I still remember it, I believe it was Autumn. Everything was colder before Winter. So were her lips. It wasn’t magical, it wasn’t rough. It was enough. It was the first and I was another human. She kissed something into my nothingness. The wind blew her hair away from her face, and that’s when I felt my first gust. She kissed Autumn into my eyes, my memories. She was experienced, I knew nothing. It’s been longer than my life as a poet, but it wasn’t special. I think about it all of the time. If I never had that first kiss, I would not be here. A different person, just like that. A meaningless first kiss, but it was sweet. A moth that got too close to the light, in the softest way. She was the first person to set me on fire.
Preference #29 You Make Him Feel Insecure Part 2 (Harry)
Harry hated being away from you especially when you two were so close, only two rooms away, but he couldn’t be near you right now. Not when all he kept thinking about was what you said about your exes and then your little run in with the guy down at the gym. He always hated how people would tell you that you needed a real man because he was just a “boy”. He also hated how you said that every guy that you’ve ever dated or found attractive were the guys that were opposite of him. So, he decided that he wanted to change that. He’s been working out harder, doing more weights, push-ups like crazy, but he knew that his body just wasn’t made to get like that. He knew that you loved him, but usually when someone is in love, but missing an attraction they go somewhere else to fulfill that. He heard what the guy was saying to you and the sexual advances that he was making towards you and it made him angry. He then started wondering if he pleases you in the bedroom or if you even found him sexually attractive to begin with. He sighs and just lies there on the bed in Niall’s room.
“So, want to run what happened by me again?” Niall asks looking over at Harry. Harry sighs and tells him everything from what he overheard you say and what happened tonight.
“Aww mate, I don’t think she meant anything by it. I mean remember when you talked about those girls that time at the pool, maybe it’s just like that.” He says with a shrug. “Those were just random girls, these are her exes and she said she had a type and that I’m completely the opposite.” He sighs. “What if she’s not sexually attractive to me?” He whispers. “Are you serious? The way that you two go at it.” He laughs. “There’s a difference in being in love with someone and using sex to feel closer with them and then being attracted to someone and just wanted to bang them all the time.” He sighs. “I feel both with her, maybe she only feels the one. What if she goes looking for someone else to fulfill that need?” He sighs. “Okay, dude you’re losing it. Y/N would never cheat on you and she definitely wouldn’t break up with you just so she can screw random hot guys.” He says. “You just need to talk to her.” Niall says to Harry. “You can stay in here tonight, but you need to talk to her at breakfast.” He says before getting in his bed. Harry sighs and they both fall asleep.
You were finding it hard to sleep because you kept running everything over in your head. You just wanted to tell Harry that you don’t care that he’s not like your exes because you knew that is what he was doing and it explains all the gym and weight time. To be honest, you didn’t want a guy like that because every time you were with a guy like that they were complete jerks. They only wanted two things, sex, and for you to their accessory. All they cared about was how they looked and how you looked with them. You wanted to go to Niall’s room and talk to him, but you knew it was probably for the best for you to stay right there.
The next morning Harry got up and went downstairs to where you and all the boys were going to eat breakfast that morning. After everyone was down there, you still hadn’t shown. Harry texted you and so did the other boys, but you never replied. Harry was on his way to the room, when he ran into the guy from the previous night. “Looking for your girlfriend?” He smirks at Harry. “I guess she decided to get with a real man last night. She might not being able to walk for a few days, I tend to have that affect on women.” He smirks. Harry glares at him and the rest of the boys pull him back before he can do anything to the guy. “Come on let’s go for a walk.” Louis says taking him outside. Harry sighs and paces around. “You can’t honestly believe him right?” Louis asks. “No, I don’t.” He sighs. “I know she wouldn’t do that, but I just I can’t stand him talking about her like that and then I saw the way she was looking at him last night.” He sighs. “Niall told me about this. Look, you just need to talk to her. I’m sure she didn’t mean to make you feel bad, mate.” He says. “Go on. Go talk to your girl.” He says. Harry sighs and nods before walking back into the building and heading up to the room.
Since he still has the key, he lets himself in and sees that you’re still asleep on the bed. He walks over to the side of the bed, but he ends up tripping over some clothes and falling down making a loud noise and waking you up. “Harry?” you ask sitting up looking around. “Yeah. I’m here.” He sighs getting up off the floor. “Oh, shoot I forgot about breakfast.” You sigh. “It’s fine.” He says. “Do you want me to leave?” you whisper after a few minutes of an awkward silence. “Why would I want you to leave?” He asks sitting on the bed. “Because you’re obviously so mad at me that you didn’t even want to sleep in the same room with me. “ You sigh looking down. He sighs and pulls you close to him.
“I’m not mad at you. “ He whispers. “And I don’t want you to leave. I just, I’m hurt and confused and I guess insecure with you.” He says. “I felt like you were comparing me with your exes and that you felt weird or something by being with me because I wasn’t built like them. Then last night, I saw how you were looking at that guy and I started thinking that you never really looked at me like that. Which then got all these other thoughts and feelings going through my head and I just couldn’t be around you then.” He says.
You sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I wasn’t comparing you to my exes, well I was, but not in a bad way. There is a reason that those guys are my exes. They never cared about me. They never loved me. All they wanted was in my pants and how I looked on their arm. You’re different. “ You whisper. “You’re a good different.” “But you don’t get it Y/N. I’m glad that I’m different in that way because you deserve for someone to care and love you. I want you to find me hot or whatever like you did them. I want you to look at me like you looked at that guy when he took his shirt off. “ He says frustrated. You look up at him and get up on your knees so that you’re face to face to him. “You don’t think I find you hot?” You whisper. He shakes his head. “People can be in love with someone and not be sexually attracted to them.” He says. “Oh, really?” You whisper. “So, all those times that we’ve made love our whole relationship, I wasn’t sexually attracted to you.” You say. He shrugs and looks up at you. “So, are you saying that I’ve been faking it this whole time?” You whisper in his ear. “I-I don’t know.” He says. “Hmm.” You say before kissing down his neck. You pull off his shirt. “I don’t know if you know this, but you are pretty hot.” You whisper and run your hand down his chest and stomach. “I mean do you really think that I would sleep with you, if I wasn’t attracted to you. I mean you’re the only guy I’ve ever been with in that way and that was before we were in love. Before I knew just how much I felt for you and if that still isn’t enough, then I guess I’ll just have to keep proving it to you.” You smirk before pushing him down on the bed. You hover over him and lean down to kiss him passionately. He wraps his arms around you. You smirk and start kissing down his neck and chest again and you start to leave little love bites as you go down. You unbuckle his jeans and struggle getting them off. “I swear I’m going to just start cutting the damn things.” You mumble. He laughs and pulls you to kiss him. You smile against his lips.
After that things got really heated, your clothes were completely gone and so where his. He grabbed a condom and you smirk taking it away from him. “I got this.” You smirk and push him down on the bed. You put it on and straddle him. You lean down to kiss him and he leans up wrapping your legs around his waist and his arms around you. He helps you onto him and you start to move. “You’re really good at this.” You whisper biting his lip as you kiss him. He smirks and you both keep going until you can’t last anymore. After, you lay your head next to his and wrap you arm around him. “I’m really sorry about before.” You whisper. “I never want you to feel like you’re not good enough for me.” You say. “I don’t care what other people say or think about us. I love you. I think you’re really hot and you’re mine.” You giggle. He smirks and hovers over you. “I love you too.” He says before leaning down to kiss you.
Over the next few days, you’ve been sticking to your word to keep proving it to Harry. Backstage at a concert, while waiting around for their time to go on, you pulled him into a vacant room and kissed him. “You are looking really hot right now and I don’t think I can’t wait to later.” You smirk at him. He smirks and pushes you against the wall. “We don’t have enough time.” He whispers. “Then you better go fast.” You smirk taking off your shirt. Another time, you were out to eat with the boys and you keep teasing your boyfriend by putting your hand on his thigh and look at him with your “sex eyes” as he likes to call them. Let’s just say, your boyfriend was over his insecurity soon, but every so often you still decided to surprise him to make sure he always knew that you were the only guy for him physically and emotionally and you knew he loved every minute of it.
**Sorry if there are grammar mistakes. It’s getting late here and I’m starting to get tired, but I was determined to get this up tonight to celebrate the fact that I have over 1,000 followers. I just want to thank all of you guys. I love you and I never thought that this blog would get this many followers.
I love you guys and don’t be shy. Send me messages. I don’t care if it’s just regular conversations, or feedback on my writing. :)
Explanation of my Christmas Specials -here. I will only update the special scenarios page once ALL of them are up. Which will be on 26th of December. EXO’s Special Scenarios page - here. iKON’s Special Scenarios page - here. WINNER’s Special Scenarios page - here.
“Merry Christmas!” You and Jiwon chimed at the same time when the door opened, revealing Jiwon’s brother who grinned automatically at the sight of the both of you together. You knew Jiwon’s brother has a soft for his brother and the fact that his brother brought his partner meant that Christmas would be celebrated even cheerful than before; like the past years has been. “Merry Christmas!” Jiwon’s brother replied back, equally happy to see the both of you as he opened the door wider for the both of you to step in. Jiwon ushered you to go in first before he would follow behind you. Of course, the both of you had brought gifts and cookies in which, you were carrying some of those right now. As you took a few steps into the house, Jiwon put down the gifts he was holding and turned to you, extending his free arms out to you, “Baby, give it to me.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, showing him your tongue, “I can carry them!”
He huffed at you, “Hand them over…”
However, instead of giving it to him, his arms fell to his sides instead when he felt a smack at the back of his head, “Yah! That’s not a way to talk to your girlfriend!”
Jiwon looked over his shoulder, scrunching his face at his older brother, “Ah hyung! But she wouldn’t let me carry it!”
His brother could only chuckle as you were silently walking away towards the kitchen, making your leave as quiet as possible to put the jars of cookies in the kitchen where you were sure Jiwon’s mother was there. “But she’s-ah! You ran away!” Jiwon turned around, realizing that his own brother had tricked him instead. “You little brat,” His brother laughed, swinging an arm around his younger brother’s shoulder, “Let’s have a chat.”
Jiwon groaned and immediately repelled from his brother, “Hyung! You’re making me sound old!”
“This is so lovely! Did you buy it?” His mother asked in a tone that would always wrap your heart. She was so nice and always had this incredible warm aura around her. It made you feel at ease and at home back here – it was heavenly. You shook your head with a small smile, “I made it with-“
“I helped!” Jiwon rushed towards the kitchen, standing by the door with a grin as he had a hand raised. His mother burst out into a laugh when you rolled your eyes at him, “All you did was reach for the packet of flour on the top shel-!”
“Shh!” Jiwon placed a hand on your mouth, tugging you back into his arms, “My mother doesn’t need to know how I help. She needs to know that I did.”
You nudged his hand away with a slight glare, “Tch, as if.”
“Alright, alright. Enough you two,” His mother came in between, placing a hand on both of your shoulders as if she was a referee that would appear after a horrible football match. Jiwon gave you a knowing look and you caught on quick. His mother, however, did notice the suspicious looks the both of you were having plastered on your face. She furrowed her eyebrows and pulled her hands back to her sides, narrowing her eyes at the both of you, “What are you-?”
“Attack the mother hen!” Jiwon cried out playfully, wrapping his arms around his petite mother and you followed quick, wrapping your arms around her after Jiwon did. She grunted in surprise, her eyes closing as she emitted a laugh of joy – the both of you would always appear here like a ray of sunlight, a source of happiness. She has never seen her son so happy before and the fact that you’ve been coming back here for Christmas ever since the both of you got together felt like a miracle. It felt like a blessing and to be completely honest, it was a really good and rare blessing.
She laughed louder when Jiwon started to kiss her cheek and you didn’t hesitate to join in kissing her vacant cheek since Jiwon occupied the other. She was trapped in between, shaking her head but there was no avail to break free (not that she wanted to, she found this very nice). The both of you halted your kisses for her and Jiwon was the first to speak when his mother opened her eyes, “Isn’t this better than our gift?”
You couldn’t help but counter him back first, “Aish, you didn’t even bake the cookies.”
He huffed at you, arguing with you in front of his mother, “Yah, I helped stirred that… whatever you call that.”
You laughed, looking at his mother for help, “You see? He doesn’t even know what he did!”
“But I know I did something!”
“Regardless of anything,” His mother finally spoke, able to squeeze her hands past both of your bodies to wrap her arms around both of you to pull you closer, “I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. I’ll love it, even.”
“You’re welcome.” Jiwon showed you his tongue, making you shake your head as his mother chuckled upon seeing your boring look left in store for Jiwon, “You’re an idiot, even on Christmas.”
“Hey, could you help me reach for that?” Jiwon’s father asked you politely, pointing up at the sticker on the ceiling. You glanced up and noticed there was this red star sticker on the ceiling – when was it there, though?
“Sure,” You smiled, looking around for a chair and soon, you grabbed one and placed it under the red star sticker.
Jiwon’s father hurriedly stepped away, giving a nod to his older son, “Get him.”
Jiwon’s brother rushed towards the kitchen and he walked past his mother who widened her eyes at both of their sons reunited in the kitchen. It wasn’t long when Jiwon’s brother just grabbed Jiwon by the arm, tugging him away from the sink, “Y-Yah! Hyung! I’m cutting the vegetables!”
“Not anymore! Put down the knife!”
“What?!” Jiwon cried out in shock but reluctantly, he placed the knife down and allowed his brother to drag him out of the kitchen. Everyone in the living room (his relatives, friends) grew quiet when Jiwon was placed by his brother beside you (who was on the chair to get rid of the sticker). There was this pause of silence and Jiwon’s mother paced out of the kitchen just to grin like a child when she could tell why Jiwon was dragged out like that.
Jiwon didn’t even notice anything and you certainly didn’t notice Jiwon beside you. Jiwon looked over to you and lightly tapped your lap, making you glance down just to take note of him being here, “Babe, what’s going on?”
You showed him the red star sticker that you managed to peel out, “Your father wanted me to get rid of this sticker.”
Jiwon found it odd because there were never any stickers on the ceiling before-
“Looks like the both of you ran under the mistletoe!” Jiwon’s brother, along with his father literally shouted to let their voices echo around the whole house. Soon, the place was filled with soft cheers from everyone who grinned at the both of you expectantly who didn’t even notice what was going on. Jiwon and you simultaneously glance up to see that indeed, there was a small mistletoe there all along.
This was all set up.
You looked over your shoulder to gape at Jiwon’s father, “Hey! You tricked me!”
Jiwon huffed, pointing at his brother, “You too!”
“Kiss, kiss, kiss!” The soft chants turned into roars when you and Jiwon didn’t fulfill the function of mistletoes just yet. Jiwon looked around to see his friends smirking at him and he too, thought what the heck?
He easily wrapped his arms around your waist to lift you off the chair. You squealed and felt yourself being placed on the ground before your body was pulled close against his. He peeled the sticker away from your fingers and he crushed it before throwing it over his shoulder. You knew that knowing grin of his that flashed your way before his lips inched closer towards yours. There was this hushed silence floating in the air as the anticipation grew higher on the both of you. You smiled back warmly, wrapping your arms around his neck when he dipped lower, “Merry Christmas, my love.”
You managed to whisper back lowly before his lips covered yours, “Merry Christmas.”
Saw Veronica Falls at the Brudenell Social Club, Leeds on Saturday. The Brudenell is such a good venue, and every time I return I am not at all disappointed by the eclectic mix of clientele.
All in all, a good gig - not so sure about Vacant Kiss, the second support act, but nothing too much to complain about. Veronica Falls provided a lovely little show that got me tapping my toes, Southern Comfort and lemonade in hand (at proper northern prices!)
You turn away by the
sight and dragged you bag towards the steps of the hotel. “Y/N!” You
heard that oh-so-sweet-voice you had longed for. You can’t bear not to
look around and so you did and in moments you were in Luke’s embrace
but you knew it was not right yet you’re letting him. It hurts to know
that just yesterday you were his first and now you were just a second.
You knew this was unhealthy but he keeps you sane, everything about him
keeps you sane. It hurts you to know that even though after what
happened there’s this part of you that will and always will comeback to
You pushed him away
crying and shook his head “No… this is wrong… no…” You cried
“Please, don’t do this, Luke, you need to go…” You pleaded for him to
go but inside you were crushing. You had this nostalgic feeling of
being crushed inside out. It hurts. “But Y/N –” He protested but you
pushed him off accidentally making him stumble backwards “No, Luke, I
said you need to go…” You stomped on his chest gradually your hit got
weaker as you wail your heart out. “Please, I need you to go… I am
not strong enough” You muttered in a whsiper.
“Mate, you need to go”
Your brother spoke in whisper and look him into his eyes and backaway
from you. Taking last glances as he ascends away. You cupped your face
and cried. You felt a warm embrace and you felt safe. “I am sorry…”
Your brother said as he lean his chin over your head rubbing your back.
It seems hours and he held you close as he led you somewhere to sit
on. “Look, I started harshly, I am sorry but do help me understand what
I don’t know” He started and you looked at him he was plastered with
guilt as he was clueless of everything. You just ran away that day and
never gave them a call or anything. Who wouldn’t be furious.
You stayed in silence
for how long. Jay didn’t pushed you on telling what’s on your mind but
waited until you tell him in your own will. “Wasn’t I good enough?” You
whispered to him “What?! No, you were far more better than good…”
Jay exclaimed making you chuckle “Thanks, but to them I was
always the second choice. I was always the second child who’s
overshadowed by her older brother. I was just someone who’s not worthy
enough to have their attention. I was just their second
best” You quietly cried again. You were that child who was always
expected to be perfect like her brother, who will be intelligent and
educated as her brother, who will bring up their family like her
brother. You were that child who constantly gets compared to her
brother. The perfect child.
Since you were a child
all attention were on your brother, someone who will follow your family
steps and you were just the back up plan. You did well, very well to
be recognised but somehow all the things others saw in you was all your
curves, bends and mistakes. You were never too good. Your parents
loves you maybe just in a different way but that way was every inch of
“I couldn’t handle
anything else, the pressure, they always tell me what to do, I am
always restricted, never allowed to make mistakes yet I always seemed
to make one… You make one too but for them you’re too perfect, I see
you fail but they don’t how come you saw nothing, they gave up on me…
everyone did… even he did…” You wiped your never ending waterfall eyes.
“Oh honey, I am so, so
sorry, I, I never knew I wish I had known I was all the cause” He said
sadness in his voice and you just smiled at him patting him. “Silly,
it’s me, I am not strong enough to deal with my feelings it was
childish of me to ran away but it was the best decision of my life…”
You blankly stared at the place. “When I got out of rehab, I travelled
around locally and soon enough I was able to afford to go somewhere far
with my own money” You told him your story. “Rehab?” He was a bit
apalled when he heard that. “I was diagnosed of major depression…”
You chuckled sadly and curled your hands into fist. You had severe
depression curbing everything, family problems, coping problems and
everything seemed to uproar you. That made you ran away.
“We, I never knew you
were depressed” He looked to you in the eyes a bit shocked “No one
knew… except Anya and her mum” Anya was you best of best friends and
her mum was a Doctor and had helped you to get better. She kept
everything confidential it was the law - anyhow. “I spent almost 6
months recovering – usually sessions only last 8-12 weeks, how
pathetic am I?” It was hard, the rehab was hard but you got better
until now… right now you’re having a breakdown. It was hard enough for
the depression to subside but you wouldn’t be surprise on how it can
easily eat you back.
“I am okay, now, I can
handle myself” You said bravely. You and Jay continued to talk for
hours it helped you calmed down. It was good catching up, here and
there you side track on thoughts about Luke and your parents. Jay had
conviced you to see them sometime but you told him you weren’t quite
ready. There was still these feelings that resides far back in my
“I… I just want to be
alone for the mean time… do you think you can leave me a moment?”
You requested to Jay “We can catch up more on happy parts of my life,
it’s not all sad, yeah?” You chuckled at your own words. “Alright, let
me help you settle in your room” He patted your head, you missed that
feeling, he was a good brother, a very loving brother but he did not see
anything like this coming.
He led you to your room
and helped you settled in. “If you plan to stay in here, in London, my
old flat is still vacant” He smiled and kissed your forehead and you
nodded “Thank you”. “Please consider talking to them, alright?” He
inquired again, you smiled at him “Yeah, I’ll think about it, I just
need time… I’ll see you tomorrow?” You said and he nodded and left.
The moment you close
your door, it was the rush feeling you felt, being alone again, yes,
you knew this feelings quite well. It was the feeling that you always
had. It never had left you alone. Given the fact that you were
in a relationship with Luke, you still felt lonely. You were happy with
the skype and online date you do but it what its after those calls and
online dates you had, you will feel ever so lonely again.
You fell on your knees
and right now it was a bliss that you can cry your heart out alone. It
felt so good yet so sad and it hurts. It really hurts.
Seemingly hours of you
curbing in that position you heard a light knock. “Y/N?” You heard
Luke’s voice. “I know you’re in there” He continued “What I did was so
wrong, I know, I shouldn’t have done that, please hear me out…” He
talked through the door. “It’s okay if you don’t talk to me but I’ll be
here, I am just hoping you’d listen”. “Hmm…” You let him know you
were listening, you can’t help but just to listen what he had to say.
He’s right, what he has done was wrong, really wrong, but on the other
hand maybe, just maybe, if you shared more to him about more of you, he
may have understand the thing you were feeling right now.
“I don’t know what has
gotten into me, I was just lonely… but I knew I shouldn’t have that
reason as you were also on the same boat as me” You knew he was leaning
on the door like you. “Yes, what you did was not acceptable, Luke, it
hurts and sorry doesn’t fix it… you can’t go around and pash people
when you’re lonely…” You cried “Yeah, I know I am stupid, how
pathetic was I? I hurt your feelings, I am aware that you might not
forgive me but I just want you to know that I had never once forgotten
about you…” There was a slight change in his voice it was cracked and
muffled. He was crying.
It broke you to hear him
cry but your heart isn’t recyclable that after you dispose it, it will
be brand new again. It’s not like that, it has a cycle like the
recycling… a lot of stages before it’s perfect again. “Luke you know
it doesn’t work that way right?” You asked him quietly “Yeah, I know
but I am not giving up on you and on us” He replied it melted your
heart to hear those. “I am not asking you to give me one more chance
now but I will show you that I want you back even if the meaning of it
was working hard to get you back” You smiled whislt your tears fall
“You’d seriously wait?”
You choked on your words in happiness “Yeah, I’ll wait when you’re
ready to be with me again… what I did was utterly wrong but I will
work up again like when we first got together to earn your trust…
just tell me I still have a space in your heart?” He said in a voice
full of hope.
“Yes… please wait for
me… don’t give up on me…” You whispered. “I will wait for you and I
will not give up on you…” You heard him and you smiled. You heard
shuffling on the other side. He was getting ready to leave. You
fidgeted with your hands contemplating whether to see him off or not.
Your heart tells you to open the door and you were contented with that
choice. You open the door and saw Luke just walking away.
You ran up to him and
held his wrist and he turned his eyes quite red but probably not as red
as yours. “Please wait on me…” You whispered and hugged him, you
felt his hand wrapped your body and he whispered “I will always…”. He
was contemplating whether to give you a kiss or not but decided not
to. “I’ll go now…” He said in a sad voice and let go of you and you
let go of the embrace too, he gave you a forehead kiss and turned his
back once again. You felt something unease “Luke, wait” You called and
he turned around taking 3 steps towards him and your hands found its way
on both his cheeks and pulled him down giving him a kiss. “I love
you”. He smiled and sniffed and started crying “I love you too”.
Wonwoo: His kisses are vacant, almost as if your lips are numb and you can’t even feel his on yours. He kisses with straight up hesitation like if this is his first time kissing anyone ever, he kisses with subtleness and uncertainty because he’s always unsure. He’s unsure that the spark is still there, unsure that your eyes are closed while kissing him, unsure if he is satisfying you enough. He’s unsure that you have him set in a special place in your heart.
BamBam: He kisses with playfulness and youth. His lips ever so gently brushes past your lips, causing you to unconsciously lean in just so you get a deeper kiss, but he always pulls away as if he’s enjoying seeing you thirst for his plump warm lips on yours. When all jokes are set aside, he’ll grasp your hips in his hands and pull you in for a kiss with such passion that it’s genuinely surprises both of you.
Taehyung: Before kisses are set in stone, Taehyung will caress the surface of your body lightly with his index finger, brushing it up and down your bare thigh as a way to stimulate you before he’s kisses you. He wants your heart racing and your body aching for him before he even gets to anything intimate. Once teasing is put aside, he’ll place his hands on either side of your face, holding you gently in his hands before giving you a kiss with such passion and lust that it makes your whole body quiver under his touch.