vaccums

go on a cleaning binge at midnight on a tuesday when you have work the next morning because you’re feeling super anxious about how messy your house is even though it didn’t matter like three hours ago when it was more of a respectable time to clean up a little, check

One more pro of owning a single-family home: I can fully let out my anxious energy in a way that’s the most natural for me without worrying about waking up the neighbours with the vaccum or the washing machine.

@asrielisdeadandfloweyisabitch, this is what happens when you give me too much room for interpretation in a prompt~

[But seriously, I hope this is alright XD this dumb idea’s been sitting in my head for way too long and this gave me an excuse to go for it haha]

error belongs to @loverofpiggies 

When Your Spell Fails

no witch succeeds with their spells 100% of the time. here’s a short list of reasons why it could have happened and some solutions

possible reasons why:

distraction - a spell you’re not invested in isn’t going to have much power behind it. if you’re concentrated more on you. if you cast a motivation spell while planning out your vacation, it’s going to subtract from that motivation. 

rosemary replaces everything - supposedly. it supplies general power, but if you add nothing into the spell that has any real meaning to you, then what is that power supposed to do? where does that energy go with no direction?

associations - the correspondences everyone else lists for herbs and stones and planets can be very useful, but sometimes you have a personal conflicting association. perhaps lavender is gross to you, and not peaceful at all. then that dream sachet isn’t going to give you peaceful dreams. 

didn’t help the spell - magic does not exist in a vaccum. spells can only do so much, but if you don’t make the effort, it much less likely to work. job spells dont work if you don’t fill out applications, love spells don’t work if you don’t go out and talk to people, and so on. 

too many cooks - if you cast 10 love spells, and yet no one is attracted to you, it’s entirely possible they all did work but they all conflicted with each other, and ended up canceling each other out. 

shot for the stars- sometimes you try to achieve something, and you set your expectations too high. either it’s impossible, you’re trying from the wrong angle, or you didn’t get as much as you wanted.

cancellation - sometimes a spell may appear not to work when it does, but the results are invisible because it canceled something else out. say you cast a money spell and get no extra cash after several weeks, it could be just helping you maintain your current income and blocking extraneous expenses.

impatience - unless you programmed a working time limit into it, the spell could be working and you just don’t see the results yet. these things can take time.

out of your depth - if you don’t feel like you’re ready to do a spell, your lack of confidence or discomfort can either disable the spell or not give it enough power to work

what to do:

  • take a break, ground, cleanse, and give it time. refocus your intentions
  • contemplate each ingredient and step in the spell, and modify
  • use the ingredients that you know best work for you, old standards hold up.
  • think about what you could do to help the spell work. what mundane methods haven’t you tried?
  • take a step back and look at it realistically. is there another angle you can approach this from, can you break it down into smaller steps?
  • return to the spells you are comfortable doing, and work from there.
SO

i would JUST LIKE to point out a few KEY THINGS:

1) Finn gets stabbed TWICE and is thrown across the drop pod during a thunder storm while foaming at the mouth

2) MURPHY????

3) Jasper is speared then hung up on a tree and then later got his neck sliced into

4) Raven is shot with the bullet pressing on her spine and loses feeling in her bottom half of her leg after going through multiple *life threatening* surgeries with no pain medication, she also suffered head trauma 3 times & bone marrow extraction w/ a drill and no meds????

5) fREAKinG MUrpHY

6) Bellamy is hanging upside down BLEEDING INTO TUBES FOR HOURS

7) Maya is exposed to radiation and comes back and SO DOES JASPER

8) Lincoln dies like three times and was a dang REAPER

9) Clarke was beaten to almost death all throughout the series

10) Indra gets SHOT over and OVER AGAIN

11) Abby AND MARcus are trapped underground after an explosion, then 2 cave ins and fucking GET OUT after Marcus already died

12) M U R P H Y

13) Jaha floats himself with no cord across the freaking outer space with HIS HELMET BUSTING BEING EXPOSED FULLY TO THE SPACE VACCUM, makes the landing, and flies down to earth in a broken piece of JUNK

14) EMERSON???

15) THEY LIKE ALL SWALLOW AI’S?? AND SURVIVE THE KILL SWITCH??

16) um…. all the people who surVIVED THE BOMBS IN THE FIRST PLACE

AND YOU THINK THE *COMMANDER* CAN BE TAKEN DOWN BY *ONE SHOT* BELOW THE CRITICAL TORSO AREA WTF SHE SLAYED THE QUEEN OF THE ICE NATION BY CHUCKING A SPEAR AT HER FROM ACROSS THE BATTLE GROUND, SHE’S FOUGHT SO HARD AND IS SO STRONG AND YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST KILL THE ONLY PERSON/BEST FRIEND/LOVER THAT NEVER STOPPED LOVING CLARKE FOR A SECOND, PLEGED HER LIFE TO HER VOWING TO PROTECT HER NO MATTER THE COST AFTER EVERYTHING SHE DID AND PUT 100 % OF HER TRUST IN HER EVEN AFTER LOSING COSTIA AND OPENED UP TO HER AND PROTECTED HER EVEN AFTER DEATH this is such bullshit

did i miss anyone ELSES INSANE COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE NOT PLAUSIBLE SURVIVAL?   

anonymous asked:

What's your favorite recipe?

not combat rations, thats for sure. ive had enough of those for a lifetime. 

but my latest food hit has been pretzel bites. pretzels are an awesome food but rarely available fresh when i want to eat them, which is usually when i’ve woken up in the middle of the night. they’re relatively labor-intensive to make, which is good once the insomnia sets in. keeps me busy. plus, pretzels are sweet on the inside, salty on the outside, just like me. except im also salty on the inside. dont listen to steve.

when i make pretzels, it’s by the metric ton, so the recipe i have makes approximately a million of them.probably you will not want this many, because you don’t have thor or steve to help you eat them. or clint. probably you could just shove some into a vaccum cleaner instead, thatd be about the same. so divide the recipe in half or quarters for normal human consumption. take 11 cups of flour, 1 cup of brown sugar, ½ cup of oil and mix. 4 cups of warm water gets 11 teaspoons of yeast and sits for a bit, then goes in the flour mix. then mix it and let it rise for about an hour. the dough should be sticky to the touch and absolutely awful to get out of your metal fingers. while you wait, wander your living area for some poor sucker to rope into helping you, because stage 2 is easier with help. or you can sit down and wonder why you talk yourself into doing things like this. consider your choices. it’s already too late to go back to sleep; youve got dough rising.

get a deep fry pan or sauce pan and fill with about two inches of water. bring it to a rolling boil on the stove and add in three or so tablespoons of baking soda. you really can’t do too much of that, as long as the water’s not getting super cloudy. preheat the oven to 400 degrees. wake steve up and tell him he has to help. 

get a couple egg yolks in a bowl with a basting brush, and find some kosher salt or sea salt. grease up a few pans. 

flour a surface and roll the dough out until it’s between ½ and ¼ in thick. get your poor unsuspecting minion to cut out bite sized bits. i use an inch and a half circle cookie cutter, but you can use whatever you want, really. tony used a laser cutter last time i let him help, which was…not ideal.

drop the cut outs into the boiling soda water, and let them sit for a few seconds, then fish them out. you can use your robot hand for that, but again, you’ll be getting dough out of it for days. i let them drip dry on a cookie drying sheet, but you could also drop them on a clean dishtowel i guess. you just dont want them to be wet when you put them on the cookie sheet. 

they’re not gonna expand a ton, so just stuff em up close to each other on the sheet. paint the tops with egg yolks and sprinkle with salt. pop em in the oven for 10-15 min or until golden brown. 

repeat the boiling-and-baking until you want to die, then keep going until you run out of dough. while the last batch is baking, take a half a stick of butter, a quarter cup of flour and make a roux in a saucepan. add two cups of milk and two cups of cheddar cheese, some salt and pepper to taste, and a quarter cup of mustard, give or take. im showing you how much to use with my hands but you cant see it. sorry, i dont really measure stuff most of the time. heat and stir till it’s melty and amazing, and dip pretzels on in there. 

by the time you have completed this process and eaten as many pretzel bites as you want–and there will be enough. it’s a dang big recipe–you will want to enter a food coma and sleep forever. or for 70 years or so.

there. insomnia fixed.

What do you do in half an hour?

If I offered you $4 to come to my house and make me dinner and wash my dishes afterwards, would you do it? Probably not. But that’s what a minimum wage worker at McDonald’s can do in a half hour.

What about $8 to come over and play with my kid and teach her to read and change her if she needs it and do all other assorted activities for an hour? Again, probably not. But that’s what a day care worker might do in an hour.

If I paid you $4, would you come over and make my bed and vaccume my room and do some of my laundry and clean my bathroom and pick up trash and dust? Probably not but that’s what a hotel maid might do in half an hour.

When you break it down into smaller increments it’s obvious that people need to be paid more, that the minium wage is pathetic.

callpo  asked:

Hi Im new and I just wanted to say I really like your work it's awesome wow. I'm really excited for season 2. Also question : what nicknames do the 104th squad cadets and vets have for Levi ( you know since he's short and a cleaning freak) bonus if you include his squad and your own nickname mama Sorry this was long

Mikasa: Chibi/Shorty
Reiner: Captain Shortcake
Bertholdt: Mr Clean
Annie: Corporal Kleenex
Eren: No Nicknames!! Gotta Respect The Corporal
Jean: Pipsqueak
Marco: Captain Clean
Sasha: Lance Corporal Moon Moon
Connie: Scary Old Dude
Historia: Muscle Dwarf
Armin: Corporal Krill
Ymir: Vertically Challenged Corporal
Hanji: Mom
Erwin: Miraculous Ladybug
Nanaba: Vaccum Captain
Mike: Oompa Loompa
Moblit: Corporaaaaaaaall??!!
Hajimama: Levi Rivaille (lololol)

Astronaut!Dan and MissionControl!Phil

Headcanons:
- Dan has already been alone on the space station for two months when Phil has his first day at NASA. Dan is immediately drawn to his voice and experiences his first moment of ease in that time when he hears it
- Whenever Dan is lonely and missing home, Phil will stay back at work after clocking out and will just talk to him for hours
- One time Dan forgot to disconnect the radio and Phil listened to him singing The Weekend to himself for twenty minutes; badly. Phil started calling him Starboy after that and it always makes Dan blush with embarrassment
- Dan still gets nervous every time he has to leave the safety of the station and go out into the vaccum of space. Mission control always makes sure Phil has a shift for any of Dan’s planned spacewalks so he can talk him through it
- Dan’s existential crises are more common when he can look down and see how small and fragile the world is. Sometimes he cries because absolutely everything he knows is insignificant and meaningless. Phil reminds him that things don’t have to be cosmic to matter. Technically, Dan is just a voice beaming from kilometers above him, but he still matters to Phil more than almost anything tangible
- Phil volunteers to work Christmas Day and spends all his free time cracking bonbons and reading Dan the lame jokes, just to hear him laugh
- When Phil goes home for New Years, Dan looks down at Earth when England is directly below the space station. He counts down from ten and presses his fingertips to his lips. On Earth, Phil looks past the fireworks and out into the stars
- Nine months later, Dan returns to Earth. Phil pulls every string and calls in every favour he can to make sure he’s present at the landing. Phil’s heart is racing as he watches Dan’s capsule re-enter the atmosphere that had seperated tthem
- When Dan disembarks, his legs are shaking. He’s not used to the gravity and he’s concentrating hard on not collapsing. He watches his feet as he slowly puts one in front of the other. Finally, he looks up and there’s Phil. Their eyes meet and Phil feels his own knees buckle

When Tomorrow Comes

Newt Scamander x Reader

Modern AU

Author: Lil Lambie

Words: 1477

Warnings: Potential Les Mis spoilers???

Request: @vivere-citta  May I have a Newt x reader. You sit him down to make him watch Les Mis. You know all the words and sing along, and Newt gets jealous of “movie him”. He tries to act more like the guy from Les Mis, but you catch on. (Essentially just Newt acting cute)

Request: I loved writing more cute Newt! Another Newt Imagine will come out this Friday! I tried to follow your request as much as possible. I just want you to know that I HAD TO SUFFER AND LISTEN TO LITTLE FALL OF RAIN! JK, I love you, but seriously I had to get into the mood for Les Mis, so I tortured myself with listening to the musical. Enjoy lol!


“Movie night!”

Newt flinched for a moment then smiled at you, with that awkward charismatic smile. He walked through the doorway and kissed your forehead. “Greetings, (Y/N).” he smiled, his head tilted like a puppy.

You ran to the sofa, jumping in front of him. He laughed and jumped on you as you landed on the sofa. The bowl of popcorn launched into the air. Buttery pieces of popcorn and kernels rained down over your heads. As you bent over to pick the pieces up, Newt laid on your back and threw some popcorn into his mouth.

“What are you doing?” you laughed.

“Eating popcorn!” he sat up, so that you could too. “Quick! Catch it!” he threw a popped kernel and you jumped up from the sofa to catch it. He laughed and kissed you on the forehead again as you landed. “(Y/N), you caught it! I’m so proud of you.” you grinned at him not sure if he was being sarcasatic or sincere or somewhere in the middle.

“We really do have to clean up the popcorn though.”

“Why? We can just throw into our mouths like circus animals.” he smiled.

You smirked and sat up, sweeping the crushed popcorn back into the bowl. “Because, I don’t want to crunch popcorn under my butt all night.” you laughed.

“I suppose.” he laughed, as he picked up one of the kernels in your hand. “Just sweep into the bowl.”

“But I want edible popcorn!”

“It is!” he laughed, popping another in his mouth.

You sighed, sweeping the rest of the popcorn in the bowl. You put it on the coffee table, away from the edge, as not to spill it again.

You stared at your seat and laughed, shaking your head.

“What? Aren’t you going to lay down?” Newt laughed.

“No, because there are so kernels that won’t come out without a vaccum and I don’t want to sit on those all night!”

Newt smiled and spread himself over the sofa, pulling over to your side. “You don’t have to lay on them now.”

“Newt!” you laughed.

“You have two choices. Sit on the floor or…” he smirked. “You know the rest.”

“Fine!” you fell down onto Newt, purposely on his stomach.

“Hey!” he gasped. He sat up a little farther, so you were laying ontop of him.

As you grabbed the DVD player remote and flipped through the movie menu, you laughed at Newt. “You don’t really under social cues do you?”

“Maybe I do. I just choose to ignore them.”

“You never were someone to follow rules.”

“Indeed.” he smiled, looking up at you, propping his head up with his elbow. He sat up and pulled you into him. “So, what movie are we watching?”

You laughed. “Seriously, Newt. I thought we were just like comfortable friends. Actually, I don’t really understand the terms of our relationship. You are a gentleman, you kiss my forehead like we are in the 17th century. But you haven’t even kissed me yet. Now, we are snuggling?”

Newt smirked and pulled you closer. He reached for your hand. “A love, specifically my love, deserves the utmost respect. My love, you should be treated as royalty whether it is a platonic or romantic relationship. The circumstances will never change my respect and admiration of you. I will not initiate romance without your consent. I am a gentleman and a human being after all.”

“W-wow, Newt. If only several guys I’ve dated thought like that, I would’ve saved myself a lot of heartbreak.”

He squeezed you and smiled at you with sincerity. “I will never treat you wrongly, with all the respect and admiration you deserve. That would be a shameful act upon my part and only affect you negatively.”

You kissed him on the cheek. Blood rushed into his cheeks. He was speechless for a moment, responding only with an elated smile. “Les Miserables.”

“What?”

You smirked and pressed play on the movie. “Les Miserables or Les Mis, it’s what we are watching.”

“I failed French you know.” he laughed, half serious and jokingly.

“So did I. Don’t worry, it’s not in French. Just about France and all the incrediable events that took place.”

“What is is it about?”

You smirked. “That is only something you can translate yourself. But, if you must know, it is beautifully sorrowful. Now, hush, shove some popcorn in your mouth.” you laughed, throwing him the bowl.

Newt pulled you down to him, so you were laying ontop of him comfortably. You and Newt were very explicit with the oddness of your relationship with each other. It had no rules. It simply had respect. The rest just followed.

You watched as Newt was pulled into the cinematic world of Les Mis, completely mesmerized. He kept making comments about the composition and film theory aspects of the movie.

“Caaan you hear the people sing?” you heard Newt murmur as the character a strikingly similar and charismatic, Marius belted the lyrics as he waved a flag screaming for freedom.

“Wow.” Newt laughed.

You smiled and kissed him on the cheek. Saying to yourself. Not yet.

As the film unfolded Newt began singing louder and taking the character of Marius more personal. At one point jumping onto the coffee table.

Another time he was screaming at the screen. “Marius! Eponine loves you! She always has! Don’t get caught in the illusion of physical beauty! Eponine deserves you!”

You laughed as his antics continued. At one point, Newt had sobered and laid on the sofa distraught. You took him into your arms and watched the tears run down his face as Marius held Eponine as they sang, “Little Fall of Rain.”

You stroked his hair as he cried, comforting him. As the scene unfolded and Les Mis earned his name, Newt grew silent and stared at the screen, shaking and crying softly. As Marius went on to sing, “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables,” he began to sing softly again.

“At least he has someone now, Newt.” you said, when Cosette and Marius reunited on the screen in tears. Marius’s eyes revealing the truth of his realization of his love for Eponine.

“But, Eponine loved him deeply!”

“And he too.” you calmed Newt and settled back into your arms. Pulling apart over the two of you. You had ended up sitting on the popcorn kernels but you didn’t care about it anymore.

You didn’t pay much attention to the movie anymore. You had already seen in multiple times and it was your favorite. You had sung along with the musical and Newt. But your interest and love had shifted. You explored the soft curls of Newt’s hair. Taking closer notice at the striking freckles on his face. An interest in him long lost, had returned with a deeper passion.

You wanted to do more than just run your hands through his hair. You wanted to rustle it as you tasted his lips and satisfied an unspoken desire.

Les Mis was drawing to a close. Newt had just experienced the rollercoaster ride that was Les Mis. You were holding hands.

The final song began playing, the camera panning to the final scene. A reprise of “Can You Hear the People Sing.”

Newt stood up and pulled you onto the table. “Hey!”

His face was tear stained and shining in the light of the television. He belted out the song like it was apart of his soul and his entire life. “It is the future that we bring when tomorrow comes! When tomorrow-”

You grabbed him and kissed him. He latched onto you to stable you. It was everything like you had imagined and at the same time nothing you had ever felt or expected. He moved tentatively, slipping a hand from your waist to your waist, to your hair. You ran your hands through his curls. He kissed you gingerly with fear and love and lust. He kissed you softly, but was drawn to you and needed more of you. You were drawn to him too. He felt like a rainstorm in a desert where it never rained.

You and Newt kissed as the credits rolled and the theme music played. Until the TV went black, it was dark outside. There wasn’t a shed of light in the room. On the coffee table, you and Newt remained, careful with your steps, steadying each other. Kissing, with your arms softly around each other. Slow dancing.

You wanted to dance with him for the rest of your life.

Ghost Emoji Review

typical apple emoji. riddled unnecessary gradients and awful shading. way too lumpy for my taste. 1/5 what are those eyes?

very cute. could haunt me anytime. terribly shaded, but makes up in cuteness 4/5

lack of effort is evident. trying too hard to be something it isnt (cough cough, the apple emoji) 3/5

very cute n cheeky. another poorly shaded emoji, no surprise there. 4/5

ugly and unwanted. belongs in a scrapbook of your old Kindegarten arts and crafts and no where else. 0/5

very very cute. i accept this ghost. 10/5

scary, but not in a good way. looks as if it will eat your soul. stay back or i will bring out the vaccum cleaner. 2/5 for effort

ugh. disgusting. dont get me started on this waste of space. looks more like the devil emoji than a ghost with those sorry excuse for hands. 1/5

go back to your bag of discount cereal. come on twitter, you’ve done better. 0/5

disgusting blob of discarded toothpaste. do these emojis not know of this thing called symmetry? it’s not that hard of a concept. 1/5 why is he blue?

unnecessary emoji trying to outshine all the others, failing miserably. looks like a mix of a jackolantern and potato sack. emojidex once again has failed us to no avail. shameful. im calling the ghostbusters. 0/5

anonymous asked:

humanitarian is literally the (developed) aquarian ARCHETYPE, like, do you not get that you can't change that? it's literally set into stone, your personal experiences should never come into play with actual facts.

I’m not trying to change any ‘facts?’ (seriously what is it with people bringing ‘facts’ into astrology- this isn’t a hard science it’s nebulous and subjective and full of holes and exceptions and evolves with humanity, that’s the whole appeal)

 I’m not challenging the archetype? I’m just pointing out how it manifests in real human beings, and the fact is, so-called humanitarians (the human embodiment of the Aquarius archetype) are very often selfish, deceptive, and have hidden agendas (gandhi, obama, it’s a long list, use google)

astrology is useless unless you find a way to apply archetypes to real people and see how it plays out in the real world via… get this… personal experiences (wow)

also…. bruh….. nothing is set in stone… everything you take as a “fact” can change in a second (look at what happened to the world of physics w/quantum theory, scientists literally can’t agree on what reality is anymore, and that’s physics, not astrology which is even more weird and wishy-washy)

astrology is a human construct, along with every archetype in it.

a chair is only a chair because you decide it’s a chair and sit on it, without your ‘perception’ and ‘personal experience’ it’s just dead wood glued together in a weird shape

personal experience is a perfectly valid way to come up with new ideas and draw your own conclusions about stuff, that is literally why we are alive and have functional brains

‘facts’ aren’t created in a vaccum; they are verbalized by people applying their personal experience/perception to the world

** I sound mad but I’m not mad, just trying to clear some really basic things up, feel like this should all be common sense so idk

I wanna draw what I think the neighbors rooms look, but I can’t draw scenery for shit so i’m just gonna type ‘em down

Eduardo’s room: The walls are painted dark green.  His beds pretty much never made and the sheets are also green with small embroidered flowers on them. The bedside table has a case of oil paints and a broken alarm clock on it. The walls have pictures of family and friends hanging on them, there’s an old picture of Him, Mark, and Jon all hanging out, Eduardo’s quite fond of that photo (but he won’t admit it tho lol).

The closet is a disaster filled with clothes and shoe piles, empty paint tubes, dirty old paint brushes, and a box of photos with people he’s cut out of his life. There’s a alot of canvases of finished pretty pictures in the corners of his room. The paintings are usually of animals or scenery but there are a couple that of his friends, he hasn’t showed them to anybody.  Paint stains scatter the floor. His rooms looks like an art hoe’s room basically….

Jon’s Room: The walls are a light blue. There’s lil polka dot patterns and doodles Jon drew on the walls with sharpie.  There’s also a doodle by Eduardo (it took Jon awhile to convince him to draw it ha) The doodles of a mermaid.  Jon’s acoustic guitar Suzy is just laying out on the floor…out in the open…how he not accidentally stepped on her by now.  His closet it always open showing his three tops for the world to see

His bed is pretty small and old.  He only sleeps with one white sheet, he gets hot very easily.  The cover is always on his floor when he wakes up and he doesn’t bother to pick it up until he goes to bed again that night. There’s a night light in his room that Eduardo relentlessly teases him ab (he just can’t shake his fear of the dark).  His bedside table 2 empty red bulls on it and the drawers are filled crumbled up reciepts and even more empty red bulls lol. He’s also got his polaroid camera along with old polaroids of him, Mark, and Eduardo in there!

Mark’s Room: Huge contrast to Matt’s room, it’s pretty empty…blank..Mark do you own things?? The walls are a dusty lavender color, at the bottoms there’s some sort of fancy pattern.  His floors are always clean and soft because he vaccums them once a week.  His closets very neat and his clothes are always hanged and ordered in a certain pattern.  He has 4000 turtlenecks and a single black coat…There’s an old broken stereo in the corner of the closet along with a box of old nick knacks he used to collect.

He’s got a bookcase thats half way filled with classic novels (and a few comics he won’t admit he has) all the books are order by height.  His bed is always made and tucked as neatly as possible.  The sheets are big and puffy to go with his big bed, the sheets are a deep purple color with light purple stripes on them. His bedside table has his glasses and a glass of water on it. On top of his drawers are individual framed photos of Him, Jon, and Eduardo.

Bonus: Mark hates how messy Jon  and Eduardo’s rooms are. He secretly hates the fact that Jon draws on the walls.  He can’t stand the paint stains all over Eduardo’s floor.  Jon please pick up Suzy and put here somewhere safe! AND DON’T EVEN GET HIM STARTED ON EDUARDO’S CLOSTET, THOSE PILES!!! He’s offered to clean there rooms for them but Jon’s like “..but I like my room the way it is” and Eduardo’s like “GO INTO MY ROOM AGAIN AND U DIE”

  • Lucy: You didn't have a happy childhood?
  • Atsushi: My favorite toy was a vacuum. You finish the puzzle.
79+ Roses are Red Variants

Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got WiFi, so who needs you. (Variant: so screw you!)

Roses are red, violets are blue. If the ceiling came crashing, I wouldn’t save you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. This poem is stupid. So are you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I kinda hate this poem and I really hate you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I really hate this poem but I really like you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Pikachu is awesome, unlike you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. You are dead, you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I’d rather play Minecraft then write this for you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. You suck so screw you!

Roses are red, violets are blue. You’re really stupid, so you *flips off person*

Roses are red, violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in a zoo.

Roses are red, violets are blue. When life gives you lemons…

Roses are red, violets are blue. Hope you have a bad valentine’s day, cuz no one cares about you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. What time is it? Ten after two.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Can we stop singing? Thank you, phew!

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are glistering melons.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I am Greek and Dorian too!

Roses are red, violets are blue. What does the fox say? I say that too.

Roses are red, violets are blue. April fools, no one cares about you!

Roses are red, violets are blue. Why aren’t violets violet, like you

Roses are red, violets are blue. Why can’t you just zip it? I hate you!

Roses are red, violets are blue. When there’s you, rhyme and meter don’t matter at all!

Roses are red, violets are blue. The as;dflkajsd;lktl;japosdjfpaosdfpoasdfasdgooo

Roses are red, violets are blue. SURPRISE ENDING; Roses are red, and violets are blue!

Roses are red, violets are blue. When life gives you lemons, hope the lemons don’t sue.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Something Something Something-oo.

Your eyes are green, food is are blue.- Wait you’re not Percy Jackson DIE YOU!!!!!!!!

Roses are red, violets are blue. Plot twist: Butter is green.

Roses are black, violets are black. Everything is black. I am blind.

Blood is red, you’ll be dead.

Roses are red, violets are red, tulips are red, bushes are red, I set your garden on fire.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Cows are great, and Rupert says MOOOOOOOO!!!

Roses are red, violets are blue, you are stupid, like an insulting haiku.

Roses are red, violets are blue. You were expecting more, me too!

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Let’s fill the rest of this doc with spam so we get 100

Roses are red, violets are blue. You were expecting a rhyme? Me too.

Roses are red, violets are blue. But roses can be pink, and violets are violet.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet and so are you… But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not flippin blue.

Roses are red, violets are blue. What I thought was vaseline, turned out to be glue.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought voldemort was ugly, but then came you

Roses are red, violets are blue. 115 is 1 mod 2.

Roses are red, Rose, Rose Tyler I-

Roses are red, violets are blue.  What is pi congruent to?

T-Shirts are orange, food is blue. It’s called Heroes of olympus, not Percy Jackson 2

Roses are red, violets are blue. In soviet russia, bad poem write you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. In soviet russia, bad joke tell you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. *Insert insulting Haiku*

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, some don’t

Roses are red, violets are blue. Love me today, or I kill you

Roses are red, violets are blue. Poems are hard. Bacon

Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate Rhyming; vaccum, noodles, hobo

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, but you can’t have it because you have type two diabetes

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you use this stupid poem, I will flippin murder you

Roses are red, my name is dave, this makes no sense. microwave,

Roses are red, violets are blue.  You lost the game.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Why can’t I just Ad-block you?

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Carnations are pink, not unlike you.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  um um um um um um you.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Stop reading my poem.  Shoo!

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Troll face is going to eat you.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  I’m going to put fried you on the menu.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  I’m going for a swim in glue.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Stop with all this hullabaloo!

Roses are red, violets are blue.  I think I’m the capital of Peru?

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Introspection is fun.

Roses are red, violets are blue, from Reykjavik to Kalamazoo.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  For some reason right now I really want to eat veal cordon bleu.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Violent death is good for you!

Roses are red, violets are blue.  I’m going to poison you with shampoo.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Do you know how to pas de deux? (thought so)

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Death is inevitable.

Roses are red, violets are blue.  Rah rah celery!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I put hair dye in your shampoo

Roses are red, violets are JOHN CENA

Roses are red, violets are blue, its gonna be legen- wait for it

DAIRY

Roses are red, violets are blue, my middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, *Smosh voice* SHUT UP