vague post is vague

where I've been

I have been notably absent the past couple of weeks- lacking on outfit posts, spring fashion picks, oversharing little snippets of my personal life. I’m sure some of you are thrilled that I haven’t been an active Internet participant over the last few weeks– you’re welcome. But to those of you that actually cared to keep up through what I’ll admit were half-assed posts, thanks for the love. I promise I’m attempting to amp up my game here.

So where have I been?

I’m helping launch a new line at work for my region. Which is so fun I can’t even begin to lay words to keyboard. Presentations, conference calls, game plans, lists, meetings, and timelines– all the things I geek out over. I’ve been up to my elbows in brand marketing heaven for the last 2 weeks and I hope that our efforts are deemed successful at the end of the season.

I’m also orchestrating a first-of-its-kind (for our organization) event at one of the local hospitals here in the Triangle. It’s been stressful, emotional (which I realize it probably shouldn’t be), and invigorating. I’m hoping that this week we’ll be able to tie up some lose ends and make our event “official”. Fingers crossed.

And on a personal note, I’m not sure that I’m ready to share the goings on there. I’ve made somewhat vague references to a challenge that’s been laid at our feet and – to be honest – that’s 100% intentional. I made myself quite vulnerable sharing my story with you all last year and was raked over the coals by some for going too deep into things. Fair enough– I was being a bit of a victim in the whole ordeal (which I have readily admitted before). Suffice to say that I’m making every attempt to protect myself and my heart during a very tough time for my little family. Not to garner attention by any means (because I don’t need your sympathy) but just to let you guys know that my heart has been hurting lately. Sometimes even the strongest of us have down in the dumps months.

So that about wraps things up. I’ve been keeping up with everyone thanks to my stronger-than-ever Internet addiction and it looks like we could ALL use a blast of warm spring weather and cheer.

o’s and x’s to you all.

You ever ask a question and get way more answer than you really wanted or needed? I seem to be making a career out of that. Part of me wants to get upset about it, but that’s the part of me that just squirrels and squirms when things aren’t clear or signed on the dotted line. The part of me that’s always keeping a plan B in her back pocket, weaving a safety net out of wet paper towels, and waiting for her father to leave, if we’re going to play Lucy the psychiatrist. 

Well, dad’s been gone for 36 years, and who the hell knows what the next year holds – hell, who even really knows what tomorrow will bring. 

All I can do is show up and give myself permission to ask those questions. I’m getting good at holding my tongue after I get the answer, though, and that feels like a huge bit of growth. I’ve learned that it’s a good idea to let things digest a bit before responding.

I’ve also learned that if and when things align, I will be a fantastic partner on every level. It would just be nice to experience that before I’m too old to rise to the occasion of such magical chemistry is what I’m saying. 

be here now… more will be revealed… yadayadayada…

that really nervous feeling

tonight, i’m doing something crazy.  whether it’s crazy stupid or crazy awesome i’m not sure yet.  we’ll see how things pan out.

i’ve had this really nervous, butterflies feeling all day.

even if it turns out to be crazy stupid and if i don’t get the response i want, i’m taking my life and future in my hands and that’s a very empowering feeling. 

2

I found these pics on my iPhone, apparently taken by the totes adorbz Mr. Eli, son of my sister from another mister, a.k.a. communications mama, during their Labor Day visit. I love how communications mama was all, “No. You. Better. Don’t,” and I was all, Whatevs.

Off topic: I’ve been super-swamped with work this week, partly because it’s a short week, but mostly because the world seems to have suddenly gotten back to business after Labor Day. Thus, the dearth of posts lately.

Also, I’ve been tumbling down a rabbit hole, chasing down insane writing, written by insane peeps. I realize that it takes all kinds of peeps to make the world go ‘round, but seriously, planet Earth would be a much better place if some of these highly vocal and overly opinionated—yet totally misguided and obvs deranged—peeps would just STFU.

Sometimes it seems like bloggers (especially on Tumblr) use their blogs as platforms to work out their bullshit mental health issues personal demons shizz, and that’s great, but when peeps try to impose their bullshit mental health issues personal demons shizz on others and try to drag us into their quagmire, I’m all, Leave me out of it, I’m just here for some cake and ice cream.

Carpe diem

Sometimes knowledge isn’t power but anxiety. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. There is such a thing as a mid-level of knowledge that is just enough to be dangerous and not enough to be helpful.

Related: getting hurrs did - adding some purple and blue and I’m pretty excited! Why not.