vacant

HERMETIC “Why do you have such magical eyes?” He asked her as he stared into the twisted and twirled pattern of her eyeballs,not studying them just drowning in them,getting lost into the world they held inside them…the mesmerising mazes that’d cast a spell on you and would draw you inside them. She couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably breaking her gaze she’d set upon him,her elbow slipped from above her leg,her hand from underneath her chin and she turned her face in the other direction,to laugh fully. Not because she had an ugly smile but the idea,that she wouldn’t let someone see her happy because they might misunderstand that they’re capable of making or breaking the momentum of her happiness. That no thief would be able to steal it from her. It was HER smile. She wanted to be free…..independent. When she turned her face back towards me,she was serious,her smile fading away,her eyes deepening and darkening …..becoming hollow. She held my gaze and i felt a bit uncomfortable but somehow managed to look her in the eye,tenderly yet passionately. I drew my face closer to hers,her gaze slipped from my eyes onto my lips,her look was meaningful,wanting and promising. I knew what she wanted and under her spell,i felt my face move nearer to hers but just then her eyelashes fluttered and the eyelids flung open. Looking at me the same way but there was something different and unsettling…as if she was a statue staring into the space,her gaze meaningless and empty. As i moved away from her,i felt utterly stupid and dumb that i had misunderstood her motives. I didn’t dare to look at her again but when i sneaked a glance her way,which felt like after ages.she was still staring at me,smiling. A mocking smile.a smile that held no regrets,made no promises and had no goals to achieve. A smile that wasn’t caged,couldn’t be caged. A smile that knew its worth-that meant nothing in the whole universe could buy it. It made me angry and perplexed As I couldn’t comprehend why she was smiling and what it was that she wanted. She was protected via a shield that nobody could break through. She would let you look at her or even stare at her but wouldn’t give you the slightest idea of what sight she was seeing. She would let you talk to her but wouldn’t give her treasure away. She would let you touch her but wouldn’t let you hold her close enough. She would let you love her but would never allow herself to adore anyone but her own self. She was hermetic.like a mirror,you could see the reflection and the images in it but could never get a hold of them,not even after trying time and again,till you’d be no more. She’d remain a mystery.She could make you trip and would let your world spin with just a single smile and her look. That vacant,overflowing look.

I guess I just get scared. I’m so full of love and I’m here, I’ve always been here, waiting for someone to just take it and run with it. I want someone to come along and look at me the way I look at them. I want them to look at me when I’m not paying attention and feel like they have the world sitting in front of them. I want them to have such an amazing day and want to tell me first about everything. I want them to come to me when they’re upset because even when I don’t have much to say, just holding them makes it a little better. I just want someone to care about me like I do them, I want them to love me like I do them. It’s been so lonely this past year… I’ve felt alone in my own skull, because I know if I try to talk to anyone they don’t understand. It hurts, it hurts to remember how easily I can be dropped or forgotten. It hurts to remember that someone I loved gives more to who they’re with now than they did with me. It hurts to see my friends so happy with someone who truly loves them, when I’m here wishing I could just give to someone.. It hurts.
—  And with that, goodnight.