotten over it we might not have! 

So in conclusion I think this very much could be a part of BPD. I think it could be due to a number of symptoms, and possibly negative past experiences. And you certainly aren’t alone in feeling this.

I hope this helps.

~ Vay

Eu acho que você deveria tratar muito bem a garota que vai pra Milão em dois dias, ou então ela não vai mandar cartão postal, snapchat e muito menos trazer um mísero chaveiro. Ou seja, você vai assistir Phantom of the Opera comigo e eu não aceito não como resposta.

anonymous asked:

My girlfriend recently found out she has BPD and has been relying on me for support. I have been doing everything I can to help her, but I have bipolar and need her support too. Every time I try to talk to her about it she either ignores me or changes the subject back to her, and it hurts my feelings even though I know this is unintentional. I'm exhausted from trying to juggle both our problems by myself. How can I tell her I need her to listen to me too, without her misinterpreting me?

Immediacy 

In a kind and understanding way. You say she doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings and that would be an important thing for you to mention, but it’s also important right now for you to both talk things through honestly. 

If she tries to change the subject, notice it and bring it out into the open- “I’m noticing that when I’ve brought up support I feel I need, the subject has changed and this has happened a few times in the past and I’m wondering what that might be about?” Say it gently, calmly, and not in an accusing way. You’re there to support one another, not to throw blame or accuse each other of things.

If she tries to ignore you, try a similar tactic- “I’m noticing that when I try to talk about support I need the conversation ends and is avoided, what do you think is going on?”

You might notice in both examples I avoided the use of “YOU are doing this”, and that’s because phrasing it this way will often make people feel accused even if it’s said gently. 

The aim of this is for you to both talk openly, not just about the support you need, but the avoidance of the subject. If it’s being avoided there’s a reason why and discussing that reason in an empathetic way will be just as integral to your relationship as equal support.

I can only speak for myself, but openness and understanding is such an important part of my coping with BPD. I always have reason for the things I do, even if they seem illogical to others, and having someone ask me about them kindly in an attempt to understand is such a valuable and rare thing. I imagine she would appreciate it and be more open to listening if you are willing to sit and listen to what it is that causes her to avoid the subject. 

I hope this helps.

~ Vay

Laina, not particularly sorted but after most of her posts

The room was square and high, with window slits on two sides. Sunlight poured in and splashed on a mad assortment of metals and enamels. The floor was a mosaic of a flattened, stylized spell Laina did not recognize. The walls were row upon row of palm-sized circles, each of them set over a bronze label, just as in the hallway they had taken to get here.

A knight in armor, gems shining bravely on its chest. A seagull. Two hands clasped. A layered flame overlaid with some iridescent sheen. Three hounds. A profusion of stars, glistening as though themselves just coming to life.

Laina approached the star-circle. Its bronze tag read “Livius: Look to the stars.” Similar legends gleamed all around.

Laina’s voice hushed itself. “What is this place?”

Draconis was staring up at the line where the insignia ended and bare wall began. “This is the Hall of Seals. Here the Sworn go to leave their families behind and dedicate themselves wholly to the Order.”

“But you…? You’re a Speaker and you haven’t given up your name.”

His mouth stretched a little. “One of the perquisites of being of the Twelve Houses. It is a point of contention, and you’ll find most conservatives still call me Brother Gregorin. But I maintain my name and my holdings. I will always be Lord Draconis…and the dragon has never appeared on these walls.”

"My father always wore the harp seal. Will that go here someday?”

This smile was genuine, if thin. “Looking forward to being Sworn already? You must first be a journeyman and an Initiate.”

“But I will be.”

He tilted his head and studied her face, his expression once more unreadable. “You will be,” he said slowly. “Of that I have no doubt.”

localboyruinseverything asked:

I have BPD and I'm also trans (Non-Binary). Does the fact that I have BPD makes my identity less valid?

No!

The way you experience yourself is valid. A mental illness, disability, personality disorder, upbringing etc. does not negate that. 

I identify as non-binary and have BPD as well if it helps and while finding identity is something particulary tough for me (and can be part of the BPD experience) the identity of non-binary is not invalidated by that, and actually finding it has been quite liberating in a lot of ways.

~ Vay